Wait... wait... wait...
My heart almost crushed last night because of listening to my friend pour out all her feelings to me, all because of love. It really pains me to listen to my friends' heart problems because of this so-called wonderful thing, love. If it is really such a wonderful abstract thing, why are so people damn bothered and crying because of it?
I envy people I see walking around in places with their fingers locked with their partner's. It is as if they are not aware of what is happening around them; but just about the most precious moment that they are spending with their special someone. Sometimes I go out and sit on the metal-cold seat out on our porch and gaze longingly at the stars and wonder if ever there is someone right for me and if he is thinking of the same things that I am thinking about. It is true that I am longing for all those hugs and comfort that lovers feel but the minute I hear someone pouring out all her problems to me because of love, I cannot help to think that somehow, I am quite lucky because I do not have a special someone who can make me vulnerable to such pain. But still... still...
So if love is really such a wonderful thing, why does its manifestations come in different colors and varieties to different people? Why do people experience different things because of this abstract thing? What is real love? Or better yet, is there such a thing?
Let me guys tell you about a past relationship that I had. This person and I spent around eight months together... eight wonderful months together... months that brought the most colorful memories to me that would last a lifetime. It is a sad thing that it had to end in such a tragic way but nevertheless, being with him made me mature in many aspects of life. Couple of times I still remember him, but it is really hard to tell if I still have feelings for him or not. Maybe there is. Maybe not. But whatever it is, I cannot go back anymore. Going forward is the only option.
As much as we loved one another, the relationship thing just could not work out. Days and even weeks were wasted because of fighting, sometimes even because of silly things like a computer game or a badminton game or even a stupid t-shirt. Truth is, it is really weird to say that we were crazily in love with each other when in fact we were always fighting over small stuff. But we loved each other. We f*cking loved each other that we hurt each other sometimes (you guys get what I am talking about?).
I guess what we really lacked is not love (we had lots of it to give to each other) but communication. We were so busy with different things, and I might as well admit that I did not allot enough time for us to see each other because of badminton trainings, school, etc. etc. Weeks would go by without seeing each other, and sometimes, I do not even reply to his texts and answer his calls. I guess I took him for granted too much, thinking that he would always be there and never feared that somehow, he might get fed up and leave me in the end; no I did not think about that. I got so at ease, being used to the fact that he was always there for me that I neglected his needs. He needed me; but I was not there for me most of the times just because I thought it is ok. That he would understand. But no. I pushed him hard. Neglected is the right term.
And so because of this sad routine, our relationship went closer to its end. Just because of lack of communication. I, not wanting to talk to him about the problem because I faced a major denial of the whole situation and him, not also wanting to talk to me because of fear of having stupid fights all over again. We were faced with so much assumptions and fears that we were not able to see that communication alone, as much as it was something to be feared of, is the only thing that could cure the situation. Kung nag-usap lang sana kami eh di sana ok ang lahat ngayon...
So was that love? Yes, I guess it is. But love alone cannot stand without communication. Communication is Love's other half and vice versa. One cannot withstand everything alone. Sometimes we just fear the consequences which are not yet happening too much so instead of talking things over, everything just gets worse because of silence mode. Iyan ang hirap sa hindi nag-uusap... We were left with so much assumptions, with no clues even... hay.
What am I trying to say here? Sometimes people think that their other halves do not love them as much as they did before because "unexpected" things happen. It is not that they do not love us anymore or anything; there is just some kind of a relationship ailment (such as lack of communication, and the list goes on... etc etc) that needs to be cured. Furthermore, Love cannot be called Real Love without Communication because the two would always go together. So break away from the old saying that "Distance makes the heart grow fonder..." because it is not true. Haay.
So now, I have not yet found the right one. It is no big deal, really. Time will come. Someday, somehow, in another time. I guess all I have to do is listen to my friends pour out their hearts and feelings to me [ooohhh how damn I am pained because of these sad things...] and wait... wait... wait for the right one knock me off my feet.
Oh Mia gurl, if there is just something that I can do for you... Just don't be saaaad anymore...
I envy people I see walking around in places with their fingers locked with their partner's. It is as if they are not aware of what is happening around them; but just about the most precious moment that they are spending with their special someone. Sometimes I go out and sit on the metal-cold seat out on our porch and gaze longingly at the stars and wonder if ever there is someone right for me and if he is thinking of the same things that I am thinking about. It is true that I am longing for all those hugs and comfort that lovers feel but the minute I hear someone pouring out all her problems to me because of love, I cannot help to think that somehow, I am quite lucky because I do not have a special someone who can make me vulnerable to such pain. But still... still...
So if love is really such a wonderful thing, why does its manifestations come in different colors and varieties to different people? Why do people experience different things because of this abstract thing? What is real love? Or better yet, is there such a thing?
Let me guys tell you about a past relationship that I had. This person and I spent around eight months together... eight wonderful months together... months that brought the most colorful memories to me that would last a lifetime. It is a sad thing that it had to end in such a tragic way but nevertheless, being with him made me mature in many aspects of life. Couple of times I still remember him, but it is really hard to tell if I still have feelings for him or not. Maybe there is. Maybe not. But whatever it is, I cannot go back anymore. Going forward is the only option.
As much as we loved one another, the relationship thing just could not work out. Days and even weeks were wasted because of fighting, sometimes even because of silly things like a computer game or a badminton game or even a stupid t-shirt. Truth is, it is really weird to say that we were crazily in love with each other when in fact we were always fighting over small stuff. But we loved each other. We f*cking loved each other that we hurt each other sometimes (you guys get what I am talking about?).
I guess what we really lacked is not love (we had lots of it to give to each other) but communication. We were so busy with different things, and I might as well admit that I did not allot enough time for us to see each other because of badminton trainings, school, etc. etc. Weeks would go by without seeing each other, and sometimes, I do not even reply to his texts and answer his calls. I guess I took him for granted too much, thinking that he would always be there and never feared that somehow, he might get fed up and leave me in the end; no I did not think about that. I got so at ease, being used to the fact that he was always there for me that I neglected his needs. He needed me; but I was not there for me most of the times just because I thought it is ok. That he would understand. But no. I pushed him hard. Neglected is the right term.
And so because of this sad routine, our relationship went closer to its end. Just because of lack of communication. I, not wanting to talk to him about the problem because I faced a major denial of the whole situation and him, not also wanting to talk to me because of fear of having stupid fights all over again. We were faced with so much assumptions and fears that we were not able to see that communication alone, as much as it was something to be feared of, is the only thing that could cure the situation. Kung nag-usap lang sana kami eh di sana ok ang lahat ngayon...
So was that love? Yes, I guess it is. But love alone cannot stand without communication. Communication is Love's other half and vice versa. One cannot withstand everything alone. Sometimes we just fear the consequences which are not yet happening too much so instead of talking things over, everything just gets worse because of silence mode. Iyan ang hirap sa hindi nag-uusap... We were left with so much assumptions, with no clues even... hay.
What am I trying to say here? Sometimes people think that their other halves do not love them as much as they did before because "unexpected" things happen. It is not that they do not love us anymore or anything; there is just some kind of a relationship ailment (such as lack of communication, and the list goes on... etc etc) that needs to be cured. Furthermore, Love cannot be called Real Love without Communication because the two would always go together. So break away from the old saying that "Distance makes the heart grow fonder..." because it is not true. Haay.
So now, I have not yet found the right one. It is no big deal, really. Time will come. Someday, somehow, in another time. I guess all I have to do is listen to my friends pour out their hearts and feelings to me [ooohhh how damn I am pained because of these sad things...] and wait... wait... wait for the right one knock me off my feet.
Oh Mia gurl, if there is just something that I can do for you... Just don't be saaaad anymore...