Your selfish hands always expecting more

[demlovato]

Characters: Cemi
Setting: Christmas Eve at their L.A. home

Comments

[clinleypongs]

Demi ran to go get the door with Landon while I tried to wrap a present. I was laughing near hysterically at the tragedy that was my wrapping job when I heard Demi shout. My body kicked into gear and I shot from the bed to see what the problem was. I came rumbling down the stairs and rain into the front hall but skidded to halt in absolute shock. The paralysis was extremely temporary as I strode to the door way, stepped between Demi and Patrick. "What the fuck do you want?" I glared at him as he explained that he wanted to see his grandson and his baby girl but I interrupted him. "You came to the wrong place because no grandson or daughter of yours lives here." He spoke my name softly and reached for me but I stepped away. "Keep in mind that you touch me, I have every right to haul out and beat your ass. I can get away with self defense too." I heard Demi quietly crying behind me. I spun around and gave Demi a pitying look, "Baby, take Landon to his play pen. I've got this under control." I stepped forward, forcing Patrick Lovato to take a step back. "You are trespassing. If you don't want to be arrested, you will leave. Immediately."

Tears began to form in his eyes and he asked me to have a heart. "You mean like you had a heart when you hurt Dianna? When you hurt her in front of Dallas and Demi? You mean to have a heart like when you left all three of them high and dry? And what about all the times Demi tried to keep in touch with you? You fucking left her time and time again. You've done more than your share of damage. Don't expect pity from any of us. You will never know Landon and he will never know you." I don't know what it was about this man but he didn't take a hint. I was fucking losing it. Scratch that, all my willpower was gone. "GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE," I roared at him. "LEAVE MY FAMILY ALONE." He remained where he was and I readied myself to attack.

[demlovato]

Cody couldn't have been more of a clutch hitter with everything in my life. He always saved me and he always showed up at the right moment. Today wasn't any different. I'm not sure if he sensed something wrong, noticed I was taking long or maybe heard my psychotic scream, but he came rushing down the stairs and took a step in front of me. I wasn't sure if he was doing it to block Patrick from seeing me, Landon or both of us, but I knew he was definitely trying to block us. They exchanged words back and forth, but despite Cody threatening him, he stood strong like a gargoyle. I turned around and walked into the house, obeying my husband's orders. I was scared that Cody would hit him or that it would turn into a fight. But it was going to happen regardless of whether I was standing there or inside. I put Landon inside his playpen and he immediately rolled onto his tummy, reaching out to grab his rattle, oblivious to what is going on at the moment.

I stared intently at Landon playing but my ears were at the door, listening to their conversation. I heard every single word. With every word they said, my eyes got more watery and before I could control my emotions, the tears streamed down my face. But the second I heard Cody raise his voice, I defied his order of staying inside. I ran towards the door, leaving Landon safely in his playpen. I came up behind Cody and placed my hand on his rib cage, rubbing at his side-stomach to calm him down. I took that moment to peak around him and stare at Patrick, now that I wasn't paralyzed in shock. He looked so old and sick. How can a 40 something year old guy look a good 20 or 30 years older than he actually was? Maybe he really did need help. His eyes looked sad and stressed out. His skin was wrinkled and worn out. His hair was thin and grayed. He must have seen my look change from anger to sadness and worry cause he immediately took advantage of my vulnerable state.

'Baby girl, I need you. I'm dying. I hitch-hiked all the way over to California because I needed to see you. I love...' He didn't even finish those three words before Cody snapped. His chest puffed out as he took a step forward and I noticed his hands shaking as he reached them up. I don't know if he was going to push him, hit him, grab his shirt, or what was going through his mind. But I grabbed Cody's waist and pulled all my weight into pulling him back inside as I whispered to him to please stop. He listened to me but not before yelling at Patrick for telling me he loved me. "Please, just leave!" I yelled at Patrick between sobs. "You want money? Is that what will get you to leave?" I reached my hand into my pocket and pulled out all the cash I had on me, a few 20 and 10 dollar bills. I threw them on the floor in front of him. "Just leave us alone!" I took a step backward and grabbed the front door's handle, ready to slam the door, I just needed Cody to take one more step back so that I could close it. I just wanted him to leave and I never wanted to see his face again. I never want to even say his name again. I don't want Landon to know he even exists. I want Landon to think Eddy is my biological father. I don't know what I did to deserve this man in my life.

[clinleypongs]

Before I could advance on Patrick, Demi's gentle hands rested on my sides and rubbed to calm me down. He looked over at Demi and his eyes brimmed with crocodile tears and he started guilt tripping her. I could feel the beast bubbling in my chest, ready to attack. When he started to tell her he loved her, I lost it. I only made it a step forward when Demi reined me in with a strength she reserved for situations like this. Demi whispered to me to stop and I hoped she meant to not be physical with him. I knew she actually meant stop fighting with him even verbally. She's always hated fights, no matter what they kind they were but I was so past the point of self control that reining my self in to not physically harm him was above and beyond the call of duty."Don't you fucking dare lie to her. Don't use her kindness against her. You're dying and sick because karma's a bitch. You're a terrible human being and you deserve what you're getting. And she's not your fucking baby girl. She's my baby girl. She's Eddie de la Garza's baby girl. If you need a fucking ride, I'll call a squad car to haul your ass of to die in prison."

Demi yelled over my shoulder as she struggled backwards holding my arms at my sides. She tossed some cash on the floor and I grit my teeth, feeling like an animal with rabies. I stumbled backward at Demi's tugs until we were inside and she slammed the door. The sound snapped me from my anger and I spun and caught Demi in my arms as she cried against my chest. I kissed her neck gently before pulling my phone from my pocket and calling the cops. I explained to them that an old man came to our doorstep claiming to be dying and in need of help. I looked out the window and saw he had disappeared and I told the cops to please let us know one way or another if they caught him. In all honesty, turning him to the cops was a gift he didn't deserve. In prison, he'd be given medicine and medical attention. He'd get three meals a day and television. I thanked the police officer I'd spoken to then hung up my phone, shoving it into my pocket as I wrapped my arms back around Demi. She was crying so hard that she was barely breathing and I noticed the signs of her panic attacks. She was on her knees so I picked her up enough to slid her legs back out in front of her then slid behind her.

"Shhh, baby, he's gone. He's gone. Take deep breaths." I rubbed at her back but her fingers were curling around chunks of her hair and she just continued sobbing. I wrapped my arms tightly around her, holding her as tight to me as I could, hoping that would help. She always has said how when I hold her really tight, she feels the most safe. I rocked her gently and spoke softly in her ear to continue taking deep breaths, cuing her when to do each. It felt like hours to get her to calm down and even then, she was still crying. But at least she wasn't hyperventilating anymore. I contemplated calling her mom and Eddie and have them come over but I wanted to make sure she was wanted that. "It's all okay, baby girl. You're safe. Landon's safe. Shh, my love." I kept my arms wrapped tightly around her, still sitting with her in our front entryway. I'd move her once I knew the panic attacks her done.

[demlovato]

The second I slammed the door in Patrick's face, I fell into Cody's arms and started sobbing against his chest. I let out all the tears I'd been dying to let out minutes ago but that I didn't want to allow him to have the pleasure of seeing. No way did I want him to know just how much this little visit of his had affected me. But I can already feel that it did a lot of damage to my well-being. Cody comforted me but at the same time pulled out his phone. I stared at him like a deer in headlights trying to figure out who he was calling. When I put two and two together that he was calling the cops, I fell to my knees as I sobbed harder. Call me crazy, but despite everything he's put me and my family to, I don't want to see him go to jail. He's not doing well. He has cancer. Is that really how I want to see him leave this Earth? I know it's what he deserves but I would feel guilty about it for the rest of my life. I blocked out the rest of the conversation Cody was having and instead all I heard was my ears ringing. My chest and my breathing started to heave. I looked over at Cody and tried calling out for his help but the words couldn't come out of my mouth. That just made me start crying harder. I shut my eyes tightly until all I could see was black and I rolled my fingers into tight fists so that they would stop shaking.

A few seconds later, I felt Cody touching me and before I knew it, he'd picked me up. I opened my eyes again so that I wouldn't feel disoriented as Cody rubbed my back and asked me to take deep breaths. His breathing technique, his rubbing and just his general presence helped me calm down so much. I unwrapped my fingers from the tight balls they were in and moved them around Cody's neck. I closed my eyes and rested the side of my face against his shoulder as I let him continue stroking my back and softly touching my face to wipe away my tears. Five or so minutes must have passed by when my eyes snapped open. I must have dozed off for just a minute but it felt so relaxing. My heart rate was back to normal, my tears and sobbing had stopped and I was in my husband's arms. "I want to go see Landon," I told Cody in a low voice. He put me down on the floor, and my legs wobbled a bit as they got used to holding up my body weight again. I walked slowly towards Landon's playpen, with Cody beside me, keeping an arm around my waist. I looked down at Landon, who was busy biting into a colorful teething ring. He had no idea what had just happened. He had not a worry in the world right now, aside from sinking his teeth into that toy. I hope he can stay like that for the rest of his life. I don't want him to ever come across all the bad people there are in this world. "Baby," I whispered to Cody, pulling my eyes away from our son and looking up at him instead. I was scared to continue cause I didn't want him to get mad but I had to let him know what was on my mind. "Is it bad that I don't want him to go to jail? I would feel feel responsible and guilty if he died in jail. That would haunt me for the rest of my life. I feel like such a bad person for not wanting him to go to prison because I know he deserves it. I know he does..."

[clinleypongs]

Demi's hands were balled so tightly and they were turning white and I feared her nails would cut into the palms of her hands. I continued to do what I hoped would help her relax and slowly her hands unclenched and her sobs turned to hiccups. Her arms wrapped around my neck as she rested her head on my shoulder. I watched as the tears rolled down her cheeks for a moment then wiped under her eyes to keep them from streaming down her chin and onto her neck. She was breathing normally, the tears were ebbing but I refused to let go of her. I rocked her until she looked up at me and told me she wanted to see Landon. I helped her onto her feet and wrapped my arm around her waist to help her keep steady. Little Landon was happily playing with a teething ring, testing out different spots on the ring to find the perfect chomping spot. Before long Demi spoke up and I frowned at what she said. "No sweetie, it's not bad at all. You have such a big heart and sometimes that's what comes with it. Feeling sympathy for people who have harmed you. You shouldn't feel like a bad person though. You hear me? Do you know how incredible of a person you have to be to hope that man doesn't get what he deserves?"

I stroked her cheek then made a confession, "The cops won't put him in jail either, baby. I just told them that he needed help basically. If they find him, they'll probably help him get back home." I shrugged and rested my forehead against hers. "He won't go to jail for being an ill old man who's alone." I was most worried that she wanted to actually help him and I was scared to ask if she did. "And baby?" She looked up at me and I apologized, "I'm sorry that I lost my temper out there. I know you'll say I don't have to apologize but I've been working really hard on my temper and I kind of lost it." I leaned down and gently kissed her lips. When I broke away, I leaned down and scooped Landon into my arms. "Let's go back upstairs and sit in bed and talk about everything. Is that okay? Do you want to take a bubble bath? Do you want a nap? You just went through a lot. We can finish wrapping after you've had the chance to relax.

[demlovato]

Cody helped calm me down on the whole Patrick going to jail thing. Like always, he knows the right words to say, the right way to touch and caress me and just how to calm me down, no matter what the situation is. After he apologized for losing his temper, he suggested we go upstairs and do whatever I wanted to. "No nap," I pouted my lips out like a little freaking child. "And I don't want to bathe because I want to be with you two." I responded as we climbed up the stairs, Cody letting me go ahead of him. "Unless.... unless you two join me," My eyes lit up. "Let's get into the bath jacuzzi, not the bath tub. I can make sure that the temperature isn't too warm while you two go change into your suits." I told Cody, not really giving him a choice but he had just given me the chance to choose what we do. He agreed with my choice and turned towards Landon's room, baby in hand, to get him changed. I went into our master bedroom's bathroom and started filling up the hot tub, touching the streaming water with my hand to make sure it was at a good temperature. I stripped down to my underwear and bra before getting in. Normally I would have gone nude, of course, but with Landon coming in with us, I thought it would be kind of odd.

I leaned my head back against the edge of the tub and closed my eyes, letting the warm water soothe my body and the jets pushing out water massage my back. What if Patrick tries breaking into our house? What if he hides outside of our house for us and when we're leaving or coming one night, he attacks us? Or even worse, hurts Landon? I heard a noise and my eyes flew open and my head suddenly turned towards the bathroom door. I let out a sigh when I saw it was just my two men, coming into the room in boxer shorts (Cody) and swim trunks (Landon.) Cody noticed that I got startled when he walked in and he asked if I was okay. "Yeah baby, I'm fine. You just caught me off guard," I grinned, hoping to reassure him. He handed Landon to me and I placed him on my lap, his lower body hitting the water. He started slapping the water with his arms, splashing his poppa as he got into the tub himself. I giggled and grabbed Landon's hand by the wrist, helping him splash more water towards Cody as we laughed. After getting in a few good splashes, I leaned down to kiss the top of Landon's head, calling it a truce of sorts. Only cause I know he can splash me much faster and I was scared of his revenge. "I thought you were going to hit him, baby." I looked up at Cody and randomly brought back the Patrick subject. "When he told me the l-word," there was no way I could say the word 'love' aloud when talking about Patrick, "I for sure thought this man is a goner. I was getting ready to pounce and pull you back. Was it hard not to hit him?"

[clinleypongs]

I carried Landon up to his room then laid him on his changing table. I tools deep breath and lowered my head to blow a raspberry on his chubby little tummy. He half screamed half laughed and pushed away at my head. I chuckled with him as I pulled his onesie off and put him in some of his swim diapers. He didn't need anymore since Demi and I would just be in undies. I scooped Landon back up and carried him to our room where his mommy waited for us. We walked into the room and i watched Demi jump nearly out of her skin. She laughed it off and i figured she was just tense. He leaned towards his mom as I handed him over then splashed once he hit the water. As I climbed in, Demi made him splash me more. "Hey! Careful. Or I'll get you back!" She stopped splashing me and we relaxed in the tub.

I shrugged at her question. "I think I was just gonna grab his collar and shake him. I think. I mean I was livid but something was keeping from decking him to begin with." I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the tub. "I just want to hurt him more than I can say but something always keeps me from totally losing it." The more I thought about it, the more angry I got. I didn't want him bothering my family ever again. I bunched my hands in fists and tightened my jaw. Just the anger building in my chest right now was nearly enough to make me race out of the house and hunt him down. Demi must have noticed that I was getting upset because I felt her hand on my chest, rubbing gently and talking to me. I let go of a breath I'd been holding and apologized. "I'm sorry. I just can't believe he showed up." I opened my eyes and scooped up Landon who squealed and held his arms up. I started chuckling and held him close. "Baby look at this guy!" Landon looked at his mom and let out a low m sound then reached for her. "Landon, say momma! You're almost there"

[demlovato]

Cody and I spoke about Patrick a bit more before I felt him tensing up, so I calmed him down as we changed the subject at hand. He grabbed Landon from me and started trying to teach him how to call me 'momma.' I smiled at his attempts, but there was no way he would be able to say that. Plus, if he did, he wouldn't even know what he's saying. Secretly though, I try to teach him how to say poppa when Cody isn't around. Landon made the beginning noise of momma, and although it sounded like he was saying mmm, my eyes lit up. "Oh my goodness," I gloated in amazement. "Momma," I repeated slowly, now that he was starting to form the beginning of the word. "Maw-muh," I enunciated for him over and over. "Momma, I'm the lady that carried you for 40 weeks and popped you out of my vagina," I giggled, continuing my now joined attempts with Cody to get him to say my nickname. 'Mmmmm,' he held out the m sound now. "So close," I finally gave up on getting him to say it. "How about poppa?" I joked around, knowing the p sound is a lot harder for kids to grasp than the m sound. "Hey Landon, if I whisper in your ear what I'm getting your poppa for Christmas, promise not to tell him?" I looked up at Cody with a grin on my face. I leaned into Landon's ear and whispered jibberish to him, since he wouldn't know what I was saying either way. When I pulled away, Landon started laughing as he clapped his hands together. "I guess Landon approves of the gifts I got for you," I winked at Cody, who reached his arms around our son to tickle my bare stomach as he told me that I better not have spent much on him. "Oh hush," I swatted his arms off so that he'd stop tickling my sides. It's amazing how Cody always manages to turn my mood around and take my mind off of bad things. Patrick was the last thing on my mind right now as I sat in a tub in our beautiful house with my perfect husband and our beyond amazing son. "We leave to Aspen in two days, baby," I squealed, suddenly remembering our vacation started the day after Christmas. "I am so excited to ski this time around! And to snowboard! And for you to warm me up when I'm cold," I leaned into him, pressing my shoulder against his. Cody wrapped an arm around my back and moved his face down to meet my lips with his. I opened my mouth slightly, kissing him back. I absolutely love my husband and I still get butterflies every single time we kiss.

[clinleypongs]

I frowned as Demi leaned over and whispered in Landon's ear what my Christmas gift. He squealed and clapped in excitement and I started cracking up. I reached out and started tickling Demi for keeping secrets at my "expense". Demi and I spoke about how excited we were for Aspen before Demi leaned onto my shoulder and I bent down to kiss her. She opened her lips to mine and I pushed my tongue gently against her lips. We'd barely been kissing half a minute when a tiny wet hand reached forward to try and get between us. Demi pulled away and planted a big kiss on his cheek. However, my eyebrow was raised at him. It was just like the little guy to interrupt Demi and I's kissing. I found myself often wishing it was his nap time. The funny thing was that I was pretty sure my body had a special setting on its biological clock. Specifically, it knew when it was Landon's nap time and at the time, my body was ready and raring for sex. It was about that time now. I shared my discovery with Demi.

"I think my body knows when Landon should be napping cause I get super horny at that time." Demi started giggling and I stared pointedly at Landon. "Hey buddy, you getting sleepy?" He squealed and splashed the water and I grinned. "I cannot wait until you're older and try to have sexy time with some girl." I leaned toward him so my nose was touching his, "It won't happen." Landon grabbed my face, and crossed his eyes to see mine. He still had the big smile on his face. Our son was so darn cute. I rested my head against the top of Demi's as we both looked at our son. "He's such a happy boy. And it doesnt take much to make him so happy. I'm so glad."