My daily evaluation of my Life
It’s hard to shape
a definite opinion of my life. I honestly and truly cannot make sense
of it. This isn’t to say I’m unhappy
but also it is not the happiest I have ever been, it’s just there must have been one time or another where I felt emotion. I
have such an apathetic view on my life. I don’t see what makes it unique and what is always in the back of my mind is, where
to from now? The future. If there even is any. Of course, there are definite memories I have where I knew emotion, feeling,
happiness, sadness, excitement and exhilaration. Distinct points in my life where I knew love, when I could tell you with a
straight face who I am. All day, I stroll through this mess of emotion with this dwelling sting of detachment. I feel like my
real self is strung with tethers to this faceless being walking and talking and pretending to be me, meanwhile, I’m some
hundred feet high in the air watching it from above. If I were to die, just out of the blue, I would be leaving nothing and no
one behind. Yes, there are those close individuals of mine, who do legitimately care about me. But what from there? It’s a
terrifying possibility I will never see these people ever again. This just travels with me like a disease. This feeling of an out
of body experience that lasts the whole day. I do know when I was happy. Words cant begin to express the extreme lengths I
would be willing to go to grab a hold of that ecstasy and be fine again.
but also it is not the happiest I have ever been, it’s just there must have been one time or another where I felt emotion. I
have such an apathetic view on my life. I don’t see what makes it unique and what is always in the back of my mind is, where
to from now? The future. If there even is any. Of course, there are definite memories I have where I knew emotion, feeling,
happiness, sadness, excitement and exhilaration. Distinct points in my life where I knew love, when I could tell you with a
straight face who I am. All day, I stroll through this mess of emotion with this dwelling sting of detachment. I feel like my
real self is strung with tethers to this faceless being walking and talking and pretending to be me, meanwhile, I’m some
hundred feet high in the air watching it from above. If I were to die, just out of the blue, I would be leaving nothing and no
one behind. Yes, there are those close individuals of mine, who do legitimately care about me. But what from there? It’s a
terrifying possibility I will never see these people ever again. This just travels with me like a disease. This feeling of an out
of body experience that lasts the whole day. I do know when I was happy. Words cant begin to express the extreme lengths I
would be willing to go to grab a hold of that ecstasy and be fine again.