(no subject)

[jocelyn25]

I miss him....so badly...that it hurts everytime I think of it. I know I know, then don't think about it, but it's so hard not to. I love him more than I've ever loved someone. This love I have is what I've always dreamt of. My worst fear is disappointing him and not being everything he needs me to be. That would kill me.

This distance thing is worse than I ever thought it would be. Jimmy, eh it was hard, but that's because I was the only one doing anything for our relationship. But Kyle, now it's him that needs me to understand what he needs instead of the other way around. I try to be stong but sometimes, I just wanna cry, and never stop till he is holding me. I miss him so much and sometimes I don't think he misses me at all, which I know is not true, but it still feels that way. Sometimes I think he'd rather have the distance so I'd stay out of his way.

I wish.....
-i could spend this semester with kyle
-i could have everything be like last summer
-he would be somewhat of the same kyle he was last semester
-i could hold his hand
-i could look into his eyes
-i could have him hold me tight
-i could be everything he's ever dreamt of and more
-i was stronger
-i had more things to do to take my mind off things
-i had cookies
-claudia and I could live in our own house now
-kyle would call
-i had talent
-i was skinner
-i was pretty
-i could make my dreams come true
-i could fly
-i could meet God right now but still be living

I'm thankful for....
-my claudie bear
-the love i have gained from my room mates
-kyle
-the classes, people, and things that do keep me busy
-the hope the future has for my own house

There's a lot more wishes than thanks. I'm such a selfish person. Oh well, guess I'll have to work on that.....or not, it's just me.