feelin' weird
so, i'm feelin kinda weird right now. it's not bad, but it's a little like an anxious feeling. and yeah, it's girls. but i don't think it's a bad thing. I mean, it's probably a good thing in your life if the only thing you really have to worry about is girls. and terrorism. terrible terrible terrorism. Do you know that a whole bunch of these dirty bombs disappeared from some unknown former soviet country, these radioactive alazadoohickey type bombs, than can poison people in an 8 mile radius, and really fuck some shit up? Well, they've disappeared, so don't worry - no terrorists can use them now. How can you use something that disappeared? Ha! I'd like to see them try.
All these girls names are fake. The guy name is real. Sorry, i just replaced them cuz i felt weird putting them out there like that.
The other problem...well, everything is pretty cool with Jennifer. More than cool, I would imagine. We both realized we had no time for a relationship, but since we're still attracted to each other, we're allowed to hook up from time to time. I'll wait and see if she makes good on that deal.
I got a letter from Veronica today, and for the first time, she told me about a boyfriend that she's had for about, well ever since she's been in school in Israel, which definitely gets me on the jealous vibe. First off, she told me like it was no big deal, which i suppose it isn't, but if i'm not supposed to tell her about my girl situations, why does she get to tell me about hers? I don't want to hear them, yet, I'm dying to. But really, I shouldn't know about it. It's not good for me. I'll tell her that somehow. Hearing her talk about sexuality and orgasms with another guy gave me the heeblie jeeblies, and i admit i felt a little nauseated. I can't help but wonder if she's gone so far as to have sex with him, which i sorta assume she has, and that always makes me feel a little weird, I am quickly becoming the only virgin i know - which definitely has its depressing sort of thing to it. I'm not too upset, but it does attach this sort of "i'm not good enough for sex" stigma in my head. I suppose it shouldn't, but, hey, it does. What can I say? I feel left behind. But again, i don't feel depressed in a bad way. It' just, i dunno. It's a very weird experience of lonely which some part of me always seems to enjoy somehow. I find identity within it.
Ray told me I'm still in high school. He's absolutely right. I am a junior in college but I really have never left high school. That doesn't mean i don't love college, or look forward to getting older, but high school is an incredible thing in our culture, and it never stops fascinating me. All the best stories occur in high school, this romantic time when emotions are all heightened and passions can go anywhere. I guess it's the storyteller in me that can't get enough of it, but i can't stop writing stories where at least one character is in high school. I don't think i'll ever leave high school, deep down.
I hung out with Rhonda over thanksgiving. Nothing serious happened. I think I have a natalie complex with her. She just reminds me of natalie, except she hooks up with me. But barely. She never really kisses me, unless i kiss her first. Sometimes, I wonder if she's even attracted to me. Maybe, I think, she's just kissing back cuz she likes hanging out with me so much she's willing to pretend she's attracted to me. I have such a pathetic crush on her. I wrote her an email and she hasn't written back. Typical.
I called Rosita Chiquita the other day. She hasn't called me back. Last time it took her a whole week to call back. She suggested hanging out after thanksgiving. whatever. Ten bucks says I never see her again. Unless, of course, i see her again. Then i take back my bet.
Lastly, I saw Gertrude today. Damn, that girl is...well, i won't objectify her with chauvinist imagery. Oh, what the hell, she is damn hot. My God, she can even look awesome in sweat pants. Then again, I love girls in ordinary, pajama-type clothes anyway. But everytime i meet her, the more I'm convinced that she's an utter flake. I'm so disappointed, mostly cuz flakes are the hardest girls to hang out with. They're all flirty and whatever when they see you, but ten minutes later they forget to call you about whatever it is...forget it. I'll just hope to see her around and that's the best I can hope for.
So many girls, and not one of them here. Nuts. I think i'll go read more of my victorian novel.
later peeps.
All these girls names are fake. The guy name is real. Sorry, i just replaced them cuz i felt weird putting them out there like that.
The other problem...well, everything is pretty cool with Jennifer. More than cool, I would imagine. We both realized we had no time for a relationship, but since we're still attracted to each other, we're allowed to hook up from time to time. I'll wait and see if she makes good on that deal.
I got a letter from Veronica today, and for the first time, she told me about a boyfriend that she's had for about, well ever since she's been in school in Israel, which definitely gets me on the jealous vibe. First off, she told me like it was no big deal, which i suppose it isn't, but if i'm not supposed to tell her about my girl situations, why does she get to tell me about hers? I don't want to hear them, yet, I'm dying to. But really, I shouldn't know about it. It's not good for me. I'll tell her that somehow. Hearing her talk about sexuality and orgasms with another guy gave me the heeblie jeeblies, and i admit i felt a little nauseated. I can't help but wonder if she's gone so far as to have sex with him, which i sorta assume she has, and that always makes me feel a little weird, I am quickly becoming the only virgin i know - which definitely has its depressing sort of thing to it. I'm not too upset, but it does attach this sort of "i'm not good enough for sex" stigma in my head. I suppose it shouldn't, but, hey, it does. What can I say? I feel left behind. But again, i don't feel depressed in a bad way. It' just, i dunno. It's a very weird experience of lonely which some part of me always seems to enjoy somehow. I find identity within it.
Ray told me I'm still in high school. He's absolutely right. I am a junior in college but I really have never left high school. That doesn't mean i don't love college, or look forward to getting older, but high school is an incredible thing in our culture, and it never stops fascinating me. All the best stories occur in high school, this romantic time when emotions are all heightened and passions can go anywhere. I guess it's the storyteller in me that can't get enough of it, but i can't stop writing stories where at least one character is in high school. I don't think i'll ever leave high school, deep down.
I hung out with Rhonda over thanksgiving. Nothing serious happened. I think I have a natalie complex with her. She just reminds me of natalie, except she hooks up with me. But barely. She never really kisses me, unless i kiss her first. Sometimes, I wonder if she's even attracted to me. Maybe, I think, she's just kissing back cuz she likes hanging out with me so much she's willing to pretend she's attracted to me. I have such a pathetic crush on her. I wrote her an email and she hasn't written back. Typical.
I called Rosita Chiquita the other day. She hasn't called me back. Last time it took her a whole week to call back. She suggested hanging out after thanksgiving. whatever. Ten bucks says I never see her again. Unless, of course, i see her again. Then i take back my bet.
Lastly, I saw Gertrude today. Damn, that girl is...well, i won't objectify her with chauvinist imagery. Oh, what the hell, she is damn hot. My God, she can even look awesome in sweat pants. Then again, I love girls in ordinary, pajama-type clothes anyway. But everytime i meet her, the more I'm convinced that she's an utter flake. I'm so disappointed, mostly cuz flakes are the hardest girls to hang out with. They're all flirty and whatever when they see you, but ten minutes later they forget to call you about whatever it is...forget it. I'll just hope to see her around and that's the best I can hope for.
So many girls, and not one of them here. Nuts. I think i'll go read more of my victorian novel.
later peeps.