When I was younger, so much younger than today...
This is hard to write, but I miss my LJ mates. So here goes nothing.
I've been absent for a while now due to what I guess was essentially a breakdown. I was coming apart at least by late April. The cross-country move probably didn't help. I spent most of August in alternating tears and numbness. And more tears.
I've always prided myself on being an emotionally resilient type who can handle things without fuss or drama. In retrospect perhaps I had nothing special except youthful adaptability. I'm all bent out of shape now and I suspect I'll never be quite the same again.
Anyway, my status now is that I'm functional during work hours and increasingly better "off-the-clock." I regress/relapse sometimes. I made myself a plan several month ago with action steps to kick depression's ass. I'm so exhausted that I can only implement a new one every few weeks. Each one I do implement helps a little bit in beating back the fog and giving me the space I need to tackle the next.
Most of the time I'm confident that, however lousy I still feel, I'll get there and I'll be healthier than ever in the long run. (Sometimes, like this weekend, I doubt that.) Before anyone asks, I'm working on setting up an appointment with a therapist/counselor. I was flying without health insurance, since my new insurance only kicked in Nov. 1. Why I don't already have an appointment is another story, but I'm getting that into play and I hope that getting a professional to help makes a big difference.
Well, that was a long wall of text about me. The point of this post -- inasmuch as I can find a point -- was to try to reconnect. Maybe that was too much honesty, but I feel like I've not been honest enough with myself and others in the past, so I'm trying to correct that. I'm sure I'll overcorrect sometimes.
What I would love is to know how you all are doing.
Also, has anyone ever successfully found their meaning in life? (she asked, casually) If so, maybe share with me? And anyone else lurking. I think more of us are still looking than have found it. ;)
I've been absent for a while now due to what I guess was essentially a breakdown. I was coming apart at least by late April. The cross-country move probably didn't help. I spent most of August in alternating tears and numbness. And more tears.
I've always prided myself on being an emotionally resilient type who can handle things without fuss or drama. In retrospect perhaps I had nothing special except youthful adaptability. I'm all bent out of shape now and I suspect I'll never be quite the same again.
Anyway, my status now is that I'm functional during work hours and increasingly better "off-the-clock." I regress/relapse sometimes. I made myself a plan several month ago with action steps to kick depression's ass. I'm so exhausted that I can only implement a new one every few weeks. Each one I do implement helps a little bit in beating back the fog and giving me the space I need to tackle the next.
Most of the time I'm confident that, however lousy I still feel, I'll get there and I'll be healthier than ever in the long run. (Sometimes, like this weekend, I doubt that.) Before anyone asks, I'm working on setting up an appointment with a therapist/counselor. I was flying without health insurance, since my new insurance only kicked in Nov. 1. Why I don't already have an appointment is another story, but I'm getting that into play and I hope that getting a professional to help makes a big difference.
Well, that was a long wall of text about me. The point of this post -- inasmuch as I can find a point -- was to try to reconnect. Maybe that was too much honesty, but I feel like I've not been honest enough with myself and others in the past, so I'm trying to correct that. I'm sure I'll overcorrect sometimes.
What I would love is to know how you all are doing.
Also, has anyone ever successfully found their meaning in life? (she asked, casually) If so, maybe share with me? And anyone else lurking. I think more of us are still looking than have found it. ;)