Fic: "Human Relationships: Mating Rituals" part 10/11
Fandom: Star Trek 2009
Title: Human Relationships: Mating Rituals, 10/11
Characters/Pairings: Spock/T'Pring, Spock/Uhura, Sarek, Amanda
Rating: R
Warnings: sex, a realistic depiction of a repressed male virgin's first time
Word Count: ~4,900
Summary: Spock discovers that navigating a relationship with a Human woman is more complicated than he expected. Particularly since the Human woman in question is still a cadet, and Spock has a Vulcan fiancée waiting in the wings.
Author's Note: As ever, thanks to my beta reader mrstater. And thanks to all my great readers! Chapter 1. Chapter 2. Chapter 3. Chapter 4. Chapter 5. Chapter 6. Chapter 7. Chapter 8. Chapter 9.
Chapter 10
The morning after T'Pring granted Spock permission to date Human women, he discussed the new development with his mother.
She agreed that an experiment in Human dating was a logical way to determine whether he was more suited for a Human or a Vulcan marriage. However, she disagreed with him on which women he should try dating.
"I do not think dating a colleague or a friend would be wise," Spock insisted. "Such a change in the dynamics of an existing relationship could undermine our friendship or disrupt our ability to work together. This experiment will be sufficiently unsettling already without introducing that kind of chaotic fluctuation into my daily life."
Amanda frowned, and folded her arms in front of her. "You're looking at this completely backwards. You're being too scientific about it--focusing on controlling all the variables in play instead of acknowledging that romance is anything but scientific."
Spock tightened his jaw. "Mother--"
"Don't ignore my advice, Spock. I'm inclined to think I know a good deal more about Human romance than you do."
"Very well," he sat even more stiffly on his stool. "Please explain to me why you believe I should date someone I already know."
Amanda leaned back into her more comfortably padded chair. "Because you're not Human. And you never will be. Dating complete strangers might work very well for Human men, but it will not work for you."
Spock raised an eyebrow incredulously, but continued to listen.
"If you're anything like your father," said Amanda, "and I know you are, then your best bet at forming a meaningful Human romance will be with someone you already trust. Trust is the key to any successful romantic relationship, and Vulcans are disinclined to trust strangers."
This much Spock could not deny. It took him a very long time to fully trust the people around him. And he imagined it would take even longer to achieve a level of trust sufficient to share his personal life or to engage in physical intimacies.
"Also," added Amanda, "it will be easier for someone you know to accept you. Because she'll already be aware of your non-Human mannerisms. She won't misunderstand you the way a stranger might."
"Your points are valid," Spock finally said. "However, the prospect of a romantic relationship with any of the women of my current acquaintance is of no interest to me. I am attracted to none of them."
Amanda raised her eyebrows. "Now, that's not entirely true, is it? I remember you speaking very highly of your friend Nyota."
Spock clenched his jaw. The last person he wanted to discuss with his mother at that moment was Nyota. "A romantic relationship with Cadet Uhura would violate the Academy Code of Conduct."
A slow smile curled into place on Amanda's face. "So you don't deny that you're attracted to her?"
He looked away from his mother's gaze. "No. I cannot deny it. She is attractive in many ways. However, as I expressed, a romantic relationship with her would be impossible."
"Not impossible. Just in violation of the rules." Amanda leaned forward, resting her arms in her lap. "Have you ever considered the possibility that some rules are better off broken?"
"No." He looked at her sharply.
"Well, maybe you should start thinking about it. If she's really such an attractive young woman she'll have lots of opportunities for romance. She won't wait for you forever."
Spock shook his head. "She is already dating someone."
"Is it serious?"
"I do not know." He looked down at his hands in his lap, remembering with sudden clarity how greatly he desired to ram his fist into Cedric's face.
"Try asking her."
He looked back up at his mother. "Are you suggesting that I attempt to break up her relationship in order to pursue her myself?"
"Only if it's not serious."
Spock rose to his feet. "Such a suggestion should be beneath you, Mother."
She shrugged, still smiling. "I'm afraid it's not. I'm only Human, after all."
The remainder of their discussion proved equally futile, and Spock soon retired to the garden even more troubled than he had been before speaking to her.
***
Spock returns to work early the day after Nyota's safe rescue. His staff and colleagues all express concern over his absence, but he is quick to reassure them that he is perfectly well. Late in the morning he attends a pre-semester staff meeting for the linguistics department.
Before the usual business of the meeting commences, Commodore Ripley rises to her feet, her titanium gray hair smoothed back into a tight twist. "I trust by now most of you have heard at least a little something about what one of our Teaching Assistants has been up to the past few days, but in case you haven't, let me fill you in on the latest adventures of Cadet Uhura."
She proceeds to relate the story of Nyota's heroic actions aboard the Kenai. "Needless to say," concludes Commodore Ripley, "Cadet Uhura and her thesis partner Cadet Falan-Raz have both been recommended for special commendations. I spoke to Cadet Uhura this morning, and am pleased to report that she is recovering well from her injury. I congratulated her on her fine work under pressure, and I suggest you all do the same when you see her. She represented our department and the academy with great distinction."
Spock feels great pride and satisfaction. Nyota has earned this praise.
From that point the business of the meeting continues as usual. Only one discussion topic catches Spock off guard.
"Commander Spock, Captain Varik," says Commodore Ripley, looking directly at Spock, "I understand you two are swapping TAs this year. May I ask why?"
Spock is grateful when Captain Varik answers first. "We both agreed that after two years of serving under us, it would be good for our TAs to learn to cope with a different command style and different leadership techniques. We wouldn't want our best cadets getting stuck in ruts, would we?"
The wrinkles around Commodore Ripley's eyes deepen as she smiles. "No, we most certainly would not."
No further mention of Nyota is made during the meeting. However, Commodore Ripley draws Spock aside after the meeting concludes. "Was Cadet Uhura looking well when you went to see her?"
He nods. "Very well. Just a few hours after surgery she was already sitting up to study the research notes for her thesis. I expect she will be fully recovered within twenty-four hours."
The commodore nods slowly, her eyes narrowing slightly. "That's good to hear. Carry on, Commander."
It is only after Spock leaves the room that he begins to wonder how Commodore Ripley knew he had visited Nyota--or whether she had really known at all.
***
Early in the afternoon Spock is pleased to receive a call from Nyota. Her skin tone already looks much healthier.
"I wanted to talk about what happened last night," she says.
He, too, has been eager to discuss what passed between them. He never intended to initiate sexual intimacy so early in their relationship, but now that they have come to that line and very nearly crossed it, he has begun to reconsider. When both partners are willing and eager to consummate the relationship, is it really logical to delay that consummation solely as a matter of principle? Now that he has chosen to pursue a serious Human relationship, should he not act as a Human would act in his situation?
"What I wanted to tell you," she continues, "is that the drugs they gave me had some . . . interesting side-effects."
This puzzles Spock. He knits his brows. "Do you mean to imply that your behavior toward me was merely a reaction to drugs?"
Her eyes widen and she raises a hand in front of her. "No! No. That's not what I meant. At least, not entirely."
Spock is pleased to hear that her passion and desire were more than mere drug-induced behaviors. "Would you please clarify the situation for me? I believed that we acted together out of gratitude for your well-being and mutual feelings of sexual attraction. Am I mistaken?"
She smiles and shakes her head. "No. You aren't mistaken. I felt the same way you did. But, the drugs did . . . reduce my inhibitions. They impaired my judgment." Her face grows more serious. "I feel like I pressured you into actions that you wouldn't have chosen if I hadn't wanted it so much. And I don't want our relationship to be like that. I respect your culture and your beliefs. You need to believe that I would never expect you to violate those beliefs just to satisfy my libido."
Now Spock understands, and the corner of his mouth twitches up. "I felt no pressure to meet your expectations. Let me assure you, I needed no drugs to lower my inhibitions. They vanished of their own accord."
Nyota laughs--a sound as beautiful as fine music to his ears. "I'm glad to hear it. And I promise--I won't ever pressure you to do something you're not ready to do. I'm putting the pace of this relationship in your hands. We'll go however fast or slow you choose."
"Thank you, Nyota. And do not trouble yourself further. You have done nothing wrong." His lips twitch even higher. "I am very eager for your return."
"So am I."
***
Late that evening, Spock sits in his living room meditating. The lights are dimmed, and several candles are lit. He wears his usual attire for evening meditation--comfortable, loose-fitting pajamas of tan colored cotton.
Over the course of the day he has given much thought to Nyota's declaration that he shall be the one to determine the pace of their physical relationship. His desires are in favor of a speedy consummation; however, he remembers her counsel from earlier in the summer regarding sexual relationships. She warned him not to be overly hasty--that sex could dramatically impact a relationship and a person's own self-image. However, he has known Nyota for almost four years, and been friends with her for more than two. Surely her advice was only in reference to women he had not known prior to dating them.
He tries to drive that emotionally laden inner debate from his mind as he meditates. It is time to refocus his mind. To re-stabilize his emotional control after the tumultuous events of the previous several days.
Such is not to be the case. He is interrupted early in his meditation by his door chime. He opens his eyes and rises from where he knelt on the floor to answer the door personally.
"Surprise," says Nyota with a grin on her face as the door slides open to reveal her standing in the corridor.
He backs away from the door to allow her to enter. His heart rate is already increasing. "I was not expecting your release until tomorrow afternoon."
"I talked them into letting me go early. I can be very persuasive." She wears her uniform, but her hair is loose and softly curled at the ends. He smells his favorite sandalwood perfume on her skin, and her earrings are composed of several long strands of pale blue crystalline beads that dance invitingly in the candlelight.
"I am very well aware of your persuasiveness," he says, moving in to rest his hands on her hips as he places a soft kiss on her mouth.
After their lips part she fingers the hair at the back of his neck and smiles up at him. "Did I interrupt your meditation?"
"Yes. But the interruption is not unwelcome. However, I am concerned about your early release. Are you fully recovered?"
"Close enough," she replies, sliding her hands down his arms to take his hands. "I still can't return to duty until the day after tomorrow. But I already feel almost normal."
They sit side by side on his sofa. She leans against him and they continue to hold hands as they talk. For the first time she rehearses to him in full the details of her ordeal aboard the Kenai, and he can sense the fluctuations of her remembered emotions through her hands as she talks. He begins to suspect that she endured her difficulties with greater fortitude than he did. Like his mother, Nyota hides great strength within her slender frame.
Nyota finishes her tale with her time in the hospital. "It was great seeing my parents. I really don't see them often enough. But I still wish they hadn't come right when they did. I wasn't ready for you to leave yet."
"I am here now. There is no one who can interrupt us." He raises his hand to the side of her face. She looks more beautiful than ever in the soft glow of candlelight.
"That's exactly what I was hoping for," she replies.
Spock pulls her closer, kissing her tenderly. Once again, she responds with eager passion, opening her mind to his as they embrace. The wave of emotion he feels from her elates him. He never imagined she could feel so much for him. It is the greatest gift anyone has ever given him.
Their kiss deepens as her emotions fill him, elevating his desire. She breaks the kiss just long enough to shift her body--she sits on his lap, straddling him with her skirt hiking up high on her thighs.
He pulls her in for another kiss with one hand as his other hand caresses her breasts. She pulls down the zipper of her uniform jacket and shrugs out of it, tossing it to the floor. Her movements grind her body into his lap, pressing her pelvis against his hard erection.
He lowers his mouth to her neck, kissing and tasting the smooth skin of her graceful curves. Now she tugs at the hem of her shirt and leans back from him to pull it off over her head.
The thin white lace of her bra reveals as much as it conceals, and he dips his head, his tongue eagerly lapping at her nipples as her hands wind back around his shoulders. He moves his hands to slide the bra straps off of her shoulders.
Suddenly her body tenses, and she moves her hands to his chest, gently pushing him back.
"Oh, God," she mutters. "I'm doing it again."
He raises his head to meet her eyes. "What is wrong?"
She strokes his cheeks and shakes her head. "I'm pressuring you again--pushing you too fast. You don't have to do this. I'm sorry."
She moves to pull away from him. Quickly he stops her, wrapping one arm firmly behind her back and gently cupping the side of her face in his other hand. "Nyota. I want to have sexual relations with you. Now."
She catches her breath in a sharp gasp. "Are you sure you're ready?"
He nods. "Yes. Please." His voice comes out in a low, hungry rasp.
She stares at him for a moment. "Okay," she whispers. He pulls her into another kiss.
He makes no further attempts to restrain his rising passion, pulling her forward into his lap to grind her against his erection. Her hands slide under his shirt, and he temporarily raises his arms, allowing her to pull it off over his head.
She runs her fingers up his chest, weaving them through his hair before running them over his sides and up his back as if she hopes to feel every centimeter of his flesh. The haze of lust now completely fills his mind as the feel of her skin against his bare flesh enflames him and her feelings of arousal mingle with his own.
In a single swift movement his slides his hands beneath her rear and stands, lifting her into the air. She yelps in surprise, but then wraps her arms and legs all the tighter around him as he carries her to the bedroom.
She feels so very light in his arms.
He lowers her to the bed, and she lies back, smiling up at him.
With deliberate slowness his lifts one of her legs, unzips her boot, and smoothly pulls it off. It drops to the floor with a thud. He raises her other leg to repeat the maneuver. This time, after dropping the boot he continues to hold her leg aloft, and kisses her inner ankle.
She giggles, grinning.
He kisses her again, now on the inner calf. And again just above the knee. Slowly he leans forward to trail kisses down her inner thigh as she gasps in pleasure.
Finally he lowers her leg, running his hands up both her thighs toward her center. He ignores her skirt, which is now hitched up around her waist, and instead hooks his fingers inside the band of her lace panties, and pulls.
She raises her pelvis as he slides the panties off of her hips and buttocks, and then raises her legs to let him finish the job.
All the while his breath comes faster and faster. He feels hot--almost feverish. His whole body trembles with his need for her.
He climbs over her now, resting between her legs as he recaptures her mouth with his kiss. He feels her need. She wants him as much as he wants her.
She pushes his pants down past his hips, freeing him, and he shudders as she touches him. Her desire is overwhelming. He must give her what she wants. He sucks her bottom lip into his mouth as she guides him forward.
With a cry of ecstasy he thrusts once, and again. His whole body spasms, his arms going stiff, his teeth clenching down, his entire core shaking.
And then it is over. The blinding haze drains away from his mind, and he reawakens as if from a stupor.
He pushes up to look down at her where she lies panting beneath him. Her feelings are still intertwined with his own. She feels . . . disappointment.
He has disappointed her.
With a twisting lurch in his stomach he rolls off of her to sit on the side of the bed. He cannot meet her eyes.
He hunches forward, his elbows resting on his legs. "I am sorry. It seems my stamina was insufficient to fully satisfy you. I apologize."
"No. Spock," she sits and slides to the edge of the bed beside him. "You have nothing to apologize for."
"I felt your disappointment."
"That only lasted for a split second. I can't always control my emotions." She sighs, and reaches around his front to place a hand on his farther cheek. "Look at me, Spock." She firmly turns his face toward her.
He meets her eyes.
"Okay," she says. "I admit it. I was expecting something of a slightly longer duration. But that doesn't mean I'm disappointed in you. I've been with a virgin once before and his duration was about the same as yours. From what I understand this is a pretty common problem with inexperienced men. I don't blame you for that. It's normal. It's expected. And the good news is this is a problem that goes away with practice. I'm not unhappy. I'm with you. We're together. That's all I really care about."
Her words begin to reassure him, though he still feels displeased with himself for being unable to provide Nyota with sexual satisfaction. He leans into the touch of her hand against his cheek, feeling her support and encouragement. She smiles at him, and he notices for the first time a few drops of blood welling under her lip.
His eyes widen in shock and he pulls back from her, staring at the blood. Her smile fades.
"What's wrong?"
"I have harmed you." He almost chokes on the words, a swelling of guilt and shame rising inside of him. "Clearly I was not truly ready for this level of physical intimacy. I allowed my lust for you to overcome my logical reasoning." He stands, pulling up his pants. "You should go seek medical attention."
She rises to her feet, smoothing down her skirt. "No, no, no. You need to calm down. If your logical reasoning has been questionable at all tonight, it's right now. I do not need medical attention for a tiny little cut, and I am not leaving you here alone to wallow in guilt when what we really need to do is talk about what happened like reasonable adults. So here's what we're going to do. We're going to clean up, and get dressed. And then we're going to make some tea, and sit down and have a nice talk. Okay?"
He nods in assent. She is correct. He needs to calm his emotions before discussing what has occurred.
***
Fifteen minutes later they once more sit on his sofa, the candles now extinguished and the lights switched on. Two mugs of steaming tea sit on the table beside them.
They have both washed up and dressed. A small scab has already formed just below Nyota's lower lip.
Spock looks at her in silence, unsure of what to say first.
"Okay," she finally says. "Let's get this out of the way first so we can move on to more important things." She points at the scab under her lip. "Yes. You bit me when you climaxed. No, it is not a big deal. Thirty seconds with a dermal regenerator and I'll be good as new. So, here's the question--did you intentionally harm me?"
His eyes go wide. "No. I would never intentionally harm you in any way."
"Which is exactly what I thought. You were overwhelmed by the experience, and this little bite was a complete accident. I forgive you. I trust you. So can you please drop the guilt over this little tiny thing?"
He nods, doing his best to banish the final traces of guilt from his mind. "I can."
"Good. Now, as for everything else . . ." She runs her eyes over his face. "You said you might not have been ready for this step after all. I don't know whether or not you were right, but in either case we've already taken the step. We can't go back. So the real question is--what do we do now?"
"I do not know," he says. "I believe it would be prudent if I spend more time strengthening my emotional and telepathic control prior to a second such encounter. I allowed myself to feel your emotions, and that combined with my own lack of emotional control led to my . . . to the less than satisfactory outcome."
She nods. "Okay. So what would that entail? More meditation? Or something else? I hope you don't plan on asking me to stay away from you, because that's one request I don't think I can honor." The corners of her mouth quirk up, and he is pleased to see that her spirits are still high. He has not made her unhappy.
"I would have difficulty with that proposition as well," he replies.
Her smile broadens. "Good. I'm glad I'm not alone in that."
"For the most part, enhancing my telepathic and emotional control is possible by practicing a series of traditional mental exercises before and during meditation. I will make them a part of my routine in the coming weeks, as well as scheduling extra time each day for meditation."
"And in the meantime," she asks, "do we have to try to keep our hands off of each other? Because that won't be very easy."
In spite of his shame over what occurred tonight, the thought of refraining from further physical intimacies with Nyota is extremely displeasing. "No, it will not. Though perhaps it may be for the best."
"I don't think I agree." She shakes her head, her eyes glinting. "May I make an alternate proposal?"
"Certainly."
She leans toward him. "Humans generally learn to control their physical and emotional impulses during sexual encounters through practice. Most of us start fooling around when we're adolescents, and by the time we're ready for more serious adult relationships we already have a pretty good understanding of how our sexual responses work and how our partners' sexual responses are likely to work. But you never had those experiences growing up. So maybe, instead of keeping our hands to ourselves, what you really need is more fooling around."
Both of his eyebrows shoot up. "Please clarify what you mean by fooling around."
She laughs. "I don't think I've ever had to define it before. Well . . . I guess it means making out--do you know what that means?"
He nods. "Yes."
"Good. So, yeah. Fooling around is making out that usually leads to other things like . . . manual stimulation, or even oral stimulation, but it stops short of actual . . . coitus." Still grinning, she now looks down at her hands in her lap, and Spock suspects she is slightly embarrassed to have to explain such simple concepts to him. He makes a mental note to try to remember all the sexual terminology his friends used during their academy days and to look them up in private.
"Fascinating," he says. "My knowledge of the biological aspects of sexual intercourse is sufficient to understand how such fooling around could indeed help increase my sexual stamina, while at the same time functioning as an alternative means of providing you with fuller sexual satisfaction. However, I remain concerned that if we engage in such acts in the next few days I will not yet have regained sufficient telepathic and emotional control to prevent further mishaps."
Nyota picks up her mug of tea and slides closer to him. "I don't agree." She takes a sip of tea, staring at him over the rim of her mug with an expression that clearly dares him to challenge her.
He is perfectly willing to engage her in debate. "On what points do you disagree?"
"On your perceived inability to prevent--as you call them--mishaps." She lowers her mug back to the table. "I think that after tonight you'll be so uptight about hurting me again that not only will there be no more mishaps, but you'll probably impair your own potential enjoyment of any fooling around. Personally, if the price of your enjoyment is a few bruises or a scrape or two, for me it's totally worth it." She leans toward him, an intense look in her eyes. "I want to you to enjoy this every bit as much as I do, Spock."
He feels a new surge of warmth in his face and his groin. It continues to amaze him how easily she arouses him.
"Although I am grateful for your concern over my enjoyment, my primary concern at this time is your well-being. I would far rather refrain from touching you for the next several weeks than risk harming you again."
Her eyes narrow. She is not pleased. "Would you be willing to consider a compromise?"
"Possibly. What compromise do you suggest?"
"Making out, but no fooling around. Not until you feel ready." The corners of her mouth quirk up and she raises an eyebrow. "You can handle a little making out, can't you?"
His own lips curl up involuntarily. "I believe I am capable of controlling myself while making out."
"I thought so." She scoots closer to him and picks up her tea again.
After taking several sips, she lowers her mug to her lap. "While we're taking about our relationship, I guess there's probably a few other points we ought to discuss."
"Yes. It is important that we establish protocols for maintaining our discretion and privacy."
She nods, her face suddenly serious. "Absolutely, but first, I have a question. I missed my monthly contraceptive hypo while I was on my trip. Do I need to be worried?"
On this point he can easily reassure her. "No. I am incapable of natural reproduction with Human women."
Her eyes widen. "Oh. Really? So in order to reproduce with a Human you would need--?"
"The assistance of expert geneticists."
"Well." She looks slightly taken aback.
"Does this disappoint you?"
She shakes her head quickly. "No. Not at all. I'm just curious. Was that a product of your natural development, or was it a choice your parents made?"
"It was my father's choice. He intended for me to live a fully Vulcan life."
"Hmm." She looks down and tightens her grip on the mug in her lap. "You'll be giving up a lot if you stay with me."
He reaches out to touch her cheek, and she looks back up to meet his gaze. "No. By choosing you, Nyota, I gain far more than I sacrifice."
Her face curves into a bright grin. "I think that's the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me."
"It was not intended to be beautiful. It is merely the truth."
She carefully sets her mug back on the table, and leans forward to kiss him.
He is so lost in the sensation of her embrace that it takes him several seconds to remember her lip.
He pulls back. "We are agitating your wound--"
"I don't care." She pulls him back in for more. This time, he willingly surrenders.
ETA: Chapter 11 up here.
Title: Human Relationships: Mating Rituals, 10/11
Characters/Pairings: Spock/T'Pring, Spock/Uhura, Sarek, Amanda
Rating: R
Warnings: sex, a realistic depiction of a repressed male virgin's first time
Word Count: ~4,900
Summary: Spock discovers that navigating a relationship with a Human woman is more complicated than he expected. Particularly since the Human woman in question is still a cadet, and Spock has a Vulcan fiancée waiting in the wings.
Author's Note: As ever, thanks to my beta reader mrstater. And thanks to all my great readers! Chapter 1. Chapter 2. Chapter 3. Chapter 4. Chapter 5. Chapter 6. Chapter 7. Chapter 8. Chapter 9.
Chapter 10
The morning after T'Pring granted Spock permission to date Human women, he discussed the new development with his mother.
She agreed that an experiment in Human dating was a logical way to determine whether he was more suited for a Human or a Vulcan marriage. However, she disagreed with him on which women he should try dating.
"I do not think dating a colleague or a friend would be wise," Spock insisted. "Such a change in the dynamics of an existing relationship could undermine our friendship or disrupt our ability to work together. This experiment will be sufficiently unsettling already without introducing that kind of chaotic fluctuation into my daily life."
Amanda frowned, and folded her arms in front of her. "You're looking at this completely backwards. You're being too scientific about it--focusing on controlling all the variables in play instead of acknowledging that romance is anything but scientific."
Spock tightened his jaw. "Mother--"
"Don't ignore my advice, Spock. I'm inclined to think I know a good deal more about Human romance than you do."
"Very well," he sat even more stiffly on his stool. "Please explain to me why you believe I should date someone I already know."
Amanda leaned back into her more comfortably padded chair. "Because you're not Human. And you never will be. Dating complete strangers might work very well for Human men, but it will not work for you."
Spock raised an eyebrow incredulously, but continued to listen.
"If you're anything like your father," said Amanda, "and I know you are, then your best bet at forming a meaningful Human romance will be with someone you already trust. Trust is the key to any successful romantic relationship, and Vulcans are disinclined to trust strangers."
This much Spock could not deny. It took him a very long time to fully trust the people around him. And he imagined it would take even longer to achieve a level of trust sufficient to share his personal life or to engage in physical intimacies.
"Also," added Amanda, "it will be easier for someone you know to accept you. Because she'll already be aware of your non-Human mannerisms. She won't misunderstand you the way a stranger might."
"Your points are valid," Spock finally said. "However, the prospect of a romantic relationship with any of the women of my current acquaintance is of no interest to me. I am attracted to none of them."
Amanda raised her eyebrows. "Now, that's not entirely true, is it? I remember you speaking very highly of your friend Nyota."
Spock clenched his jaw. The last person he wanted to discuss with his mother at that moment was Nyota. "A romantic relationship with Cadet Uhura would violate the Academy Code of Conduct."
A slow smile curled into place on Amanda's face. "So you don't deny that you're attracted to her?"
He looked away from his mother's gaze. "No. I cannot deny it. She is attractive in many ways. However, as I expressed, a romantic relationship with her would be impossible."
"Not impossible. Just in violation of the rules." Amanda leaned forward, resting her arms in her lap. "Have you ever considered the possibility that some rules are better off broken?"
"No." He looked at her sharply.
"Well, maybe you should start thinking about it. If she's really such an attractive young woman she'll have lots of opportunities for romance. She won't wait for you forever."
Spock shook his head. "She is already dating someone."
"Is it serious?"
"I do not know." He looked down at his hands in his lap, remembering with sudden clarity how greatly he desired to ram his fist into Cedric's face.
"Try asking her."
He looked back up at his mother. "Are you suggesting that I attempt to break up her relationship in order to pursue her myself?"
"Only if it's not serious."
Spock rose to his feet. "Such a suggestion should be beneath you, Mother."
She shrugged, still smiling. "I'm afraid it's not. I'm only Human, after all."
The remainder of their discussion proved equally futile, and Spock soon retired to the garden even more troubled than he had been before speaking to her.
***
Spock returns to work early the day after Nyota's safe rescue. His staff and colleagues all express concern over his absence, but he is quick to reassure them that he is perfectly well. Late in the morning he attends a pre-semester staff meeting for the linguistics department.
Before the usual business of the meeting commences, Commodore Ripley rises to her feet, her titanium gray hair smoothed back into a tight twist. "I trust by now most of you have heard at least a little something about what one of our Teaching Assistants has been up to the past few days, but in case you haven't, let me fill you in on the latest adventures of Cadet Uhura."
She proceeds to relate the story of Nyota's heroic actions aboard the Kenai. "Needless to say," concludes Commodore Ripley, "Cadet Uhura and her thesis partner Cadet Falan-Raz have both been recommended for special commendations. I spoke to Cadet Uhura this morning, and am pleased to report that she is recovering well from her injury. I congratulated her on her fine work under pressure, and I suggest you all do the same when you see her. She represented our department and the academy with great distinction."
Spock feels great pride and satisfaction. Nyota has earned this praise.
From that point the business of the meeting continues as usual. Only one discussion topic catches Spock off guard.
"Commander Spock, Captain Varik," says Commodore Ripley, looking directly at Spock, "I understand you two are swapping TAs this year. May I ask why?"
Spock is grateful when Captain Varik answers first. "We both agreed that after two years of serving under us, it would be good for our TAs to learn to cope with a different command style and different leadership techniques. We wouldn't want our best cadets getting stuck in ruts, would we?"
The wrinkles around Commodore Ripley's eyes deepen as she smiles. "No, we most certainly would not."
No further mention of Nyota is made during the meeting. However, Commodore Ripley draws Spock aside after the meeting concludes. "Was Cadet Uhura looking well when you went to see her?"
He nods. "Very well. Just a few hours after surgery she was already sitting up to study the research notes for her thesis. I expect she will be fully recovered within twenty-four hours."
The commodore nods slowly, her eyes narrowing slightly. "That's good to hear. Carry on, Commander."
It is only after Spock leaves the room that he begins to wonder how Commodore Ripley knew he had visited Nyota--or whether she had really known at all.
***
Early in the afternoon Spock is pleased to receive a call from Nyota. Her skin tone already looks much healthier.
"I wanted to talk about what happened last night," she says.
He, too, has been eager to discuss what passed between them. He never intended to initiate sexual intimacy so early in their relationship, but now that they have come to that line and very nearly crossed it, he has begun to reconsider. When both partners are willing and eager to consummate the relationship, is it really logical to delay that consummation solely as a matter of principle? Now that he has chosen to pursue a serious Human relationship, should he not act as a Human would act in his situation?
"What I wanted to tell you," she continues, "is that the drugs they gave me had some . . . interesting side-effects."
This puzzles Spock. He knits his brows. "Do you mean to imply that your behavior toward me was merely a reaction to drugs?"
Her eyes widen and she raises a hand in front of her. "No! No. That's not what I meant. At least, not entirely."
Spock is pleased to hear that her passion and desire were more than mere drug-induced behaviors. "Would you please clarify the situation for me? I believed that we acted together out of gratitude for your well-being and mutual feelings of sexual attraction. Am I mistaken?"
She smiles and shakes her head. "No. You aren't mistaken. I felt the same way you did. But, the drugs did . . . reduce my inhibitions. They impaired my judgment." Her face grows more serious. "I feel like I pressured you into actions that you wouldn't have chosen if I hadn't wanted it so much. And I don't want our relationship to be like that. I respect your culture and your beliefs. You need to believe that I would never expect you to violate those beliefs just to satisfy my libido."
Now Spock understands, and the corner of his mouth twitches up. "I felt no pressure to meet your expectations. Let me assure you, I needed no drugs to lower my inhibitions. They vanished of their own accord."
Nyota laughs--a sound as beautiful as fine music to his ears. "I'm glad to hear it. And I promise--I won't ever pressure you to do something you're not ready to do. I'm putting the pace of this relationship in your hands. We'll go however fast or slow you choose."
"Thank you, Nyota. And do not trouble yourself further. You have done nothing wrong." His lips twitch even higher. "I am very eager for your return."
"So am I."
***
Late that evening, Spock sits in his living room meditating. The lights are dimmed, and several candles are lit. He wears his usual attire for evening meditation--comfortable, loose-fitting pajamas of tan colored cotton.
Over the course of the day he has given much thought to Nyota's declaration that he shall be the one to determine the pace of their physical relationship. His desires are in favor of a speedy consummation; however, he remembers her counsel from earlier in the summer regarding sexual relationships. She warned him not to be overly hasty--that sex could dramatically impact a relationship and a person's own self-image. However, he has known Nyota for almost four years, and been friends with her for more than two. Surely her advice was only in reference to women he had not known prior to dating them.
He tries to drive that emotionally laden inner debate from his mind as he meditates. It is time to refocus his mind. To re-stabilize his emotional control after the tumultuous events of the previous several days.
Such is not to be the case. He is interrupted early in his meditation by his door chime. He opens his eyes and rises from where he knelt on the floor to answer the door personally.
"Surprise," says Nyota with a grin on her face as the door slides open to reveal her standing in the corridor.
He backs away from the door to allow her to enter. His heart rate is already increasing. "I was not expecting your release until tomorrow afternoon."
"I talked them into letting me go early. I can be very persuasive." She wears her uniform, but her hair is loose and softly curled at the ends. He smells his favorite sandalwood perfume on her skin, and her earrings are composed of several long strands of pale blue crystalline beads that dance invitingly in the candlelight.
"I am very well aware of your persuasiveness," he says, moving in to rest his hands on her hips as he places a soft kiss on her mouth.
After their lips part she fingers the hair at the back of his neck and smiles up at him. "Did I interrupt your meditation?"
"Yes. But the interruption is not unwelcome. However, I am concerned about your early release. Are you fully recovered?"
"Close enough," she replies, sliding her hands down his arms to take his hands. "I still can't return to duty until the day after tomorrow. But I already feel almost normal."
They sit side by side on his sofa. She leans against him and they continue to hold hands as they talk. For the first time she rehearses to him in full the details of her ordeal aboard the Kenai, and he can sense the fluctuations of her remembered emotions through her hands as she talks. He begins to suspect that she endured her difficulties with greater fortitude than he did. Like his mother, Nyota hides great strength within her slender frame.
Nyota finishes her tale with her time in the hospital. "It was great seeing my parents. I really don't see them often enough. But I still wish they hadn't come right when they did. I wasn't ready for you to leave yet."
"I am here now. There is no one who can interrupt us." He raises his hand to the side of her face. She looks more beautiful than ever in the soft glow of candlelight.
"That's exactly what I was hoping for," she replies.
Spock pulls her closer, kissing her tenderly. Once again, she responds with eager passion, opening her mind to his as they embrace. The wave of emotion he feels from her elates him. He never imagined she could feel so much for him. It is the greatest gift anyone has ever given him.
Their kiss deepens as her emotions fill him, elevating his desire. She breaks the kiss just long enough to shift her body--she sits on his lap, straddling him with her skirt hiking up high on her thighs.
He pulls her in for another kiss with one hand as his other hand caresses her breasts. She pulls down the zipper of her uniform jacket and shrugs out of it, tossing it to the floor. Her movements grind her body into his lap, pressing her pelvis against his hard erection.
He lowers his mouth to her neck, kissing and tasting the smooth skin of her graceful curves. Now she tugs at the hem of her shirt and leans back from him to pull it off over her head.
The thin white lace of her bra reveals as much as it conceals, and he dips his head, his tongue eagerly lapping at her nipples as her hands wind back around his shoulders. He moves his hands to slide the bra straps off of her shoulders.
Suddenly her body tenses, and she moves her hands to his chest, gently pushing him back.
"Oh, God," she mutters. "I'm doing it again."
He raises his head to meet her eyes. "What is wrong?"
She strokes his cheeks and shakes her head. "I'm pressuring you again--pushing you too fast. You don't have to do this. I'm sorry."
She moves to pull away from him. Quickly he stops her, wrapping one arm firmly behind her back and gently cupping the side of her face in his other hand. "Nyota. I want to have sexual relations with you. Now."
She catches her breath in a sharp gasp. "Are you sure you're ready?"
He nods. "Yes. Please." His voice comes out in a low, hungry rasp.
She stares at him for a moment. "Okay," she whispers. He pulls her into another kiss.
He makes no further attempts to restrain his rising passion, pulling her forward into his lap to grind her against his erection. Her hands slide under his shirt, and he temporarily raises his arms, allowing her to pull it off over his head.
She runs her fingers up his chest, weaving them through his hair before running them over his sides and up his back as if she hopes to feel every centimeter of his flesh. The haze of lust now completely fills his mind as the feel of her skin against his bare flesh enflames him and her feelings of arousal mingle with his own.
In a single swift movement his slides his hands beneath her rear and stands, lifting her into the air. She yelps in surprise, but then wraps her arms and legs all the tighter around him as he carries her to the bedroom.
She feels so very light in his arms.
He lowers her to the bed, and she lies back, smiling up at him.
With deliberate slowness his lifts one of her legs, unzips her boot, and smoothly pulls it off. It drops to the floor with a thud. He raises her other leg to repeat the maneuver. This time, after dropping the boot he continues to hold her leg aloft, and kisses her inner ankle.
She giggles, grinning.
He kisses her again, now on the inner calf. And again just above the knee. Slowly he leans forward to trail kisses down her inner thigh as she gasps in pleasure.
Finally he lowers her leg, running his hands up both her thighs toward her center. He ignores her skirt, which is now hitched up around her waist, and instead hooks his fingers inside the band of her lace panties, and pulls.
She raises her pelvis as he slides the panties off of her hips and buttocks, and then raises her legs to let him finish the job.
All the while his breath comes faster and faster. He feels hot--almost feverish. His whole body trembles with his need for her.
He climbs over her now, resting between her legs as he recaptures her mouth with his kiss. He feels her need. She wants him as much as he wants her.
She pushes his pants down past his hips, freeing him, and he shudders as she touches him. Her desire is overwhelming. He must give her what she wants. He sucks her bottom lip into his mouth as she guides him forward.
With a cry of ecstasy he thrusts once, and again. His whole body spasms, his arms going stiff, his teeth clenching down, his entire core shaking.
And then it is over. The blinding haze drains away from his mind, and he reawakens as if from a stupor.
He pushes up to look down at her where she lies panting beneath him. Her feelings are still intertwined with his own. She feels . . . disappointment.
He has disappointed her.
With a twisting lurch in his stomach he rolls off of her to sit on the side of the bed. He cannot meet her eyes.
He hunches forward, his elbows resting on his legs. "I am sorry. It seems my stamina was insufficient to fully satisfy you. I apologize."
"No. Spock," she sits and slides to the edge of the bed beside him. "You have nothing to apologize for."
"I felt your disappointment."
"That only lasted for a split second. I can't always control my emotions." She sighs, and reaches around his front to place a hand on his farther cheek. "Look at me, Spock." She firmly turns his face toward her.
He meets her eyes.
"Okay," she says. "I admit it. I was expecting something of a slightly longer duration. But that doesn't mean I'm disappointed in you. I've been with a virgin once before and his duration was about the same as yours. From what I understand this is a pretty common problem with inexperienced men. I don't blame you for that. It's normal. It's expected. And the good news is this is a problem that goes away with practice. I'm not unhappy. I'm with you. We're together. That's all I really care about."
Her words begin to reassure him, though he still feels displeased with himself for being unable to provide Nyota with sexual satisfaction. He leans into the touch of her hand against his cheek, feeling her support and encouragement. She smiles at him, and he notices for the first time a few drops of blood welling under her lip.
His eyes widen in shock and he pulls back from her, staring at the blood. Her smile fades.
"What's wrong?"
"I have harmed you." He almost chokes on the words, a swelling of guilt and shame rising inside of him. "Clearly I was not truly ready for this level of physical intimacy. I allowed my lust for you to overcome my logical reasoning." He stands, pulling up his pants. "You should go seek medical attention."
She rises to her feet, smoothing down her skirt. "No, no, no. You need to calm down. If your logical reasoning has been questionable at all tonight, it's right now. I do not need medical attention for a tiny little cut, and I am not leaving you here alone to wallow in guilt when what we really need to do is talk about what happened like reasonable adults. So here's what we're going to do. We're going to clean up, and get dressed. And then we're going to make some tea, and sit down and have a nice talk. Okay?"
He nods in assent. She is correct. He needs to calm his emotions before discussing what has occurred.
***
Fifteen minutes later they once more sit on his sofa, the candles now extinguished and the lights switched on. Two mugs of steaming tea sit on the table beside them.
They have both washed up and dressed. A small scab has already formed just below Nyota's lower lip.
Spock looks at her in silence, unsure of what to say first.
"Okay," she finally says. "Let's get this out of the way first so we can move on to more important things." She points at the scab under her lip. "Yes. You bit me when you climaxed. No, it is not a big deal. Thirty seconds with a dermal regenerator and I'll be good as new. So, here's the question--did you intentionally harm me?"
His eyes go wide. "No. I would never intentionally harm you in any way."
"Which is exactly what I thought. You were overwhelmed by the experience, and this little bite was a complete accident. I forgive you. I trust you. So can you please drop the guilt over this little tiny thing?"
He nods, doing his best to banish the final traces of guilt from his mind. "I can."
"Good. Now, as for everything else . . ." She runs her eyes over his face. "You said you might not have been ready for this step after all. I don't know whether or not you were right, but in either case we've already taken the step. We can't go back. So the real question is--what do we do now?"
"I do not know," he says. "I believe it would be prudent if I spend more time strengthening my emotional and telepathic control prior to a second such encounter. I allowed myself to feel your emotions, and that combined with my own lack of emotional control led to my . . . to the less than satisfactory outcome."
She nods. "Okay. So what would that entail? More meditation? Or something else? I hope you don't plan on asking me to stay away from you, because that's one request I don't think I can honor." The corners of her mouth quirk up, and he is pleased to see that her spirits are still high. He has not made her unhappy.
"I would have difficulty with that proposition as well," he replies.
Her smile broadens. "Good. I'm glad I'm not alone in that."
"For the most part, enhancing my telepathic and emotional control is possible by practicing a series of traditional mental exercises before and during meditation. I will make them a part of my routine in the coming weeks, as well as scheduling extra time each day for meditation."
"And in the meantime," she asks, "do we have to try to keep our hands off of each other? Because that won't be very easy."
In spite of his shame over what occurred tonight, the thought of refraining from further physical intimacies with Nyota is extremely displeasing. "No, it will not. Though perhaps it may be for the best."
"I don't think I agree." She shakes her head, her eyes glinting. "May I make an alternate proposal?"
"Certainly."
She leans toward him. "Humans generally learn to control their physical and emotional impulses during sexual encounters through practice. Most of us start fooling around when we're adolescents, and by the time we're ready for more serious adult relationships we already have a pretty good understanding of how our sexual responses work and how our partners' sexual responses are likely to work. But you never had those experiences growing up. So maybe, instead of keeping our hands to ourselves, what you really need is more fooling around."
Both of his eyebrows shoot up. "Please clarify what you mean by fooling around."
She laughs. "I don't think I've ever had to define it before. Well . . . I guess it means making out--do you know what that means?"
He nods. "Yes."
"Good. So, yeah. Fooling around is making out that usually leads to other things like . . . manual stimulation, or even oral stimulation, but it stops short of actual . . . coitus." Still grinning, she now looks down at her hands in her lap, and Spock suspects she is slightly embarrassed to have to explain such simple concepts to him. He makes a mental note to try to remember all the sexual terminology his friends used during their academy days and to look them up in private.
"Fascinating," he says. "My knowledge of the biological aspects of sexual intercourse is sufficient to understand how such fooling around could indeed help increase my sexual stamina, while at the same time functioning as an alternative means of providing you with fuller sexual satisfaction. However, I remain concerned that if we engage in such acts in the next few days I will not yet have regained sufficient telepathic and emotional control to prevent further mishaps."
Nyota picks up her mug of tea and slides closer to him. "I don't agree." She takes a sip of tea, staring at him over the rim of her mug with an expression that clearly dares him to challenge her.
He is perfectly willing to engage her in debate. "On what points do you disagree?"
"On your perceived inability to prevent--as you call them--mishaps." She lowers her mug back to the table. "I think that after tonight you'll be so uptight about hurting me again that not only will there be no more mishaps, but you'll probably impair your own potential enjoyment of any fooling around. Personally, if the price of your enjoyment is a few bruises or a scrape or two, for me it's totally worth it." She leans toward him, an intense look in her eyes. "I want to you to enjoy this every bit as much as I do, Spock."
He feels a new surge of warmth in his face and his groin. It continues to amaze him how easily she arouses him.
"Although I am grateful for your concern over my enjoyment, my primary concern at this time is your well-being. I would far rather refrain from touching you for the next several weeks than risk harming you again."
Her eyes narrow. She is not pleased. "Would you be willing to consider a compromise?"
"Possibly. What compromise do you suggest?"
"Making out, but no fooling around. Not until you feel ready." The corners of her mouth quirk up and she raises an eyebrow. "You can handle a little making out, can't you?"
His own lips curl up involuntarily. "I believe I am capable of controlling myself while making out."
"I thought so." She scoots closer to him and picks up her tea again.
After taking several sips, she lowers her mug to her lap. "While we're taking about our relationship, I guess there's probably a few other points we ought to discuss."
"Yes. It is important that we establish protocols for maintaining our discretion and privacy."
She nods, her face suddenly serious. "Absolutely, but first, I have a question. I missed my monthly contraceptive hypo while I was on my trip. Do I need to be worried?"
On this point he can easily reassure her. "No. I am incapable of natural reproduction with Human women."
Her eyes widen. "Oh. Really? So in order to reproduce with a Human you would need--?"
"The assistance of expert geneticists."
"Well." She looks slightly taken aback.
"Does this disappoint you?"
She shakes her head quickly. "No. Not at all. I'm just curious. Was that a product of your natural development, or was it a choice your parents made?"
"It was my father's choice. He intended for me to live a fully Vulcan life."
"Hmm." She looks down and tightens her grip on the mug in her lap. "You'll be giving up a lot if you stay with me."
He reaches out to touch her cheek, and she looks back up to meet his gaze. "No. By choosing you, Nyota, I gain far more than I sacrifice."
Her face curves into a bright grin. "I think that's the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me."
"It was not intended to be beautiful. It is merely the truth."
She carefully sets her mug back on the table, and leans forward to kiss him.
He is so lost in the sensation of her embrace that it takes him several seconds to remember her lip.
He pulls back. "We are agitating your wound--"
"I don't care." She pulls him back in for more. This time, he willingly surrenders.
ETA: Chapter 11 up here.