Family Celebrations with Lesbian Daughters
First published at eurOut.
The German psychosocial counselling centre for women donna klara published Familienfeste mit lesbischen Töchtern - Zutaten für ein gutes Gelingen (Family celebrations with lesbian daughters - ingredients to succeed), a booklet mainly aimed at relatives of lesBian women.
The dreaded family gathering, often a not that pleasant scenario for the sturdiest among us. Even if you've been out and proud for a while, big family celebrations can be challenges, can feel like coming out yet again and some women have given up on it and try to avoid attending these gatherings whenever possible. On top of that coming out isn't an isolated endeavour that only concerns yourself. Often a big family get together is when your near relations are confronted with coming out as a lesBian's mother/father/sister/brother... to the rest of the family. How shall they go about introducing you and your girlfriend to the other guests? How shall they react if someone insults you or your girlfriend? And if everything goes well, would it be appropriate for them to ask you or your girlfriend for a dance?
donna-klara interviewed 19 lesbians from Schlesweig-Holstein in Germany between the ages of 22 and 59 to find out about their experiences and wishes. The result of these interviews is a collection of dos and don'ts, that cover everything from written invitations and seating plans to what to consider, if the lesbian couple needs to stay over night. I've summarised some of their suggestions below:
The booklet is available for download here:
Familienfeste mit lesbischen Töchtern - Zutaten für ein gutes Gelingen [pdf, 2.4 MB - German]
This entry was originally posted at http://joan-psmith.dreamwidth.org/6840.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
The German psychosocial counselling centre for women donna klara published Familienfeste mit lesbischen Töchtern - Zutaten für ein gutes Gelingen (Family celebrations with lesbian daughters - ingredients to succeed), a booklet mainly aimed at relatives of lesBian women.
The dreaded family gathering, often a not that pleasant scenario for the sturdiest among us. Even if you've been out and proud for a while, big family celebrations can be challenges, can feel like coming out yet again and some women have given up on it and try to avoid attending these gatherings whenever possible. On top of that coming out isn't an isolated endeavour that only concerns yourself. Often a big family get together is when your near relations are confronted with coming out as a lesBian's mother/father/sister/brother... to the rest of the family. How shall they go about introducing you and your girlfriend to the other guests? How shall they react if someone insults you or your girlfriend? And if everything goes well, would it be appropriate for them to ask you or your girlfriend for a dance?
donna-klara interviewed 19 lesbians from Schlesweig-Holstein in Germany between the ages of 22 and 59 to find out about their experiences and wishes. The result of these interviews is a collection of dos and don'ts, that cover everything from written invitations and seating plans to what to consider, if the lesbian couple needs to stay over night. I've summarised some of their suggestions below:
- To show that you really want to invite them both, address the invitation to both women, not just to your daughter.
- If all your children sit with you at the same table, your lesbian daughter should sit there as well.
- Avoid lesbian jokes and such classics as: "Your girlfriend doesn't even look like a lesbian!", "Who of you is the 'man'?".
- When you introduce your daughter's girlfriend make sure that you call her that and not just her "room mate".
- Especially when you give a speech consider that it might hurt your daughter, if you overly emphasise old fashioned values, or treat marriage and "bearing your grandchildren" as big achievements.
- If one of your guests insults your daughter you have to take her side. Depending on the situation this can range from a simple remark to more drastic measures like showing your undiscerning guest the door.
The booklet is available for download here:
Familienfeste mit lesbischen Töchtern - Zutaten für ein gutes Gelingen [pdf, 2.4 MB - German]
This entry was originally posted at http://joan-psmith.dreamwidth.org/6840.html. Please comment there using OpenID.