Mini NaNoWriMo update - In Another's Eyes, Torchwood, Jack/Jack (and other pairings), PG-13
Days 12 & 13 - 600 words on Day 12, 573 on Day 13
Title: In Another's Eyes
Author: joanne_c
Fandom: Torchwood
Pairings: Jack Harkness/Captain Jack Harkness (Matt Rippy), Captain Jack Harkness/Nancy, Jack/Ianto, Jack/Doctor (Nine).
Rating/Warnings: PG-13, songfic
Word Count: 1173
Disclaimer: The characters do not belong to me in any way. They are the property of Russell T. Davies and the BBC.
A/N: Songfic based on In Another's Eyes by Garth Brooks and Trisha Yearwood. Song lyrics are in italics. Spoilers for Torchwood episode Captain Jack Harkness.
Summary: Thoughts of both Jacks throughout the episode at various times.
In another's eyes, I'm someone who
Loves her enough, to walk away from you
I'd never cheat, and I would never lie
In another's eyes
She thinks I love her. I do. I love Nancy. If I make it out of this war alive, I'll marry her. Probably.
She doesn't know about my other side. The side I need to keep hidden. The side that I can barely acknowledge to myself.
The side that asks her to do things that I say are to prevent her being part of a scandal, when they're really the only way I can...and she'll know one day. When I can't make love to her as a man makes love to his wife.
She'll know. Or suspect. Or think there's something wrong with her.
She thinks I love her enough to walk away from James Harper. To not spend every second I can with him. To hold his hand. To wish it could be more.
To wish I could do the things I do with her.
Only they'd probably cause more of a scandal if anyone ever did know.
Why can't these things be easier? Why do men like me have to hide?
In another's eyes, I can do no wrong
And he believes in me, and his faith is strong
I'd never fall, or even compromise
In another's eyes
Ianto loves me. I know this. He's never said it. He doesn't need to say the words.
Not when a hand on my shoulder says that more than any words could. Not when he looks at me and I see it in his eyes.
And this man - Jack, dammit, I can't claim that name when he's right here. Jack. He asked me if there was anyone. And I didn't lie. How could I explain to him that I'm from the future, that I stole his name, that in the future it won't be so difficult to be with a man, even if the twenty-first century isn't exactly as enlightened as it could be. It's still a lot better than now. So, for Jack, there is no one.
But Ianto will know. He'll look into my eyes and this will be the one thing I can't hide from him.
I wish I could bring myself to care about that more than I care about feeling Jack's hand in mine. More than I want to kiss him. But I can't. And I won't apologise for that.
I feel bad that Ianto would presume that I wouldn't do this. That I'd stay faithful to him until we figure out a way back. It could be a day or a month. I'm not that addicted to sex, I could stop myself. But not when there's Jack, and those gorgeous green eyes of his.
The way he looks at me. Like I'm all he's ever wanted.
Ianto's never looked at me like that. He looked at Lisa like that. Not that I'm jealous. But he never looked at me like Jack is looking at me.
There's only so much resistance I can take advantage of. And my resistance to Jack melted around Lover's Corner.
In another's eyes, I'm afraid that I can't see
This picture perfect portrait that they paint of me
They don't realize, and I pray they never do
'Cause every time I look I'm seeing you
In another's eyes
I know how Ianto thinks of me. How he thinks I'm this great hero, who'd never betray him. I'd... leave him in a heartbeat for the Doctor. I told him this. Explicitly. Several times. But I know that in his mind, if we're having sex, it means something. And it does. He's not just another hole, by any means. I've given that up long ago.
But he's not immortal. He'll die one day. And he thinks I don't know... that that's a part of why he's with me. I'm not sure he knows, but I heard him, one night, half asleep, probably not aware he'd said it.
He said he knew I wouldn't leave him first like Lisa had. Because I can't die. Or apparently can't die. And he thinks I'm always going to be there for him.
When if the Doctor turned up, I'd be out of there in a moment. It almost seems unfair to let him think I'd stay.
But if I told him I wouldn't stay - he wouldn't stay. And he'd want retcon and a new life.
And, bluntly? Torchwood wouldn't survive without him.
I don't care if that makes me a bastard, either. It's not the worst thing I've ever done to anyone. It's not even close to the worst thing I've done.
In my mind? It's worse that sometimes, when I look into those blue eyes, those eyes that have seen so much more than someone his age should see, that I see another pair of blue eyes, blue eyes that are much older than he'll ever be - older than I am, for that matter.
Sometimes I see my Doctor in Ianto's eyes. Just for a moment.
And I'm never quite sure if that might not have been the reason I let things go beyond flirting in the first place.
Oh in another's eyes, starin' back at me
I see a sinking soul trying desperately
To turn the tide, before it dies
In another's eyes
Nancy's trying to pull me back. I can see it. She knows something isn't right. But she doesn't know how wrong things are. That's the only reason to be grateful. That she doesn't know exactly what it is.
Or maybe I shouldn't be so grateful. She knows something's wrong and she's doing everything she can to pull me back to her. And I want her to - and at the same time, I don't.
Her eyes are so sad, as she looks at me. Wonders if I'm going to leave with her tonight. I keep telling her no, I need to be here for my men. A thousand true lies fall from my lips.
Because even if all those things weren't true, I'd still want to stay here and not go with her. If nothing else was the same, and he was here? I'd only want to stay here with James and see what happened.
I don't even know what it is I want - just that I want James. I want to know what he means when he says those strange words. I want to know what he means when he smiles at me.
I want to know what his hands feel like on me.
And Nancy might not know that, not exactly. But she's trying to turn me back, turn me to her.
But my eyes follow him, not her. James.
And what they don't see, Lord is killing me
It's a blessing and a curse that love is blind
Toshiko isn't shaking her head at me any more. I don't know what's going on inside her head. But I know she's not watching me any more. She's trying to find out how to get back.
And I should probably do the same. I really don't want her to be kept here forever, and this is about the worst time in history for her to be... but I'd be lying if I didn't say that there is a part of me that would stay here. I might even run into the Doctor again. If there weren't Toshiko.
So I go to look for Jack. This insane, unlooked-for attraction is too strong. I want... I want to take him to bed and make love to him and do so very many things he would probably blush at if I even mentioned them. This is a time when even holding hands with a man would cause a scandal.
But I can't resist him. And dammit, I'm going to dance with him.
Let the future take care of itself.
FINIS.
Title: In Another's Eyes
Author: joanne_c
Fandom: Torchwood
Pairings: Jack Harkness/Captain Jack Harkness (Matt Rippy), Captain Jack Harkness/Nancy, Jack/Ianto, Jack/Doctor (Nine).
Rating/Warnings: PG-13, songfic
Word Count: 1173
Disclaimer: The characters do not belong to me in any way. They are the property of Russell T. Davies and the BBC.
A/N: Songfic based on In Another's Eyes by Garth Brooks and Trisha Yearwood. Song lyrics are in italics. Spoilers for Torchwood episode Captain Jack Harkness.
Summary: Thoughts of both Jacks throughout the episode at various times.
In another's eyes, I'm someone who
Loves her enough, to walk away from you
I'd never cheat, and I would never lie
In another's eyes
She thinks I love her. I do. I love Nancy. If I make it out of this war alive, I'll marry her. Probably.
She doesn't know about my other side. The side I need to keep hidden. The side that I can barely acknowledge to myself.
The side that asks her to do things that I say are to prevent her being part of a scandal, when they're really the only way I can...and she'll know one day. When I can't make love to her as a man makes love to his wife.
She'll know. Or suspect. Or think there's something wrong with her.
She thinks I love her enough to walk away from James Harper. To not spend every second I can with him. To hold his hand. To wish it could be more.
To wish I could do the things I do with her.
Only they'd probably cause more of a scandal if anyone ever did know.
Why can't these things be easier? Why do men like me have to hide?
In another's eyes, I can do no wrong
And he believes in me, and his faith is strong
I'd never fall, or even compromise
In another's eyes
Ianto loves me. I know this. He's never said it. He doesn't need to say the words.
Not when a hand on my shoulder says that more than any words could. Not when he looks at me and I see it in his eyes.
And this man - Jack, dammit, I can't claim that name when he's right here. Jack. He asked me if there was anyone. And I didn't lie. How could I explain to him that I'm from the future, that I stole his name, that in the future it won't be so difficult to be with a man, even if the twenty-first century isn't exactly as enlightened as it could be. It's still a lot better than now. So, for Jack, there is no one.
But Ianto will know. He'll look into my eyes and this will be the one thing I can't hide from him.
I wish I could bring myself to care about that more than I care about feeling Jack's hand in mine. More than I want to kiss him. But I can't. And I won't apologise for that.
I feel bad that Ianto would presume that I wouldn't do this. That I'd stay faithful to him until we figure out a way back. It could be a day or a month. I'm not that addicted to sex, I could stop myself. But not when there's Jack, and those gorgeous green eyes of his.
The way he looks at me. Like I'm all he's ever wanted.
Ianto's never looked at me like that. He looked at Lisa like that. Not that I'm jealous. But he never looked at me like Jack is looking at me.
There's only so much resistance I can take advantage of. And my resistance to Jack melted around Lover's Corner.
In another's eyes, I'm afraid that I can't see
This picture perfect portrait that they paint of me
They don't realize, and I pray they never do
'Cause every time I look I'm seeing you
In another's eyes
I know how Ianto thinks of me. How he thinks I'm this great hero, who'd never betray him. I'd... leave him in a heartbeat for the Doctor. I told him this. Explicitly. Several times. But I know that in his mind, if we're having sex, it means something. And it does. He's not just another hole, by any means. I've given that up long ago.
But he's not immortal. He'll die one day. And he thinks I don't know... that that's a part of why he's with me. I'm not sure he knows, but I heard him, one night, half asleep, probably not aware he'd said it.
He said he knew I wouldn't leave him first like Lisa had. Because I can't die. Or apparently can't die. And he thinks I'm always going to be there for him.
When if the Doctor turned up, I'd be out of there in a moment. It almost seems unfair to let him think I'd stay.
But if I told him I wouldn't stay - he wouldn't stay. And he'd want retcon and a new life.
And, bluntly? Torchwood wouldn't survive without him.
I don't care if that makes me a bastard, either. It's not the worst thing I've ever done to anyone. It's not even close to the worst thing I've done.
In my mind? It's worse that sometimes, when I look into those blue eyes, those eyes that have seen so much more than someone his age should see, that I see another pair of blue eyes, blue eyes that are much older than he'll ever be - older than I am, for that matter.
Sometimes I see my Doctor in Ianto's eyes. Just for a moment.
And I'm never quite sure if that might not have been the reason I let things go beyond flirting in the first place.
Oh in another's eyes, starin' back at me
I see a sinking soul trying desperately
To turn the tide, before it dies
In another's eyes
Nancy's trying to pull me back. I can see it. She knows something isn't right. But she doesn't know how wrong things are. That's the only reason to be grateful. That she doesn't know exactly what it is.
Or maybe I shouldn't be so grateful. She knows something's wrong and she's doing everything she can to pull me back to her. And I want her to - and at the same time, I don't.
Her eyes are so sad, as she looks at me. Wonders if I'm going to leave with her tonight. I keep telling her no, I need to be here for my men. A thousand true lies fall from my lips.
Because even if all those things weren't true, I'd still want to stay here and not go with her. If nothing else was the same, and he was here? I'd only want to stay here with James and see what happened.
I don't even know what it is I want - just that I want James. I want to know what he means when he says those strange words. I want to know what he means when he smiles at me.
I want to know what his hands feel like on me.
And Nancy might not know that, not exactly. But she's trying to turn me back, turn me to her.
But my eyes follow him, not her. James.
And what they don't see, Lord is killing me
It's a blessing and a curse that love is blind
Toshiko isn't shaking her head at me any more. I don't know what's going on inside her head. But I know she's not watching me any more. She's trying to find out how to get back.
And I should probably do the same. I really don't want her to be kept here forever, and this is about the worst time in history for her to be... but I'd be lying if I didn't say that there is a part of me that would stay here. I might even run into the Doctor again. If there weren't Toshiko.
So I go to look for Jack. This insane, unlooked-for attraction is too strong. I want... I want to take him to bed and make love to him and do so very many things he would probably blush at if I even mentioned them. This is a time when even holding hands with a man would cause a scandal.
But I can't resist him. And dammit, I'm going to dance with him.
Let the future take care of itself.
FINIS.