Fic: "Tonight You're Mine Completely Part III" (Harry Potter)
Archive: Sycophant Hex: Ashwinder (Alternate Universe)
Title: Chapter 8a Finding Their Way (8b follows next)
Characters: Harry Potter World
Summary: Hermione tests her boundaries, and Severus helps her restore her memory of their afternoon.
Word Count: 6219
Disclaimer: Not my characters. I’m just borrowing some of JKR’s characters for a little story.
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Once outside the common room, Hermione took a deep breath. The entire time she was reprimanding Ron, she had been trembling in fear that he would call her bluff. But, the many times before that she had chastised Ron finally paid off. It never once occurred to him to question her authority.
‘The encounter with Ron and Harry went better than I expected. I feel…empowered…more in control of my surroundings. I feel…invincible! It must be the robes. I didn’t feel this way before I put them on.’
She tripped lightly down the marble staircase expertly avoiding the trick steps. Hesitantly, leaning over the railing, her eyes made a quick sweep over the entrance hall.
A quick look at the Gryffindor house point hourglass confirmed that her action had, without a doubt, deducted ten red gems. She was gobsmacked. ‘I jokingly deducted the points; I did not think I had the authority!’
Her eyes travelled to the entrance of the dungeon stairwell. Her heart started to race as her eyes searched the dark recesses. ‘Is he still there, in the darkness, waiting for me?’ she worried.
She was not sure how to label this new phase of her life. She was an apprentice, but there was more to it. There were questions needing answers. ‘How am I to get answers to questions I do not know how to ask? I must find out what happened earlier today. But Professor Snape is a difficult person to talk with about anything except potions. He has no patience and becomes quickly annoyed. How is it possible to become intimately involved with a person you cannot talk with comfortably?’
Worried over the impending encounter with the professor, her heart was racing as she scampered down the steps and neared the dungeon stairwell. She saw no one. Surely the professor knew she was here. She could feel deep within her core that he was nearby, but where?
“Professor Snape?” she called softly, looking around.
“Are you here, Professor?”
Maybe he had changed his mind and had second thoughts. ‘Now, that I have…. No doubt, he thinks I am a person of loose morals. Why was I so stupid?’
Not getting an answer she started down the stairwell to the dungeons. In spite of the torches, the passageways were dim. She came to a stop in front of the Potions classroom.
From somewhere further down the passageway, Hermione heard what sounded like hushed voices and muffled footsteps. Not wanting to be found loitering in the dungeons by a group of stray Slytherins, she scurried back up the stairs to Entrance Hall. As she reached the top, she bumped into a solid object.
“Are you going somewhere, Miss Granger?” queried a silky voice.
Breathless, adrenaline coursing through her system, Hermione was slow to answer. Finally she said, “Yes. I heard a noise; it startled me.”
“I told you to meet me at the top of the stairwell entrance. I purposely did not tell you to proceed to the dungeons without me,” he said, emphasizing each syllable.
His face was a controlled, unreadable mask.
“I am sorry, sir, but you weren’t here,” she replied meekly. Any feelings of invincibility abruptly vanished.
“There was a matter that required addressing with the Headmaster. I found no need to clear it with you first. You disobeyed my request.” His face was stern, and his tone was cold. The affectionate look in his eyes and the reassuring voice from earlier in the evening had vanished. Anyone passing by would describe the situation as a principled professor disciplining a recalcitrant student.
“It won’t happen again, sir.”
“See that it does not.” His tone was cold and icy.
Grabbing her by the arm, his fingers pressing into her flesh, he quickly trotted her down the stairway and into the passageway.
Stopping at the door to his quarters, he said, “When I tell you to do something, I expect you to do it and not question me.
“You made a misguided decision to enter the dungeons unaccompanied and after curfew, which raises questions about your reliability. It would appear that your little mind is incapable of applying the lessons you should have learned while serving detention. Have I made myself clear, Miss Granger?”
“Yes, sir.”
He lowered the wards and indicated for Hermione to precede him.
As Hermione rubbed her hand over the marks he had left on her arm, she began to have second thoughts about - literally everything. ‘Is he going to be this disagreeable every time we have a misunderstanding? I cannot seem to do or say the right thing around him. This whole situation was a mistake. Maybe I should petition for termination of the contract. The contract! It is strange how conveniently the contract was presented on precisely the day I became of age. I was so excited by the prospect of becoming Professor Snape’s apprentice that I did not question it at the time.’
She watched Professor Snape stride over to the sideboard and pour himself a generous glass from a bottle of Ogden’s Old Firewhisky.
He was still no closer to formulating a speech to deal with Granger’s emotional upheaval than he had been when he first realized she was suffering from memory loss of their entire afternoon.
‘What do I say to a young witch who not only came of age yesterday but also awakened that same day as my student? Will she believe me when I tell her that I resisted her advances as long as humanly possible? And when I tell her she begged me take her - will she still believe me?’
He sighed and lifted the glass to his lips then asked, “Would you care for a glass, Miss Granger?”
Hermione shook her head.
“I cannot hear head movements, Granger. Is that a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’?”
Obviously, he was still upset with her. ‘If this is the way this evening is going to go, perhaps I do need a glass.’ “That is a ‘yes’, please, Professor,” she answered tersely.
He gave her an odd look but thought the better of responding. Instead, he poured a smaller amount and handed the glass to her.
He lifted his glass to her and said, “Here’s to early understandings, Miss Granger. They lead to long and beautiful friendships.”
She nodded and took a sip. It burned all the way down and beyond. Hermione grimaced. ‘How can anyone drink this stuff?’
“Please sit, we need to talk. I made you a promise earlier this evening. Do you feel up to viewing the memory we spoke of earlier?” It was the only logical way.
“Do you mean right now?”
“Yes.”
“Um…are you going to use a Pensieve?”
“No, my desire is to teach you the subtleties of mind control. Tonight we will concentrate on Legilimency; we will practice Occlumency another day.”
“But I have had no lessons! You are being unreasonable to expect me to do this!”
“I am the one being unreasonable? It would seem that reliability is not your only failing. You are lacking in manners, as well.
Hermione stared back at him defiantly. ‘How dare you accuse me of being ill-mannered! You are the one behaving like a buggering arsehole.’
“Pity you have no house affiliation from which I can deduct points, Miss Granger. Not only are you unreliable and ill-mannered, you engage your mind in the petty pursuit of insulting your superiors.”
Professor Snape stared down his nose at her. His lips curled in a sneer.
“Legilimency is the art of extracting emotions and memories from another person’s mind. It is easier to do when the spell-caster is in close proximity of the person whose mind he is going to enter. It requires a great deal of concentration and eye contact. But…eye contact is not always necessary as the Dark Lord has already demonstrated.
“I am allowing you full access to my memories; I will hide nothing from you.”
“Do I use my wand?” she asked sheepishly. The professor had a way of reducing her to the level of a first-year.
“You may use a wand if your nonverbal and wandless spell casting abilities are inadequate. Would you like me to demonstrate?”
“Yes, please.” Her words were polite, but her tone was full of disdain.
“Hermione, relax, breathe calmly. I am not going to hurt you. Do you trust me?”
“Yes, sir,” she said through clenched teeth. Her eyes blazed daggers at him.
“Miss Granger, the manner in which you are approaching this task will lead to either my discomfort or yours. Put aside your petty grievances for a few minutes and concentrate on the objective?” he hissed.
“I am trying to, but at the moment I do not feel charitable towards you. It is difficult to summon a warm, fuzzy feeling when I feel I have been violated!”
She expected an angry retort and was ready with a quick counter. Instead, he met her vehement assessment of him with a stony silence.
Nervously, Hermione chewed her bottom lip. Perhaps, she had gone too far this time. She wished she could take back the words, but words once spoken could never truly be taken back. Oh, sure you could apologize and beg forgiveness, but it was always there, forcing a rift to remain open, if only a crack. It lay there waiting for the injured party to pick it up and beat you over the head with it.
Hermione shifted and concentrated on biting her upper lip. ‘Gods, why doesn’t he say something? Anything would be better than this silent treatment.’
Professor Snape stared at her with disbelief. Her words cut him to the quick. He clenched his jaw and his fingers tightened around his wand. He felt a headache coming on, but resisted the urge to rub his forehead. The only outward sign of his annoyance was the throbbing vein at his temple.
She saw the dark, angry look on his face as he brought his fingers around his wand. Her breathing quickened; her fingers tighted around her wand. She was ready for whatever curse he hurled at her.
He stepped towards her, grinding the tip of the wand in his palm. There was a hard glint in his dark eyes. Hermione swallowed and froze. She flinched and squeezed her eyes shut. She didn’t want to see what was coming. Her knees shook with fear.
She felt the breath on her neck before she heard his words.
“Granger, did it ever once - occur to you - that I have feelings, as well?”
“N…n…no, sir,” she stammered.
“You think only of yourself. Imagine how I feel when I hear you say that I violated you! If you truly understood how I feel about you then you would know that is something I could never do to you,” he said hoarsely.
Hermione opened her eyes and hazarded a glance at him. She saw tears in his eyes. She felt ashamed of herself for the accusations she had levelled against him.
“I am sorry, sir. I do not know what made me say that. I am confused and…”
“Sorry does not cut it, Granger. I trusted you. Gryffindors! Always quick to accuse the Slytherins of deceit and treachery,” he spat. His darks eyes blazed with fury.
“What more do you want from me? I said I was sorry.”
“Your words were hurtful, Hermione.” The fire in his eyes had died out, replaced with a look of sadness.
She laid her hand on his arm and looked up at him beseechingly. “Severus, I solemnly promise that I will never speak to you in such a way ever again. I allowed my emotions to take over. I should have controlled myself better. After all, you did promise to show me what happened. Please, will you show me? I want to know the truth.”
He removed her hand from his arm. “As you wish,” he responded curtly. He had opened up to her, and this was how she reacted.
Professor Snape readied himself for the task. He concentrated on the memory he wanted to see.
She watched - waiting for him to draw his wand…
‘Legilimens’
Before she knew what was happening the professor was in her thoughts. ‘He used a non-verbal!’
The witch had an organized mind. He decided her cataloguing and cross-referencing methods were unorthodox but nonetheless organized. He noted categories for: family, friends, holidays, chronological events, Hogwarts, muggle life, Harry, Potions classroom, and a way off in the distance, surrounded by a protective, misty fog he saw a group that blended in with its background. He presumed it to be a category that desired anonymity.
He hesitated and asked permission to proceed. When he felt Hermione’s approval, he gently prodded the chronological events. They responded to his compassionate touch by showing him a dimly lit doorway. He stepped gingerly through the narrow passageway.
He watched in fascination as an imposing Miss Granger deducted house points from a dumbstruck Weasley before she billowed out of the Gryffindor common room. ‘Bravo, Granger.’
Hermione’s reflection in a lavatory mirror, her face buried in her hands, sobbing as if her heart would break, surfaced in front of his eyes. He saw the agony she had put herself through and his feelings towards her softened somewhat. He quickly moved on.
He smiled at the little know-it-all’s reaction when asked by the Headmaster about her capabilities with contraception potions and spells. ‘Her expression is priceless.’
He allowed the routine school year memories to pass, giving them no notice.
He watched in awe as Hermione cast a non-verbal in his classroom.
He saw Hermione attempt to hide the bruise marks on her neck from Tonks.
Snape allowed the scenes to rewind more slowly. When Hermione and Krum came into view, he watched the scene from the beginning to see what had transpired between them. A pang of jealousy sliced through Snape as he observed the pair entwined in each other’s arms. He concentrated on breathing and remaining calm. Snape sighed with relief at the welcome site of Hermione refusing Krum’s further advances.
‘I cannot do this Victor.’ Hermione shook her head to emphasize her words as she pushed out of his embrace. There was sadness in her eyes. ‘I am sorry, but there is someone…someone else…someone I have grown quite fond of. Perhaps I have not been honest with you or with myself, but I don’t want to hurt you, Victor. I do care about you, but not the same way I care about him. You do remind me a little of him though. Both of you have the same dark eyes, dark hair and a similar build, but you are much younger. I may never have the opportunity to tell him how I feel, but I know being here with you is not the right thing for me to be doing.’
He quickly regained his composure as he slipped from her mind.
“Hermione, I will focus on the time you enter my quarters. You will focus on the last thing you remember as you leave the Headmaster’s office. I am ready whenever you are,” he said. His voice was steady.
Hermione swallowed and fingered her wand while trying to decide whether to use a non-verbal. Wand casting might be stronger, but a wandless spell would provide an element of surprise.
She concentrated on the moment she raised her wand to tap the professor’s door. Her desire to learn the truth was strong.
‘Legilimens’
Snape had expected her to use her wand. She had surprised him. ‘Very well, Hermione, you are here. Let me show you what you are so eager to see.’
She was in a tight, uncomfortable space, surrounded by rows and rows of shelves labelled by date, time, and place. It reminded her of a diary. One of the labels was giving off a soft, eerie, green glow. She focused on that section of the shelf.
She watched her memory self giving the memory professor a glaring, angry look. Suddenly, she became aware of her own feelings. She loved him. She Hermione Granger loved Professor Severus Snape.
She watched as the events unfolded. When she heard her memory self say, “Well, of course, I want happiness with Master Professor!” something clicked in her mind. ‘That was a stupid thing to say! It’s starting to come back to me now.’
Hermione studied the response her memory self was having at the feel of his hand closing over her own. She watched as her memory self's body arched and her hips pressed into him as though her mind had no control over what she was doing. She heard the soft moans escaping from her memory self's throat and the thoughts that accompanied them.
‘Severus, I choose to be bound to you throughout eternity. From this day forth, it is only your name I will cry out in the night. It is only your eyes I will smile into each day. It is only your bidding that I will obey.
‘I choose to desire you and to be desired by you and only you. The love that resides in my heart is pure. I want nothing more than to possess you and be possessed by you. I will love you wholly and completely without restraint for as long as we both shall live. Our love will transcend time and conquer all.’
When she heard her memory self whisper his name, Hermione felt her concentration begin to slip. Control. She had to retain control.
She saw her memory self move to press against him, her soft curves fitting snugly with the hard planes of his upper torso. Rounded breasts bobbed freely against a battle scarred chest.
When memory Severus took her breasts in his hands and rolled his thumb over her nipples, her control faltered.
She heard her memory self beg Severus to take her; she observed him position himself to enter her. With an abrupt pop, Hermione released his mind.
The floodgates opened. Hermione fell back and allowed her memories to rush in and fill the void.
“I take it from your reaction that your memory has returned,” he said dryly.
“Yes, sir,” she answered a bit out of breath. ‘That was intense. I am beginning to understand why my subconscious buried the memory. This is how the subconscious protects against something profoundly disturbing. No doubt it was caused by my anxiety over my feelings for Professor Snape. Little wonder it tried to shield me. I literally threw myself at him! The poor man had no choice! I thought he coerced me, but this proves he responded to my advances. Bloody hell! I made the first move! This is much worse than the night of detention. Shite! ’
Hermione put her hands over her face. ‘There is no way I am going to be able to face him after that wanton display of behaviour! I cannot believe I told him I felt violated!’
She felt his hands close over hers as he pried her fingers away to uncover her face. Hermione quickly pulled away. She could not look him.
He knew that no matter how much she hurt him, he would always care for her. It pained him now to see her distressed.
“Little one, there is nothing to be shy or embarrassed about. We are adults. We are human, with human needs and desires. We must talk with each other. I admit that is difficult for me. I do not do feelings well. I know I am a difficult man, and I doubt that will change.”
“I am…mortified…at seeing that! I had no idea. I thought it was you that made the first…. That is not the way I usually behave around wizards! I wish I hadn’t acted like a brazen woman! It was my fault!”
“Please, little one, do not be upset with yourself. I know now that it is not a customary habit for you to throw yourself at a wizard. Do not allow this to make you feel as if you have to hide yourself from me. I want to look at you. I care for you, Hermione, please.”
“The night of detention, I…and now, this…. I wish I would have excercised control. If only I could have restrained…”
Severus grabbed her by the shoulders and forced her to look at him.
“How do you think I feel when I hear the regret in your voice that we consummated our relationship?” he asked, his eyes searching deep within the dark brown pools. He wanted to see the gold flecks, if only a flicker remained it would be enough.
“I don’t know how you feel! I know how I feel - stupid! Dumbledore says he knows where I am and with whom I am every hour! He probably already knows! Oh, dear Merlin! I cannot face him…you…. I threw myself at you! I did the same thing that night I had de… ”
“Hermione! Stop it! You are starting to repeat yourself. If you have anything new to say, I will listen to it, otherwise we have more important matters to discuss.
Hermione snorted and glared but clamped her mouth shut and remained silent.
“If we are to work and live in close confines, there must be ground rules and a strong foundation of trust built between us. You are going to have to look at me some time, so it is best you start now.”
Hermione glared at the floor.
“Yes, sir,” she replied, compliantly, looking at him out of the corner of her eye. She did not want to repeat her earlier mistake and say something out of anger that she would regret.
‘Ah, there they were. The welcoming flicker of gold flecks. Thanks be to Merlin!’
“Very good, my dear,” he said as a slight smile played around his lips. He returned to his desk to retrieve a sheet of parchment.
“Besides, I find this uninhibited side of you stimulating. I hope you will continue to evolve and express yourself unconsciously and unselfconsciously, unburdened by psychological blocks.
His remark elicited a tiny smile around her mouth. He was repeating a line from her Apprenticeship contract. ‘The contract. I have questions regarding this arrangement.’
Handing her the parchment, he said, “I have written out the house rules, but I would like to cover the key points to make sure we understand each other.”
“Our relationship must be built on complete trust. This implies complete honesty. I hold a belief that if you lie to me once, you will lie to me often. I will not tolerate that behaviour.”
“Yes, sir.”
“What happens in the dungeons stays in the dungeons. My personal life is no one’s business.”
“Yes, sir.”
Elf hugged herself in delight. Master Professor be saying to Miss what Master Professor be saying when Elf come live here. ‘Miss be living with Elf.’
“When a decision must be made, I have 51 percent and you have 49 percent of the vote.”
“Why, that means that I will never…yes, sir, I understand.”
“Miss Granger, it is necessary. If there is a tie, there has to be a tie-breaker. These rules were made to make life easier for you - and for me.”
“Yes, sir.”
“If I ask you to do something, you will do it without question.”
Hermione hesitated. This one required a little thought. She took a deep breath before she replied. “Yes, sir.”
“There may not always be time to give an adequate explanation. Your life could depend on it,” he added, patiently.
“Yes, sir.”
“You will comport yourself at all times in the manner befitting a Hogwarts staff member and my companion.”
“Yes, sir.”
“You will dress appropriately as said staff member and companion.”
“Yes, sir.”
Hermione was starting to feel depressed. ‘Maybe Ron is correct. Maybe I do need saving.’
“You are to remain loyal to me, and I to you.”
“Yes, sir.”
“I am a very possessive wizard, Miss Granger. You are never to lie with another as you lay with me today,” he said, solemnly, his dark eyes boring into hers.
“If you do, I will banish you from my life. I do not give second chances.”
Hermione had had enough of the ‘thou shalt and thou shalt nots’. “This is not fair! You make all the rules, and I am expected to go along with them! You have all the control! What do I get? What about my expectations?” she spat angrily.
“I would sincerely hope you are as possessive a witch as I am a wizard. You should expect the same of me,” he responded, the corner of his lip turning up as he searched her face for a response.
Somewhat mollified, Hermione calmed a bit before she answered.
“Yes, I will expect the same of you.”
“Good. Then we are in agreement.”
“When I seek you out, I will expect you to come to my bed willingly. You are to neither user our physical relationship as a punishment nor a reward.”
Hermione’s eyes grew wider with each word. She nodded her head in agreement.
The corner of his mouth turned up in a slight smile. The first smile she had received from him since dinner when he had complimented her on her behaviour with Professor Slughorn.
“Professor?” she asked quietly.
“Yes.”
“It would seem you have all the control. I have nothing. I seem to be one who has to agree with everything you say.”
‘No, little one. I love you. You are the one who has all the control. You could destroy me in a minute, and you would not have to use Avada Kedavra.’
His dark eyes blazed with passion. His body posture softened. It had taken an enormous amount of strength and control for him to continue with his list of demands. Had he not secured her complete surrender to him, it would have put her life in danger. He had to remain in control. She had to see him as her tower of strength. When they met with the Dark Lord, and he knew they would, she would have to be convincingly submissive.
Hermione felt her eyes begin to tear. ‘He loves me!’ she thought as she bit into her lip.
Hermione could not refrain from running to him. She looped her arms around his neck and said, “I love you, Severus. I will do whatever you ask of me.”
Severus disentangled himself and gave Hermione a stern look.
“Hermione, I care deeply for you. At the same time, this does not mean that I will tolerate disobedience. I am the master and you are the witch.
“Come, let us sit and discuss our future.”
The professor summoned another sheet of parchment.
“We have several tasks to complete this year, and much to discuss about last year and what led us down this path. Would you like me to top off your glass?”
“Yes, please.”
He filled her glass then settled back and put his arm around Hermione’s shoulder.
“Severus, things happened so quickly, my mind has not been able to process the enormity of the situation. I have to inform my parents. And, how does this work between us? You were my professor only yesterday. Today, I don’t quite know what you are. This is not the way I expected my apprenticeship to begin. Surely, this is quite an unorthodox arrangement?”
“Hermione, you talked with Professor Dumbledore. Do you mean to tell me, that you have not figured it out?”
“It seems I am not as bright as you think. Yes, I have not figured it out.”
“You were offered an apprenticeship by Albus. It was an alternative to losing you as my assistant.”
“You mean you didn’t want me as your apprentice?” she asked incredulously.
“No! Of course not. I do want you.” He took a deep breath. “To put it simply, Albus knew the complications of our working together and becoming…more…developing a professional relationship…was not possible as long as you were my student. He simply devised a way to alleviate the situation so you could continue as my assistant.”
A look of surprise registered on Hermione’s face. ‘Oh,’ formed on her lips, her face flushed as it dawned on her what the professor was telling her. The Headmaster had a suspicion that she and Professor Snape were becoming close and one thing would lead to another and….
“Is my apprenticeship legitimate?” she questioned, a look of doubt in her eyes.
“Yes, of course it is,” he answered somewhat brusquely, shuffling through the sheaf of parchments.
"I have a final question to ask you, Hermione," he said softly, his eyes clouding. He paused a moment, choosing his words carefully lest he say the wrong thing and lose the one person that had become more important to him than living.
He took both her hands in his and looked into her eyes. "I know - you want the apprenticeship - with me. What I am not certain of - is - do you - want a relationship - with me?" he asked haltingly.
Hermione bit her lip and thought. Her future hinged on this one question. For Merlin's Sake! She was only seventeen! 'Suddenly, I am feeling overwhelmed. There are too many changes, coming too fast! How do I know what I want?'
She felt his hold on her loosen; she looked down at his hands - those long, slender fingers - so perfectly matched for potion brewing. She recalled the recent times those hands and strong arms had provided comfort and healing to her. A smile commenced to form on her lips; she raised her face to meet his questioning gaze.
"Yes, Severus, I want a relationship with you." She delivered her answer with conviction, and the honesty of her response was echoed in the smile she bestowed on him.
Severus stared at her - his brave, little witch - with amazement, before drawing her close. "Thank you, Hermione," he whispered in her ear. "Now, that we have that settled, there is the matter of your research project and Madam Pomfrey’s potions.
“Let’s see here - we have - ah, your research project. Wolfsbane Vaccine. I have to admit I never took the time to thoroughly read the research paper you turned in."
Hermione lightly batted him with her hand. “And, after all the work I put into it. You never read it!”
“I scanned it. I knew coming from you that it would be thoroughly researched and outlined with the proper footnotes. I believe I read that the vaccine, when given to an uninfected person, can prevent that person from suffering the effects of being bitten by a werewolf. Is that correct?”
“Yes. But I haven’t been able to test my theory on any humans. It has all been theory and conjecture.”
“Your theories may be useful for the commission I received from the Dark Lord.
“Here we have a list of the potions that Madam Pomfrey will be requiring. I am afraid, little one that the brunt of the work will fall on you for these.”
“That’s the way it should be. I am here to lessen your workload.”
Severus ran his hand through her curls. “Have I told you lately that I love you?”
Hermione smiled up at him.
“There are some drawers in my office that I can clear out for you.”
Her fears and doubts assuaged, Hermione snuggled closer. She was starting to feel like a couple.
“Hermione, do you trust me to keep you safe?”
“Of course.”
“No matter, where you are, or who else is there?”
“Yes.”
“You are going to be required to do something that requires your complete trust in me. The Dark Lord has instructed me to bring you to the next meeting. He will want to examine you - your mind.
“Oh, my, gods…oh, Severus…. Oh, oh, no, no…. I cannot do that!”
“Hermione!” he snapped. “Hear me out. He wants to meet you - to test you. He will not hurt you. You are too valuable to him. I am going to convince him that without you the potion that he has requested cannot possibly be created in the timeframe he has requested.”
“I am scared, Severus. What if he uses Legilimency?”
“I can teach you to train yourself to do the same with him.”
“But Severus, you have had years to practice. It is doubtful that I even have weeks!”
He grabbed her by the shoulders. “Hermione, you will be safe with me!
“I have not been called in several weeks, but now that the term has started I am sure I will be called soon. Please let me be able to tell him that you have agreed to aid me in this endeavour?”
“I will - for you.”
He pulled her to him and kissed the top of her head. “Thank you, little one.”
“Wh…what if he…if he…wants to recruit…me? Could that happen?”
“Yes, it could, little one. He is not always easy to read. He is not human, Hermione. Whatever part of him was human is gone.”
“Is there anything else on the list?” she asked guardedly.
“One more item. You put a Stinging Hex on me last year.” He jokingly pinched her ear.
Hermione giggled. “I already told you that I did not do that!”
“But you did use the Soul Mate spell?”
Hermione ducked her head. She wondered how long it would take him to bring up that subject. She nodded.
She lifted her head to look at him and said mischievously, “Yes, I did.
“You spied on me at the library!” she said, trying to appear indignant.
“And with good reason, you were up to no good. You attacked me with a quill,” he growled in mock anger.
In a lightning quick move, he grabbed Hermione’s wrists and pinned them behind her back.
Hermione struggled vainly. “Let go of me!”
“Make me,” he whispered dangerously as he thwarted her attempt to kick loose.
Hermione wrestled to free herself. Then she relaxed; within seconds, he let go of her wrists.
“Devil’s Snare!” they said in unison.
Then he promptly began tickling her in the sides. Hermione giggled.
“Oh, no, I’m ticklish…please…no…oh, oh… ”
He drew her to him and lowered his lips to hers as one hand came up to knead the soft flesh of her breasts
Severus broke the kiss and hugged her close. His mouth pressed to her ear he whispered, “I had forgotten what it was like to laugh and to love. I feel young again.” He hugged her close to him.
“Hermione?”
“Yes, Severus.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked, leaning back to face her directly. There was an accusatory undertone in his voice.
“Tell you what?” she asked, puzzled by the question.
“When you came back from London - those bruises on our neck - I assumed you and Krum…. I surmised you were inexperienced, but it did not occur to me you might be a virgin. You should have said something to me earlier.”
“You are right, as usual. Given what I saw in the memory, how could anyone expect someone to be a virgin who behaved that way?
“As for saying something to you earlier, when would that subject have come up? Would you have preferred that I had knocked at your door and announced myself as, ‘Miss Hermione Granger, virgin, here to see Professor Snape for a birthday supper’? What would that have said about my expectations for the evening? Or, maybe I should have taken the opportunity to mention it as you were ramming your tongue down my throat as we sat by the fire!”
“You are correct, little, one. I should not have put the burden on you.” He pulled her to his chest, cradling her in his arms, and rocked her.
“I have been alone a very long time, Hermione. I have forgotten how to be a sensitive person. Your first time should have been special, with someone for whom you care deeply I feel this may have been forced on you by external forces. But you must stop beating yourself up about what happened today.”
Hermione brought her hand up to caress his cheek. The gold flecked brown pools searched the depths of black obsidian orbs, looking for the passionate fire that burned for her and her only.
“I will try to, but when I think about it, it is embarrassing to me. I have always wanted you to be my first and only,” she whispered. “I didn’t say anything because…. I am not good at expressing my feelings. I hoped I wouldn’t have to say anything…that it would work itself out.” Hermione glanced away. “I am not comfortable talking with you about…this…I… ” she finished, taking a deep breath.
“When I could not remember, I became upset. My mind was filled with all sorts of crazy thoughts. Thank you for helping me to restore my memory.”
Severus brought her hands to his lips and kissed them tenderly.
“Let me make it up to you,” he said softly. “Your first time was carnal coupling. Tonight I am going to make love to you.”
His words caught Hermione by surprise. “What about the potion? Professor Dumbledore insisted!”
“Not to worry. I will use a contraception spell," he responded matter-of-factly.
Title: Chapter 8a Finding Their Way (8b follows next)
Characters: Harry Potter World
Summary: Hermione tests her boundaries, and Severus helps her restore her memory of their afternoon.
Word Count: 6219
Disclaimer: Not my characters. I’m just borrowing some of JKR’s characters for a little story.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Once outside the common room, Hermione took a deep breath. The entire time she was reprimanding Ron, she had been trembling in fear that he would call her bluff. But, the many times before that she had chastised Ron finally paid off. It never once occurred to him to question her authority.
‘The encounter with Ron and Harry went better than I expected. I feel…empowered…more in control of my surroundings. I feel…invincible! It must be the robes. I didn’t feel this way before I put them on.’
She tripped lightly down the marble staircase expertly avoiding the trick steps. Hesitantly, leaning over the railing, her eyes made a quick sweep over the entrance hall.
A quick look at the Gryffindor house point hourglass confirmed that her action had, without a doubt, deducted ten red gems. She was gobsmacked. ‘I jokingly deducted the points; I did not think I had the authority!’
Her eyes travelled to the entrance of the dungeon stairwell. Her heart started to race as her eyes searched the dark recesses. ‘Is he still there, in the darkness, waiting for me?’ she worried.
She was not sure how to label this new phase of her life. She was an apprentice, but there was more to it. There were questions needing answers. ‘How am I to get answers to questions I do not know how to ask? I must find out what happened earlier today. But Professor Snape is a difficult person to talk with about anything except potions. He has no patience and becomes quickly annoyed. How is it possible to become intimately involved with a person you cannot talk with comfortably?’
Worried over the impending encounter with the professor, her heart was racing as she scampered down the steps and neared the dungeon stairwell. She saw no one. Surely the professor knew she was here. She could feel deep within her core that he was nearby, but where?
“Professor Snape?” she called softly, looking around.
“Are you here, Professor?”
Maybe he had changed his mind and had second thoughts. ‘Now, that I have…. No doubt, he thinks I am a person of loose morals. Why was I so stupid?’
Not getting an answer she started down the stairwell to the dungeons. In spite of the torches, the passageways were dim. She came to a stop in front of the Potions classroom.
From somewhere further down the passageway, Hermione heard what sounded like hushed voices and muffled footsteps. Not wanting to be found loitering in the dungeons by a group of stray Slytherins, she scurried back up the stairs to Entrance Hall. As she reached the top, she bumped into a solid object.
“Are you going somewhere, Miss Granger?” queried a silky voice.
Breathless, adrenaline coursing through her system, Hermione was slow to answer. Finally she said, “Yes. I heard a noise; it startled me.”
“I told you to meet me at the top of the stairwell entrance. I purposely did not tell you to proceed to the dungeons without me,” he said, emphasizing each syllable.
His face was a controlled, unreadable mask.
“I am sorry, sir, but you weren’t here,” she replied meekly. Any feelings of invincibility abruptly vanished.
“There was a matter that required addressing with the Headmaster. I found no need to clear it with you first. You disobeyed my request.” His face was stern, and his tone was cold. The affectionate look in his eyes and the reassuring voice from earlier in the evening had vanished. Anyone passing by would describe the situation as a principled professor disciplining a recalcitrant student.
“It won’t happen again, sir.”
“See that it does not.” His tone was cold and icy.
Grabbing her by the arm, his fingers pressing into her flesh, he quickly trotted her down the stairway and into the passageway.
Stopping at the door to his quarters, he said, “When I tell you to do something, I expect you to do it and not question me.
“You made a misguided decision to enter the dungeons unaccompanied and after curfew, which raises questions about your reliability. It would appear that your little mind is incapable of applying the lessons you should have learned while serving detention. Have I made myself clear, Miss Granger?”
“Yes, sir.”
He lowered the wards and indicated for Hermione to precede him.
As Hermione rubbed her hand over the marks he had left on her arm, she began to have second thoughts about - literally everything. ‘Is he going to be this disagreeable every time we have a misunderstanding? I cannot seem to do or say the right thing around him. This whole situation was a mistake. Maybe I should petition for termination of the contract. The contract! It is strange how conveniently the contract was presented on precisely the day I became of age. I was so excited by the prospect of becoming Professor Snape’s apprentice that I did not question it at the time.’
She watched Professor Snape stride over to the sideboard and pour himself a generous glass from a bottle of Ogden’s Old Firewhisky.
He was still no closer to formulating a speech to deal with Granger’s emotional upheaval than he had been when he first realized she was suffering from memory loss of their entire afternoon.
‘What do I say to a young witch who not only came of age yesterday but also awakened that same day as my student? Will she believe me when I tell her that I resisted her advances as long as humanly possible? And when I tell her she begged me take her - will she still believe me?’
He sighed and lifted the glass to his lips then asked, “Would you care for a glass, Miss Granger?”
Hermione shook her head.
“I cannot hear head movements, Granger. Is that a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’?”
Obviously, he was still upset with her. ‘If this is the way this evening is going to go, perhaps I do need a glass.’ “That is a ‘yes’, please, Professor,” she answered tersely.
He gave her an odd look but thought the better of responding. Instead, he poured a smaller amount and handed the glass to her.
He lifted his glass to her and said, “Here’s to early understandings, Miss Granger. They lead to long and beautiful friendships.”
She nodded and took a sip. It burned all the way down and beyond. Hermione grimaced. ‘How can anyone drink this stuff?’
“Please sit, we need to talk. I made you a promise earlier this evening. Do you feel up to viewing the memory we spoke of earlier?” It was the only logical way.
“Do you mean right now?”
“Yes.”
“Um…are you going to use a Pensieve?”
“No, my desire is to teach you the subtleties of mind control. Tonight we will concentrate on Legilimency; we will practice Occlumency another day.”
“But I have had no lessons! You are being unreasonable to expect me to do this!”
“I am the one being unreasonable? It would seem that reliability is not your only failing. You are lacking in manners, as well.
Hermione stared back at him defiantly. ‘How dare you accuse me of being ill-mannered! You are the one behaving like a buggering arsehole.’
“Pity you have no house affiliation from which I can deduct points, Miss Granger. Not only are you unreliable and ill-mannered, you engage your mind in the petty pursuit of insulting your superiors.”
Professor Snape stared down his nose at her. His lips curled in a sneer.
“Legilimency is the art of extracting emotions and memories from another person’s mind. It is easier to do when the spell-caster is in close proximity of the person whose mind he is going to enter. It requires a great deal of concentration and eye contact. But…eye contact is not always necessary as the Dark Lord has already demonstrated.
“I am allowing you full access to my memories; I will hide nothing from you.”
“Do I use my wand?” she asked sheepishly. The professor had a way of reducing her to the level of a first-year.
“You may use a wand if your nonverbal and wandless spell casting abilities are inadequate. Would you like me to demonstrate?”
“Yes, please.” Her words were polite, but her tone was full of disdain.
“Hermione, relax, breathe calmly. I am not going to hurt you. Do you trust me?”
“Yes, sir,” she said through clenched teeth. Her eyes blazed daggers at him.
“Miss Granger, the manner in which you are approaching this task will lead to either my discomfort or yours. Put aside your petty grievances for a few minutes and concentrate on the objective?” he hissed.
“I am trying to, but at the moment I do not feel charitable towards you. It is difficult to summon a warm, fuzzy feeling when I feel I have been violated!”
She expected an angry retort and was ready with a quick counter. Instead, he met her vehement assessment of him with a stony silence.
Nervously, Hermione chewed her bottom lip. Perhaps, she had gone too far this time. She wished she could take back the words, but words once spoken could never truly be taken back. Oh, sure you could apologize and beg forgiveness, but it was always there, forcing a rift to remain open, if only a crack. It lay there waiting for the injured party to pick it up and beat you over the head with it.
Hermione shifted and concentrated on biting her upper lip. ‘Gods, why doesn’t he say something? Anything would be better than this silent treatment.’
Professor Snape stared at her with disbelief. Her words cut him to the quick. He clenched his jaw and his fingers tightened around his wand. He felt a headache coming on, but resisted the urge to rub his forehead. The only outward sign of his annoyance was the throbbing vein at his temple.
She saw the dark, angry look on his face as he brought his fingers around his wand. Her breathing quickened; her fingers tighted around her wand. She was ready for whatever curse he hurled at her.
He stepped towards her, grinding the tip of the wand in his palm. There was a hard glint in his dark eyes. Hermione swallowed and froze. She flinched and squeezed her eyes shut. She didn’t want to see what was coming. Her knees shook with fear.
She felt the breath on her neck before she heard his words.
“Granger, did it ever once - occur to you - that I have feelings, as well?”
“N…n…no, sir,” she stammered.
“You think only of yourself. Imagine how I feel when I hear you say that I violated you! If you truly understood how I feel about you then you would know that is something I could never do to you,” he said hoarsely.
Hermione opened her eyes and hazarded a glance at him. She saw tears in his eyes. She felt ashamed of herself for the accusations she had levelled against him.
“I am sorry, sir. I do not know what made me say that. I am confused and…”
“Sorry does not cut it, Granger. I trusted you. Gryffindors! Always quick to accuse the Slytherins of deceit and treachery,” he spat. His darks eyes blazed with fury.
“What more do you want from me? I said I was sorry.”
“Your words were hurtful, Hermione.” The fire in his eyes had died out, replaced with a look of sadness.
She laid her hand on his arm and looked up at him beseechingly. “Severus, I solemnly promise that I will never speak to you in such a way ever again. I allowed my emotions to take over. I should have controlled myself better. After all, you did promise to show me what happened. Please, will you show me? I want to know the truth.”
He removed her hand from his arm. “As you wish,” he responded curtly. He had opened up to her, and this was how she reacted.
Professor Snape readied himself for the task. He concentrated on the memory he wanted to see.
She watched - waiting for him to draw his wand…
‘Legilimens’
Before she knew what was happening the professor was in her thoughts. ‘He used a non-verbal!’
The witch had an organized mind. He decided her cataloguing and cross-referencing methods were unorthodox but nonetheless organized. He noted categories for: family, friends, holidays, chronological events, Hogwarts, muggle life, Harry, Potions classroom, and a way off in the distance, surrounded by a protective, misty fog he saw a group that blended in with its background. He presumed it to be a category that desired anonymity.
He hesitated and asked permission to proceed. When he felt Hermione’s approval, he gently prodded the chronological events. They responded to his compassionate touch by showing him a dimly lit doorway. He stepped gingerly through the narrow passageway.
He watched in fascination as an imposing Miss Granger deducted house points from a dumbstruck Weasley before she billowed out of the Gryffindor common room. ‘Bravo, Granger.’
Hermione’s reflection in a lavatory mirror, her face buried in her hands, sobbing as if her heart would break, surfaced in front of his eyes. He saw the agony she had put herself through and his feelings towards her softened somewhat. He quickly moved on.
He smiled at the little know-it-all’s reaction when asked by the Headmaster about her capabilities with contraception potions and spells. ‘Her expression is priceless.’
He allowed the routine school year memories to pass, giving them no notice.
He watched in awe as Hermione cast a non-verbal in his classroom.
He saw Hermione attempt to hide the bruise marks on her neck from Tonks.
Snape allowed the scenes to rewind more slowly. When Hermione and Krum came into view, he watched the scene from the beginning to see what had transpired between them. A pang of jealousy sliced through Snape as he observed the pair entwined in each other’s arms. He concentrated on breathing and remaining calm. Snape sighed with relief at the welcome site of Hermione refusing Krum’s further advances.
‘I cannot do this Victor.’ Hermione shook her head to emphasize her words as she pushed out of his embrace. There was sadness in her eyes. ‘I am sorry, but there is someone…someone else…someone I have grown quite fond of. Perhaps I have not been honest with you or with myself, but I don’t want to hurt you, Victor. I do care about you, but not the same way I care about him. You do remind me a little of him though. Both of you have the same dark eyes, dark hair and a similar build, but you are much younger. I may never have the opportunity to tell him how I feel, but I know being here with you is not the right thing for me to be doing.’
He quickly regained his composure as he slipped from her mind.
“Hermione, I will focus on the time you enter my quarters. You will focus on the last thing you remember as you leave the Headmaster’s office. I am ready whenever you are,” he said. His voice was steady.
Hermione swallowed and fingered her wand while trying to decide whether to use a non-verbal. Wand casting might be stronger, but a wandless spell would provide an element of surprise.
She concentrated on the moment she raised her wand to tap the professor’s door. Her desire to learn the truth was strong.
‘Legilimens’
Snape had expected her to use her wand. She had surprised him. ‘Very well, Hermione, you are here. Let me show you what you are so eager to see.’
She was in a tight, uncomfortable space, surrounded by rows and rows of shelves labelled by date, time, and place. It reminded her of a diary. One of the labels was giving off a soft, eerie, green glow. She focused on that section of the shelf.
She watched her memory self giving the memory professor a glaring, angry look. Suddenly, she became aware of her own feelings. She loved him. She Hermione Granger loved Professor Severus Snape.
She watched as the events unfolded. When she heard her memory self say, “Well, of course, I want happiness with Master Professor!” something clicked in her mind. ‘That was a stupid thing to say! It’s starting to come back to me now.’
Hermione studied the response her memory self was having at the feel of his hand closing over her own. She watched as her memory self's body arched and her hips pressed into him as though her mind had no control over what she was doing. She heard the soft moans escaping from her memory self's throat and the thoughts that accompanied them.
‘Severus, I choose to be bound to you throughout eternity. From this day forth, it is only your name I will cry out in the night. It is only your eyes I will smile into each day. It is only your bidding that I will obey.
‘I choose to desire you and to be desired by you and only you. The love that resides in my heart is pure. I want nothing more than to possess you and be possessed by you. I will love you wholly and completely without restraint for as long as we both shall live. Our love will transcend time and conquer all.’
When she heard her memory self whisper his name, Hermione felt her concentration begin to slip. Control. She had to retain control.
She saw her memory self move to press against him, her soft curves fitting snugly with the hard planes of his upper torso. Rounded breasts bobbed freely against a battle scarred chest.
When memory Severus took her breasts in his hands and rolled his thumb over her nipples, her control faltered.
She heard her memory self beg Severus to take her; she observed him position himself to enter her. With an abrupt pop, Hermione released his mind.
The floodgates opened. Hermione fell back and allowed her memories to rush in and fill the void.
“I take it from your reaction that your memory has returned,” he said dryly.
“Yes, sir,” she answered a bit out of breath. ‘That was intense. I am beginning to understand why my subconscious buried the memory. This is how the subconscious protects against something profoundly disturbing. No doubt it was caused by my anxiety over my feelings for Professor Snape. Little wonder it tried to shield me. I literally threw myself at him! The poor man had no choice! I thought he coerced me, but this proves he responded to my advances. Bloody hell! I made the first move! This is much worse than the night of detention. Shite! ’
Hermione put her hands over her face. ‘There is no way I am going to be able to face him after that wanton display of behaviour! I cannot believe I told him I felt violated!’
She felt his hands close over hers as he pried her fingers away to uncover her face. Hermione quickly pulled away. She could not look him.
He knew that no matter how much she hurt him, he would always care for her. It pained him now to see her distressed.
“Little one, there is nothing to be shy or embarrassed about. We are adults. We are human, with human needs and desires. We must talk with each other. I admit that is difficult for me. I do not do feelings well. I know I am a difficult man, and I doubt that will change.”
“I am…mortified…at seeing that! I had no idea. I thought it was you that made the first…. That is not the way I usually behave around wizards! I wish I hadn’t acted like a brazen woman! It was my fault!”
“Please, little one, do not be upset with yourself. I know now that it is not a customary habit for you to throw yourself at a wizard. Do not allow this to make you feel as if you have to hide yourself from me. I want to look at you. I care for you, Hermione, please.”
“The night of detention, I…and now, this…. I wish I would have excercised control. If only I could have restrained…”
Severus grabbed her by the shoulders and forced her to look at him.
“How do you think I feel when I hear the regret in your voice that we consummated our relationship?” he asked, his eyes searching deep within the dark brown pools. He wanted to see the gold flecks, if only a flicker remained it would be enough.
“I don’t know how you feel! I know how I feel - stupid! Dumbledore says he knows where I am and with whom I am every hour! He probably already knows! Oh, dear Merlin! I cannot face him…you…. I threw myself at you! I did the same thing that night I had de… ”
“Hermione! Stop it! You are starting to repeat yourself. If you have anything new to say, I will listen to it, otherwise we have more important matters to discuss.
Hermione snorted and glared but clamped her mouth shut and remained silent.
“If we are to work and live in close confines, there must be ground rules and a strong foundation of trust built between us. You are going to have to look at me some time, so it is best you start now.”
Hermione glared at the floor.
“Yes, sir,” she replied, compliantly, looking at him out of the corner of her eye. She did not want to repeat her earlier mistake and say something out of anger that she would regret.
‘Ah, there they were. The welcoming flicker of gold flecks. Thanks be to Merlin!’
“Very good, my dear,” he said as a slight smile played around his lips. He returned to his desk to retrieve a sheet of parchment.
“Besides, I find this uninhibited side of you stimulating. I hope you will continue to evolve and express yourself unconsciously and unselfconsciously, unburdened by psychological blocks.
His remark elicited a tiny smile around her mouth. He was repeating a line from her Apprenticeship contract. ‘The contract. I have questions regarding this arrangement.’
Handing her the parchment, he said, “I have written out the house rules, but I would like to cover the key points to make sure we understand each other.”
“Our relationship must be built on complete trust. This implies complete honesty. I hold a belief that if you lie to me once, you will lie to me often. I will not tolerate that behaviour.”
“Yes, sir.”
“What happens in the dungeons stays in the dungeons. My personal life is no one’s business.”
“Yes, sir.”
Elf hugged herself in delight. Master Professor be saying to Miss what Master Professor be saying when Elf come live here. ‘Miss be living with Elf.’
“When a decision must be made, I have 51 percent and you have 49 percent of the vote.”
“Why, that means that I will never…yes, sir, I understand.”
“Miss Granger, it is necessary. If there is a tie, there has to be a tie-breaker. These rules were made to make life easier for you - and for me.”
“Yes, sir.”
“If I ask you to do something, you will do it without question.”
Hermione hesitated. This one required a little thought. She took a deep breath before she replied. “Yes, sir.”
“There may not always be time to give an adequate explanation. Your life could depend on it,” he added, patiently.
“Yes, sir.”
“You will comport yourself at all times in the manner befitting a Hogwarts staff member and my companion.”
“Yes, sir.”
“You will dress appropriately as said staff member and companion.”
“Yes, sir.”
Hermione was starting to feel depressed. ‘Maybe Ron is correct. Maybe I do need saving.’
“You are to remain loyal to me, and I to you.”
“Yes, sir.”
“I am a very possessive wizard, Miss Granger. You are never to lie with another as you lay with me today,” he said, solemnly, his dark eyes boring into hers.
“If you do, I will banish you from my life. I do not give second chances.”
Hermione had had enough of the ‘thou shalt and thou shalt nots’. “This is not fair! You make all the rules, and I am expected to go along with them! You have all the control! What do I get? What about my expectations?” she spat angrily.
“I would sincerely hope you are as possessive a witch as I am a wizard. You should expect the same of me,” he responded, the corner of his lip turning up as he searched her face for a response.
Somewhat mollified, Hermione calmed a bit before she answered.
“Yes, I will expect the same of you.”
“Good. Then we are in agreement.”
“When I seek you out, I will expect you to come to my bed willingly. You are to neither user our physical relationship as a punishment nor a reward.”
Hermione’s eyes grew wider with each word. She nodded her head in agreement.
The corner of his mouth turned up in a slight smile. The first smile she had received from him since dinner when he had complimented her on her behaviour with Professor Slughorn.
“Professor?” she asked quietly.
“Yes.”
“It would seem you have all the control. I have nothing. I seem to be one who has to agree with everything you say.”
‘No, little one. I love you. You are the one who has all the control. You could destroy me in a minute, and you would not have to use Avada Kedavra.’
His dark eyes blazed with passion. His body posture softened. It had taken an enormous amount of strength and control for him to continue with his list of demands. Had he not secured her complete surrender to him, it would have put her life in danger. He had to remain in control. She had to see him as her tower of strength. When they met with the Dark Lord, and he knew they would, she would have to be convincingly submissive.
Hermione felt her eyes begin to tear. ‘He loves me!’ she thought as she bit into her lip.
Hermione could not refrain from running to him. She looped her arms around his neck and said, “I love you, Severus. I will do whatever you ask of me.”
Severus disentangled himself and gave Hermione a stern look.
“Hermione, I care deeply for you. At the same time, this does not mean that I will tolerate disobedience. I am the master and you are the witch.
“Come, let us sit and discuss our future.”
The professor summoned another sheet of parchment.
“We have several tasks to complete this year, and much to discuss about last year and what led us down this path. Would you like me to top off your glass?”
“Yes, please.”
He filled her glass then settled back and put his arm around Hermione’s shoulder.
“Severus, things happened so quickly, my mind has not been able to process the enormity of the situation. I have to inform my parents. And, how does this work between us? You were my professor only yesterday. Today, I don’t quite know what you are. This is not the way I expected my apprenticeship to begin. Surely, this is quite an unorthodox arrangement?”
“Hermione, you talked with Professor Dumbledore. Do you mean to tell me, that you have not figured it out?”
“It seems I am not as bright as you think. Yes, I have not figured it out.”
“You were offered an apprenticeship by Albus. It was an alternative to losing you as my assistant.”
“You mean you didn’t want me as your apprentice?” she asked incredulously.
“No! Of course not. I do want you.” He took a deep breath. “To put it simply, Albus knew the complications of our working together and becoming…more…developing a professional relationship…was not possible as long as you were my student. He simply devised a way to alleviate the situation so you could continue as my assistant.”
A look of surprise registered on Hermione’s face. ‘Oh,’ formed on her lips, her face flushed as it dawned on her what the professor was telling her. The Headmaster had a suspicion that she and Professor Snape were becoming close and one thing would lead to another and….
“Is my apprenticeship legitimate?” she questioned, a look of doubt in her eyes.
“Yes, of course it is,” he answered somewhat brusquely, shuffling through the sheaf of parchments.
"I have a final question to ask you, Hermione," he said softly, his eyes clouding. He paused a moment, choosing his words carefully lest he say the wrong thing and lose the one person that had become more important to him than living.
He took both her hands in his and looked into her eyes. "I know - you want the apprenticeship - with me. What I am not certain of - is - do you - want a relationship - with me?" he asked haltingly.
Hermione bit her lip and thought. Her future hinged on this one question. For Merlin's Sake! She was only seventeen! 'Suddenly, I am feeling overwhelmed. There are too many changes, coming too fast! How do I know what I want?'
She felt his hold on her loosen; she looked down at his hands - those long, slender fingers - so perfectly matched for potion brewing. She recalled the recent times those hands and strong arms had provided comfort and healing to her. A smile commenced to form on her lips; she raised her face to meet his questioning gaze.
"Yes, Severus, I want a relationship with you." She delivered her answer with conviction, and the honesty of her response was echoed in the smile she bestowed on him.
Severus stared at her - his brave, little witch - with amazement, before drawing her close. "Thank you, Hermione," he whispered in her ear. "Now, that we have that settled, there is the matter of your research project and Madam Pomfrey’s potions.
“Let’s see here - we have - ah, your research project. Wolfsbane Vaccine. I have to admit I never took the time to thoroughly read the research paper you turned in."
Hermione lightly batted him with her hand. “And, after all the work I put into it. You never read it!”
“I scanned it. I knew coming from you that it would be thoroughly researched and outlined with the proper footnotes. I believe I read that the vaccine, when given to an uninfected person, can prevent that person from suffering the effects of being bitten by a werewolf. Is that correct?”
“Yes. But I haven’t been able to test my theory on any humans. It has all been theory and conjecture.”
“Your theories may be useful for the commission I received from the Dark Lord.
“Here we have a list of the potions that Madam Pomfrey will be requiring. I am afraid, little one that the brunt of the work will fall on you for these.”
“That’s the way it should be. I am here to lessen your workload.”
Severus ran his hand through her curls. “Have I told you lately that I love you?”
Hermione smiled up at him.
“There are some drawers in my office that I can clear out for you.”
Her fears and doubts assuaged, Hermione snuggled closer. She was starting to feel like a couple.
“Hermione, do you trust me to keep you safe?”
“Of course.”
“No matter, where you are, or who else is there?”
“Yes.”
“You are going to be required to do something that requires your complete trust in me. The Dark Lord has instructed me to bring you to the next meeting. He will want to examine you - your mind.
“Oh, my, gods…oh, Severus…. Oh, oh, no, no…. I cannot do that!”
“Hermione!” he snapped. “Hear me out. He wants to meet you - to test you. He will not hurt you. You are too valuable to him. I am going to convince him that without you the potion that he has requested cannot possibly be created in the timeframe he has requested.”
“I am scared, Severus. What if he uses Legilimency?”
“I can teach you to train yourself to do the same with him.”
“But Severus, you have had years to practice. It is doubtful that I even have weeks!”
He grabbed her by the shoulders. “Hermione, you will be safe with me!
“I have not been called in several weeks, but now that the term has started I am sure I will be called soon. Please let me be able to tell him that you have agreed to aid me in this endeavour?”
“I will - for you.”
He pulled her to him and kissed the top of her head. “Thank you, little one.”
“Wh…what if he…if he…wants to recruit…me? Could that happen?”
“Yes, it could, little one. He is not always easy to read. He is not human, Hermione. Whatever part of him was human is gone.”
“Is there anything else on the list?” she asked guardedly.
“One more item. You put a Stinging Hex on me last year.” He jokingly pinched her ear.
Hermione giggled. “I already told you that I did not do that!”
“But you did use the Soul Mate spell?”
Hermione ducked her head. She wondered how long it would take him to bring up that subject. She nodded.
She lifted her head to look at him and said mischievously, “Yes, I did.
“You spied on me at the library!” she said, trying to appear indignant.
“And with good reason, you were up to no good. You attacked me with a quill,” he growled in mock anger.
In a lightning quick move, he grabbed Hermione’s wrists and pinned them behind her back.
Hermione struggled vainly. “Let go of me!”
“Make me,” he whispered dangerously as he thwarted her attempt to kick loose.
Hermione wrestled to free herself. Then she relaxed; within seconds, he let go of her wrists.
“Devil’s Snare!” they said in unison.
Then he promptly began tickling her in the sides. Hermione giggled.
“Oh, no, I’m ticklish…please…no…oh, oh… ”
He drew her to him and lowered his lips to hers as one hand came up to knead the soft flesh of her breasts
Severus broke the kiss and hugged her close. His mouth pressed to her ear he whispered, “I had forgotten what it was like to laugh and to love. I feel young again.” He hugged her close to him.
“Hermione?”
“Yes, Severus.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked, leaning back to face her directly. There was an accusatory undertone in his voice.
“Tell you what?” she asked, puzzled by the question.
“When you came back from London - those bruises on our neck - I assumed you and Krum…. I surmised you were inexperienced, but it did not occur to me you might be a virgin. You should have said something to me earlier.”
“You are right, as usual. Given what I saw in the memory, how could anyone expect someone to be a virgin who behaved that way?
“As for saying something to you earlier, when would that subject have come up? Would you have preferred that I had knocked at your door and announced myself as, ‘Miss Hermione Granger, virgin, here to see Professor Snape for a birthday supper’? What would that have said about my expectations for the evening? Or, maybe I should have taken the opportunity to mention it as you were ramming your tongue down my throat as we sat by the fire!”
“You are correct, little, one. I should not have put the burden on you.” He pulled her to his chest, cradling her in his arms, and rocked her.
“I have been alone a very long time, Hermione. I have forgotten how to be a sensitive person. Your first time should have been special, with someone for whom you care deeply I feel this may have been forced on you by external forces. But you must stop beating yourself up about what happened today.”
Hermione brought her hand up to caress his cheek. The gold flecked brown pools searched the depths of black obsidian orbs, looking for the passionate fire that burned for her and her only.
“I will try to, but when I think about it, it is embarrassing to me. I have always wanted you to be my first and only,” she whispered. “I didn’t say anything because…. I am not good at expressing my feelings. I hoped I wouldn’t have to say anything…that it would work itself out.” Hermione glanced away. “I am not comfortable talking with you about…this…I… ” she finished, taking a deep breath.
“When I could not remember, I became upset. My mind was filled with all sorts of crazy thoughts. Thank you for helping me to restore my memory.”
Severus brought her hands to his lips and kissed them tenderly.
“Let me make it up to you,” he said softly. “Your first time was carnal coupling. Tonight I am going to make love to you.”
His words caught Hermione by surprise. “What about the potion? Professor Dumbledore insisted!”
“Not to worry. I will use a contraception spell," he responded matter-of-factly.