A Tribute To Real Bands volume 1: Biffy Clyro
It would seem that a lot of people these days do not know what good music is. When only 23 people show up to see Yourcodenameis:milo in the whole of Cardiff, something needs to be done. And because I can’t come to each of your individual houses to kick your ass, I’ll have to do it by way of berating you into submission. MTV2 is providing a decent platform, as is rock radio these days, and thanks to the growing influx of internet music sharing and music forums, there’s no excuse not to have impeccable taste in music. But some people are still going horribly wrong. Thank God my blog exists to point people in the direction of all of life’s right answers.
So I bring you a tribute to real bands, because the bands you like are crap unless I say so. Volume one brings us round to the best band in the country (actually, that’s silly - best band in the world) at the moment (wait - ever) - Biffy Clyro.
Now if you’re saying to yourself “Who is Biffy Clyro?”, then you’re probably not reading this journal. But if you are and you don’t know, then it’s time to sort a life out - your own. Biffy Clyro are the best rock band in the world, and here’s why:
1. They write awesome songs
Biffy Clyro win a million cool points from me right off the bat because they do not sing about “high school” when they’re in their 20s. Also, as a note to any bands/people who’d like to be in bands, if you want to sing about high school, become a cheerleader or a member of The Offspring. Or actually do it when you’re in high school, not when you’ve got kids of your own who go there. Biffy Clyro only write songs about stuff that kicks ass, like vampires and setting shit on fire.
2. They make awesome videos
Biffy Clyro release, on average, forty thousand records a year and live in a tour bus. However, when they’re not touring, they make videos, and good ones too. Their videos have included, but are not limited to:
- Crashing cars into children
- Throwing chairs at nurses
- Yelling at old people
- Dressing sharp
- Breaking their own legs for fun because they’re just that nuts
- Building stuff with their bare hands, like real men
They really are a man’s band. You won’t see them filming a video in a high school or any of that crap, unless they’re piling children into dustbins and setting them alight.
3. They deliberately kill other bands
A few months back, they covered “Take Me Out” on Radio 1. You know, that Franz Ferdinand song? Well, here’s a brief summary of what happened:
Simon ATE them, in musical form. After leaving their shit in tatters, Simon went onstage, played a nine hour set and then dropkicked one of the little shits from the Questions And Answers video into a tree. Probably.
In fact, if it weren’t for the fact that Fleetwood Mac are un-killable (like a gigantic rock or my journal), I daresay they would have woken up sore the morning after Biffy covered “Go Your Own Way”.
4. They tour like bastards.
If you have never seen Biffy Clyro play live, then please tell me which cave you’ve been living in the last 3 years so I can come and drag you out, you gig-dodging pussy. I’ve been into them for roughly 18 months and in that time I’ve seen them 4 times. I’ve had the chance to see them 6 times. And each time I’ve left the venue reminiscing on a good night’s rocking.
In conclusion - if you do not go to see Biffy Clyro, or if you do not instantly hail them as the greatest thing since sliced bread, then I hate you.
Next on “A Tribute To Real Bands”: Ryan Adams.
So I bring you a tribute to real bands, because the bands you like are crap unless I say so. Volume one brings us round to the best band in the country (actually, that’s silly - best band in the world) at the moment (wait - ever) - Biffy Clyro.
Now if you’re saying to yourself “Who is Biffy Clyro?”, then you’re probably not reading this journal. But if you are and you don’t know, then it’s time to sort a life out - your own. Biffy Clyro are the best rock band in the world, and here’s why:
1. They write awesome songs
Biffy Clyro win a million cool points from me right off the bat because they do not sing about “high school” when they’re in their 20s. Also, as a note to any bands/people who’d like to be in bands, if you want to sing about high school, become a cheerleader or a member of The Offspring. Or actually do it when you’re in high school, not when you’ve got kids of your own who go there. Biffy Clyro only write songs about stuff that kicks ass, like vampires and setting shit on fire.
2. They make awesome videos
Biffy Clyro release, on average, forty thousand records a year and live in a tour bus. However, when they’re not touring, they make videos, and good ones too. Their videos have included, but are not limited to:
- Crashing cars into children
- Throwing chairs at nurses
- Yelling at old people
- Dressing sharp
- Breaking their own legs for fun because they’re just that nuts
- Building stuff with their bare hands, like real men
They really are a man’s band. You won’t see them filming a video in a high school or any of that crap, unless they’re piling children into dustbins and setting them alight.
3. They deliberately kill other bands
A few months back, they covered “Take Me Out” on Radio 1. You know, that Franz Ferdinand song? Well, here’s a brief summary of what happened:
Simon ATE them, in musical form. After leaving their shit in tatters, Simon went onstage, played a nine hour set and then dropkicked one of the little shits from the Questions And Answers video into a tree. Probably.
In fact, if it weren’t for the fact that Fleetwood Mac are un-killable (like a gigantic rock or my journal), I daresay they would have woken up sore the morning after Biffy covered “Go Your Own Way”.
4. They tour like bastards.
If you have never seen Biffy Clyro play live, then please tell me which cave you’ve been living in the last 3 years so I can come and drag you out, you gig-dodging pussy. I’ve been into them for roughly 18 months and in that time I’ve seen them 4 times. I’ve had the chance to see them 6 times. And each time I’ve left the venue reminiscing on a good night’s rocking.
In conclusion - if you do not go to see Biffy Clyro, or if you do not instantly hail them as the greatest thing since sliced bread, then I hate you.
Next on “A Tribute To Real Bands”: Ryan Adams.