(no subject)
That's it. It's over. I'm done. I'm not doing this anymore. I don't need all these ups and downs in my life. I'm sick of being part of THAT couple that always breaks up and gets back together. It's rediculous and I'm not doing this anymore. Jesse and I broke up last night and I really, really, really hope I can stay strong and stick by this. If we get back together we are just going to break up again and I need to keep that in mind. When we're doing good, we're doing so good--GREAT even, but it's not worth this. I have finally come to the realization that no matter how hard I try this is just not going to work. It never will. It's always been 70/30 on my part and that's not fair. I need to start listening to what everyone else is telling me. I keep sacrificing my whole life and happiness just to be with him and he doesn't even give half of that back to me and that's not how things should work out. I hate the fact that me saying that we broke up instantly triggers in everyone's head that we will just get back together in a few days or weeks. I hate that and it's all my fault. I've been wasting so much time and feelings on someone who doesn't even want them right now. "Right now" are the key words, which is what makes this so hard for me. "I can't give you what you want right now" and "This isn't where I'm at right now." That's all I'm hearing. "I don't want to hurt you... you're my best friend and I care about you a lot." I can't believe I've been so stupid. I've been thinking that I could change him and if I just gave him time he would realize how happy we could be, but I give up. I need to get all my stuff out of his apartment. Or maybe I should just leave it there so he always has constant reminders of how he wasted 8 months of my life and how he completely crushed the best thing that has ever and will ever happen to him. I really hope I can stay strong. I'll be much better off without him.