Landon's crying did not stop, if anything it got harder and it was not only going to make the poor kid sick but it was making me mentally sick. I grabbed one of the baby jars and put it in the baby food bottle, switching him so that he sat up on top of my lap so that he can hold his own bottle. He grabbed onto the bottle and sucked it at for dear life, finally stopping the crying for the first time in more than an hour. I grabbed the remote control and turned on the projection screen, which was in the middle of playing Rio. Perfect. Landon's eyes were on the movie screen as he sniffled his nose from all the booger that came out along with the tears. But by the time the movie was over, Landon was knocked out. I turned him around so that his head was on my shoulder, and his face against my neck.
I took a deep breath because even though I was more nervous than before, at least Landon was calm now so that was one less thing I had to worry about. I looked down at my phone and I still had no service, right next to the big 6:14 PM that lit up in the middle of my phone. It would be dark soon and he still wasn't home and I still hadn't heard from him. With my shaking hand I pressed his name under my contacts anyways to see if it'd go through, but nope. The phone call didn't even ring. I leaned my head back against the theater seat and that's when I lost it. The tears came down my face, but I couldn't even truly cry as hard as I wanted to because I was scared I would wake Landon. My shaking hands rubbed his back as I pulled him closer to my chest, which didn't help my shortness of breath but I did not care. I just wanted to protect Landon, how I should have been protecting Cody too.
I know Cody so well. I know that the second he heard there was a tornado warning and that he couldn't get in contact with me, he would have gotten in his car and driven home. Despite knowing I would never want him to do that. That I would want him to stay somewhere safe under shelter until the warnings were over. So if I know Cody as well as I do, and he did do that, why wouldn't he have been home already? What if the tornado threw his car somewhere and he's injured and no one has found him yet because everyone is hiding until the warnings are over? Even worse, what if it killed him? Him and I always told each other we would die together when we're old, but if something were to happen to the other, there is no way that we'd be able to live with ourselves. I always try not to say the exact words, but I knew he knew that meant I would kill myself if anything ever happened to him. But now sitting here with this precious child that we made in my arms, and another one on the way, how would I be able to kill myself if something did happen to him? How would I leave these two angels on this terrible Earth without a father nor a mother? I started crying harder now, despite trying my best to cry quietly so that I wouldn't wake Landon.
After who knows how long of sitting in the dark, theater room with Landon still asleep in my arms, and me crying, although I was in a sort of daze by now. I felt very robotic. This was reminding me of when Cody was in the coma in the hospital. But the growl that my stomach let out snapped me out of it. Noah! I hadn't fed the poor baby all damn day. The sirens went off while I was in the process of making myself some lunch. And all I'd brought was pickles. I opened the jar and pulled out a pickle, biting into it and forcing myself to swallow it. My throat was rejecting it but I still forced three whole pickles into my stomach before finally closing the jar. Maybe it would have been best if I killed myself if Cody was gone, because I'm clearly not meant to be a mother on my own. I can't even remember to feed my unborn child.
I took a deep breath because even though I was more nervous than before, at least Landon was calm now so that was one less thing I had to worry about. I looked down at my phone and I still had no service, right next to the big 6:14 PM that lit up in the middle of my phone. It would be dark soon and he still wasn't home and I still hadn't heard from him. With my shaking hand I pressed his name under my contacts anyways to see if it'd go through, but nope. The phone call didn't even ring. I leaned my head back against the theater seat and that's when I lost it. The tears came down my face, but I couldn't even truly cry as hard as I wanted to because I was scared I would wake Landon. My shaking hands rubbed his back as I pulled him closer to my chest, which didn't help my shortness of breath but I did not care. I just wanted to protect Landon, how I should have been protecting Cody too.
I know Cody so well. I know that the second he heard there was a tornado warning and that he couldn't get in contact with me, he would have gotten in his car and driven home. Despite knowing I would never want him to do that. That I would want him to stay somewhere safe under shelter until the warnings were over. So if I know Cody as well as I do, and he did do that, why wouldn't he have been home already? What if the tornado threw his car somewhere and he's injured and no one has found him yet because everyone is hiding until the warnings are over? Even worse, what if it killed him? Him and I always told each other we would die together when we're old, but if something were to happen to the other, there is no way that we'd be able to live with ourselves. I always try not to say the exact words, but I knew he knew that meant I would kill myself if anything ever happened to him. But now sitting here with this precious child that we made in my arms, and another one on the way, how would I be able to kill myself if something did happen to him? How would I leave these two angels on this terrible Earth without a father nor a mother? I started crying harder now, despite trying my best to cry quietly so that I wouldn't wake Landon.
After who knows how long of sitting in the dark, theater room with Landon still asleep in my arms, and me crying, although I was in a sort of daze by now. I felt very robotic. This was reminding me of when Cody was in the coma in the hospital. But the growl that my stomach let out snapped me out of it. Noah! I hadn't fed the poor baby all damn day. The sirens went off while I was in the process of making myself some lunch. And all I'd brought was pickles. I opened the jar and pulled out a pickle, biting into it and forcing myself to swallow it. My throat was rejecting it but I still forced three whole pickles into my stomach before finally closing the jar. Maybe it would have been best if I killed myself if Cody was gone, because I'm clearly not meant to be a mother on my own. I can't even remember to feed my unborn child.
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