Smile Part 2.
Smile Part 1.
If I didn’t know her well enough, I would think that she’s taking the news pretty calmly but I do and the smile I see plastered on her face right now is the fakest I have ever seen since I met her.
In her eyes, I saw pain. I saw her unwillingness to believe what I was saying to her, what I was doing to her. She was putting on that smile, the one where it will turn into a short laughter when I tell her it’s all a joke, except its not.
It was the only way I could protect her. Clichéd I know but it was true. It broke my heart when I realized what I had to do. She might have been happier by my side but would she be happy if her privacy is poked and prodded every single second of her life, where nothing she does will go unnoticed and every action she takes is judged just because she is the girlfriend of a famous idol? I love her too much to allow that kind of intrusion into her life. The price was too much to pay just to be with me. I of all people should know how tough the life of a star, of an idol should be. My manager was right, if I love her, I would let her go.
It had been 2 years and 3 months and 14 days since I walked away from her smiling face, not that I’m counting. I just have a strong memory and good counting skills. My days since then have been filled up with performing, filming, singing, producing, and on most lonely nights, pulling back all those memories I had with her that are pushed to the back of my head during the busy days because they would just distract. But during the nights when only the soft breathing sounds of the other members could be heard, I get reminded of how she used to fall asleep in my arms and wake up complaining about how her neck aches from sleeping on my bony shoulders. And when I write, she becomes a source of inspiration, a muse for all the sad heartbreaking love songs I put on the paper.
I’m so sorry but I love you.
Imagine my shock when I saw her on a TV show one morning. She was introduced as an upcoming star specializing in dancing. She was more beautiful than I remembered. Toned body from all the training, her dark brown hair which has grown to below her shoulders and her eyes that used to smile as she smiles now burn with fire and passion but no longer crinkle at the corner when her lips lift in a smile.
I met her again a few days later in a friend’s party.
“Congratulations,” I said to her as she walked up to meet me.
“Thanks, but I should be the one thanking you,” she said, her eyes twinkling in the low light.
“Why?” I asked, puzzled.
“You were the reason,” she replied. I looked at her with questioning eyes.
“You were the reason I worked so hard to become who I am today. I became someone who could fit into your world because I knew it was the only way to get into your life. This was the only way I know how to smile again. I need you by my side,” she explained.
Smile and everything will be alright because I will be by your side.
I remember when I said that. It was the second time I saw her on the school’s rooftop. The first time, she was just sitting there smiling to herself as she writes into a little book. It started to pour suddenly and when she got up to leave, something fell out of her book. A bookmark I later realized as I picked it up and took it home to dry. It got all wrinkled as paper get when they get wet then dried but I figured I should still return it to her.
So I went the second time and I saw her standing at the edge of the roof, the part where the wall is a little lower than the rest. For a split moment, I thought she was going to jump or something but I was wrong, thank God. She was just standing there having the wind blow at her face and mess up her short little bob-cut hair. As I walked closer, I saw tears running down her cheeks and I realize the wind was to blow her tears away too. I returned her bookmark that day and that’s when it all started. I never found out why she was crying but I did tell her as we parted ways, smile and everything will be alright because I will be by your side knowing that there’s where I want to be for just about the rest of my life.
“Earth to Kwon Ji Yong,” she said as she waved her hands in front of my face.
I looked at her and I couldn’t think of anything else but to pull her into my arms, arms that had craved her these 2 years 5 months 23 days and crash my lips to hers. I’ve missed her, missed her so much. And when we pulled apart, I see the smile I use to love and I know its there to stay.