HELP!

[jo_mommy]

WHY DO I HAVE TO FEEL LIKE THIS! ITS NOT THE FIRST TIME I HAVE BUT I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY I DID THIS TO MYSELF. I SHOULD HAVE GOT IT THRO MY HEAD, IT WAS NEVER GONNA WORK OUT. PART OF ME BELIEVED I HAD MY WHOLE LIFE FIGURED OUT WITH HIM. WE WOULD TALK ABOUT HOW WE WANTED TO SPEND OUR LIVES TOGETHER, HOW HE WAS SO SCARED I WAS GONNA LEAVE HIM. ANOTHER PART OF ME WONDERED Y WAS I WITH HIM, HE WAS JUST GONNA DO IT TO ME AGAIN. I FIGURED WHILE HE WAS GONE I WOULD MAYBE FINE SOMEONE DIFFERENT. I AM SO USE TO BEING WITH HIM, NO THAT IM NOT, I DONT KNO WHAT TO DO.I AM SO SCARED OF PUTTING MY SELF OUT THERE JUST TO FEEL THIS PAIN IN THE END, ITS ENOUGH TO DRIVE A SANE PERSON TO INSANITY. HAVING THE FEELING THAT ALL WHAT I PLANED MY LIFE TO BE IS CRUMBLING ALL AROUND ME N I AM POWERLESS TO STOP IT. I HAVE NO WILL OR STRENGTH TO MOVE FORWARD. I JUST WANT TIME TO SIT STILL UNTIL I CAN GET OVER THIS. IM TIRED OF CRYING, BUT I CANT STOP, IT JUST COMES OUT OF NO WHERE. SO MUCH IS GOIN ON RIGHT NOW. HE WAS THE ONE I USE TO TALK TO WHEN I HAD PROBLEMS N THEY GOT BETTER..
HOW MAY TIMES DO I HAVE TO PLAY WITH FIRE BEFORE I REALISE IT BURNS ME IN THE END???? THANKS JAMIE