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[jncoskid420]

well, today was alright. wow, kendel gave me this picture of herself and its amazing. oh well, doubt that. doesnt matter anyway. i get to make up more of my work, thats good. i get to go to work again tonight. fun fun. "are you stalking me, because that would be super" if only, if only. i want to go to the races this friday but i cant. go to nopi

Comments

Jody,

[squeek_squeeky]

You never called me back or asked me to stay.... Not really even why I was doing it, just let me repeat I can't handle this any longer. Why do you matter so much to me? Why after so much time do I continue to hate Sam, Julie or any other girl that is near you.... I left I know that!!!! You keep repeating the same thing to me over and over like I don't know this already. I feel like an idoit running to my computer everyday after school just to see if you have replyed.... it is about as pathetic as my phone run, to see if you are calling... I have been chasing that flipping phone since 7th grade, and in almost 4 months it has not been you. I go to Kroger to pick up tea after work, and to go to the ATM and to get gas quite a bit and I debate running into stupid wing world and looking for you.... Ha I am a pathetic fool, I left becuase it is redculious to continue it any longer, and I sit here and wonder to myself how stupid could I have been to let you go. Oh well I promised I would never hurt you again and so I wont, I dont even think you would let me any longer. An excuse or easy way out whatever... why do you always have to try and make things worse then they are.... I guess I make things complicated but whatever. I love every second of it..... You know whats worse... I actually though you wanted to see me and for some reason think you will show up at work or at my house or something I dunno... but I don't think you do, I think I am kidding myself now more then anything. And tomorrow will be the same as today... I will get home around 8 and go upstairs on my computer and check my mail to see if I have any replys from Jncoskid420, if there is one I wil reply and the cycle will continue till the day we speek, you stop leaving comments, or I just get over you.
Always Here and with Love,
Me

Re: Jody,

[jncoskid420]

hows about we stop this back and forth you did i did you said i said. i never thought we would end up like this. i know everything i have said has been true. do i want to see you. yes, i do. i tell justin and chris and everyone else the exact opposite of that, but i do. do i secretly sit in my mind whenever i see you in the parking lot and want you to come in, yes, but i dont admit it to anyone else. will i let you hurt me again, well, you werent supposed to the last time, so i dont think so. do i wish i could without looking like a jackass, pushover, and a desperate person to others, yes. but its not desperation. its having an angel and her leaving because you are the devil. what was i to say? would words have even mattered? i dont think so. they never did with you. actions are the only thing that did, and sometimes that didnt even work. do i want to see you? yes. will i ask for or wait for it? no. i dont expect it. if it happens it happens, but it wont be the same. i cant look at you with the same eyes. those eyes have disappeared. i cant think about you with the same mind, that mind has soured. i cant feel about you with the same heart, it has grown cold and hard. maybe thats why i cant get anything to work for me now. i dont know. i have a fear now because of what happened. i cant think of myself as being worth it. and i cant look at any girl and think she is worth the pain, because you were and now it is all gone, all dried up. you will get over me before i will get over you. you will stop talking to and about me before i do. you and i arent as different as you like to think we are. i run to the computer to see if you have left a comment, i wish it was you calling me or me calling you. i see you in the world and want to stop you to say hey and do all the things with you i used to, like go to the park, or just hang out around the house, or go to prom! but i cant. would have kept swimming at bogan if it hadnt been for me being afraid of facing you. ive seen you in so many places to just be forced to turn around and not see you. i cant keep typing this. w/b, i will wait and wish for your response.