hey...
Click to viewPart of me thinks you wont read this, part of me hopes that, but still part of me just wants someone to talk to about this.... to know what I mean, and how I feel.
I truely hope that you are happy now, happier than ever before. I hope you are how I always wished you were. I dont think I was ever wrong with my assumtions......... and that kills me a lil inside everytime i have time to think of it. I guess i'm a lot more like Jacob in ways really wish I wasnt... but I am... I cant sleep cause of the "kittens" cant eat cuz of the "stomach ache" wont stop cuz of my "drive".... not complete lies, nor complete trueths. the kittens due keep me up, but i dont /want/ to sleep anymore.... when I pass out theres nothing to see behind my eyelids, theres no last thoughts running through my mind. I dont want to stop because then I wont be tired enough at the end to pass out. and I just cant eat... I dont have the drive to. THe doctor says that I hav more stress than I realise and its causing the stomach aches, the migrains, muscle spasms, back pain, and loss of apitite.
All day All I did was work, then walk to the boulder, climb it and read. I dont know why but when ever a bike passed by I jumped a lil... foolish I guess. It was nice though, being alone for once. Peaceful kind of. I shouldn't have called tho.... ont get me wrong.. I'm happy I did... But now I have time to think. It really does sting knowing how easy it seems..... and how imposible it is for me. This isn't what I want... not at ALL, in the least. I really turely wish it wa different..... but what the hell, In the end it'll just be another fuzzy memory... right?I wont stop trying tho, ya kno... to not be like this... to not hurt everytime I think of how perfect..... end that as you may.
I still need to find homes for the kittens... /shrug. they are the things that let me just relaxx.... but all well.... they gotta go then they gotta go, right? Well tomoro is contra.. cant wait to be able to dance mindlessly again =} Ladda All
~Kk~