(no subject)
So I made that post earlier and it did me no good. Everything's the same as always, which sucks.
I feel like crap.
Crap in the head and crap in the heart and posting here isn't going to do any good, I'm not interesting enough. (Not cared for enough?)
Every time I feel a moment of clarity, it flees and I'm left stupefied by this charade. Just stop it. It's me, isn't it? I'm going insane and there's no reason for it. Or is there? I don't even know. I keep on having the same conversation with myself and it's doing me no good. There's no outlet, which leads me here. I don't even know what I'm trying to accomplish at this point.
Too bad I can't talk to the person(people?) that I thought I might be able to. I'll only be talked down to and laughed at, made to feel inferior and small so that she/he/(they?) can feel superior, smart, in control, logical, calm. It doesn't matter that I care or that I hate having secrets or that I want to make amends and get maybe some answers. Maybe. Not really.
Feelings, no matter how small, don't count. They are nothing and I am nothing. I hate that you(you?) see it that way and will pretend that you don't if confronted on it.
God damn I hate liars...
I feel like crap.
Crap in the head and crap in the heart and posting here isn't going to do any good, I'm not interesting enough. (Not cared for enough?)
Every time I feel a moment of clarity, it flees and I'm left stupefied by this charade. Just stop it. It's me, isn't it? I'm going insane and there's no reason for it. Or is there? I don't even know. I keep on having the same conversation with myself and it's doing me no good. There's no outlet, which leads me here. I don't even know what I'm trying to accomplish at this point.
Too bad I can't talk to the person(people?) that I thought I might be able to. I'll only be talked down to and laughed at, made to feel inferior and small so that she/he/(they?) can feel superior, smart, in control, logical, calm. It doesn't matter that I care or that I hate having secrets or that I want to make amends and get maybe some answers. Maybe. Not really.
Feelings, no matter how small, don't count. They are nothing and I am nothing. I hate that you(you?) see it that way and will pretend that you don't if confronted on it.
God damn I hate liars...