Letters of Note: F. Scott Fitzgerald to his daughter
While searching for another letter of Fitzgerald, I stumbled on this one from the author to this 11-year-old daughter. I was charmed by the love and humor (sidebar: is Fitzergerald known for his humor?) of a father to his daughter -- it sort of reminds me of my own relationship with my dad -- and impressed and thought-provoked by the advice he imparts.
He writes that while he is glad his daughter was happy (presumably in reply to a letter she wrote him saying so), he states that he doesn't really believe in happiness. To be fair, he states he doesn't really believe in misery. He says, "All I believe in in life is the rewards for virtue (according to your talents) and the punishments for not fulfilling your duties, which are doubly costly."
He goes on to give a checklist:
Things to worry about:
Worry about courage
Worry about Cleanliness
Worry about efficiency
Worry about horsemanship
Worry about. . .
Things not to worry about:
Don't worry about popular opinion
Don't worry about dolls
Don't worry about the past
Don't worry about the future
Don't worry about growing up
Don't worry about anybody getting ahead of you
Don't worry about triumph
Don't worry about failure unless it comes through your own fault
Don't worry about mosquitoes
Don't worry about flies
Don't worry about insects in general
Don't worry about parents
Don't worry about boys
Don't worry about disappointments
Don't worry about pleasures
Don't worry about satisfactions
Things to think about:
What am I really aiming at?
The last question was particularly thought-provoking for me. What are we really pursuing? So many people I know would probably say "happiness". Heck, even I might say the same thing--glibly or otherwise. I want to be happy. Who wouldn't?
I think the thing that this letter made me reflect, though, is that happiness is really just an emotion that's fleeting at best.
We can't be happy all the time. Not only is that impossible--it'd be exhausting, and well, to be honest, I imagine it might be kind of annoying.
On the flip side-- misery doesn't last, either. In fact, I'll even venture to claim that even in the depths of deep, dark depression-- it's STILL possible to smile. It feels downright weird, and perhaps frustrating and horrible in the next instant because a part of the brain shut it down almost immediately, with a good dose of guilt and derision thrown in for added-misery -- BUT. It happens. That fleeting break.
Emotions are grand. It's what connects us to life, to each other, to the things we do, enjoy, think, hate, etc. Watch yourselves when you grow numb. Sometimes it's necessary for survival, but it's a poor, poor existence. Numbness is worse than misery, I think.
But back to feelings. They're like spices, I guess. They're not the main course. And pursuing JUST that is possibly short-sighted, with a good helping of guaranteed frustration.
So what should we pursue instead? Fitzgerald recommends virtues and doing our duty as per our talents. I wonder if that's the same pursuing to be true to ourselves.
He writes that while he is glad his daughter was happy (presumably in reply to a letter she wrote him saying so), he states that he doesn't really believe in happiness. To be fair, he states he doesn't really believe in misery. He says, "All I believe in in life is the rewards for virtue (according to your talents) and the punishments for not fulfilling your duties, which are doubly costly."
He goes on to give a checklist:
Things to worry about:
Worry about courage
Worry about Cleanliness
Worry about efficiency
Worry about horsemanship
Worry about. . .
Things not to worry about:
Don't worry about popular opinion
Don't worry about dolls
Don't worry about the past
Don't worry about the future
Don't worry about growing up
Don't worry about anybody getting ahead of you
Don't worry about triumph
Don't worry about failure unless it comes through your own fault
Don't worry about mosquitoes
Don't worry about flies
Don't worry about insects in general
Don't worry about parents
Don't worry about boys
Don't worry about disappointments
Don't worry about pleasures
Don't worry about satisfactions
Things to think about:
What am I really aiming at?
The last question was particularly thought-provoking for me. What are we really pursuing? So many people I know would probably say "happiness". Heck, even I might say the same thing--glibly or otherwise. I want to be happy. Who wouldn't?
I think the thing that this letter made me reflect, though, is that happiness is really just an emotion that's fleeting at best.
We can't be happy all the time. Not only is that impossible--it'd be exhausting, and well, to be honest, I imagine it might be kind of annoying.
On the flip side-- misery doesn't last, either. In fact, I'll even venture to claim that even in the depths of deep, dark depression-- it's STILL possible to smile. It feels downright weird, and perhaps frustrating and horrible in the next instant because a part of the brain shut it down almost immediately, with a good dose of guilt and derision thrown in for added-misery -- BUT. It happens. That fleeting break.
Emotions are grand. It's what connects us to life, to each other, to the things we do, enjoy, think, hate, etc. Watch yourselves when you grow numb. Sometimes it's necessary for survival, but it's a poor, poor existence. Numbness is worse than misery, I think.
But back to feelings. They're like spices, I guess. They're not the main course. And pursuing JUST that is possibly short-sighted, with a good helping of guaranteed frustration.
So what should we pursue instead? Fitzgerald recommends virtues and doing our duty as per our talents. I wonder if that's the same pursuing to be true to ourselves.