Because I need to get this out somewhere and a suicide hotline just went through the routine of repeating what I told them in the form of a question
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I could give you the usual lines here, but having been through this myself, in part due to school, I don't think it would help. I can only tell you that you are not alone in this, many people, myself included, went through a period of very deep depression at this point in their life. Many more are going through it now. And many of us have fought our way through to the other side. It can get better, it really can. I hope it helps to know that people have been where you are and have managed to get out the other side.
And keep in mind that your environment could be part of the problem. I hate to reiterate my rant on grad school, but it is generally not a good place for a lot of people. To some people it's isolating, unnerving, and gives the impression that everything you do just isn't good enough. It's not their fault. It isn't the best place for everybody, but unfortunately most people don't find that out until they're several years into it and already a mess. I don't know what your situation is, and I doubt that you feel yourself in any shape to judge it objectively, but you've got a lot of potential left. Keep in mind that there are other ways out of that hole.
I don't know if that helps. I know that nothing done from this far away really can. But I hope you know that people have been through this and gotten out the other side. Help can be available and it actually can help - you may even be able to get it through school. And I hope you hang on and wish you all the luck I can.
And keep in mind that your environment could be part of the problem. I hate to reiterate my rant on grad school, but it is generally not a good place for a lot of people. To some people it's isolating, unnerving, and gives the impression that everything you do just isn't good enough. It's not their fault. It isn't the best place for everybody, but unfortunately most people don't find that out until they're several years into it and already a mess. I don't know what your situation is, and I doubt that you feel yourself in any shape to judge it objectively, but you've got a lot of potential left. Keep in mind that there are other ways out of that hole.
I don't know if that helps. I know that nothing done from this far away really can. But I hope you know that people have been through this and gotten out the other side. Help can be available and it actually can help - you may even be able to get it through school. And I hope you hang on and wish you all the luck I can.
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