She asked me if I was coming to bed with her and I scoffed before shaking my head. She must be fucking out of her mind if she thought I was going to bed with her. I turned away from her and head to the bed, pulling back the covers once I got there. I laid across the bed, pointedly covering most of it so she would get the hint that she was to go upstairs to go to bed. My eyes stayed on the ceiling as I mentally tried to cool off. I knew I probably wouldn't get any sleep tonight but maybe with some luck I could calm down enough to get a couple hours. I felt as she sat on the bed but I left my eyes on the ceiling, hoping to convey to her that I didn't want to hear it. Venice curled up at my feet and rest his head on my leg and I really wanted to pet him and cuddle with him but I wasn't about to show Demi that I was in the mood for affection from anyone or anything. She apologized for hitting me, saying she didn't do it on purpose which I knew. I knew she would never even dream of laying a harmful finger on me. But the fact that she was so bent on hitting Mariah that she didn't even see when I was trying to intervene was fucking annoying.
As she tried to explain herself, my jaw went back to the clenched state it had been. This was all bullshit. I went to fold my hands together over my stomach while she explained but that shot pains through my knuckles. Oh fuck, that hurt. But then I heard Joe's name and suddenly, I didn't feel it anymore. I shook my head and raised myself to my elbows. "If he had said what Mariah had said to me, I would've replied verbally. The only time I've ever hauled out and punched him is when he was threatening me with a fucking razor blade. Also, I'd have a hell of a lot more reason to beat the shit out of him since he put me in a fucking hospital a few months ago. So, there is a big difference. You know damn well I've only gotten in fights when someone was being bad mouthed or when I was attacked." I laid back again, letting out an angry breath. "It is just as much your fault as it is hers. Sure she pulled me away, but I was about to tell her to buzz off. You could've ignored her, make her think that what she says doesn't bother you. You didn't have to turn it physical by pushing her and she sure as hell shouldn't have fucking punched you like that. But you didn't have to punch her back. You could've been the bigger person and dropped it but you've just been waiting for your chance to get in a couple shots at her since we started dating. How did that feel, Demi? Oh preacher of how fighting isn't the fucking answer. Do you feel better now that she fucked up your face? Now that you accomplished absolutely fucking nothing?" I was trying to keep my voice even so that I wasn't yelling in front of Venny and terrifying him like we had done last time. "And you should be sorry for starting a fucking fight. You should be fucking embarrassed as fuck. I know I am. I can't even fucking bring my girlfriend to my friends parties. Not like they'll fucking want me to anymore anyway. They're sure as fuck not going to take your side." I laid back down, crossing my arms over my chest. "Just fucking go to bed. I want this day to be over with already."
I stayed quiet and listened intently to everything Cody was saying, although it wasn't at all what I wanted to hear. I was on the verge of tears more and more with every word he let out. He told me that I made myself look stupid and that I embarrassed myself and that hurt me a lot. And if my ego wasn't already full deflated, stomped on and dragged across an imaginary road, he told me that my face is fucked up. He pretty much just told me that I'm ugly. I felt like a monster. I felt hideous. I felt disgusting. And I wanted to disappear from life at this very moment. But he didn't stop degrading me there, despite seeing I was very obviously hurt. He told me that now he can't ever take me to any of his friends' parties and that they'll really never like me. To someone else, that might not hurt. But I was always worried about his friends liking me and Cody always swore they did, but most of them, except Kyle, sure didn't act like it. But now I probably even ruined Kyle's opinion about me that actually really meant a lot to me, because I like him. He's a good kid. All his words, all his actions, they felt like when he was breaking up with me, when he made me feel literally worse than shit. And the worst part is, I can't even be mad at him because I guess I asked for it. All of this was hitting way too close to home. I never thought I'd see this side of Cody again, but boy was I wrong. He was out and in full force tonight. I felt my bottom lip start to quiver so I just nodded my head when he told me to go to bed. I picked up my ice bag and got off the bed. I wasn't exactly going to bed just yet, but I would be soon enough.
I walked to the kitchen and pulled out two Zip Loc bags, filling them up with ice and then wrapping a paper towel around each of them so that it wouldn't burn his skin. I quietly tip toed back into his room and peaked in to see he was still staring up at the roof. "I'm sorry to bother you again," I whispered. I walked up to the bed and put both ice bags on the edge of the bed. "For your jaw and for your knuckles," I told him, patting Venny on the belly. He looked at me with a sad face, probably wanting me to get into bed so that all three of us can cuddle but I shrugged my shoulders at him and started walking away before I started crying. Sorry Venny, but it's obvious I'm not wanted in this bed or even in this room. As I walked to the door, I whispered, "I love you." I slowed down my steps as I approached the door to see if I heard it back, and not a peep came out of him. I rushed out of the door and once I was out of his sight, I ran towards the stairs and took them two steps at a time til I got to the top. Once I walked into Cody's room, I let out all the tears I had been trying so hard to hold back down there. It hurt like hell coming out of my fucked up eye, but I didn't care. I needed the pain. I kicked off my shoes, and staying in this stupid, waste of an outfit, I climbed into Cody's bed and kept sobbing. What the fuck did I do? I ruin everything. Everything. I'm a useless, stupid, fucked up, piece of shit. I usually don't throw the "h" word around, even for Mariah. I dislike her a whole lot, but I wouldn't say I hate her. But I can honestly say that I fucking hate myself.
I laid my head on a pillow and grabbed a pillow from right beside me, wrapping my arms around it and burying my face into it so that I could cry into it and so that it'd drown out my sobbing. I didn't want to give Cody the satisfaction that he made me cry and made me feel worthless. The pillow was hurting my face with as roughly as I had it pressed to me, so I purposely pressed it against me harder. I hoped I suffocated. Despite Cody not breaking up with me tonight, I was getting so much deja vu. If he thought my face was fucked up and ugly tonight, by tomorrow with all the swollenness from the day after and from the tears, he'd be ready to have me killed. Between my weeping, I heard a bark and my body shot up to sit up on the bed. "Venice?" I asked as I jumped off the bed. He was walking into the room and heading towards where I was. I picked him up, a bit confused, seeing as he doesn't know how to climb the stairs yet. I think Cody would have told me if he learned in the past few days. I petted his head as I walked to the top of the stairs and looked down and Cody wasn't anywhere in sight. I think I'd rather put my bet on Venice having learned overnight than to ever expect Cody to bring him up here. I laid on the bed, putting Venice next to me and I let out a long sigh. "I fucked things up, baby. Again. Your daddy hates your mommmy now and it's all my fault." I planned on talking to a sleeping Venice for the rest of the night until Cody woked up and kicked me out of his house. I feel a break up coming up. I just know he's going to do it. I had the feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Demi left the room and I closed my eyes, mouthing the words I love you. I knew I should've told her it but I couldn't I was still too fucking angry with her. I didn't want her to think she could tell me she loved me and all our problems would poof! go away. Venice padded up the bed to me, whining softly wandering where mommy had gone. He rested his head on my chest and gave me the saddest expression I'd ever seen. "You really missed mommy, huh?" I missed her too but then things shot straight to hell. Well, I wasn't ruining Venice's night too. He hated being away from her just as much as I did and I could imagine how much disappointment he felt right now with her having just been here but now she was gone after I'd been telling him for days that she'd be here. No, I couldn't disappoint him like that. Plus, this way Demi wouldn't be completely alone which I knew would be hard for her. She always had me or one of the kids with her so it'd be even worse for her to not have one of them. "C'mon, you can go be with mommy and take care of her for me. Will you do that?" He licked my arm in response and I took that as a yes. I got out of the bed with him and went up enough steps so that I could put Venice at the top. I heard Demi's sobs and my shoulders sagged with guilt. I sat Venice down on the top, kissing his nose before patting his butt in the direction of the room. He barked and ran off to go get Demi so I walked back down the stairs and into the guest room.
Right now I wanted a fifth of vodka, a couple joints, and a large punching bag. I wanted to divulge in every single poor act against my own body and mind and beat the shit out of something. I wanted to pass out from alcohol poisoning or to crush the shit out of the bones in my hand. I really wanted to rip Mariah a new one for being such a cunt tonight. But instead, I collapsed back on my bed, scooping up one of the bags of ice Demi had brought me. I forced myself to straighten out my fingers even though the pain nearly brought tears to my eyes. My knuckles were bruised and swollen and my jaw felt really heavy. I tried closing my eyes and actually going to sleep but I couldn't sleep in my damn jeans so I stood back up from my bed, pushing them off with one hand while I babied the other. When I got back on the bed, I sat back up against the headboard, my head hung as I looked down at my lap. I wished we could start tonight over again. Maybe I could decide that I didn't want to party and go see a movie. Maybe I could still take her to the party and just pull her into a room instead of being too damn horny to do so. I sighed as I went back to laying down but this bed just wasn't as comfortable as my own. Plus I couldn't sleep alone. I was used to either having Demi or Venny but now I was alone. And now that I was alone, my anger was ebbing away and the guilt of the way I'd treated Demi came flooding in to replace it. I tried to justify myself that she deserved to be yelled at and not respected after the bullshit she pulled but I should've at least told her that I loved her too. She never deserved how low I could get. I ignored the buzzing from my phone that I knew was my friends wondering what was going on, or to bitch about what had happened.
For the rest of the night, I just tried to do no thinking at all. Just lay awake with absolutely no thought process at all. Like my brain is sleeping while the rest of me was awake but I knew that wasn't going to happen. Instead I laid in bed, wanting to go up and check on Demi, make sure she was okay but I was worried about how much damage my words had done. It took me until about 8 o'clock until I finally rolled out of bed, my hurt hand pressed to my stomach. I trudged into the kitchen, pulling open the fridge and grabbing out the orange juice. Then grabbed two glasses, filling one with water and the other with the orange juice. I didn't know which she'd prefer so I just picked both. Next I pulled out the tylenol and shook one out. She'd probably need another ice pack too so I made another one, this time adding paper towel like she had. I wedged the two glasses between my arm so I didn't have to use that hand then grabbed the pill and ice pack with my left hand. My feet were dragging as I walked over to the stairs, slowly climbing up them. I was so wiped out but I knew I was totally wired and would be for a while. Using my shoulder, I pushed the door open a little more, heading straight for her bedside table. I didn't even glance at her because I was terrified to see how much worse her injuries had gotten. I set the glasses down but she scared the shit out of me when she moved. "Fuck, sorry, I didn't realize you were awake." I looked over at her and not only was her black and blue eye swollen but her other was too, like she'd been crying. She still had some make up on plus her dress from the night before and I frowned out of worry. "I uh.. brought you some aspirin in case you wanted it and another ice pack." I sat on the edge of the bed and noticed how tired she looked. Had she not slept either? I guess I'd understand if she hadn't. I noticed how scared he looked and that tore me apart. I should be turned in for being abusive or something. One step in public and I'd probably be arrested for it anyway. "I'm not angry anymore. I'm sorry. I won't be mean anymore. Why don't you change into something comfortable?" I stood up from the bed and went to my dresser pulling out one of my shirts that she sometimes slept in. "Here. You can wear this. I mean, if you want."
I stayed up most of the night. Although my eyes would start hurting from crying, so I'd close them for a few minutes and I'd end up drifting off to sleep. But then what must be no more than ten or fifteen minutes later, my face would touch a pillow or my knuckles would touch the bed and I'd wake up from the pain. This happened pretty much the entire night until I saw the sun creeping through the edges of the window's curtains. From there on out, I just laid in bed, staring at Venny in his peaceful, deep sleep, or watching the minutes on the bedside clock pass by. Finally, I heard some noise in the house but I don't think that was a good thing. I tried to listen to what he was doing downstairs and I heard noise around the kitchen. Was he leaving? No, I don't think so. He had clothes downstairs from last night but his toothbrush was up here. And then I heard the noise move closer towards me, and I realized he was coming up here. I quickly shut my eyes because not only was he probably coming up here for something else not relevant to me, but I didn't want him to kick me out of the house. I heard him put something down right next to me and that's when my eyes flew open, and I spun around to face him. I let out a small sigh when I saw it was a glass of water. I thought maybe it had been his promise ring or him giving me back everything I've gotten him.
He looked frightened when he actually saw my face, though. I kind of wanted to see what my face looked like right now, but at the same time, I knew I'd start hating myself more if I saw how ugly I was. I pressed my lips together as he told me that he brought me a drink and aspirin. He told me that he's not angry anymore and he apologized as he stood up from the bed to get me something to change into. I pressed my weight on my knuckles to sit up on the bed, forgetting it fucking hurt, and I let out a groan as the pain shot through me. As I got off the bed, I felt like a child getting off punishment. They're excited they aren't punished anymore but they know they're still treading on eggshells. I quietly got up and grabbed the shirt from him, whispering out a small, "Thanks." I hesitated at first, not sure if I should change here or go to the bathroom so that he wouldn't see me if I hit one of my injuries again. But I really didn't want to look in the mirror, so I was staying here. "Can you umm...?" I asked him, turning around and moving my hair to the side so that he could get the hint. He pulled down the zipper on the side of my dress and I gave him another 'thanks' before taking a few steps away so that I could change. I slipped out of the dress, thankful that this dress required no bra, and threw the t-shirt over my head.
I walked back over to the bedside and picked up the aspirins in my head. I noticed there were two cups, water and orange juice and I got a bit confused as to which was mine. I looked over at Cody, who was sitting on the edge of his bed. I raised an eyebrow, showing him I was confused, and he told me they were both for me. "Okay then, thanks," I bit my lip nervously as I picked up the glass of orange juice and popped the aspirins into my mouth, taking a big sip. I was nervous that once he had me changed and a bit more calm, that he'd break the "big" news. I was scared to death that he would break up with me. The only thing I was anticipating was for these pills to take away my headache, and hopefully some of my pain. Cody called out my name and pointed out that he had also brought me a new ice pack. "Thanks but I, umm, I don't want to put anymore ice," I told him as I grabbed it from the nightstand. "It's kind of burning my skin and making the pain worse. Have you taken aspirin?" He shook his head, telling me no and I frowned, cause I knew he must be in pain, too. "Can you please take some? I'll get it for you if you want, hold on. Don't move. Stay there. Please," I begged him before scurrying across the room before rushing downstairs, towards the kitchen and grabbing the bottle of aspirin from a drawer and pouring two into my hand. I ran back upstairs and held them out for Cody to grab. "Here you go," I picked up the glass of water and handed it to Cody.
I watched as he swallowed the pills but when he finished, I looked away, not wanting him to see my "fucked up" face too clear. I grabbed the ice pack he brought up for me and I started putting it towards his face, but I figured I should ask first since we're not exactly on the best terms. "Can I?" I asked, holding it close to his jaw. He looked hesitant at first but he finally agreed. I sat next to him on the edge of the bed and held the ice pack softly to his jaw, trying not to to put pressure on it. I let out a sigh at our awkward silence. This sucked. If he was going to break up with me or give me a lecture, can't he just get it over with? "We should probably talk, huh?" I shrugged. "Or, I mean, I'd assume you probably want to talk to me."
Once Demi was in the t-shirt, I sat on the edge of the bed, watching to make sure she didn't seem dizzy or anything. She went to grab the pills I'd gotten her but hesitated. She raised her eyebrow at me and I caught on, "Oh they're both for you, I didn't know which you'd prefer." She went back to taking the aspirin and I pointed to the ice bag, "I brought you more ice too." She thanked me but said she didn't want anymore and I looked in my lap, "Oh, sorry, I didn't know." I shook my head at her question. I didn't want any medicine, I deserved to be in some pain. It was my own fault anyway. But she wanted me to take some and she practically ran out of the room to go get it. Jeesh, she must really not want to be in the same room with me. Which makes sense after the things I said last night. I gently pull Venny closer to me, hoping to not wake him up and pet his back for a bit. Demi was back rather quickly, handing me the aspirin. I popped the pills into my mouth and took a big gulp of water then set the glass back down. She started to bring the ice closer to my face then asked if it was alright. I wanted the ice about as much as she did but I nodded anyway.
To be honest, the last thing I wanted to do was talk. I'd done enough talking last night to last a lifetime. I shrugged at her question, my eyes falling to my lap. How could I apologize for how mean I'd been last night when I felt like she deserved it? Or at least some of it. "I um.. I'm really sorry for the way I treated you last night. I shouldn't have dragged you out of the house like that nor should I have spoke to you the way I did." I looked up at her and I couldn't even imagine how much her face must be hurting right now. I sighed softly, "I just wish that hadn't happened. And just.." I hadn't thought about the stupid fight all night and now that I was, I was getting angry again. I closed my eyes to calm back down before I looked up at her, "Why, Demi? How can I ever take you to another party now? I know you didn't really want to go so maybe it's my fault for even asking." I reached up with my painless hand and gently pull her hand and the ice back from my cheek. "I'd been really looking forward to a night of unwinding with you and my friends and instead we leave with you all bruised up and myself inches from exploding with anger." I sat up more and really looked at the injuries on her face, "And baby, you're so hurt now." It killed me to see her like this. I'd never seen her so physically injured before and it was tearing me apart. I groaned and smacked my hands to my face, which was a fucking awful idea with my right hand. But I was seriously one of the worst boyfriends ever. "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have let myself stay angry with you. Fuck and I don't know how to make the pain go away." I kept my face in my hands and suddenly a thought popped into my head. One that sent me into a full on panic attack. How could Demi go home like this? How could I take her home when my hand was fucked to hell? "Oh shit, Demi, Eddy is going to kill me. Everyone's going to think I did this to you!"
Cody started apologizing and I realized that he thought that by me saying he needed to talk to me, he thought I was asking for an apology. That's not what I meant at all. He did treat me not so nice last night when I needed him badly, but I knew I deserved it. So did this mean he wasn't breaking up with me? I fought back from cheering, cause even if he wasn't breaking up with me, it's obvious there's still problems between us. I listened to everything he had to say and just as I was about to do my fair share of apologizing and giving my side of the story, but he suddenly started panicking. "What? Wait, no way, Cody. No one would think that. And if they do, I'll make sure to tell them that you wouldn't lay a finger on me ever. I'm going to tell them the truth. I'm going to tell them that I started a fight. I'm probably going to get punished for it, but..." I shrugged my shoulder and looked down at my feet. "I guess that's what I deserve. I'm hoping I can stay here another night, though, because who knows when the next time I can see you is. That's if you let me, though. I'd understand if you don't want me to stay here tonight. I deserve it after last night," I stayed looking down, thinking about how terrible it's going to be not seeing him for a while. I hadn't even thought about what my parents' reaction would be. I forgot about them and I wish they'd do the same to me.
"But to answer your other question," I looked back up at him. "I know you're probably expecting me to apologize for everything, but please listen to me," I looked away scared to keep speaking because I didn't want him to start acting like he did last night. But I knew I couldn't lie to him and he needed to hear what was on my mind. I looked back at him before continuing, "I'm sorry for confronting her about it. Although it was rude of her to begin with, I had no idea you were getting ready to dismiss her. If not I never would have stepped in. And I do apologize for pushing her, because I know that was out of line. I just took it to heart when she said I was her problem, because you already know all my theories about her. And then she just had to throw in that part about my ugly face and that just made me go off. I'm sorry. But honestly, I don't apologize for hitting her back. I'm sorry. I know that's not what you want to hear, but there was no way I was going to let her get away with hitting me, babe. I just couldn't. And as for your friends, I'm sorry about that. I like going to parties with you. I wish this wouldn't effect that in the future. I'll personally call up Glenn and apologize to him for starting a fight in his house. I'll apologize to Kyle for making him get a bad impression of me. I'll explain to him. I don't want them to hate me, and I don't want them to give you shit for it," I pouted before looking back down because I couldn't look at him in the eye any longer. I was feeling too sad and hurt at how fucked up I am.
"I've never wanted to be that girlfriend where all your friends hate me and think I'm a bitch. I already had a feeling they hated me before for always taking up so much of your time. But if they didn't before, they definitely do now. I'm sorry for ruining that. I understand if you don't want me to go to anymore parties with you in the future, but just so you know, I'm never fighting with Mariah or anyone ever again. I didn't know it hurts this much. Both physically and emotionally." I grabbed his hand and put it on my lap, putting the ice pack on his bad knuckles without asking him for permission. "None of this if your fault, you know. You don't have to apologize. That wasn't what I was asking for when I said we should talk. I wanted to go to this party. I was actually excited about it, you didn't force me to. And I deserved to be treated how you did last night." I moved the ice pack off his hand again cause I didn't want his skin to burn. "How long do you think Eddy will punish me for?" I frowned. "I'm going to call in sick to work this whole week, cause there's no way I can film like this. If Eddy punishes me for more than a day, I'm running away from home. I don't know where I'll go but I'm not staying there. Maybe I'll go to Texas or something." I sighed, thinking about where I could go or what I could do for the next week. I knew Cody would probably want a nice, long break from me, so I wouldn't even suggest staying here. "Oh shit, I just realized we had a shopping date today. Way to ruin it, Demi," I muttered to myself.
She made it sound like she wasn't going to apologize for her actions and I started to get upset again but she told me to just listen so I did. And to be honest, what she said made sense. She apologized for starting the physical shit which is all I needed to hear because to be honest once Mariah punched her, Demi had every right to retaliate. Especially with how much she hates Mariah, it would've been a really low blow to her pride and self esteem to let Mariah get away with that. And Mariah was going to get an earful from me for this shit too. Next she brought up my friends causing me to frown. I wanted to tell her that she didn't need to call Glenn, that I'd talk to him but that wouldn't work at all. She was sort of right about my friends. They weren't her biggest fans but they didn't completely dislike her. I didn't know how poorly that was affected now though. To be honest, the best way to prove to them that she really was sorry and to get back on their good sides would be to talk to them first hand. Not use me. I nodded at what she said, hoping she wouldn't go back on that. "Good, you shouldn't be fighting. That's not like you at all. But I do take you to all these parties so that you can be a part of our group of friends. I mean at least when we hang out in big groups. I want you to feel comfortable around them at least."
I winced when she grabbed my hand to put the ice on it, glad that she wasn't paying attention to how swollen they were. If I had broken my fucking hand, I would jump of the roof of the Kodak theater. She started to tell me how none of this was my fault and that I didn't have to apologize but I did need to apologize for the way I treated her, at least for the way I dragged her outside. She took the ice away from my hand just as it was getting too cold but I kept my hand in her lap, wanting any reason to be touching her. She asked me how long Eddy would punish her for and I shrugged. I was a bit more worried about how much Eddy would punish me for this. I nodded when she said she'd call into work sick. I guess I understood except that meant that she'd probably be filming a week longer. She went back to the punishment subject and said she'd run away causing me to look up at her. Like hell she was running away. Once she finished her bullshit about running away, I opened my mouth to tell her that she absolutely was not running away but she cursed and reminded me of our shopping date. "I had a game tonight too but I can't exactly play like this." I frowned before I realized that probably wasn't the best way to cheer Demi up. "But it's okay. I don't need that stuff that much and you can wear the swimsuits you already have. For now, you should just rest. We can go out later in the week when the swelling's gone down which it will soon."
I reached out and brushed her hair away from her eye. "Baby.." I whispered. I knew how much this hurt but it probably hurt her a whole hell of a lot more because she wasn't used to it for one and for another Mariah had bony ass hands. It was amazing Mariah hadn't caused Demi's eyebrow to split or anything. I really wanted to hold her but after last night, I feared that she wouldn't let me. I know she said that she deserved it but I didn't think she deserved it quite to the degree she got it. She seemed uncomfortable with me looking at her face and before I got the chance to ask her about it, Venny came crawling between us. He was mid yawn and he simply collapsed back between us, his head on Demi's leg. I ran my hand down his back and he looked up at me sleepily. "Did you take care of mommy last night for me?" He let out a sigh and stretched out his paws in response. As I watched him settle back into to get some more sleep, I remembered her comment about running away. "And you're absolutely not running away. And not to Texas especially. I don't want to have to go a week without seeing you. Stay here for the week. Bring Bella and Zuks." But then I remembered that she probably had no desire to stay here. "I mean, if you want. Venny would really love having you over. He doesn't really like being cooped up in his cage like that." I sighed and decided to check on how she was feeling. "Has the aspirin helped at all?"
As soon as stopped talking, Cody reminded me that he had a game tonight and I cursed under my breath. I just ruined every fucking thing. Who knew that me asking some fucking whore what her problem is would lead to so many more problems. "No," I told him when he said he didn't need that stuff and that I can wear old swimsuits. "We still have like a week and a half left, right?" He nodded his head. "We're rescheduling it then. I'm not canceling. We already had plans. When my face gets good enough for me to at least go out in public without being laughed at, we're going. I want you to get your new v-necks and underwear and jeans and whatever else you needed." Cody leaned into me and pushed a strand of hair away from my face, but he stayed looking at me. If I've ever felt uncomfortable, now was definitely the time. I felt like he was staring at my ugly eye or my ugly cheek and I felt like he was judging me. I can just imagine all the negative things going through his mind. Just as I was getting ready to look away, Venny came to the rescue and pulled Cody's attention to him. Cody started talking to Venny, but I interrupted. "Well, he fell asleep as soon as he got up here. But he helped distract me the entire night from staring at the roof."
Cody suddenly brought up a comment I had made earlier, saying I wasn't running away. "Cody, hear me out first. If I'm punished, I won't be able to see you anyways. And I refuse to stay locked up in my house for a week. I can't exactly run away to hear because they'd know to check here first. And I mean, I guess I could always ask my mom to stay here for the week. But if I go over to get my stuff, they'd see my face," I shrugged. "There's no one at my Texas house and I have a key. As long as you don't tell them where I am, no one will ever find out, and I'll fly back before I start filming again." I hoped that me showing him I had my this all thoroughly planned out would make him see it was the best plan we could come up with. I let out a sigh before answering his other question. "It's alright, I guess," I lied a little. All my injuries still hurt like hell. "I'm sure it'll fully kick in soon enough."
"Do you wanna..." I pointed at the pillows, hinting at us laying down to talk. I don't know about him, but my head was fucking pounding from a mix of the hangover, no sleep and having my brain nearly pulled out through my hair follicles. Cody nodded and climbed onto the bed, moving to his usual side of the bed and laying down. I slid my hands under Venny and softly picked him up, moving him by Cody's arm. I laid diagonally across the bed , not wanting to lay down next to Cody so that he wouldn't have to see my face up close. But I did rest my head on his stomach, turning my head to look at him. I let out a sigh as I closed my eyes for a few seconds. I wish Cody would have at least slept with me last night, even if he did stay mad. It might have helped me not be such a nervous wreck all night and I might have gotten at least some sleep, meaning I'd probably feel a little bit better today. I opened up my eyes and pressed my lips together as I looked up at Cody who was staring at me, but he looked like he could sleep for a month straight and that still wouldn't be enough. "You didn't sleep last night, did you?" I frowned. "I wish you would have laid here in bed last night instead of downstairs. I know you didn't want to see my face, but I would have turned the other way," I sighed. "We told each other once we'd always sleep together, even if we're mad," I told him in a soft voice, hoping that wouldn't upset him. But hey, it's the truth. I moved my hand over his stomach, trying to ease him in hopes that he'd maybe fall asleep, but he looked like he was fighting it. "Oh man, I forgot that I have the rodeo performance in Texas next week. I wish you could take this week off so that you can come with me to Texas and just stay til Sunday. If I fly over there on Sunday or Monday to get away from punishment, would you still fly out on your own when you get out of work on Friday?" I have no clue if I was going to end up running away to Texas, but it sounded like the most reasonable plan.
Demi asked if I wanted to lay down and I really fucking wanted too. I was exhausted so laying down sounded wonderful. I nodded and crawled into my side of the bed, making sure to not put any pressure on my hand. Demi moved Venny up next to me then laid across the bed with her head on my stomach. She sighed and closed her eyes but I kept my eyes on her, wondering if something was still wrong aside from being in pain. I slid my hand across Venny's body, who had already fallen back asleep. What a lazy dog. Demi finally opened her eyes again then asked if I'd slept last night. I shook my head to answer her. She said she wished I'd at least laid in the same bed and I nodded, already feeling pretty guilty about that. She said something about how I didn't want to see her face but she would've turned away. It took way too long for that sentence to sink in and by then she'd already asked another question. "Demi, what? What do you mean I didn't want to see your face?" When she hesitated with her answer, I knew immediately what she'd meant. "Demi, I didn't choose to sleep away from you last night because of the injuries. I didn't sleep in here last night because it would've been an awful idea for me to have stayed in here with you last night. I was too angry and I didn't want to hurt you more than I knew I already had. I should've come up after I was cooled off again but I didn't think you'd want me to. Not after everything that happened last night." I sighed and closed my eyes like she had done, focusing on her hand that was rubbing my stomach. It was doing an amazing job of relaxing me but that meant I would be able to fall asleep. I didn't want that so I fought to stay awake, rubbing at my eyes so that they'd stay open.
I looked away when I remembered her latest question. It really fucking sucked that she was being serious about running away to go to Texas. It sucked even more that she would put on my shoulders to not tell her parents where she was. If they didn't hate me now, they definitely fucking would in a week. Great. Not only does Demi probably never want to marry me, but now I would never even have her parents consent anyway. So much for being relaxed. I finally nodded, "Yeah, I'd still fly out. I promised to be there for you, plus I miss seeing you perform and my mom will be there." I laid my head back on the pillow and closed my eyes. This next week would be pure hell if she did end up leaving. It sucked hard enough with this new schedule to fit filming Hannah and play practice in so I barely ever got to see her. But now I wouldn't see her at all. I reached down and gently brushed my fingers through her hair. "Baby, come up here with me." I laid my sore hand where I wanted her to lay rather than patting it but moved it back to resting on Venny's warm little side when Demi moved up here. "Maybe we can try and get a little bit of sleep. We can set an alarm if you want to be up to go somewhere but we should both probably get a bit of sleep before we do. Does that sound good or do you not want to sleep?"
As she tried to explain herself, my jaw went back to the clenched state it had been. This was all bullshit. I went to fold my hands together over my stomach while she explained but that shot pains through my knuckles. Oh fuck, that hurt. But then I heard Joe's name and suddenly, I didn't feel it anymore. I shook my head and raised myself to my elbows. "If he had said what Mariah had said to me, I would've replied verbally. The only time I've ever hauled out and punched him is when he was threatening me with a fucking razor blade. Also, I'd have a hell of a lot more reason to beat the shit out of him since he put me in a fucking hospital a few months ago. So, there is a big difference. You know damn well I've only gotten in fights when someone was being bad mouthed or when I was attacked." I laid back again, letting out an angry breath. "It is just as much your fault as it is hers. Sure she pulled me away, but I was about to tell her to buzz off. You could've ignored her, make her think that what she says doesn't bother you. You didn't have to turn it physical by pushing her and she sure as hell shouldn't have fucking punched you like that. But you didn't have to punch her back. You could've been the bigger person and dropped it but you've just been waiting for your chance to get in a couple shots at her since we started dating. How did that feel, Demi? Oh preacher of how fighting isn't the fucking answer. Do you feel better now that she fucked up your face? Now that you accomplished absolutely fucking nothing?" I was trying to keep my voice even so that I wasn't yelling in front of Venny and terrifying him like we had done last time. "And you should be sorry for starting a fucking fight. You should be fucking embarrassed as fuck. I know I am. I can't even fucking bring my girlfriend to my friends parties. Not like they'll fucking want me to anymore anyway. They're sure as fuck not going to take your side." I laid back down, crossing my arms over my chest. "Just fucking go to bed. I want this day to be over with already."
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I walked to the kitchen and pulled out two Zip Loc bags, filling them up with ice and then wrapping a paper towel around each of them so that it wouldn't burn his skin. I quietly tip toed back into his room and peaked in to see he was still staring up at the roof. "I'm sorry to bother you again," I whispered. I walked up to the bed and put both ice bags on the edge of the bed. "For your jaw and for your knuckles," I told him, patting Venny on the belly. He looked at me with a sad face, probably wanting me to get into bed so that all three of us can cuddle but I shrugged my shoulders at him and started walking away before I started crying. Sorry Venny, but it's obvious I'm not wanted in this bed or even in this room. As I walked to the door, I whispered, "I love you." I slowed down my steps as I approached the door to see if I heard it back, and not a peep came out of him. I rushed out of the door and once I was out of his sight, I ran towards the stairs and took them two steps at a time til I got to the top. Once I walked into Cody's room, I let out all the tears I had been trying so hard to hold back down there. It hurt like hell coming out of my fucked up eye, but I didn't care. I needed the pain. I kicked off my shoes, and staying in this stupid, waste of an outfit, I climbed into Cody's bed and kept sobbing. What the fuck did I do? I ruin everything. Everything. I'm a useless, stupid, fucked up, piece of shit. I usually don't throw the "h" word around, even for Mariah. I dislike her a whole lot, but I wouldn't say I hate her. But I can honestly say that I fucking hate myself.
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Right now I wanted a fifth of vodka, a couple joints, and a large punching bag. I wanted to divulge in every single poor act against my own body and mind and beat the shit out of something. I wanted to pass out from alcohol poisoning or to crush the shit out of the bones in my hand. I really wanted to rip Mariah a new one for being such a cunt tonight. But instead, I collapsed back on my bed, scooping up one of the bags of ice Demi had brought me. I forced myself to straighten out my fingers even though the pain nearly brought tears to my eyes. My knuckles were bruised and swollen and my jaw felt really heavy. I tried closing my eyes and actually going to sleep but I couldn't sleep in my damn jeans so I stood back up from my bed, pushing them off with one hand while I babied the other. When I got back on the bed, I sat back up against the headboard, my head hung as I looked down at my lap. I wished we could start tonight over again. Maybe I could decide that I didn't want to party and go see a movie. Maybe I could still take her to the party and just pull her into a room instead of being too damn horny to do so. I sighed as I went back to laying down but this bed just wasn't as comfortable as my own. Plus I couldn't sleep alone. I was used to either having Demi or Venny but now I was alone. And now that I was alone, my anger was ebbing away and the guilt of the way I'd treated Demi came flooding in to replace it. I tried to justify myself that she deserved to be yelled at and not respected after the bullshit she pulled but I should've at least told her that I loved her too. She never deserved how low I could get. I ignored the buzzing from my phone that I knew was my friends wondering what was going on, or to bitch about what had happened.
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He looked frightened when he actually saw my face, though. I kind of wanted to see what my face looked like right now, but at the same time, I knew I'd start hating myself more if I saw how ugly I was. I pressed my lips together as he told me that he brought me a drink and aspirin. He told me that he's not angry anymore and he apologized as he stood up from the bed to get me something to change into. I pressed my weight on my knuckles to sit up on the bed, forgetting it fucking hurt, and I let out a groan as the pain shot through me. As I got off the bed, I felt like a child getting off punishment. They're excited they aren't punished anymore but they know they're still treading on eggshells. I quietly got up and grabbed the shirt from him, whispering out a small, "Thanks." I hesitated at first, not sure if I should change here or go to the bathroom so that he wouldn't see me if I hit one of my injuries again. But I really didn't want to look in the mirror, so I was staying here. "Can you umm...?" I asked him, turning around and moving my hair to the side so that he could get the hint. He pulled down the zipper on the side of my dress and I gave him another 'thanks' before taking a few steps away so that I could change. I slipped out of the dress, thankful that this dress required no bra, and threw the t-shirt over my head.
I walked back over to the bedside and picked up the aspirins in my head. I noticed there were two cups, water and orange juice and I got a bit confused as to which was mine. I looked over at Cody, who was sitting on the edge of his bed. I raised an eyebrow, showing him I was confused, and he told me they were both for me. "Okay then, thanks," I bit my lip nervously as I picked up the glass of orange juice and popped the aspirins into my mouth, taking a big sip. I was nervous that once he had me changed and a bit more calm, that he'd break the "big" news. I was scared to death that he would break up with me. The only thing I was anticipating was for these pills to take away my headache, and hopefully some of my pain. Cody called out my name and pointed out that he had also brought me a new ice pack. "Thanks but I, umm, I don't want to put anymore ice," I told him as I grabbed it from the nightstand. "It's kind of burning my skin and making the pain worse. Have you taken aspirin?" He shook his head, telling me no and I frowned, cause I knew he must be in pain, too. "Can you please take some? I'll get it for you if you want, hold on. Don't move. Stay there. Please," I begged him before scurrying across the room before rushing downstairs, towards the kitchen and grabbing the bottle of aspirin from a drawer and pouring two into my hand. I ran back upstairs and held them out for Cody to grab. "Here you go," I picked up the glass of water and handed it to Cody.
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To be honest, the last thing I wanted to do was talk. I'd done enough talking last night to last a lifetime. I shrugged at her question, my eyes falling to my lap. How could I apologize for how mean I'd been last night when I felt like she deserved it? Or at least some of it. "I um.. I'm really sorry for the way I treated you last night. I shouldn't have dragged you out of the house like that nor should I have spoke to you the way I did." I looked up at her and I couldn't even imagine how much her face must be hurting right now. I sighed softly, "I just wish that hadn't happened. And just.." I hadn't thought about the stupid fight all night and now that I was, I was getting angry again. I closed my eyes to calm back down before I looked up at her, "Why, Demi? How can I ever take you to another party now? I know you didn't really want to go so maybe it's my fault for even asking." I reached up with my painless hand and gently pull her hand and the ice back from my cheek. "I'd been really looking forward to a night of unwinding with you and my friends and instead we leave with you all bruised up and myself inches from exploding with anger." I sat up more and really looked at the injuries on her face, "And baby, you're so hurt now." It killed me to see her like this. I'd never seen her so physically injured before and it was tearing me apart. I groaned and smacked my hands to my face, which was a fucking awful idea with my right hand. But I was seriously one of the worst boyfriends ever. "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have let myself stay angry with you. Fuck and I don't know how to make the pain go away." I kept my face in my hands and suddenly a thought popped into my head. One that sent me into a full on panic attack. How could Demi go home like this? How could I take her home when my hand was fucked to hell? "Oh shit, Demi, Eddy is going to kill me. Everyone's going to think I did this to you!"
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"But to answer your other question," I looked back up at him. "I know you're probably expecting me to apologize for everything, but please listen to me," I looked away scared to keep speaking because I didn't want him to start acting like he did last night. But I knew I couldn't lie to him and he needed to hear what was on my mind. I looked back at him before continuing, "I'm sorry for confronting her about it. Although it was rude of her to begin with, I had no idea you were getting ready to dismiss her. If not I never would have stepped in. And I do apologize for pushing her, because I know that was out of line. I just took it to heart when she said I was her problem, because you already know all my theories about her. And then she just had to throw in that part about my ugly face and that just made me go off. I'm sorry. But honestly, I don't apologize for hitting her back. I'm sorry. I know that's not what you want to hear, but there was no way I was going to let her get away with hitting me, babe. I just couldn't. And as for your friends, I'm sorry about that. I like going to parties with you. I wish this wouldn't effect that in the future. I'll personally call up Glenn and apologize to him for starting a fight in his house. I'll apologize to Kyle for making him get a bad impression of me. I'll explain to him. I don't want them to hate me, and I don't want them to give you shit for it," I pouted before looking back down because I couldn't look at him in the eye any longer. I was feeling too sad and hurt at how fucked up I am.
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I winced when she grabbed my hand to put the ice on it, glad that she wasn't paying attention to how swollen they were. If I had broken my fucking hand, I would jump of the roof of the Kodak theater. She started to tell me how none of this was my fault and that I didn't have to apologize but I did need to apologize for the way I treated her, at least for the way I dragged her outside. She took the ice away from my hand just as it was getting too cold but I kept my hand in her lap, wanting any reason to be touching her. She asked me how long Eddy would punish her for and I shrugged. I was a bit more worried about how much Eddy would punish me for this. I nodded when she said she'd call into work sick. I guess I understood except that meant that she'd probably be filming a week longer. She went back to the punishment subject and said she'd run away causing me to look up at her. Like hell she was running away. Once she finished her bullshit about running away, I opened my mouth to tell her that she absolutely was not running away but she cursed and reminded me of our shopping date. "I had a game tonight too but I can't exactly play like this." I frowned before I realized that probably wasn't the best way to cheer Demi up. "But it's okay. I don't need that stuff that much and you can wear the swimsuits you already have. For now, you should just rest. We can go out later in the week when the swelling's gone down which it will soon."
I reached out and brushed her hair away from her eye. "Baby.." I whispered. I knew how much this hurt but it probably hurt her a whole hell of a lot more because she wasn't used to it for one and for another Mariah had bony ass hands. It was amazing Mariah hadn't caused Demi's eyebrow to split or anything. I really wanted to hold her but after last night, I feared that she wouldn't let me. I know she said that she deserved it but I didn't think she deserved it quite to the degree she got it. She seemed uncomfortable with me looking at her face and before I got the chance to ask her about it, Venny came crawling between us. He was mid yawn and he simply collapsed back between us, his head on Demi's leg. I ran my hand down his back and he looked up at me sleepily. "Did you take care of mommy last night for me?" He let out a sigh and stretched out his paws in response. As I watched him settle back into to get some more sleep, I remembered her comment about running away. "And you're absolutely not running away. And not to Texas especially. I don't want to have to go a week without seeing you. Stay here for the week. Bring Bella and Zuks." But then I remembered that she probably had no desire to stay here. "I mean, if you want. Venny would really love having you over. He doesn't really like being cooped up in his cage like that." I sighed and decided to check on how she was feeling. "Has the aspirin helped at all?"
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Cody suddenly brought up a comment I had made earlier, saying I wasn't running away. "Cody, hear me out first. If I'm punished, I won't be able to see you anyways. And I refuse to stay locked up in my house for a week. I can't exactly run away to hear because they'd know to check here first. And I mean, I guess I could always ask my mom to stay here for the week. But if I go over to get my stuff, they'd see my face," I shrugged. "There's no one at my Texas house and I have a key. As long as you don't tell them where I am, no one will ever find out, and I'll fly back before I start filming again." I hoped that me showing him I had my this all thoroughly planned out would make him see it was the best plan we could come up with. I let out a sigh before answering his other question. "It's alright, I guess," I lied a little. All my injuries still hurt like hell. "I'm sure it'll fully kick in soon enough."
"Do you wanna..." I pointed at the pillows, hinting at us laying down to talk. I don't know about him, but my head was fucking pounding from a mix of the hangover, no sleep and having my brain nearly pulled out through my hair follicles. Cody nodded and climbed onto the bed, moving to his usual side of the bed and laying down. I slid my hands under Venny and softly picked him up, moving him by Cody's arm. I laid diagonally across the bed , not wanting to lay down next to Cody so that he wouldn't have to see my face up close. But I did rest my head on his stomach, turning my head to look at him. I let out a sigh as I closed my eyes for a few seconds. I wish Cody would have at least slept with me last night, even if he did stay mad. It might have helped me not be such a nervous wreck all night and I might have gotten at least some sleep, meaning I'd probably feel a little bit better today. I opened up my eyes and pressed my lips together as I looked up at Cody who was staring at me, but he looked like he could sleep for a month straight and that still wouldn't be enough. "You didn't sleep last night, did you?" I frowned. "I wish you would have laid here in bed last night instead of downstairs. I know you didn't want to see my face, but I would have turned the other way," I sighed. "We told each other once we'd always sleep together, even if we're mad," I told him in a soft voice, hoping that wouldn't upset him. But hey, it's the truth. I moved my hand over his stomach, trying to ease him in hopes that he'd maybe fall asleep, but he looked like he was fighting it. "Oh man, I forgot that I have the rodeo performance in Texas next week. I wish you could take this week off so that you can come with me to Texas and just stay til Sunday. If I fly over there on Sunday or Monday to get away from punishment, would you still fly out on your own when you get out of work on Friday?" I have no clue if I was going to end up running away to Texas, but it sounded like the most reasonable plan.
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I looked away when I remembered her latest question. It really fucking sucked that she was being serious about running away to go to Texas. It sucked even more that she would put on my shoulders to not tell her parents where she was. If they didn't hate me now, they definitely fucking would in a week. Great. Not only does Demi probably never want to marry me, but now I would never even have her parents consent anyway. So much for being relaxed. I finally nodded, "Yeah, I'd still fly out. I promised to be there for you, plus I miss seeing you perform and my mom will be there." I laid my head back on the pillow and closed my eyes. This next week would be pure hell if she did end up leaving. It sucked hard enough with this new schedule to fit filming Hannah and play practice in so I barely ever got to see her. But now I wouldn't see her at all. I reached down and gently brushed my fingers through her hair. "Baby, come up here with me." I laid my sore hand where I wanted her to lay rather than patting it but moved it back to resting on Venny's warm little side when Demi moved up here. "Maybe we can try and get a little bit of sleep. We can set an alarm if you want to be up to go somewhere but we should both probably get a bit of sleep before we do. Does that sound good or do you not want to sleep?"
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