bitching and moaning
ok i think im gonna type some shit out but gonna warn you there might be a lot of complaining in here. but im pretty sure no one i know actually goes on lj and if they do they have probably stopped watching me since i only ever use lj to read communities im in.
anyway its the Christmas season and for the first time in years I cant afford to buy people presents. I always love giving people stuff and i cant. Even for the most basic people like my sister. and it bugs the shit out of me. I really hate being unemployed. I have been throwing out resumes left and right for weeks and not even a call back its really killed pretty much all the self confidence i built over the summer. yes i could just go back to target and work for $8.15 a hour but im just not ready to swallow my pride and do that yet. Not that I would give up trying to find a job in my field but still I really hate working retail.
but that's not really my point. the point is its Christmas and I cant afford shit. I wanted to do drawings for people but
1) that feels a little egotistical to me. not that I dont think people would appreciate the thought and effort. it just kinda feels like masturbation
2) every time I sit down to draw I just create shit. a problem that has been consistent through my life hence the changing of majors.
so what am i doing?
well for my friends im baking. i guess.
apple pies and cookies. people like food and making it isn't so bad. Today I walked to Kmart in the snow storm for brown sugar. it was pretty fucking cold but the cookies came out pretty good.
so what should i do for my family?
my dad has been asking me for a drawing of St. Michael casting Lucifer out of heaven (for those who dont know my parents are super catholic)
so ill probably at least start a sketch. if i cant finish by friday I can give him the sketch as a more to come kinda thing.
my mom - fucked if i know.
my sister - fucked if i know.
ok well im cutting myself off there. Typing it out kinda helps since it helps me realize i'm being a giant pussy about things and I need to get over it and keep trying. Ive barely started.
If anyone actually read that I have no idea why. but whats new with you?
edit: my last lj post was a year and 10 days ago. thats pretty bad considering i go on the site multiple times a day.
anyway its the Christmas season and for the first time in years I cant afford to buy people presents. I always love giving people stuff and i cant. Even for the most basic people like my sister. and it bugs the shit out of me. I really hate being unemployed. I have been throwing out resumes left and right for weeks and not even a call back its really killed pretty much all the self confidence i built over the summer. yes i could just go back to target and work for $8.15 a hour but im just not ready to swallow my pride and do that yet. Not that I would give up trying to find a job in my field but still I really hate working retail.
but that's not really my point. the point is its Christmas and I cant afford shit. I wanted to do drawings for people but
1) that feels a little egotistical to me. not that I dont think people would appreciate the thought and effort. it just kinda feels like masturbation
2) every time I sit down to draw I just create shit. a problem that has been consistent through my life hence the changing of majors.
so what am i doing?
well for my friends im baking. i guess.
apple pies and cookies. people like food and making it isn't so bad. Today I walked to Kmart in the snow storm for brown sugar. it was pretty fucking cold but the cookies came out pretty good.
so what should i do for my family?
my dad has been asking me for a drawing of St. Michael casting Lucifer out of heaven (for those who dont know my parents are super catholic)
so ill probably at least start a sketch. if i cant finish by friday I can give him the sketch as a more to come kinda thing.
my mom - fucked if i know.
my sister - fucked if i know.
ok well im cutting myself off there. Typing it out kinda helps since it helps me realize i'm being a giant pussy about things and I need to get over it and keep trying. Ive barely started.
If anyone actually read that I have no idea why. but whats new with you?
edit: my last lj post was a year and 10 days ago. thats pretty bad considering i go on the site multiple times a day.