(no subject)
Just experienced the sleeping pills last night. The same one as the one I used last year, with same amount: 4 tablets.
The result? Well, it makes me crying out loud…
It has been good when I just drank it. Around twenty to thirty minutes after I drank it, I have felt very sleepy. My body felt heavy that I cannot stand straight, and my arms and my feet seemed like pudding. I then went to sleep at midnight, like other days I did, but…
Normal days, I went to sleep at midnight, and woke up at ten to twelve in the afternoon.
With sleeping pills, I went to sleep at midnight, and woke up at… 4 in the morning. I have tried hard to get back to sleep, but until 8 A.M that I could got back to sleep, and then woke up again around 11 A.M.
…
The after effect is now my body is still feeling like drowning. My muscles are feeling tired and heavy. My eyes are hard to open but I don’t feel like I want to sleep back again.
It’s the truth that I want a painless death, so I choose the sleeping pills as my final decision. But after the experiment I’m afraid that this kind of sleeping pills cannot make me die. Even If I use the larger amount of tablets I’m worrying that my family might find me in time and save me, because this kind of sleeping pills doesn’t seem like it would harm me seriously.
And because of that, I’m feeling I want to die more, but also feeling helpless that I cannot die…