Just Like A Jones 29/30 (ish)
Just Like A Jones
Chapter: 29/30
Rating: NC-17 for series
Pairing/Characters: Jack/Ianto. Mica. David. Martha. Gwen/Rhys. Lois. Johnny/Rhiannon.
Synopsis: Mica may be a Davies, but sometimes she acts like a Jones. Set 13 years in the future. The world is a very different place, and Torchwood is a world that Jack doesn't want to know, but a promise made a long time ago brings him back to their door whether he likes it or not. Mica is in awe of a past she didn't know and a man she barely remembers, but her passion for his world takes her on a journey she never expected.
Spoilers: Aftermath of COE.
Disclaimer: Not mine, if it was this woul not need to be written.
A/N - 30 parts seems unlikely lol. maybe 32-35 alo sorry fr the delay. too many reasons to summerise. am sorry lol
Thanks. Thanks to everyone who has replied so far XD. As i have said before it was lack of feedbak that made me give up before, but the comment i got for ch8 made me so happy and confident and determined to keep going for this fandom. )
PART 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28
Ianto walked around the kitchen hunting for something to satisfy his hunger. He rubbed his stomach and pursed his lips in contemplation as he raided the cupboards for something interesting to eat. He opened the fridge and stared into the depths in hope that something appealing would suddenly appear. It didn't. It was all healthy, too healthy and green; he wanted something greasy to clog his recently revived arteries.
“You're missing your show.” Jack appeared in the doorway.
“I have more important things to deal with,” Ianto said, pushing the healthy food aside and looking beyond it.
“Such as?”
“Food. I'm starving.”
“You just ate.”
Ianto closed the fridge and moved over to inspect the contents of another cupboard. “It was a salad.”
“So?”
“Salad is a garnish, not a meal.” He sighed as he gave up hi search. “I need propper food.”
“Mica was trying to give you a healthy diet to help you rehabilitation.”
“Take-away could help my rehabilitation.”
“I doubt it.” Jack sighed and gave in. “We could order some Chinese, or a pizza?”
“Actually I could really go for some chips,” he said, “drowned in vinegar.”
Jack moved across the kitchen and wrapped his arms around him. “Well then, chips you shall have. There's a chippy opposite the pub in the village.” Jack kissed his lips softly, then let go and walked through the living room and grabbed his coat.
“Where are you going?” Mica paused the DVD and turned to look at Jack as he slipped on his heavy boots.
“Chippy,” he said, “Ianto wants chips.”
“I'll come with you actually” she said, “I fancy a pie. I'll just go and change, I don't think Pyjamas are really appropriate outdoor wear.” Mica slipped out of the room.
“Ianto do you want a pie?” Jack fastened his coat.
“I'll come with you.”
“No need, it's just ten minutes up the road.” He smiled. “I'll be back before you know it.”
Ianto grabbed the coat that Mica had bought him on her shopping spree and slipped it on. “I need to get out of this house. Maybe a walk would do me good.”
“Only if you feel up to it.”
“If I can't manage a ten minute walk to the chippy and back we really do have a problem.”
“Okay. We can all go together.”
Ianto sighed. “Great.” He slumped down on the sofa.
“What's wrong?”
“We're quite the little threesome aren't we?”
“Meaning?”
“You, me and Mica.”
Jack sat down beside him. “What do you mean?”
“She follows me around like a lost puppy, Jack. I can't go anywhere without her following and asking questions.”
“She idolises you, that's all.”
“Yeah, well she can stop it.”
Jack took his hand. “I know this can't be easy, but she's just trying to deal with this too.”
“I'm not a perfect man, Jack.”
“I know that.” Jack turned to face him and caressed his cheek. “Nobody is perfect, not even me.”
“But perfect is what she sees. To her I'm just this fairytale of a human being, she doesn't see the man I am. She doesn't know me and I certainly don't know her.” He sighed. “I hate being this person that I can't live up to. What happens when she realises that I'm not perfect, Jack? What happens when one day she wakes up and realises that I'm just a normal Welsh Boy from the Cromwell hiding behind a posh suit and a latte?.”
“Don't you think her mother reminds her of that every day?” Jack said. “Mica knows where you come from, she knows who you are.”
“I don't even know who I am myself.”
“Yes you do and so do I.” Jack kissed his lips softly. “I made sure she didn't forget you and I was true to who you are. You're flawed and she knows it.”
“I don't know what to do.”
“Talk to her.” Jack took out his wallet an handed Ianto some money. “Take her out for chips. Tell her something she doesn't know.”
~~~~~*~~~~~
The warm night had started to change a little by the time Mica and Ianto reached the village; the cool air had turned cold and the gentle wind had started to ripple through the trees.
“Bloody hell it's cold.” Mica wrapped her jacket around her to protect herself from the cold. “Not exactly the best of nights for you to take your first stroll.”
“I like the cold,” Ianto said, “It's refreshing.”
“Refreshing my arse. Its bloody freezing, I feel like I'm going to lose my fingers to frostbite.”
Ianto pulled Mica into a sop doorway and took off his coat. “Your mother used to do this every day on the way to school.”
“Do what?”
“Moan about the weather.” Ianto felt the bitter wind as it hit his back and was suddenly very happy that he chose to slip on a jumper over his t-shirt before leaving the house. “Either it was too hot or it was too cold. It was never good enough.”
“Sounds like Mam.”
He slipped his coat over Mica's arms and zipped it. “So when it was cold I used to give her my coat, just to stop her from moaning.”
“Or was it because you cared?”
“No.” Ianto smiled. “It was definitely to stop her from moaning.”
“If you say so.” Mica caught a glimpse of herself in a shop window. She looked a little ridiculous; the material of the coat drowned her small frame, ending at her knees when it should have ended mid-thigh and the sleeves fell over her hands completely. She looked like a penguin.
Ianto looked at her, drowning in his coat and his face fell a little. “You've never changed, you know that?”
“What do you mean?”
“You still look four to me. I can still see you in that pink parka Rhi bought for you in the sale at Debenhams that was two sizes too big so that there was room or you to grow into it.”
“I wore it until I was six,” she said.
“And I remember taking you into the McDonald's in town, holding your hand as we crossed the road, scared shitless in case you ran off an got hit by a car. So I'd pick you up and put you on my shoulders instead.” He smiled sadly. “I can't do that any more. I'll never see that little girl again, she's gone forever.”
“She grew up.”
“Yeah and I missed it.” He sighed. “I was never that good an uncle anyway.”
“But you loved us and that was enough.”
“Was it though?”
Mica nodded. “Of course it was. I mean, yeah, there were better uncles than you that visited every week and remembered birthdays, but you can't change that and me and David always knew you loved us.” She wrapped her arms around his waist and Ianto felt the warmth radiate from her for a moment. “Between Mam and Uncle Jack we could never forget you. I think someone mentioned you every day.”
“We should go and get chips,” Ianto said, “get you inside and away from the cold.”
“Me? I'm not the one without a coat.”
~~~~~*~~~~~
It had started to rain by the time Ianto and Mica reached the shelter of the chippy. It was that horrible drizzly rain that carried with the wind and hardly reached the ground, the kind that you could hardly feel but somehow drenched you just as much as a torrential downpour. They had tried to outrun it, but there was no escaping the unpredictable Welsh weather and Ianto Jones looked wet and cold by the time he got into shelter.
Inside the chippy was cosy and a few well placed heaters made the building warm and homely. There were a few tables for those who wanted to eat in with green and white chequered plastic tablecloths and the kind of salt and pepper shakers that you saw everywhere. Ianto smiled as he shook the rain off his head and ran his fingers over the plastic cloth; it had been thirteen years, but it felt like he had never been away. Plastic tablecloths never went out of fashion, apparently.
He sat and waited for Mica to order as he looked around. The decoration of the greasy spoon never changed, but he did wonder just how long the ketchup had been in the red squeezy container.
Mica sat down opposite him and slipped off both coats. “Five minutes.”
“I'm starving,” Ianto said, “and wet.”
“Should have kept your coat then, shouldn't you?”
“It's fine. A little bit of water won't kill me.”
“And a little cold wouldn't have killed me either.”
Ianto looked down at the table cloth and traced one of his fingers idly over one of the squares a few times while he waited.
“You're going to burn a hole in the plastic if you keep staring at it like that.”
Ianto smiled a little. “That's impossible.”
“So is coming back from the dead, technically.” Mica lowed her voice, despite the lack of people. “Never say never.”
“Did you ever think you would see me again?” he asked, “did you think it would work?”
“Not at first, then I thought that if it was the other way around you wouldn't have given up.”
“How do you know that?” Ianto asked. “Nobody knows what someone else would do?”
“You don't give up easily.”
Ianto sighed and contemplated his words. “You scare me.”
“I scare you?”
“You know so much about me and I don't know anything about you. You always presume I'm a good guy.”
“You are.”
“Not always. I make bad choices sometimes. I'm not perfect.”
“Just because you make bad choices and mistakes it doesn't mean that you're not a good guy. I'm not so naïve to presume that you're perfect either.”
Ianto reached over the table and took her hand, then gazed into the depths of her eyes. “Those diaries that you base your views of me on, they don't tell you everything.”
“I know that.” She smiled. “But they told me enough.”
“Some things that I have done, they were so awful that I destroyed any record of them.” He closed his eyes and hung his head low. His words were lost inside his head, struggling to find a way to come out.
“You can tell me anything,” Mica said, “It won't change how I see you.”
“I doubt that very much.”
“What could be so bad?”
“I wrote about Lisa in my diaries. I spoke about her but I never ever wrote down what happened to her. It was like I couldn't bring myself to remind myself of what I had done.”
“She died in the battle. That wasn't your fault.”
Ianto shook hi head. “I lost her there, but that's not where she died.” He took a breath and closed his eyes again, breaking the contact between them. “She died in Cardiff, on the floor covered in blood with bullets in a chest that didn't even belong to her.”
“I don't understand.”
“She didn't die in battle, Mica. She was converted when I found her, sixty percent or maybe a little more, and instead of leaving her I rescued her. I brought her to Cardiff, lied to get into Torchwood and stored her in the basement for months.” He opened his eyes and they met hers again, covered in a film of tears. “I broke every rule and abused my position for her. She was a cyberman, a metal monster but I thought it was Lisa, I betrayed Jack for someone that didn't even exist anymore.”
“Why?” Mica withdrew her hand and recoiled a little. “Why would you do that?”
“I thought I could save her. I loved her and I was so desperate.”
“Desperate?” Mica shook her head. “Stupid more like.”
“I was grieving,” he said, “She was the only one I had ever loved and I would have risked anything to get her back.”
“Even humanity?” Mica distanced herself a little more.
“I thought I was doing the right thing.” He grabbed her hand, but she pulled it away before he could reach it. “I didn't think she would hurt anyone. I didn't mean for anyone to die.”
“I can't listen to this.” Mica stood up and backed away from the table slowly.
“Mica--”
She turned her back on him and ran towards the door, then out into the street. The rain was heavy now and she could barely see anything in the darkness; flashes of light illuminated the night sky and the rumbles of thunder grumbled in the heavy clouds above her. She turned left and ran down the street, blinded by her tears in the rain.
“Mica!”
She heard Ianto shout her name in the rain and turned around to look at him. She couldn't make him run after her, not when he wasn't fully healed, but she didn't want to look at him. Mica turned her back on him again and disappeared into an alleyway then leaned against the cold damp wall.
“Why did you tell me that?” she asked as he walked towards her breathlessly. “Why did you have to give me that image of you?”
“You needed to realise that there's a lot you don't know.” Ianto stood opposite her, leaning wearily against the opposing wall. “Those diaries aren't me, they're just selected thoughts.”
“But why did you tell me that?”
“It's the worst thing I've ever done. It' the one thing that I am most ashamed of.” He stepped towards her and blinked away the rain that blurred his vision. “I thought that if you could forgive me for that, if you could accept me after knowing what I did, then I could never disappoint you. I'm so scared that I don't live up to what you want me to be.”
“And what if I can't accept it?” she asked. “What if I can't understand?”
“You have to.”
She walked towards the end of the alley. “No I don't.”
“I did it because I loved her with every shred of my being and I didn't want to know what life would be without her. You can't tell me that you don't understand what it's like to want someone back so much that you would do anything.”
Mica stopped walking, but didn't turn around.
“Love makes you reckless and do crazy things. You brought me back against all the laws of nature. There were consequences to that, but you didn't think about them.”
“No.” She slouched back against the nearest wall and let herself slide down it until she was sitting on the ground. “But there were consequences.” She tucked her knees against her chest and curled herself up into a ball.
Ianto sat down beside her. “It's done now.”
“All I wanted was to mend Jack, to make him whole again. I wanted him to have that spark back that you described in your diaries.” She looked at him. “I didn't mean to hurt anyone.”
“What happened?”
“A soldier disturbed us when we were getting you out. He was going to stop us, so I killed him. I shot him through the head before he could do it to me.” Mica closed her eyes and a tear rolled down her cheek, merging with the rain. “I see his face in my mind now, every time I sleep he's there. And the blood on my hands, it never goes away.”
Ianto wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close. “You can't always change the past, you just have to learn to live with it.”
Mica looked up at him. “Tell me it's okay?”
Ianto wrapped his arms around her and held her tight against him before placing a gentle kiss on her temple. “It's okay.”
PART 30 HERE
Chapter: 29/30
Rating: NC-17 for series
Pairing/Characters: Jack/Ianto. Mica. David. Martha. Gwen/Rhys. Lois. Johnny/Rhiannon.
Synopsis: Mica may be a Davies, but sometimes she acts like a Jones. Set 13 years in the future. The world is a very different place, and Torchwood is a world that Jack doesn't want to know, but a promise made a long time ago brings him back to their door whether he likes it or not. Mica is in awe of a past she didn't know and a man she barely remembers, but her passion for his world takes her on a journey she never expected.
Spoilers: Aftermath of COE.
Disclaimer: Not mine, if it was this woul not need to be written.
A/N - 30 parts seems unlikely lol. maybe 32-35 alo sorry fr the delay. too many reasons to summerise. am sorry lol
Thanks. Thanks to everyone who has replied so far XD. As i have said before it was lack of feedbak that made me give up before, but the comment i got for ch8 made me so happy and confident and determined to keep going for this fandom. )
PART 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28
Ianto walked around the kitchen hunting for something to satisfy his hunger. He rubbed his stomach and pursed his lips in contemplation as he raided the cupboards for something interesting to eat. He opened the fridge and stared into the depths in hope that something appealing would suddenly appear. It didn't. It was all healthy, too healthy and green; he wanted something greasy to clog his recently revived arteries.
“You're missing your show.” Jack appeared in the doorway.
“I have more important things to deal with,” Ianto said, pushing the healthy food aside and looking beyond it.
“Such as?”
“Food. I'm starving.”
“You just ate.”
Ianto closed the fridge and moved over to inspect the contents of another cupboard. “It was a salad.”
“So?”
“Salad is a garnish, not a meal.” He sighed as he gave up hi search. “I need propper food.”
“Mica was trying to give you a healthy diet to help you rehabilitation.”
“Take-away could help my rehabilitation.”
“I doubt it.” Jack sighed and gave in. “We could order some Chinese, or a pizza?”
“Actually I could really go for some chips,” he said, “drowned in vinegar.”
Jack moved across the kitchen and wrapped his arms around him. “Well then, chips you shall have. There's a chippy opposite the pub in the village.” Jack kissed his lips softly, then let go and walked through the living room and grabbed his coat.
“Where are you going?” Mica paused the DVD and turned to look at Jack as he slipped on his heavy boots.
“Chippy,” he said, “Ianto wants chips.”
“I'll come with you actually” she said, “I fancy a pie. I'll just go and change, I don't think Pyjamas are really appropriate outdoor wear.” Mica slipped out of the room.
“Ianto do you want a pie?” Jack fastened his coat.
“I'll come with you.”
“No need, it's just ten minutes up the road.” He smiled. “I'll be back before you know it.”
Ianto grabbed the coat that Mica had bought him on her shopping spree and slipped it on. “I need to get out of this house. Maybe a walk would do me good.”
“Only if you feel up to it.”
“If I can't manage a ten minute walk to the chippy and back we really do have a problem.”
“Okay. We can all go together.”
Ianto sighed. “Great.” He slumped down on the sofa.
“What's wrong?”
“We're quite the little threesome aren't we?”
“Meaning?”
“You, me and Mica.”
Jack sat down beside him. “What do you mean?”
“She follows me around like a lost puppy, Jack. I can't go anywhere without her following and asking questions.”
“She idolises you, that's all.”
“Yeah, well she can stop it.”
Jack took his hand. “I know this can't be easy, but she's just trying to deal with this too.”
“I'm not a perfect man, Jack.”
“I know that.” Jack turned to face him and caressed his cheek. “Nobody is perfect, not even me.”
“But perfect is what she sees. To her I'm just this fairytale of a human being, she doesn't see the man I am. She doesn't know me and I certainly don't know her.” He sighed. “I hate being this person that I can't live up to. What happens when she realises that I'm not perfect, Jack? What happens when one day she wakes up and realises that I'm just a normal Welsh Boy from the Cromwell hiding behind a posh suit and a latte?.”
“Don't you think her mother reminds her of that every day?” Jack said. “Mica knows where you come from, she knows who you are.”
“I don't even know who I am myself.”
“Yes you do and so do I.” Jack kissed his lips softly. “I made sure she didn't forget you and I was true to who you are. You're flawed and she knows it.”
“I don't know what to do.”
“Talk to her.” Jack took out his wallet an handed Ianto some money. “Take her out for chips. Tell her something she doesn't know.”
~~~~~*~~~~~
The warm night had started to change a little by the time Mica and Ianto reached the village; the cool air had turned cold and the gentle wind had started to ripple through the trees.
“Bloody hell it's cold.” Mica wrapped her jacket around her to protect herself from the cold. “Not exactly the best of nights for you to take your first stroll.”
“I like the cold,” Ianto said, “It's refreshing.”
“Refreshing my arse. Its bloody freezing, I feel like I'm going to lose my fingers to frostbite.”
Ianto pulled Mica into a sop doorway and took off his coat. “Your mother used to do this every day on the way to school.”
“Do what?”
“Moan about the weather.” Ianto felt the bitter wind as it hit his back and was suddenly very happy that he chose to slip on a jumper over his t-shirt before leaving the house. “Either it was too hot or it was too cold. It was never good enough.”
“Sounds like Mam.”
He slipped his coat over Mica's arms and zipped it. “So when it was cold I used to give her my coat, just to stop her from moaning.”
“Or was it because you cared?”
“No.” Ianto smiled. “It was definitely to stop her from moaning.”
“If you say so.” Mica caught a glimpse of herself in a shop window. She looked a little ridiculous; the material of the coat drowned her small frame, ending at her knees when it should have ended mid-thigh and the sleeves fell over her hands completely. She looked like a penguin.
Ianto looked at her, drowning in his coat and his face fell a little. “You've never changed, you know that?”
“What do you mean?”
“You still look four to me. I can still see you in that pink parka Rhi bought for you in the sale at Debenhams that was two sizes too big so that there was room or you to grow into it.”
“I wore it until I was six,” she said.
“And I remember taking you into the McDonald's in town, holding your hand as we crossed the road, scared shitless in case you ran off an got hit by a car. So I'd pick you up and put you on my shoulders instead.” He smiled sadly. “I can't do that any more. I'll never see that little girl again, she's gone forever.”
“She grew up.”
“Yeah and I missed it.” He sighed. “I was never that good an uncle anyway.”
“But you loved us and that was enough.”
“Was it though?”
Mica nodded. “Of course it was. I mean, yeah, there were better uncles than you that visited every week and remembered birthdays, but you can't change that and me and David always knew you loved us.” She wrapped her arms around his waist and Ianto felt the warmth radiate from her for a moment. “Between Mam and Uncle Jack we could never forget you. I think someone mentioned you every day.”
“We should go and get chips,” Ianto said, “get you inside and away from the cold.”
“Me? I'm not the one without a coat.”
~~~~~*~~~~~
It had started to rain by the time Ianto and Mica reached the shelter of the chippy. It was that horrible drizzly rain that carried with the wind and hardly reached the ground, the kind that you could hardly feel but somehow drenched you just as much as a torrential downpour. They had tried to outrun it, but there was no escaping the unpredictable Welsh weather and Ianto Jones looked wet and cold by the time he got into shelter.
Inside the chippy was cosy and a few well placed heaters made the building warm and homely. There were a few tables for those who wanted to eat in with green and white chequered plastic tablecloths and the kind of salt and pepper shakers that you saw everywhere. Ianto smiled as he shook the rain off his head and ran his fingers over the plastic cloth; it had been thirteen years, but it felt like he had never been away. Plastic tablecloths never went out of fashion, apparently.
He sat and waited for Mica to order as he looked around. The decoration of the greasy spoon never changed, but he did wonder just how long the ketchup had been in the red squeezy container.
Mica sat down opposite him and slipped off both coats. “Five minutes.”
“I'm starving,” Ianto said, “and wet.”
“Should have kept your coat then, shouldn't you?”
“It's fine. A little bit of water won't kill me.”
“And a little cold wouldn't have killed me either.”
Ianto looked down at the table cloth and traced one of his fingers idly over one of the squares a few times while he waited.
“You're going to burn a hole in the plastic if you keep staring at it like that.”
Ianto smiled a little. “That's impossible.”
“So is coming back from the dead, technically.” Mica lowed her voice, despite the lack of people. “Never say never.”
“Did you ever think you would see me again?” he asked, “did you think it would work?”
“Not at first, then I thought that if it was the other way around you wouldn't have given up.”
“How do you know that?” Ianto asked. “Nobody knows what someone else would do?”
“You don't give up easily.”
Ianto sighed and contemplated his words. “You scare me.”
“I scare you?”
“You know so much about me and I don't know anything about you. You always presume I'm a good guy.”
“You are.”
“Not always. I make bad choices sometimes. I'm not perfect.”
“Just because you make bad choices and mistakes it doesn't mean that you're not a good guy. I'm not so naïve to presume that you're perfect either.”
Ianto reached over the table and took her hand, then gazed into the depths of her eyes. “Those diaries that you base your views of me on, they don't tell you everything.”
“I know that.” She smiled. “But they told me enough.”
“Some things that I have done, they were so awful that I destroyed any record of them.” He closed his eyes and hung his head low. His words were lost inside his head, struggling to find a way to come out.
“You can tell me anything,” Mica said, “It won't change how I see you.”
“I doubt that very much.”
“What could be so bad?”
“I wrote about Lisa in my diaries. I spoke about her but I never ever wrote down what happened to her. It was like I couldn't bring myself to remind myself of what I had done.”
“She died in the battle. That wasn't your fault.”
Ianto shook hi head. “I lost her there, but that's not where she died.” He took a breath and closed his eyes again, breaking the contact between them. “She died in Cardiff, on the floor covered in blood with bullets in a chest that didn't even belong to her.”
“I don't understand.”
“She didn't die in battle, Mica. She was converted when I found her, sixty percent or maybe a little more, and instead of leaving her I rescued her. I brought her to Cardiff, lied to get into Torchwood and stored her in the basement for months.” He opened his eyes and they met hers again, covered in a film of tears. “I broke every rule and abused my position for her. She was a cyberman, a metal monster but I thought it was Lisa, I betrayed Jack for someone that didn't even exist anymore.”
“Why?” Mica withdrew her hand and recoiled a little. “Why would you do that?”
“I thought I could save her. I loved her and I was so desperate.”
“Desperate?” Mica shook her head. “Stupid more like.”
“I was grieving,” he said, “She was the only one I had ever loved and I would have risked anything to get her back.”
“Even humanity?” Mica distanced herself a little more.
“I thought I was doing the right thing.” He grabbed her hand, but she pulled it away before he could reach it. “I didn't think she would hurt anyone. I didn't mean for anyone to die.”
“I can't listen to this.” Mica stood up and backed away from the table slowly.
“Mica--”
She turned her back on him and ran towards the door, then out into the street. The rain was heavy now and she could barely see anything in the darkness; flashes of light illuminated the night sky and the rumbles of thunder grumbled in the heavy clouds above her. She turned left and ran down the street, blinded by her tears in the rain.
“Mica!”
She heard Ianto shout her name in the rain and turned around to look at him. She couldn't make him run after her, not when he wasn't fully healed, but she didn't want to look at him. Mica turned her back on him again and disappeared into an alleyway then leaned against the cold damp wall.
“Why did you tell me that?” she asked as he walked towards her breathlessly. “Why did you have to give me that image of you?”
“You needed to realise that there's a lot you don't know.” Ianto stood opposite her, leaning wearily against the opposing wall. “Those diaries aren't me, they're just selected thoughts.”
“But why did you tell me that?”
“It's the worst thing I've ever done. It' the one thing that I am most ashamed of.” He stepped towards her and blinked away the rain that blurred his vision. “I thought that if you could forgive me for that, if you could accept me after knowing what I did, then I could never disappoint you. I'm so scared that I don't live up to what you want me to be.”
“And what if I can't accept it?” she asked. “What if I can't understand?”
“You have to.”
She walked towards the end of the alley. “No I don't.”
“I did it because I loved her with every shred of my being and I didn't want to know what life would be without her. You can't tell me that you don't understand what it's like to want someone back so much that you would do anything.”
Mica stopped walking, but didn't turn around.
“Love makes you reckless and do crazy things. You brought me back against all the laws of nature. There were consequences to that, but you didn't think about them.”
“No.” She slouched back against the nearest wall and let herself slide down it until she was sitting on the ground. “But there were consequences.” She tucked her knees against her chest and curled herself up into a ball.
Ianto sat down beside her. “It's done now.”
“All I wanted was to mend Jack, to make him whole again. I wanted him to have that spark back that you described in your diaries.” She looked at him. “I didn't mean to hurt anyone.”
“What happened?”
“A soldier disturbed us when we were getting you out. He was going to stop us, so I killed him. I shot him through the head before he could do it to me.” Mica closed her eyes and a tear rolled down her cheek, merging with the rain. “I see his face in my mind now, every time I sleep he's there. And the blood on my hands, it never goes away.”
Ianto wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close. “You can't always change the past, you just have to learn to live with it.”
Mica looked up at him. “Tell me it's okay?”
Ianto wrapped his arms around her and held her tight against him before placing a gentle kiss on her temple. “It's okay.”
PART 30 HERE