Fic Update: "Transformations," Chapter 6: The Other Patient
I think this might be the longest I've yet gone between updates! Sorry!
The good news is: I already have the next chapter beta-read, so it will be up in about a week. :)
For those of you who are newer to my journal, this story is a very plotty R/T story that begins in the middle of OOTP, right as Remus and Tonks make the transition from friends to romance. It is part romance, part dramedy, and part mystery, with prominent sub-plots featuring Sirius and Andromeda. So if you haven't read any of it yet and are interested in a long, plot-filled WIP, then check it out. And just FYI--this is a sequel to my story "Marauders Redux," but stands perfectly well on its own.
Title: Transformations, chapter 6
Characters/Pairings: Remus, Tonks, Sirius, Andromeda, Bill, Remus/Tonks, some Bill/Fleur.
Rating/Warnings: PG-13, swearing, mild sexuality
Summary: After months of being not-quite-more-than-friends Remus and Tonks have finally become a couple. What more can stand in the way of their living happily ever after? Busy schedules, family conflicts, Sirius's moodiness, love triangles, old secrets, Death Eater plots and a mystery that gradually draws both of them into the complex and little-known werewolf subculture--that's what.
Author's Notes: As ever, thanks go to my beta reader shimotsuki for her help. I am now officially calling this story "Alternate Reality." It doesn't deviate significantly enough from canon to be an "Alternate Universe," but it does have a few noticeable differences, primarily when it comes to the relationship between the Tonks and Malfoy families.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Previously, in “Transformations”: During interrogation an Austrian Death Eater reveals a funnel of money to the Death Eaters via some English “charities,” and drops cryptic clues about a werewolf organization (led by men called “Tibbs” and “The Chief”) supporting Voldemort. Remus enjoys a reunion with some old friends in Switzerland. Tonks and Bill make strides toward recruiting their friend Eddy into the Order, and receive word of the perilous snake attack on Arthur. A depressed Sirius decides that he wants to be reunited with his cousin, Andromeda, and has to deal with the arrival of the agitated Weasley kids and Harry.
Chapter 6: The Other Patient
Remus was just finishing a leisurely breakfast with Sophie and Laurent when an owl fluttered to their window. When Sophie let it in, it flew straight to Remus.
As he read the letter attached to its leg, his heart skipped a beat.
“What is it, Remus?” asked Laurent. “Is something wrong?”
Remus nodded sharply. “One of my friends has been attacked, and is in hospital. His wife needs help looking after the children. I have to leave at once.” What alarmed Remus the most was not the news of Arthur’s attack, but the fact that Harry had witnessed the attack in some sort of vision. The Weasleys and Harry were already moving back into Grimmauld Place to be closer to Arthur, and Dumbledore had asked him to return as soon as possible to assist Sirius in looking after them.
“Of course! Of course,” said Sophie. “You must go to your friends. We won’t hold you back.”
Remus quickly packed his bag. When he came back into the sitting room, Sophie held out a festively wrapped package to him. “Your Christmas present,” she said. “I got it early so that you could take it back with you.”
“Thank you,” he said, taking the soft and lumpy package, and adding it to his bag. “Thank you both.” He embraced them each in turn, and left the peaceful house behind, wondering when he would see it again.
******
Tonks had tried to be as light and cheery as she could muster, for the sake of the children, but the entire trip to St. Mungo’s she felt a horrible coldness in the pit of her stomach. The reason Arthur was here in the first place was because she was too eager to be making up for months of wasted time when she should have been out recruiting for the Order. She hadn’t even been willing to wait for a night that she wasn’t on guard duty.
She should have been the one to face down that bloody snake-not Arthur. She was trained to deal with those sorts of situations. She wouldn’t have been caught off her guard the way he was. She could have fought it off-maybe even captured it. But she had been in too damned much of a hurry to congratulate herself for finally bringing in a recruit.
Molly knew that she and Arthur had traded shifts, but had been kind enough not to say anything. Tonks almost wished that she would.
After making their way through the St. Mungo’s reception area, they finally stood outside the door to Arthur’s ward. It was labeled “DANGEROUS Dai Llewellyn Ward: Serious Bites.” Serious Bites. Thanks to me, Arthur is suffering from a serious bite.
“We’ll wait outside, Molly,” she said. “Arthur won’t want too many visitors at once….It ought to be just the family first.”
Molly nodded in agreement, and Moody huffed in approval, taking up a guard post by the door.
The Weasley kids and Harry followed Molly into the ward, and Tonks started pacing the hall. She wished Remus were there. She needed someone to talk to. She needed to get this guilt off of her chest, and Moody was the wrong person to turn to-he would only tell her that Aurors aren’t supposed to dwell on their feelings. They’re supposed to do their job, and move on.
If only it were that easy.
As a nurse walked by, Tonks stopped her and asked, “Do you know if Healer Martin Eggers is working today?”
The nurse thought for a moment, and then replied, “I think he worked a shift last night. I’m pretty certain he has the day off.”
“Thanks,” said Tonks, as the nurse headed on her way. Even Marty would have been someone to talk to. This wasn’t the sort of thing Mad-Eye would understand-he didn’t believe in indulging in pointless guilt. But it didn’t seem pointless to her.
After a few minutes, Molly and the children came out. They all seemed greatly relieved. Thank Merlin. Arthur must be doing well.
She and Moody went back in with Molly. Arthur was looking far better than she had expected, under the circumstances.
Arthur happily reassured them that he was doing very well, but Tonks wasn’t so sure. The dressings on his wound were ones that she recognized from experience with other injured Aurors-they were used for wounds that refused to cease bleeding.
She leaned forward, and in a low voice said, “I’ve talked to a friend from the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. After you were found, they launched a full-scale search of the Ministry for the snake. They searched the whole area but they couldn’t find the snake anywhere. It just seems to have vanished. And You-Know-Who can’t have expected a snake to get into the Department of Mysteries for him, can he?”
“I reckon he sent it as a lookout,” said Moody, “’cause he’s not had any luck so far, has he?” Moody continued to talk, but Tonks’s mind drifted away from it as she stared down at Arthur’s dressing.
She closed her eyes. Stop doing this to yourself, Tonks. It won’t do anyone any good. She looked away, trying to clear her head, and froze when she caught sight of a patient in a bed across the room.
He lay still, looking pale and sickly, staring up blankly at the ceiling. He looked worn, and depressed, but she still clearly recognized the man who had been the star Chaser of the Slytherin Quidditch team while they were in school together.
“Arthur,” she said, interrupting the conversation. “Do you know what that man is in for?”
Arthur shook his head sadly. “Such a pity, the poor chap. He was bitten by a werewolf. So young, too. Such a pity.” Arthur glanced up at her suddenly. “Do you know him?”
“We were at Hogwarts together. He was only a year ahead of me,” she said softly, still staring at the man. She turned back to Molly and Arthur. “Would the two of you mind if I go have a chat with him?”
“Not at all, not at all,” said Arthur. “He could use some cheering up.”
She nodded. “I’ll just be a few minutes,” she said to Moody. She walked slowly over to the young man’s bed, having no idea what she was going to say.
“Ethan? Ethan Bulstrode?” she said when she reached his side.
He slowly pulled his eyes away from his study of the ceiling tiles, and gradually focused them on her face. “Tonks?” he said in bewilderment.
“You remember me, then,” she said, smiling.
“I remember the hair,” he said. “And the way you could swing your bat like a madwoman out on the Quidditch pitch.”
“You usually managed to dodge the Bludgers, though, if I recall,” she said.
“Only just.” He sat up, and scooted to lean back against the wall.
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
“I came to see Arthur Weasley, across the way,” she said.
“Oh, yeah. I remember you were friends with the Weasley boys. Did you marry one of them, then?” he asked. His face was regaining some color as they talked.
She burst out laughing. “Merlin, no! I’m just still friends of the family-that’s all.”
A little smile cracked his face. “Sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it. But really-I haven’t had time to get married. I’m an Auror now.”
His eyes widened. “Really? Good for you. I never had the will to work hard enough for the Auror program. They really know how to grind you down.”
“That they do. But somehow I survived it.”
They paused, and in the silence he eyed her uncomfortably. Finally, she spoke again. “Arthur told me why you’re here,” she said quietly.
“Oh.” His voice, almost animated a moment earlier, was now flat, and dead. His face resumed its blank expression, and he stared off at the wall in front of him.
“Ethan, I know it must seem like the end of the world right now,” she said, “but it really isn’t. I’ve met quite a few lycans, and they really can lead very good lives. It’s not a condition that’s easy to live with, but I know that you can do it.”
“Lycans,” he let out a hollow laugh. “That’s a pretty word to hide the fact that you’re talking about a monster.”
“They’re not monsters. And neither are you,” she said firmly.
“What about the one who did this to me? Would you say he’s not a monster?”
Tonks wasn’t sure how to respond to that one. “I’m sorry,” she finally said. “I’m very sorry. But for every bad werewolf out there, there are at least a dozen good people who keep the condition under control. I know that for a fact.”
Ethan just shook his head. “You might be right. But I won’t be one of them.”
“Now you’re being absurd,” she said, getting irritated.
“No,” he looked her hard in the eye. “I’m not. These-these good Lycans that you’re talking about-I’d bet they all have money, and homes, and families, and friends, don’t they?”
Tonks couldn’t deny the truth. She nodded shortly. “Yes. They do. But don’t you…?”
“Not anymore,” he spat out bitterly. “As soon as my family learned that I’d been bitten, they threw me out on the streets. None of them have come to see me. Not even my friends. Not even my…” he seemed to choke on his words, “not even my fiancée.”
Tonks’s mouth hung open. How could the people who were supposed to love him the most just abandon him like this? He was still the same man he ever was-he just had a disease! They should be helping him, not turning against him.
“And three days ago,” Ethan continued, “I got word that my father has formally dis-inherited me. I have nothing. No one.”
Tonks’s jaw set in anger. This was just the sort of prejudice and ignorance that allowed people like Umbridge to gain power. And she wouldn’t stand for it.
“Well, you have someone now,” she said firmly.
“What?” he blinked at her in incomprehension.
“Just what I said. You have me.” Understanding was beginning to dawn on his face. “I’m not going to let you waste away in misery like this,” she said. “You are still a human being, and you are still worth caring about. And I’m going to prove it to you.”
“But…but….You hardly even know me!” he stammered.
“Doesn’t matter,” she said firmly. “I’m sick and tired of living in a world where people sit back and let injustice happen without lifting a finger. I’ll be damned if I’m going to let you slip away unnoticed and uncared for.”
Ethan sat stock still, staring at her. “But why?”
“Because it’s the right thing to do. That’s why.”
He looked stunned beyond belief. Tonks thought she could see his eyes growing suddenly moist.
“I don’t believe it,” he whispered.
“Well, start believing,” she said. “Just because some people who were supposed to care about you ended up treating you like crap, it doesn’t mean that everyone will. Now,” she leaned toward him. “I can’t stay any longer today. I’m afraid I’ve got to get to work soon. But I promise I’ll come back tomorrow, and we’ll have a nice long talk, okay?”
Ethan nodded.
She stood up straight. “Brilliant! I’ll see you around lunchtime, then.”
“Okay,” he said.
“See you tomorrow,” she said, with a wave.
“See you tomorrow,” he said, still sounding disbelieving.
She followed Molly and Moody out the door, waving good bye to Arthur, and waving again to Ethan.
A broad smile had spread across her face. All her thoughts of self-condemnation and guilt were gone. She might have made a mistake switching shifts with Arthur, but she wasn’t going to make a mistake this time. Ethan needed her help, and she was going to give it to him.
****
When Remus arrived at Grimmauld Place late in the evening, nearly everyone had already gone to bed. Only Sirius was up, sharing a drink with Kingsley. When Sirius saw him, he let out a sigh of relief. "Are you a sight for sore eyes," he said.
Remus smiled. "I had no idea he you cared so much, Sirius."
"I don't, normally," he replied. "But I have discovered that I’m shit at babysitting. Especially when the kids need emotional support. I’ve been total pathetic crap, and I couldn't wait for you to get back and give me a hand."
"You don't seem to be having too much trouble now," said Remus, pointedly eyeing the bottle of beer in Sirius's hands.
"That's because they’re all finally asleep."
"Speaking of sleep," interjected Kingsley, "that is probably what you ought to be doing too. Weren't you up all night as well?"
Sirius shrugged. "I've never needed much sleep."
Remus sank down in a chair. "I take it Arthur is doing well?"
"Fairly well," said Kingsley. "His spirits are high, and the healers are optimistic." Kingsley proceeded to fill him in on everything that had happened, including Harry’s strange vision. Sirius was sullenly quiet the entire time, finishing his bottle and moving on to another.
"Dumbledore is working on it," said Kingsley. "Hopefully, he’ll fill us in at the next meeting."
"It's bloody unnerving, if you ask me," said Sirius finishing off his beer. "I'm damn worried about Harry. And if Dumbledore won't give me any answers, I'm going to be very upset." He slammed his bottle down the table.
“It’s not our place to question Dumbledore’s methods,” said Remus.
“Hah. It’s just like you to say that, isn’t it?” He leaned forward, pointing and waving his hand erratically. Remus was beginning to think that Sirius was drunker than he had at first appeared. “I think it’s exactly my place to question his methods. His methods kept me locked up in bleeding Azkaban for twelve bloody years! And all I got for my suffering was a single pathetic little apology. Like one bloody apology is going to make up for being abandoned to the dementors!” Sirius was rising to his feet, his face mottled with rage.
“Just calm down, Sirius,” said Kingsley. “You’ll wake the children.”
"Let them wake up! He's got them all mesmerized. It's time to open their eyes to the fact that he is just as human as the rest of us. That he makes mistakes just like the rest of us. And most importantly, that he is not always right!" Sirius pounded his palm on the table at the end of each sentence, emphasizing his point.
"All right, Sirius," said Remus as he stood and walked around the table. He laid a hand on Sirius's shoulder. "We'll get the answers. We will make sure that he tells us everything that he knows. We'll talk to him together, I promise."
"Yes, yes," said Sirius, more quietly. "We'll talk to him together. He listens to you. Not to me. Never to me. But he listens to you. He’ll answer you.”
“Next time we see him, we’ll talk to him.”
“Next time. Next time.”
“But right now, you need to go get some sleep. You look knackered,” concluded Remus. Kingsley looked rather alarmed, but Remus had dealt with Sirius’s drunken outbursts enough over the past few months to know how to handle them.
Sirius stared off into space, and wobbled slightly on his legs. “You know-I think you’re right,” he said.
“Let’s get you to bed, shall we?”
Sirius nodded in reply. Remus pulled one of Sirius’s arms over his shoulders, and helped him to the door. “I’ll be back down in a minute, Kingsley,” he said.
Remus helped Sirius up several flights of stairs, and into his room. Sirius flopped onto his bed, and Remus pulled off his shoes. “Now you sleep this off, mate,” he said. “You’ll feel better in the morning.”
Sirius looked blearily up at him. “Harry will still be here tomorrow, won’t he?”
Remus nodded. “Harry will still be here.”
“He’ll be here for Christmas?”
“Yes, he’ll be here for Christmas.”
“Good. He belongs here. With me. G’night, Moony.”
“Good night, Sirius.”
Remus made his way back down to the kitchen, where Kingsley was still sitting. “Sorry about that,” he said to Remus. “When he asked me if I wanted to have a drink, I had no idea he’d get so pissed.”
“Don’t worry about it. He used to do this every night, when we first moved in here. This is only the second time this month, so he really is doing much better.” Remus slid into a seat.
“Poor sod. It’s amazing he’s doing as well as he is, considering. I don’t know if I could have kept my sanity after twelve years in the hands of the dementors.”
They sat quietly for a few moments. “So,” said Remus, finally, “how is Molly holding up?”
Kingsley shrugged. “She’s keeping up a good face, but I think she’s pretty shaken up.”
Remus nodded. Molly had been struggling to hold herself together since the reformation of the Order. This incident would only make things harder for her. He wished there was something he could do to make things easier, but in a war like this, there was no real comfort to be had.
“Tonks is a little rattled, too,” added Kingsley.
Remus’s eyes widened. “Tonks? Why?”
“She was supposed to be standing guard that night. She and Arthur traded shifts. I think she feels guilty over it.”
“But there’s no way anyone could have known,” said Remus.
Kingsley shook his head. “You and I know that. But Tonks-she has the unfortunate tendency to take things too personally. Even at work. She lets herself get too emotionally involved. I think it’s her Hufflepuff nature asserting itself.”
“That’s not always a bad thing,” said Remus defensively.
“Not always. But it makes the job even harder than it already is. Sometimes you have to be cold and detached to keep yourself sane in this business.”
Remus nodded quietly. “Do you know…if she plans on stopping by tonight?”
“No. She’s working the late shift this week. She won’t be done at work until after midnight.”
“Oh,” Remus tried not to let his disappointment show. He spent his whole journey home thinking about her, and had wanted to see her as soon as he got back.
Kingsley smiled at him. “So. You and Tonks, eh?”
Remus nodded, smiling sheepishly back.
“I suspected that might happen,” said Kingsley.
“It seems that most people suspected it,” replied Remus. “Apparently we weren’t nearly as subtle as we thought we were.”
“I think you’ll be good for each other. I’m happy for you.”
“Thank you.”
“But you do realize that if you break up, I’m going to have to take her side.” Kingsley chuckled at him.
“Sirius told me the same thing. I’m starting to wonder if anyone at all would take my side,” Remus said.
“Then you’d best not break up with her.”
“It seems so.”
A short time later Kingsley left for the night, and Remus went to his own room. A relationship was hard enough under ordinary circumstances, but with all of his friends scrutinizing it so closely, it was bound to be even more complicated.
In the morning, Remus let Molly leave early for St. Mungo’s, and prepared breakfast for the children himself. He was worried that Sirius’s dark mood would carry over but much to his relief, it did not. In fact, Sirius was downright chipper, conjuring piles of Christmas decorations, and leading the children all around the house decking the halls. In fact, it was Harry that was the problem. He was quiet throughout breakfast, and immediately after finishing, he returned to his room and remained holed up while the rest of them enjoyed themselves.
“Do you think one of us should go talk to him?” Remus asked Sirius quietly.
Sirius shook his head. “He just needs some time to think things through. He’ll pull out of it.” And with that, he was off, singing Christmas carols at the top of his lungs.
At just after ten, Remus was in the dining room trimming it with popcorn chains with Sirius, Ginny, and Ron when they heard the portrait of Mrs. Black start to scream. “Half-blood mutant freak! Wanton hussy, spreading your filth through my house!”
His smile blossomed when he realized that only one person could elicit those particular curses from Walburga: Nymphadora.
Trying not to look too conspicuous, Remus put down his popcorn chain, and said, "I think I'll go help her with that." As he made for the door, none of the youngsters batted an eye, but Sirius shot him a suggestive look complete with wagging eyebrows.
When Remus reached her, Nymphadora was still trying to pull the curtains closed over the shrieking image of Mrs. Black. He stepped in, and firmly grabbed one of the enchanted curtains. Together, he and Nymphadora finished covering the portrait, cutting off her string of curses.
They looked at each other in dazed silence for a moment. She had a silly grin on her face, which he felt was probably echoed on his. "Wotcher," she said.
"Hello," he said.
With out further preamble, she launched herself at him, throwing her arms around his neck and firmly pressing her lips against his in an ardent kiss. It was very easy to forget his misgivings about their relationship when she did these things. The force of her sudden thrust against him sent him stumbling back into the wall, and she continued to press him back with her eager embrace-an embrace which he was perfectly happy to return in kind.
When they finally pulled apart, he was nearly out of breath. "I'm happy to see you too, Nymphadora," he said with a smile.
She chuckled. "Good. I'd hate to think you weren't missing me as much as I was missing you."
"I assure you, I was," he said, taking one of her hands in his, and raising it to his mouth where he placed a kiss against her knuckles. "But I do feel that I owe you a warning. I don't feel entirely comfortable being open about our new relationship in front of the children. I was their teacher after all, so seeing me with you would almost inevitably stir up all sorts of gossip. I don't fancy having a pack of bored teenagers talking about my love life. Particularly Fred and George. With this information in hand, who knows what they might do?"
Nymphadora nodded. "I am afraid I'll have to agree with you on this one," she said. "That's why I'm snogging you here in the hall, before any of them come out and see us." With that, she pulled him in for another lingering kiss. It was amazing how quickly all of his concerns about their age difference, and his condition, disappeared when she was in his arms. A nagging voice at the back of his mind to hold him he ought to be more mature about this, but right now, he preferred to ignore it.
"Let's go someplace where we can talk in private, without worrying about waking up my Aunty again," she said. She led him into the nearby parlor, where they sat down on the sofa.
"Did you get anything interesting out of the prisoner?" she asked.
"Interesting, yes. Useful? Not as much," he said. "But it seems that things have been much more interesting here at home."
"Truly interesting," she said.
Remus hesitated slightly, and then said, "Kingsley told me that you were feeling badly about switching shifts with Arthur that night."
She looked down, and nodded. "It was his second night shift this week. I knew he would be tired, and I should have just put off my other business until another day. I can't help but feel at least partially responsible." She looked back up at him, and cut him off before he could reply. "I know what you’re going to tell me: there was no way of knowing what would happen. And you're right. I know that. I know what I'm feeling isn't logical. But I'm afraid I'm just not always logical, and nothing is going to change that."
"So," he replied, "all of the rational words of wisdom and reassurance that I had planned won't do any good, will they?"
She shook her head. "Nope. But I do appreciate the thought." A little smile danced at the corners of her mouth.
He smiled back. "You're welcome."
They sat in contented silence for a few minutes. It felt so peaceful, so easy. It was moments like this that made him think that this thing between them might actually work.
She was the first to break the silence. "The most interesting thing happened while we were visiting Arthur at hospital," she said. "Another patient in the dangerous bite ward was an old acquaintance of mine from school."
Remus shifted in surprise. "Oh dear. Is he all right?"
"Yes and no." She started fidgeting nervously with the fringe on the edge of a throw pillow. "You see," she said, "he was bitten by a werewolf."
Remus froze, and he could feel his mouth going dry. "Oh," he said softly.
"I'd like it if you could come back and see him with me," she said. "I think he would appreciate hearing from someone who can honestly tell him what things will be like. He needs to know that he can still live like a human being."
The mention of a newly bitten werewolf so soon after learning of the Moonies from Varick had set him instantly on edge. Could this man be one of their victims? Was this just the beginning of a wave of werewolf attacks ordered by Voldemort himself? Offering comfort was the last thing he could think of right now.
“I’ll do what I can,” said Remus, after a pause, “but right now I doubt there’s much I could say that would help him.”
“I think it would help him immensely to meet someone who’s made a success of life, in spite of the lycanthropy,” said Tonks.
Remus blinked in surprise. “A success?” he said before he could stop himself. “If this is what you call a success, then your standards are exceedingly low.”
Nymphadora looked almost offended. “I hate when you say these things about yourself, Remus. Of course you’re a success.”
“In what way? Because I don’t see it.” He found it strange that in the past few months she had developed a habit of defending him against his self-criticism-as if she somehow knew him better than he knew himself.
“You’ve always had a roof over your head, and food on your table, and clothes on your back. And on top of that, you’ve had lots of fascinating jobs, and made dozens of friends all over England, and Europe for that matter. People like you, and respect you, and trust you. In a society that is not known for liking or trusting Lycans, I would call that very successful indeed.” She finished with a sharp nod of her head.
It amazed him how unendingly optimistic she was. She had taken several aspects of his life, like his erratic employment, and somehow made them look like virtues instead of failures. He shook his head a little. “You have the most extraordinary way of looking at things. I couldn’t possibly make my life sound as fulfilling as you have-in fact it would likely come out sounding rather bleak. Maybe I shouldn’t visit him after all. It might just make him more depressed.”
“Oh, bollocks,” she said. “You’re fantastic at cheering people up, and you know it.”
Remus just shrugged. He didn’t see how he was any better at cheering people up than her-or lots of other people.
“I’m going to see him again right now-before I have to go in to work,” she continued. “Do you want to come with me?”
“Right now?” he asked in surprise. If this man really was a victim of the Moonies, Remus did need to talk to him. But there was other information that he wanted to gather first.
“Yeah. I told him I’d be back today.”
“Well…I don’t know. I just wasn’t expecting…” he trailed off. He wanted to make his report to Dumbledore before plunging into an interview with this young man. He wasn’t even sure how much of Varick’s information Dumbledore would want him to share with other Order members. He was loath to tell Nymphadora his discoveries until he had time to consult with Dumbledore first. And, to tell the truth, he had no desire to cut his reunion with Nymphadora so short, just for the sake of this stranger. “Are you sure you couldn’t put it off until tomorrow?” he asked. “I was hoping we could spend some time together today.”
Nymphadora set her jaw. “A promise is a promise, Remus. He really needs to believe in people right now. He comes from a pureblood family, and they disowned him when he was bitten. His family, his friends, and even his fiancée have all turned their backs on him. He really needs someone right now.”
Remus nodded. “Poor lad,” he muttered.
Nymphadora rolled her eyes. “Don’t call him a lad, Remus. He’s a year older than me.”
Remus’s stomach clenched. No matter how often she told him he wasn’t too old for her, he couldn’t help but think that if his first reaction was to think of her schoolmate as a young lad, then he was definitely too old. Why in the world does she want someone like me?
“It’s horrid,” she went on. “He has no money, no place to live, and no one to turn to. I’m thinking of offering him the spare room at my flat until he gets back on his feet.”
What? Her flat was the only place the two of them could find any privacy. And now she wanted to share it with this new werewolf whom she hardly even knew? Someone who could be a target for homicidal werewolves serving Voldemort?
“Are you sure that’s wise?” he asked. “You don’t know this man very well, after all.”
“He needs a place to stay, Remus. I’m not going to see him turned out on the streets when I have a perfectly good room to offer. And maybe I can help him find some work, too. I know some people who might be willing to overlook the Umbridge laws…”
A frightening thought was beginning to form in Remus’s mind. Was she helping this young man to somehow prove herself to him? Was she doing it to show him how accepting she was of his condition? Was she really so serious about him that she would do all this just as a gesture of support by proxy?
“You can’t just adopt this man the way you would a stray cat, Nymphadora. He’s got to learn to do these things on his own. He now has a condition that he will have to cope with for the rest of his life, and if you start pampering and coddling him, he will never learn the kind of self-reliance that he needs to get by.”
“Why are you sounding so defensive? What’s wrong with me trying to do something nice for someone in need?” She frowned at him.
“I’m not being defensive.”
“Yes, you are.”
Remus shook his head. “This is ridiculous. You are not the self-appointed savior of all werewolves, Nymphadora. Giving this boy a room to sleep in will not change his life, or his future. Nothing you can do will change what we are. You’re wasting your time.” Remus knew he was going too far even as he said it-but it was too late. It was out of his mouth before he could stop it.
Her face was flushing with anger. “So that’s how it is, is it? You think I’m doing this for you, don’t you? To show you how I really feel about your condition?” Her words cut too close to the truth. He couldn’t think of a response.
She stood, looking down at him. “I am not doing this for you, Remus Lupin. And it’s arrogant and nasty for you to even suggest it. I’m doing this because it’s the right thing to do.”
They stared at each other in silence for a moment. He was on the verge of tossing aside Order protocol and blurting out all that he had learned from Varick, when she spoke. “Fine!” she said. “I’m keeping my promise, and going to see him. Stay here and brood, if that’s what you want. I have better things to do.”
With that, she turned on her heel and stormed out.
Remus sat perfectly still on the edge of the sofa, feeling completely miserable. Their reunion had started off just as nicely as he had hoped, but now it was completely ruined. Why had this turned into an argument? He wished that Dumbledore hadn’t insisted on getting the first report of Varick’s interrogation. But it wouldn’t have been right to defy his orders just to avoid a row with Nymphadora-would it?
He shook his head, and closed his eyes, trying to clear his thoughts. What do I do now? How long will she hold this against me?
A moment later Sirius poked his head in. “Is she gone already?” he asked.
Remus nodded.
“You look like shit. What happened?”
“I have absolutely no idea,” replied Remus, standing. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to be by myself for a while.” He strode past the shocked-looking Sirius, and made his way to his room.
He needed to think of a way to apologize to her. He had to. He wasn’t ready for things to be over between them yet. Not yet.
Chapter 7
The good news is: I already have the next chapter beta-read, so it will be up in about a week. :)
For those of you who are newer to my journal, this story is a very plotty R/T story that begins in the middle of OOTP, right as Remus and Tonks make the transition from friends to romance. It is part romance, part dramedy, and part mystery, with prominent sub-plots featuring Sirius and Andromeda. So if you haven't read any of it yet and are interested in a long, plot-filled WIP, then check it out. And just FYI--this is a sequel to my story "Marauders Redux," but stands perfectly well on its own.
Title: Transformations, chapter 6
Characters/Pairings: Remus, Tonks, Sirius, Andromeda, Bill, Remus/Tonks, some Bill/Fleur.
Rating/Warnings: PG-13, swearing, mild sexuality
Summary: After months of being not-quite-more-than-friends Remus and Tonks have finally become a couple. What more can stand in the way of their living happily ever after? Busy schedules, family conflicts, Sirius's moodiness, love triangles, old secrets, Death Eater plots and a mystery that gradually draws both of them into the complex and little-known werewolf subculture--that's what.
Author's Notes: As ever, thanks go to my beta reader shimotsuki for her help. I am now officially calling this story "Alternate Reality." It doesn't deviate significantly enough from canon to be an "Alternate Universe," but it does have a few noticeable differences, primarily when it comes to the relationship between the Tonks and Malfoy families.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Previously, in “Transformations”: During interrogation an Austrian Death Eater reveals a funnel of money to the Death Eaters via some English “charities,” and drops cryptic clues about a werewolf organization (led by men called “Tibbs” and “The Chief”) supporting Voldemort. Remus enjoys a reunion with some old friends in Switzerland. Tonks and Bill make strides toward recruiting their friend Eddy into the Order, and receive word of the perilous snake attack on Arthur. A depressed Sirius decides that he wants to be reunited with his cousin, Andromeda, and has to deal with the arrival of the agitated Weasley kids and Harry.
Chapter 6: The Other Patient
Remus was just finishing a leisurely breakfast with Sophie and Laurent when an owl fluttered to their window. When Sophie let it in, it flew straight to Remus.
As he read the letter attached to its leg, his heart skipped a beat.
“What is it, Remus?” asked Laurent. “Is something wrong?”
Remus nodded sharply. “One of my friends has been attacked, and is in hospital. His wife needs help looking after the children. I have to leave at once.” What alarmed Remus the most was not the news of Arthur’s attack, but the fact that Harry had witnessed the attack in some sort of vision. The Weasleys and Harry were already moving back into Grimmauld Place to be closer to Arthur, and Dumbledore had asked him to return as soon as possible to assist Sirius in looking after them.
“Of course! Of course,” said Sophie. “You must go to your friends. We won’t hold you back.”
Remus quickly packed his bag. When he came back into the sitting room, Sophie held out a festively wrapped package to him. “Your Christmas present,” she said. “I got it early so that you could take it back with you.”
“Thank you,” he said, taking the soft and lumpy package, and adding it to his bag. “Thank you both.” He embraced them each in turn, and left the peaceful house behind, wondering when he would see it again.
******
Tonks had tried to be as light and cheery as she could muster, for the sake of the children, but the entire trip to St. Mungo’s she felt a horrible coldness in the pit of her stomach. The reason Arthur was here in the first place was because she was too eager to be making up for months of wasted time when she should have been out recruiting for the Order. She hadn’t even been willing to wait for a night that she wasn’t on guard duty.
She should have been the one to face down that bloody snake-not Arthur. She was trained to deal with those sorts of situations. She wouldn’t have been caught off her guard the way he was. She could have fought it off-maybe even captured it. But she had been in too damned much of a hurry to congratulate herself for finally bringing in a recruit.
Molly knew that she and Arthur had traded shifts, but had been kind enough not to say anything. Tonks almost wished that she would.
After making their way through the St. Mungo’s reception area, they finally stood outside the door to Arthur’s ward. It was labeled “DANGEROUS Dai Llewellyn Ward: Serious Bites.” Serious Bites. Thanks to me, Arthur is suffering from a serious bite.
“We’ll wait outside, Molly,” she said. “Arthur won’t want too many visitors at once….It ought to be just the family first.”
Molly nodded in agreement, and Moody huffed in approval, taking up a guard post by the door.
The Weasley kids and Harry followed Molly into the ward, and Tonks started pacing the hall. She wished Remus were there. She needed someone to talk to. She needed to get this guilt off of her chest, and Moody was the wrong person to turn to-he would only tell her that Aurors aren’t supposed to dwell on their feelings. They’re supposed to do their job, and move on.
If only it were that easy.
As a nurse walked by, Tonks stopped her and asked, “Do you know if Healer Martin Eggers is working today?”
The nurse thought for a moment, and then replied, “I think he worked a shift last night. I’m pretty certain he has the day off.”
“Thanks,” said Tonks, as the nurse headed on her way. Even Marty would have been someone to talk to. This wasn’t the sort of thing Mad-Eye would understand-he didn’t believe in indulging in pointless guilt. But it didn’t seem pointless to her.
After a few minutes, Molly and the children came out. They all seemed greatly relieved. Thank Merlin. Arthur must be doing well.
She and Moody went back in with Molly. Arthur was looking far better than she had expected, under the circumstances.
Arthur happily reassured them that he was doing very well, but Tonks wasn’t so sure. The dressings on his wound were ones that she recognized from experience with other injured Aurors-they were used for wounds that refused to cease bleeding.
She leaned forward, and in a low voice said, “I’ve talked to a friend from the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. After you were found, they launched a full-scale search of the Ministry for the snake. They searched the whole area but they couldn’t find the snake anywhere. It just seems to have vanished. And You-Know-Who can’t have expected a snake to get into the Department of Mysteries for him, can he?”
“I reckon he sent it as a lookout,” said Moody, “’cause he’s not had any luck so far, has he?” Moody continued to talk, but Tonks’s mind drifted away from it as she stared down at Arthur’s dressing.
She closed her eyes. Stop doing this to yourself, Tonks. It won’t do anyone any good. She looked away, trying to clear her head, and froze when she caught sight of a patient in a bed across the room.
He lay still, looking pale and sickly, staring up blankly at the ceiling. He looked worn, and depressed, but she still clearly recognized the man who had been the star Chaser of the Slytherin Quidditch team while they were in school together.
“Arthur,” she said, interrupting the conversation. “Do you know what that man is in for?”
Arthur shook his head sadly. “Such a pity, the poor chap. He was bitten by a werewolf. So young, too. Such a pity.” Arthur glanced up at her suddenly. “Do you know him?”
“We were at Hogwarts together. He was only a year ahead of me,” she said softly, still staring at the man. She turned back to Molly and Arthur. “Would the two of you mind if I go have a chat with him?”
“Not at all, not at all,” said Arthur. “He could use some cheering up.”
She nodded. “I’ll just be a few minutes,” she said to Moody. She walked slowly over to the young man’s bed, having no idea what she was going to say.
“Ethan? Ethan Bulstrode?” she said when she reached his side.
He slowly pulled his eyes away from his study of the ceiling tiles, and gradually focused them on her face. “Tonks?” he said in bewilderment.
“You remember me, then,” she said, smiling.
“I remember the hair,” he said. “And the way you could swing your bat like a madwoman out on the Quidditch pitch.”
“You usually managed to dodge the Bludgers, though, if I recall,” she said.
“Only just.” He sat up, and scooted to lean back against the wall.
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
“I came to see Arthur Weasley, across the way,” she said.
“Oh, yeah. I remember you were friends with the Weasley boys. Did you marry one of them, then?” he asked. His face was regaining some color as they talked.
She burst out laughing. “Merlin, no! I’m just still friends of the family-that’s all.”
A little smile cracked his face. “Sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it. But really-I haven’t had time to get married. I’m an Auror now.”
His eyes widened. “Really? Good for you. I never had the will to work hard enough for the Auror program. They really know how to grind you down.”
“That they do. But somehow I survived it.”
They paused, and in the silence he eyed her uncomfortably. Finally, she spoke again. “Arthur told me why you’re here,” she said quietly.
“Oh.” His voice, almost animated a moment earlier, was now flat, and dead. His face resumed its blank expression, and he stared off at the wall in front of him.
“Ethan, I know it must seem like the end of the world right now,” she said, “but it really isn’t. I’ve met quite a few lycans, and they really can lead very good lives. It’s not a condition that’s easy to live with, but I know that you can do it.”
“Lycans,” he let out a hollow laugh. “That’s a pretty word to hide the fact that you’re talking about a monster.”
“They’re not monsters. And neither are you,” she said firmly.
“What about the one who did this to me? Would you say he’s not a monster?”
Tonks wasn’t sure how to respond to that one. “I’m sorry,” she finally said. “I’m very sorry. But for every bad werewolf out there, there are at least a dozen good people who keep the condition under control. I know that for a fact.”
Ethan just shook his head. “You might be right. But I won’t be one of them.”
“Now you’re being absurd,” she said, getting irritated.
“No,” he looked her hard in the eye. “I’m not. These-these good Lycans that you’re talking about-I’d bet they all have money, and homes, and families, and friends, don’t they?”
Tonks couldn’t deny the truth. She nodded shortly. “Yes. They do. But don’t you…?”
“Not anymore,” he spat out bitterly. “As soon as my family learned that I’d been bitten, they threw me out on the streets. None of them have come to see me. Not even my friends. Not even my…” he seemed to choke on his words, “not even my fiancée.”
Tonks’s mouth hung open. How could the people who were supposed to love him the most just abandon him like this? He was still the same man he ever was-he just had a disease! They should be helping him, not turning against him.
“And three days ago,” Ethan continued, “I got word that my father has formally dis-inherited me. I have nothing. No one.”
Tonks’s jaw set in anger. This was just the sort of prejudice and ignorance that allowed people like Umbridge to gain power. And she wouldn’t stand for it.
“Well, you have someone now,” she said firmly.
“What?” he blinked at her in incomprehension.
“Just what I said. You have me.” Understanding was beginning to dawn on his face. “I’m not going to let you waste away in misery like this,” she said. “You are still a human being, and you are still worth caring about. And I’m going to prove it to you.”
“But…but….You hardly even know me!” he stammered.
“Doesn’t matter,” she said firmly. “I’m sick and tired of living in a world where people sit back and let injustice happen without lifting a finger. I’ll be damned if I’m going to let you slip away unnoticed and uncared for.”
Ethan sat stock still, staring at her. “But why?”
“Because it’s the right thing to do. That’s why.”
He looked stunned beyond belief. Tonks thought she could see his eyes growing suddenly moist.
“I don’t believe it,” he whispered.
“Well, start believing,” she said. “Just because some people who were supposed to care about you ended up treating you like crap, it doesn’t mean that everyone will. Now,” she leaned toward him. “I can’t stay any longer today. I’m afraid I’ve got to get to work soon. But I promise I’ll come back tomorrow, and we’ll have a nice long talk, okay?”
Ethan nodded.
She stood up straight. “Brilliant! I’ll see you around lunchtime, then.”
“Okay,” he said.
“See you tomorrow,” she said, with a wave.
“See you tomorrow,” he said, still sounding disbelieving.
She followed Molly and Moody out the door, waving good bye to Arthur, and waving again to Ethan.
A broad smile had spread across her face. All her thoughts of self-condemnation and guilt were gone. She might have made a mistake switching shifts with Arthur, but she wasn’t going to make a mistake this time. Ethan needed her help, and she was going to give it to him.
****
When Remus arrived at Grimmauld Place late in the evening, nearly everyone had already gone to bed. Only Sirius was up, sharing a drink with Kingsley. When Sirius saw him, he let out a sigh of relief. "Are you a sight for sore eyes," he said.
Remus smiled. "I had no idea he you cared so much, Sirius."
"I don't, normally," he replied. "But I have discovered that I’m shit at babysitting. Especially when the kids need emotional support. I’ve been total pathetic crap, and I couldn't wait for you to get back and give me a hand."
"You don't seem to be having too much trouble now," said Remus, pointedly eyeing the bottle of beer in Sirius's hands.
"That's because they’re all finally asleep."
"Speaking of sleep," interjected Kingsley, "that is probably what you ought to be doing too. Weren't you up all night as well?"
Sirius shrugged. "I've never needed much sleep."
Remus sank down in a chair. "I take it Arthur is doing well?"
"Fairly well," said Kingsley. "His spirits are high, and the healers are optimistic." Kingsley proceeded to fill him in on everything that had happened, including Harry’s strange vision. Sirius was sullenly quiet the entire time, finishing his bottle and moving on to another.
"Dumbledore is working on it," said Kingsley. "Hopefully, he’ll fill us in at the next meeting."
"It's bloody unnerving, if you ask me," said Sirius finishing off his beer. "I'm damn worried about Harry. And if Dumbledore won't give me any answers, I'm going to be very upset." He slammed his bottle down the table.
“It’s not our place to question Dumbledore’s methods,” said Remus.
“Hah. It’s just like you to say that, isn’t it?” He leaned forward, pointing and waving his hand erratically. Remus was beginning to think that Sirius was drunker than he had at first appeared. “I think it’s exactly my place to question his methods. His methods kept me locked up in bleeding Azkaban for twelve bloody years! And all I got for my suffering was a single pathetic little apology. Like one bloody apology is going to make up for being abandoned to the dementors!” Sirius was rising to his feet, his face mottled with rage.
“Just calm down, Sirius,” said Kingsley. “You’ll wake the children.”
"Let them wake up! He's got them all mesmerized. It's time to open their eyes to the fact that he is just as human as the rest of us. That he makes mistakes just like the rest of us. And most importantly, that he is not always right!" Sirius pounded his palm on the table at the end of each sentence, emphasizing his point.
"All right, Sirius," said Remus as he stood and walked around the table. He laid a hand on Sirius's shoulder. "We'll get the answers. We will make sure that he tells us everything that he knows. We'll talk to him together, I promise."
"Yes, yes," said Sirius, more quietly. "We'll talk to him together. He listens to you. Not to me. Never to me. But he listens to you. He’ll answer you.”
“Next time we see him, we’ll talk to him.”
“Next time. Next time.”
“But right now, you need to go get some sleep. You look knackered,” concluded Remus. Kingsley looked rather alarmed, but Remus had dealt with Sirius’s drunken outbursts enough over the past few months to know how to handle them.
Sirius stared off into space, and wobbled slightly on his legs. “You know-I think you’re right,” he said.
“Let’s get you to bed, shall we?”
Sirius nodded in reply. Remus pulled one of Sirius’s arms over his shoulders, and helped him to the door. “I’ll be back down in a minute, Kingsley,” he said.
Remus helped Sirius up several flights of stairs, and into his room. Sirius flopped onto his bed, and Remus pulled off his shoes. “Now you sleep this off, mate,” he said. “You’ll feel better in the morning.”
Sirius looked blearily up at him. “Harry will still be here tomorrow, won’t he?”
Remus nodded. “Harry will still be here.”
“He’ll be here for Christmas?”
“Yes, he’ll be here for Christmas.”
“Good. He belongs here. With me. G’night, Moony.”
“Good night, Sirius.”
Remus made his way back down to the kitchen, where Kingsley was still sitting. “Sorry about that,” he said to Remus. “When he asked me if I wanted to have a drink, I had no idea he’d get so pissed.”
“Don’t worry about it. He used to do this every night, when we first moved in here. This is only the second time this month, so he really is doing much better.” Remus slid into a seat.
“Poor sod. It’s amazing he’s doing as well as he is, considering. I don’t know if I could have kept my sanity after twelve years in the hands of the dementors.”
They sat quietly for a few moments. “So,” said Remus, finally, “how is Molly holding up?”
Kingsley shrugged. “She’s keeping up a good face, but I think she’s pretty shaken up.”
Remus nodded. Molly had been struggling to hold herself together since the reformation of the Order. This incident would only make things harder for her. He wished there was something he could do to make things easier, but in a war like this, there was no real comfort to be had.
“Tonks is a little rattled, too,” added Kingsley.
Remus’s eyes widened. “Tonks? Why?”
“She was supposed to be standing guard that night. She and Arthur traded shifts. I think she feels guilty over it.”
“But there’s no way anyone could have known,” said Remus.
Kingsley shook his head. “You and I know that. But Tonks-she has the unfortunate tendency to take things too personally. Even at work. She lets herself get too emotionally involved. I think it’s her Hufflepuff nature asserting itself.”
“That’s not always a bad thing,” said Remus defensively.
“Not always. But it makes the job even harder than it already is. Sometimes you have to be cold and detached to keep yourself sane in this business.”
Remus nodded quietly. “Do you know…if she plans on stopping by tonight?”
“No. She’s working the late shift this week. She won’t be done at work until after midnight.”
“Oh,” Remus tried not to let his disappointment show. He spent his whole journey home thinking about her, and had wanted to see her as soon as he got back.
Kingsley smiled at him. “So. You and Tonks, eh?”
Remus nodded, smiling sheepishly back.
“I suspected that might happen,” said Kingsley.
“It seems that most people suspected it,” replied Remus. “Apparently we weren’t nearly as subtle as we thought we were.”
“I think you’ll be good for each other. I’m happy for you.”
“Thank you.”
“But you do realize that if you break up, I’m going to have to take her side.” Kingsley chuckled at him.
“Sirius told me the same thing. I’m starting to wonder if anyone at all would take my side,” Remus said.
“Then you’d best not break up with her.”
“It seems so.”
A short time later Kingsley left for the night, and Remus went to his own room. A relationship was hard enough under ordinary circumstances, but with all of his friends scrutinizing it so closely, it was bound to be even more complicated.
In the morning, Remus let Molly leave early for St. Mungo’s, and prepared breakfast for the children himself. He was worried that Sirius’s dark mood would carry over but much to his relief, it did not. In fact, Sirius was downright chipper, conjuring piles of Christmas decorations, and leading the children all around the house decking the halls. In fact, it was Harry that was the problem. He was quiet throughout breakfast, and immediately after finishing, he returned to his room and remained holed up while the rest of them enjoyed themselves.
“Do you think one of us should go talk to him?” Remus asked Sirius quietly.
Sirius shook his head. “He just needs some time to think things through. He’ll pull out of it.” And with that, he was off, singing Christmas carols at the top of his lungs.
At just after ten, Remus was in the dining room trimming it with popcorn chains with Sirius, Ginny, and Ron when they heard the portrait of Mrs. Black start to scream. “Half-blood mutant freak! Wanton hussy, spreading your filth through my house!”
His smile blossomed when he realized that only one person could elicit those particular curses from Walburga: Nymphadora.
Trying not to look too conspicuous, Remus put down his popcorn chain, and said, "I think I'll go help her with that." As he made for the door, none of the youngsters batted an eye, but Sirius shot him a suggestive look complete with wagging eyebrows.
When Remus reached her, Nymphadora was still trying to pull the curtains closed over the shrieking image of Mrs. Black. He stepped in, and firmly grabbed one of the enchanted curtains. Together, he and Nymphadora finished covering the portrait, cutting off her string of curses.
They looked at each other in dazed silence for a moment. She had a silly grin on her face, which he felt was probably echoed on his. "Wotcher," she said.
"Hello," he said.
With out further preamble, she launched herself at him, throwing her arms around his neck and firmly pressing her lips against his in an ardent kiss. It was very easy to forget his misgivings about their relationship when she did these things. The force of her sudden thrust against him sent him stumbling back into the wall, and she continued to press him back with her eager embrace-an embrace which he was perfectly happy to return in kind.
When they finally pulled apart, he was nearly out of breath. "I'm happy to see you too, Nymphadora," he said with a smile.
She chuckled. "Good. I'd hate to think you weren't missing me as much as I was missing you."
"I assure you, I was," he said, taking one of her hands in his, and raising it to his mouth where he placed a kiss against her knuckles. "But I do feel that I owe you a warning. I don't feel entirely comfortable being open about our new relationship in front of the children. I was their teacher after all, so seeing me with you would almost inevitably stir up all sorts of gossip. I don't fancy having a pack of bored teenagers talking about my love life. Particularly Fred and George. With this information in hand, who knows what they might do?"
Nymphadora nodded. "I am afraid I'll have to agree with you on this one," she said. "That's why I'm snogging you here in the hall, before any of them come out and see us." With that, she pulled him in for another lingering kiss. It was amazing how quickly all of his concerns about their age difference, and his condition, disappeared when she was in his arms. A nagging voice at the back of his mind to hold him he ought to be more mature about this, but right now, he preferred to ignore it.
"Let's go someplace where we can talk in private, without worrying about waking up my Aunty again," she said. She led him into the nearby parlor, where they sat down on the sofa.
"Did you get anything interesting out of the prisoner?" she asked.
"Interesting, yes. Useful? Not as much," he said. "But it seems that things have been much more interesting here at home."
"Truly interesting," she said.
Remus hesitated slightly, and then said, "Kingsley told me that you were feeling badly about switching shifts with Arthur that night."
She looked down, and nodded. "It was his second night shift this week. I knew he would be tired, and I should have just put off my other business until another day. I can't help but feel at least partially responsible." She looked back up at him, and cut him off before he could reply. "I know what you’re going to tell me: there was no way of knowing what would happen. And you're right. I know that. I know what I'm feeling isn't logical. But I'm afraid I'm just not always logical, and nothing is going to change that."
"So," he replied, "all of the rational words of wisdom and reassurance that I had planned won't do any good, will they?"
She shook her head. "Nope. But I do appreciate the thought." A little smile danced at the corners of her mouth.
He smiled back. "You're welcome."
They sat in contented silence for a few minutes. It felt so peaceful, so easy. It was moments like this that made him think that this thing between them might actually work.
She was the first to break the silence. "The most interesting thing happened while we were visiting Arthur at hospital," she said. "Another patient in the dangerous bite ward was an old acquaintance of mine from school."
Remus shifted in surprise. "Oh dear. Is he all right?"
"Yes and no." She started fidgeting nervously with the fringe on the edge of a throw pillow. "You see," she said, "he was bitten by a werewolf."
Remus froze, and he could feel his mouth going dry. "Oh," he said softly.
"I'd like it if you could come back and see him with me," she said. "I think he would appreciate hearing from someone who can honestly tell him what things will be like. He needs to know that he can still live like a human being."
The mention of a newly bitten werewolf so soon after learning of the Moonies from Varick had set him instantly on edge. Could this man be one of their victims? Was this just the beginning of a wave of werewolf attacks ordered by Voldemort himself? Offering comfort was the last thing he could think of right now.
“I’ll do what I can,” said Remus, after a pause, “but right now I doubt there’s much I could say that would help him.”
“I think it would help him immensely to meet someone who’s made a success of life, in spite of the lycanthropy,” said Tonks.
Remus blinked in surprise. “A success?” he said before he could stop himself. “If this is what you call a success, then your standards are exceedingly low.”
Nymphadora looked almost offended. “I hate when you say these things about yourself, Remus. Of course you’re a success.”
“In what way? Because I don’t see it.” He found it strange that in the past few months she had developed a habit of defending him against his self-criticism-as if she somehow knew him better than he knew himself.
“You’ve always had a roof over your head, and food on your table, and clothes on your back. And on top of that, you’ve had lots of fascinating jobs, and made dozens of friends all over England, and Europe for that matter. People like you, and respect you, and trust you. In a society that is not known for liking or trusting Lycans, I would call that very successful indeed.” She finished with a sharp nod of her head.
It amazed him how unendingly optimistic she was. She had taken several aspects of his life, like his erratic employment, and somehow made them look like virtues instead of failures. He shook his head a little. “You have the most extraordinary way of looking at things. I couldn’t possibly make my life sound as fulfilling as you have-in fact it would likely come out sounding rather bleak. Maybe I shouldn’t visit him after all. It might just make him more depressed.”
“Oh, bollocks,” she said. “You’re fantastic at cheering people up, and you know it.”
Remus just shrugged. He didn’t see how he was any better at cheering people up than her-or lots of other people.
“I’m going to see him again right now-before I have to go in to work,” she continued. “Do you want to come with me?”
“Right now?” he asked in surprise. If this man really was a victim of the Moonies, Remus did need to talk to him. But there was other information that he wanted to gather first.
“Yeah. I told him I’d be back today.”
“Well…I don’t know. I just wasn’t expecting…” he trailed off. He wanted to make his report to Dumbledore before plunging into an interview with this young man. He wasn’t even sure how much of Varick’s information Dumbledore would want him to share with other Order members. He was loath to tell Nymphadora his discoveries until he had time to consult with Dumbledore first. And, to tell the truth, he had no desire to cut his reunion with Nymphadora so short, just for the sake of this stranger. “Are you sure you couldn’t put it off until tomorrow?” he asked. “I was hoping we could spend some time together today.”
Nymphadora set her jaw. “A promise is a promise, Remus. He really needs to believe in people right now. He comes from a pureblood family, and they disowned him when he was bitten. His family, his friends, and even his fiancée have all turned their backs on him. He really needs someone right now.”
Remus nodded. “Poor lad,” he muttered.
Nymphadora rolled her eyes. “Don’t call him a lad, Remus. He’s a year older than me.”
Remus’s stomach clenched. No matter how often she told him he wasn’t too old for her, he couldn’t help but think that if his first reaction was to think of her schoolmate as a young lad, then he was definitely too old. Why in the world does she want someone like me?
“It’s horrid,” she went on. “He has no money, no place to live, and no one to turn to. I’m thinking of offering him the spare room at my flat until he gets back on his feet.”
What? Her flat was the only place the two of them could find any privacy. And now she wanted to share it with this new werewolf whom she hardly even knew? Someone who could be a target for homicidal werewolves serving Voldemort?
“Are you sure that’s wise?” he asked. “You don’t know this man very well, after all.”
“He needs a place to stay, Remus. I’m not going to see him turned out on the streets when I have a perfectly good room to offer. And maybe I can help him find some work, too. I know some people who might be willing to overlook the Umbridge laws…”
A frightening thought was beginning to form in Remus’s mind. Was she helping this young man to somehow prove herself to him? Was she doing it to show him how accepting she was of his condition? Was she really so serious about him that she would do all this just as a gesture of support by proxy?
“You can’t just adopt this man the way you would a stray cat, Nymphadora. He’s got to learn to do these things on his own. He now has a condition that he will have to cope with for the rest of his life, and if you start pampering and coddling him, he will never learn the kind of self-reliance that he needs to get by.”
“Why are you sounding so defensive? What’s wrong with me trying to do something nice for someone in need?” She frowned at him.
“I’m not being defensive.”
“Yes, you are.”
Remus shook his head. “This is ridiculous. You are not the self-appointed savior of all werewolves, Nymphadora. Giving this boy a room to sleep in will not change his life, or his future. Nothing you can do will change what we are. You’re wasting your time.” Remus knew he was going too far even as he said it-but it was too late. It was out of his mouth before he could stop it.
Her face was flushing with anger. “So that’s how it is, is it? You think I’m doing this for you, don’t you? To show you how I really feel about your condition?” Her words cut too close to the truth. He couldn’t think of a response.
She stood, looking down at him. “I am not doing this for you, Remus Lupin. And it’s arrogant and nasty for you to even suggest it. I’m doing this because it’s the right thing to do.”
They stared at each other in silence for a moment. He was on the verge of tossing aside Order protocol and blurting out all that he had learned from Varick, when she spoke. “Fine!” she said. “I’m keeping my promise, and going to see him. Stay here and brood, if that’s what you want. I have better things to do.”
With that, she turned on her heel and stormed out.
Remus sat perfectly still on the edge of the sofa, feeling completely miserable. Their reunion had started off just as nicely as he had hoped, but now it was completely ruined. Why had this turned into an argument? He wished that Dumbledore hadn’t insisted on getting the first report of Varick’s interrogation. But it wouldn’t have been right to defy his orders just to avoid a row with Nymphadora-would it?
He shook his head, and closed his eyes, trying to clear his thoughts. What do I do now? How long will she hold this against me?
A moment later Sirius poked his head in. “Is she gone already?” he asked.
Remus nodded.
“You look like shit. What happened?”
“I have absolutely no idea,” replied Remus, standing. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to be by myself for a while.” He strode past the shocked-looking Sirius, and made his way to his room.
He needed to think of a way to apologize to her. He had to. He wasn’t ready for things to be over between them yet. Not yet.
Chapter 7