SO... WHAT NOW?
Scary thing is, everything happened all too quickly. So it has been five years of slavery and sleepless nights, drunken moments and sober realizations. So now it all starts to sink in, I am officially unemployed and am still under my parents roof. It's so true, it's not funny anymore.
Not that I am primarily worried about that, for I have managed to land on several interviews for several companies. What really bothers me was this long discussion I had with my mom, right after the University Graduation (yes, she wastes no time).
It all started oh so innocently with me dreaming about a nice apartment or flat where I can just be independent and have a share of a young professional's life. Much to my surprise, my mom bursted out in indignation, demanding of me an explanation as to where on earth did I get such idea of outright inappropriateness! Uhh.. imagine my face when she said this.
At that moment, in between her anger and hurt, I got into thinking how different my values have turned out to be from hers. She is conservative and I, well, I am from UP (which says a lot). We are all for independence and empowerment and crafting our own future, but do those ideals stand a chance against the imperative tone of a mother's words? Sigh. A cage, I tell you-- we are in one (well, I am in one), despite my liberal mind.
I just didn't think it was an ACTUAL issue! She accused me of forgetting my roots and my values-- of turning to Western ideals of women-gone-wild. Uhh... again, imagine my face when she said this.
All of a sudden, I was in a situation where I was forced to make sense out what she was trying to say and to make sense of what I was thinking about how my entire education (formal and informal) has always taught me to be independent. It was like, my mind was stretching to try to comprehend where on earth her anger was coming from. I was such in a state of shock that I was not able to say anything for the next 40 minutes of the ride.
A confrontation, clearly, I not ready for.
And a confrontation I may encounter again in the future. Not just with my mom, but with countless other people who are expecting so much from me and how I have lost sight of those expectations. It got me into thinking, where have I been all these years? Sigh.
I don't know. I guess it's really different when reality hits you smack right in the center, but even so, I am not about to apologize for who I am.
-:joan:-
Not that I am primarily worried about that, for I have managed to land on several interviews for several companies. What really bothers me was this long discussion I had with my mom, right after the University Graduation (yes, she wastes no time).
It all started oh so innocently with me dreaming about a nice apartment or flat where I can just be independent and have a share of a young professional's life. Much to my surprise, my mom bursted out in indignation, demanding of me an explanation as to where on earth did I get such idea of outright inappropriateness! Uhh.. imagine my face when she said this.
At that moment, in between her anger and hurt, I got into thinking how different my values have turned out to be from hers. She is conservative and I, well, I am from UP (which says a lot). We are all for independence and empowerment and crafting our own future, but do those ideals stand a chance against the imperative tone of a mother's words? Sigh. A cage, I tell you-- we are in one (well, I am in one), despite my liberal mind.
I just didn't think it was an ACTUAL issue! She accused me of forgetting my roots and my values-- of turning to Western ideals of women-gone-wild. Uhh... again, imagine my face when she said this.
All of a sudden, I was in a situation where I was forced to make sense out what she was trying to say and to make sense of what I was thinking about how my entire education (formal and informal) has always taught me to be independent. It was like, my mind was stretching to try to comprehend where on earth her anger was coming from. I was such in a state of shock that I was not able to say anything for the next 40 minutes of the ride.
A confrontation, clearly, I not ready for.
And a confrontation I may encounter again in the future. Not just with my mom, but with countless other people who are expecting so much from me and how I have lost sight of those expectations. It got me into thinking, where have I been all these years? Sigh.
I don't know. I guess it's really different when reality hits you smack right in the center, but even so, I am not about to apologize for who I am.
-:joan:-