Fic: "What is Right" Chapter 2, Lizzie Bennet Diaries
Title: What is Right, Chapter 2
Fandom: The Lizzie Bennet Diaries
Characters: Lizzie Bennet/William Darcy, Lydia, Jane, Gigi, George, Mr. Bennet
Rating: R/M overall (PG this part)
Word Count: ~7,000
Summary: William Darcy has a plan to stop George Wickham. He needs Lydia and a car. What he doesn't plan for is Lizzie inviting herself along for the ride. A road trip AU.
Author's Note: Much thanks for your wonderful responses so far! I love hearing from you all. And again, I need to thank Kyrie Anne for her excellent beta work. What I intended to be chapter 2 turned into a 12,500 word epic, so I split it in half for easier reading. This is the first part, the next will go up in a couple of days, and the 4th and (I think) final will hopefully be up no later than the end of next week. Thanks! Chapter 1
Lizzie's heart pounds as she dashes up the stairs to her room, and she's not certain if it's because she gets to face down George, or if it's because she just invited herself along on a road trip with Darcy. Both are pretty appealing-if somewhat anxiety-inducing-prospects.
She opens her laptop and Google Maps soon tells her that her trip will be a little over four hours long. Four hours there. Four hours back. And an overnight stay. All alone with Darcy.
She closes her eyes and takes a few deep breaths, trying to clear her head. What was she thinking? What the hell does she expect to say or do to George once she sees him?
As for Darcy-that's a well of unanswered questions that runs a mile deep. She expected to have time to think things through. To come to a better understanding of how she feels about him before actually having to face him again. But now her big mouth has trapped her on a road trip with him.
The thought crosses her mind that she could always back out, but she instantly rejects it. As insane as this whole venture is, there's something exciting and liberating about embracing the insanity. She's diving in headfirst and figuring things out as she goes along.
Isn't that what she's been doing for the past few months, anyway?
She jumps up and grabs her favorite overnight bag from her closet, smiling. Everything about this feels reckless in all the right ways.
If she can't figure out what she wants out of her relationship with Darcy after being stuck in a car with him for eight hours (with a break in the middle during which she may or may not get to punch George in the face), then the relationship probably wasn't meant to be in the first place.
This will be like a trial by fire-walking over the hot coals with her bare feet, waiting to see if she comes out the other end safe and whole, or blistered and burned.
Lizzie folds a few shirts and a pair of jeans and stuffs them into her bag. She feels as if all the unexpected twists and turns of her life over the past few months have tempered her and prepared her for a day like today.
She can't wait to get going.
Except she has to wait, because it's only just past eleven, and Darcy said they might not leave until four.
Lizzie packs her bag in less than fifteen minutes. Then she paces. And paces some more. When she realizes only another ten minutes have passed, she heads downstairs to scrub the kitchen.
Her mother finally makes it home from her morning of shopping just as Lizzie furiously scrubs the inside of the microwave.
After her mother makes a few comments about being pleasantly surprised by Lizzie's cleaning-fit, she shows off her new purchases (including a few really awful tops she bought especially with Lizzie in mind), and then asks a question that makes Lizzie wince.
"So, is Lydia out to lunch with her darling boyfriend, George? I bought her a top that I think will make him go absolutely wild."
Lizzie bites her tongue and mumbles something about George still being out of town. This deception has gone on long enough, but it's not her place to tell Mom-whatever it is they finally decide to tell her. Instead she promises to try on the tops (not that she intends to keep any of them), and goes back to scrubbing.
There're a dozen other things she should be doing right now-including the work that will actually permit her to graduate on time. But the idea of trying to focus on anything other than the impending trip is more than her emotionally exhausted brain can handle right now. She needs to save up her mental capabilities for when she has to face Darcy, again.
Lydia doesn't make it home until a little after two. She walks into the house with a smile on her face which lifts Lizzie's heart as soon as she sees it.
Thank god for Gigi Darcy.
"You look like you had a good time," Lizzie says.
Lydia's smile gets even bigger. "Gigi Darcy is totes amazing. I have a standing invite to go up to San Fran to do some hardcore shopping with her. It's hard to believe she's actually related to boring Darce-face."
Lizzie's smile falls. "He's not really boring once you get to know him."
Lydia rolls her eyes. "I was teasing." She meets Lizzie's eyes and looks more serious than she usually does in these sorts of conversations. "Seriously-I don't like some of the things he said about you, or about our family. But I don't really know him. And, it seems like he's . . . he's a good guy. I think it's cool if you like him."
"I didn't say-I don't know where you got that idea." Lizzie feels warm and can't figure out what to do with her hands.
Lydia sighs and shakes her head. "I have seen the videos, remember? Just 'cause my love life sucks right now doesn't mean all of us have to be lonely rejects. Really. It's okay."
"Lydia . . ." Lizzie doesn't know whether she needs to start by reminding Lydia that she is not a lonely reject, or by responding to her little sister's oblique permission to start dating William Darcy.
Fortunately, Jane comes down the stairs at just that moment and provides a much-needed distraction.
They migrate to the kitchen and spend a few minutes chatting about Gigi while somehow managing to avoid the topic of George. Then Lizzie tells Lydia about the bag of new clothes from Mom waiting for her up on her bed.
"Fashion show!" Lydia declares and jumps up to pull her sisters up the stairs.
"They're horrible. Really. Worse than usual," Lizzie insists.
Lydia rolls her eyes again. "You never give Mom enough credit."
Maybe she has a point.
Soon all three sisters are deep in a pile of discarded tops as they try things on and swap them back and forth. Eventually Lydia finds three tops that she says she likes (Lizzie wonders if her taste is getting as questionable as their mother's), and Jane manages to find one she wants to keep as well. Both of them team up to try to convince Lizzie to keep a bright orange ruffle blouse that they insist will look good with a few of her cardigans, and she grudgingly agrees. It's not something she would have chosen for herself, but it might look good as part of her "job interview wardrobe." That's another thing she needs to start thinking about again, after the George business is settled once and for all.
Which reminds her of another unpleasant topic that's been on her mind. She starts hesitantly. "Um . . . Lydia? Mom asked about George again, today. I'm starting to run out of excuses. I think we need to tell her something." Lizzie hates to be the one to ruin their fun, but how much longer can they go on like this?
Lydia's eyes droop and she nods quietly.
The now-familiar ache wells back up in Lizzie's chest, and she mentally revisits her long list of things she'd like to do to George when she sees him. Some of them won't even get her arrested.
"I could tell her something," offers Jane. "Or we could talk to Dad about breaking things to her."
Lydia shakes her head. "No. I-I need to tell her. I'll just say we broke up and I don't want to talk about it. That'll be enough, won't it?" She looks up at her sister's eyes, pleading for their affirmation.
"Absolutely," says Lizzie just as Jane says, "Yes. Yes."
"We'll back you up on this. No matter what," adds Jane.
Lydia's smile returns, though not as bright as before. Lizzie wonders how long it will take for that bright smile to become a regular fixture in their home again.
"Thanks," says Lydia. "And, um, can I ask you guys a favor?" She tells them that she's been alone a lot lately and she worries that she doesn't always know how to deal with things the right way.
Lizzie bites her bottom lip. There's that idea she's been thinking about so much lately. The "right way." She can't help but think that Lydia wouldn't assume her way is the wrong way if Lizzie hadn't spent so many years berating her. Damn it.
Lizzie blinks back the rising moisture in her eyes as Lydia says, "I just think I shouldn't be too-by myself-for now?"
"Yeah," Lizzie answers, nodding. "Whatever you need."
Lydia starts mumbling about how busy her sisters are and not wanting to get in the way, but Jane and Lizzie cut her off immediately. Lizzie won't let Lydia think like that. Not anymore. There's always time for sisters.
Well-except for tonight.
After a few more minutes of reassuring her, Lizzie feels like she owes it to Lydia to speak up about her plans. But she decides to tread carefully. She doesn't want to upset this delicate new balance between them. So she offers up a half-truth. "Hey, I just-I am going to be here for you. Whenever you need me. So I feel like I need to tell you that Darcy isn't leaving town yet, and he asked me if we could hang out together later this afternoon. And I said yes. But if you want me to stay home with you, I totally will. Sisters first. Always." She holds her breath, already feeling a little guilty.
Lydia smiles and shakes her head. "I didn't mean I need you 24/7, big sis. The guy is here mostly for you anyway. Go ahead and go on your date."
Jane blinks and stares at Lizzie in surprise. "Wait, what?"
This is how Lizzie realizes Jane still isn't caught up on her videos. She feels her face getting warm as she struggles for the right words. "Uh, yeah. I guess I didn't tell you everything the couple of times we talked while I was in San Francisco."
"All you said was that you really liked Pemberley Digital and that you'd misjudged Darcy and he was actually a pretty decent guy-which is exactly what I tried to tell you the whole time we were staying at Netherfield, by the way," says Jane, "You didn't tell me you were dating him, Lizzie! Did you know he was coming today?"
"No. No." Lizzie shakes her head and waves her hands emphatically. "I'm not dating him. I had no idea what he was up to. We haven't talked or communicated at all since I left San Francisco until he showed up this morning. But yes-there was . . . something starting to happen between us before I left, I guess?" It feels so strange to admit it out loud.
Posting videos of herself being friendly with Darcy had been one thing, but admitting to the people she cares about that the friendliness had taken on certain confusing yet exciting overtones still feels strange. Up until today it has been her little secret. Her confusing little puzzle to solve all on her own. And treating it like more fodder for the family gossip machine feels wrong, somehow. "This isn't a date," she feels compelled to add. "This is just catching up after a crazy week. That's all."
"Yeah. Right." Lydia shakes her head, smiling. "I think I'll show Jane some of your videos while you're gone on your not-a-date. I think she'll agree with me. And you should have heard the things Gigi said about you two."
Lizzie's eyebrows shoot up. "She talked about us?" So maybe Gigi isn't her favorite person, after all.
"Yes," says Lydia teasingly. "Darcy is still totes in love with you. And I owe him big-time, so don't break his heart tonight, okay? Or at least let him down easy."
Lizzie's heart flips a few times at the words "in love." Just what had Gigi been telling Lydia?
She shakes her head. "I don't plan on breaking any hearts today."
"Good," replies Lydia, smirking.
On the one hand, if this new interest in Lizzie's love life helps Lydia feel better, it's probably a good thing. On the other hand, Lizzie is pretty sure she doesn't actually want Lydia interested in her love life. The teasing about this might be worse than the "perpetually single" bit she used to do. But it seems Lizzie's too late to stop it.
It scares her a little to think of "Darcy" and "love" in the same thought. She's still more than a little confused about her feelings for him. But she's not so scared that she'll skip the road trip. When did this happen? When did she start wanting William Darcy in her life, rather than the opposite?
She hangs out with Jane and Lydia a little longer before excusing herself to her room to get ready for her not-a-date. They buy the excuse all too easily. In reality, Lizzie needs to check for texts on her phone. Nothing, yet. But she's sure he'll be here soon. When she hears her sisters turn on some music, she sneaks her overnight bag downstairs and out the front door and hides it behind the front bushes-just in case they come to gawk when heads out with Darcy. She doesn't want them to get any wrong ideas.
As the minutes tick by, her guilt about deceiving Lydia grows. Maybe she should just fess up the truth? But what if Lydia asks her to stay home? Lizzie has fixated on this trip as something that she needs. She's not quite sure why, but she does, and it will leave a lasting ache inside of her if she has to stay behind.
For the sake of appearances she touches up her makeup and changes into a casual dress instead of the jeans she'd been cleaning house in, so she looks appropriately date-ready.
She fidgets and paces, checking her phone every few minutes as quarter 'til four passes. Finally, as her clock closes in on three-fifty, her phone buzzes.
"I'll be outside in three minutes."
Simple, direct and to-the-point. She isn't surprised.
Lizzie only manages to wait in her room for another minute. Then she can't take it anymore. She grabs her purse and phone and heads down the stairs.
"Have fun on your date, Lizzie!" Lydia calls after her.
Lizzie feels her face getting warm already, and her heart pounds. The cool February air does nothing to soothe her nerves as she takes up her position on the front stoop, waiting.
A minute later, he arrives.
~ ~ ~
William manages to keep his secret right up until he drops Gigi off at the airport. Tilney get out of the back, but Gigi remains in the shotgun seat, glaring at him.
"I'm not leaving this car until you tell me what's going on. You're going after George, aren't you?"
William taps the steering wheel and looks away from her piercing gaze. "Yes. I need him to see how serious I am."
Gigi sighs. "William, do you really trust yourself around him? I don't want you getting yourself arrested, or anything."
William raises an eyebrow at her. "I have no intention of getting myself arrested. I'm merely going to be there when the papers are served. That's all."
"Are you sure you don't need me there to help keep you in check? I know how angry you are, and-"
"No." He'll never bring Gigi anywhere near George again, if he can help it. "And I assure you, I'll be in complete control of my temper."
"William-" Gigi tries again.
"Lizzie's coming with me," he blurts out to stop her further protests. "I won't lose my temper around her. You have nothing to be concerned about."
He watches as Gigi's features flash through surprise straight onto delight, a bright grin spreading on her face and glowing up at him. "Lizzie's coming? Seriously?"
He sighs. "Yes."
Gigi emits a sound he can only describe as a squeal, and taps her feet rapidly in front of her. "This is perfect. The two of you, all alone for hours and hours with no one to talk to but each other. This is going to be great."
"I would kindly thank you to stop interfering in my love life," William says. He got more than enough of that back at Pemberley. "We're on a mission to make sure George can never harm Lydia again. That's all."
"Sure it is." Gigi gives him a knowing look.
"Don't you have a plane to catch?"
Gigi rolls her eyes at him before finally stepping out of the car. "Good luck, big brother," she calls before she turns and heads into the terminal.
William tries to focus on the road as he drives away, but his thoughts keep coming back to Gigi's parting words. Good luck with what? Intimidating George? He's fairly certain that wasn't what she was referring to. She meant, "good luck with Lizzie." But what does good luck with Lizzie even constitute? He's not entirely certain.
At the moment he'll settle for remaining on good terms with her through the entirety of their short road trip. He can't let himself hope for more. He won't set himself up for disappointment, again.
They're doing this as friends. Nothing more. Unless Lizzie initiates something. Which won't happen. Things might be changing between them, but they aren't changing that fast.
At least, he doesn't think they are.
By the time he exits the freeway to head toward Lizzie's neighborhood he's worked himself into a state of nervous confusion. It takes him three tries to send a successful voice-text to Lizzie, because he keeps muddling the words.
She is already outside when he pulls up to her house. He watches as she retrieves a bag from behind the shrubs. She's changed into a patterned dress, and he finds his eyes lingering on her legs as she bends over.
He takes slow, steady breaths to try to slow the pace of his heart. He needs to be calm. Rational. Focused.
They are heading south on a mission-not for pleasure.
He steps out of the car to take her bag, depositing it in the trunk beside his own. They both get in the car without exchanging more than a few words.
It's only after a few increasingly awkward minutes of silent driving that Lizzie finally speaks up. "I hid the bag in the bushes because I didn't want my sisters to get the wrong idea about tonight." She speaks at break-neck speed, and it takes a moment for William to process exactly what she said.
When the implications of what sort of "wrong idea" her sisters might have gotten from the overnight bag sinks in, his throat feels tight, and he grips the steering wheel a little tighter. "Uh, yes. Certainly. I understand."
They lapse into silence for another moment as William struggles to find an appropriate follow-up topic. Eventually inspiration strikes. "Gigi enjoyed her lunch with Lydia," he says. "She wants to invite her up to San Francisco sometime."
"Yes. Lydia said something like that. She really likes Gigi."
They manage to chat about their younger sisters for a few minutes without much awkwardness. Until William finds himself saying, "I'm glad to see our families getting along better. I know I didn't make a very favorable first impression."
He sees Lizzie smile at him out of the corner of his eyes, though he tries to keep watching the road.
"Well," she replies, "not everyone is good at first impressions. But I wasn't very good at letting go of that first impression. And I influenced the rest of my family to think badly of you. That was wrong of me, because once I finally let go of that first impression I started to see that you're not who I thought you were. At all. So-I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not letting go of a bad first impression."
"I-" William freezes and stares blanking ahead at the road. He knows the proper response to an apology is to graciously accept it, but there is so much more here than a mere apology and he doesn't yet know what to do with this information. "I-thank you."
There's so much more he wants to say-and a long list of questions he wants to ask. But under the circumstances he's afraid of doing anything to influence Lizzie in a romantic way. Not when that romance might be derived from a sense of gratitude or obligation.
He's trapped himself in a corner that he doesn't know how to escape from. He wishes-not for the first time-that he could read her mind.
"Would you like to listen to something?" he says, desperately hoping for some sort of distraction.
"Sure. Do you want me to find something on the radio?"
William breathes deep in relief. So she'll let him move onto something safe. Good. "Or, I have some podcasts and playlists on my phone. It's synced in with the stereo over blue tooth, so we can listen to anything on there, if you want to scroll through the list." He hands Lizzie his phone.
"Okay." She starts to scroll through his audio options. "Wow. Someone here really likes NPR."
William shrugs. He's not ashamed of his listening preferences. "I enjoy their commentary and analysis. I like to save up podcasts of my favorite programs to listen to when I have long drives, or when I'm cycling."
"That makes sense. I guess I should finally figure out how to use my new phone, so I can do stuff like this, too. So-do want to listen to All Things Considered? Or Fresh Air? Looks like you've got a few episodes of Marketplace . . ."
"Can we listen to the latest Marketplace? If you don't mind." He glances over at her. "That wouldn't be boring for you, would it?"
She shakes her head. "No. I like Marketplace."
William smiles a little. He instantly feels more relaxed as the familiar tones of the economic commentary show fill the car. They listen quietly to the first segment. During the second segment, Lizzie speaks up with a few of her own comments, and William gladly responds. Before long they are regularly pausing the podcast to engage in their own discussions regarding the topics at hand.
Now this is what he always imagined a relationship with Lizzie would be like-coming together as friends and intellectual equals. He hasn't had this much fun since the day he and Gigi led Lizzie on a tour of San Francisco. Perhaps he's been worked up and nervous over nothing. Maybe, for once, things will work out just as he hopes they will.
~ ~ ~
Lizzie isn't sure what she expected out of her drive with Darcy-More tension? More conflict? But chatting happily about an economic news radio show never would have made this list.
Moments like these, as few and far between as they've been, are still enough to make her think the two of them might really have a shot at something. Maybe her inappropriately romantic dream really was pointing her in the right direction.
Then a segment on fashion week comes on, and Lizzie comes crashing back to reality. Hard.
It's a brief segment. Just a bit of fluff, really, talking about contemporary designers targeting working moms. But it forces her to think about her sisters again, and all the difficulties they are both facing right now.
"Lizzie? Are you all right?"
She squeezes her lips together and silently wishes that she was better at hiding her feelings. "I-this segment just-" She sighs. "Jane was supposed to be working at the L.A. fashion week right now. And when she told her boss that she needed to go home for personal reasons, he fired her."
"Oh." Darcy's face goes stiff and blank, the way she's come to recognize as the mask he puts on when he's nervous or upset.
"Yeah. She's trying to put on a good face and act like it's no big deal, but she loved that job. Once all this . . . stuff . . . is taken care of, I think it'll start to hit her." Lizzie shakes her head. If she'd been the one to lose her job over this, she wouldn't be acting half so chipper as Jane. She envies her natural optimism, sometimes, but she knows Jane is still hurting.
"I'm sorry," says Darcy in a low voice. "If I'd acted sooner-if I'd made my intentions clear, instead of waiting a week, perhaps this could have been prevented."
A knot twists inside of Lizzie's gut. She gone down that same path of self-blame so many times over the past week that she's starting to realize what a pointless black hole it can be. "You have nothing to apologize for," she insists. "What you're doing to help us is more than we ever could have expected. You have no idea how grateful we are. Really. You're a good friend, Darcy. Thank you."
Darcy turns his head to meet her eyes for a moment, and the knot inside her twists a little tighter. He nods shortly before looking back at the road.
Lizzie takes a deep breath and shrugs. "Jane will land back on her feet. That's her way. I'm more worried about Lydia. What you're doing is a huge help, but George really messed with her mind. And the way I've treated her over the past year didn't help any." Her voice catches in her throat a little, and she feels moisture welling in her eyes. She looks out the window at the endless stretch of strip malls and housing developments to avoid Darcy's gaze. She owes Lydia so much, and here she is still going behind her back. Still not communicating with her.
The guilt tightens in her throat. "Darcy-I think I made a pretty big mistake."
"What is it? Can I help?"
She shakes her head. "I don't know. I-" Lizzie feels even worse while she admits her latest mistake, as if saying it out loud reaffirms just how crappy it was. "-I lied to Lydia about what I was doing with you, tonight. I didn't tell her we were going to go see George. She thinks we're going on a date." She looks down at her hands in her lap, wishing that she could stand up and do something instead of sitting trapped in this car. "I should have told her the truth. She's the one he hurt. If anyone deserves vengeance or closure, it's her. I'm stealing that chance from her out of some misguided notion of protecting her." She sniffs and wipes at the tears starting to leak from her eyes. "I should have told her the truth."
They sit in silence for a moment. What must he think of her now?
"I-I understand the desire to protect your younger sister," he says deliberately, as if carefully considering every single syllable. "I thought I was protecting Gigi when I hid the truth about George and his inheritance from her. But that only left her more vulnerable to him. And when I paid him to leave, I thought I was doing what was best for her. But since then I've often wondered if it would have been better if I'd simply told her the full truth about him, and let her choose for herself. She might have stayed with him longer, but I'm certain things would have eventually fallen apart. Her heart still would have been broken, but at least it would have been broken on her terms, instead of mine. I even wonder if I had refrained from paying him off, perhaps he would have given up on exploiting women for financial gain. I don't know. I don't have the answers. I hate not knowing."
This is as raw and vulnerable as Darcy has ever been with her. She knows-knows with absolute certainty-that he's never voiced these thoughts to anyone before. Just to her.
"What do you think I should do?" she asks.
He shakes his head, looking over to meet her gaze with eyes full of empathy. "I'm in no position to give advice. It's up to you, Lizzie. I'll do whatever you need me to do."
She still feels a tight knot in her gut, but it's a little better now that things are out in the open. Okay. She needs to make a choice.
After another moment of thought, she says, "I think I need to call her."
"Would you like me to pull off the freeway and park somewhere, so you can have some privacy?"
"Yeah. I'd like that." It still boggles her mind that she'd completely missed this caring, compassionate side of him that whole summer at Netherfield. How could she have overlooked something that she now sees as an integral part of his character?
He takes the next exit and pulls into a convenience station. "Take your time," he says, and gets out of the car. "I'll be inside when you need me."
"Thanks." Lizzie smiles at him before he shuts the door. After all his effort and money that's gone into finding George, he's ready and willing to put it all on hold for her and her sister. That really says something about him.
Lizzie stares down at her phone in her hands for a few minutes before she works up the nerve to dial.
Lydia answers after just a few rings. "Please don't tell me you need me to pick you up. You were supposed to go easy on him! Not ditch him after one hour."
Lizzie sighs. This conversation won't be easy. "I'm not ditching him. Look-Lydia-I lied to you about tonight. Darcy and I aren't really on a date."
"If you're not with Darcy, then who are you with? What's going on?"
"I am with Darcy. But this isn't a social thing. I-we-" Lizzie takes a deep breath and plunges forward. "His P.I. tracked George down in Orange County, and we're on our way to confront him. Face to face."
"Oh." Lydia is quiet.
Lizzie nibbles on her bottom lip, waiting for Lydia to say something more, but every second that passes weighs down on her more and more. Finally she says, "I'm so sorry. I should have told you from the start. I thought I was protecting you, or something stupid like that. Really I was just being selfish. If you want me to turn around and come home, I will. I don't have to do this. Or-or if you want to come along, I'm sure Darcy won't mind. This should have been your choice. Not mine. I'm so, so sorry."
"Oh," Lydia repeats.
Lizzie waits. And waits.
At last Lydia replies, "I-I-I don't think I should see George again, right now. I don't-I don't think that would be a good idea for me."
"Okay, honey. It's okay. God, I'm so sorry I did this. I'll have Darcy bring me home. It was selfish of me to want to confront him like this. I don't need it. I'll come home." It hurts to think about turning around. She wanted this trip so much-not just to face down George, but for herself. It didn't make any sense, but that's how it felt. But she doesn't need it. Not really. Not like she needs to be there for Lydia.
"No. You don't have to do that," says Lydia.
"Yes. I do. This was a stupid idea."
"Lizzie-I want you to go see him."
This gives Lizzie pause. Her mouth hangs open for a moment. "You do?"
"Yeah. I-I don't think I could take seeing him again. Not yet. But, uh, I want you to ask him something for me." Lydia's voice quavers.
"Are you sure?" Lizzie has a bad feeling about this.
"Yes. Yes. I want you ask him why. Why did he do this? Was it his plan all along, from the time we met in Vegas-or-or did something happen, later, to make him do this? Please-can you ask him that for me?" Lydia's childlike earnestness makes Lizzie want to scream. Not at Lydia-at the ass-face who did this to her.
She's never hated anyone like she hates George Wickham.
She fights to hold back her anger. "Okay. If that's what you really want."
"It is."
Lizzie clenches her teeth and sucks in a hot breath. She almost would have preferred turning back to becoming the messenger in this scenario. But she needs to learn to respect Lydia's wishes. "I'm really sorry I didn't tell you before I left."
"It's okay. I get it. Really."
"And you sure you want me to do this?" Lizzie asks one more time, looking for an out.
"I'm sure."
Lizzie's made her bed, now it's time to sleep in it. "Okay. I'll call you after we see him. It might not be until late tonight. So, um, I'll text you before we go. Okay?"
"Okay. Thanks. And-thank Darcy for me. Again. Try to be nice to him."
"I will. I promise."
After hanging up, Lizzie wipes the last of the moisture from her eyes and steps out of the car to head into the convenience station. She finds Darcy sipping from a large fountain drink and flipping through a magazine.
He looks up and sets aside the magazine as soon as she walks in. "Do you need me to turn around? I will if you need it."
She smiles wanly. "No. Lydia wants me to ask George some questions for her. Some extremely uncomfortable questions. So, I guess I'm in this for the long haul."
Darcy nods and reaches out to rest his fingertips lightly on her upper arm. "I'll be there to help. You won't have to do it alone." The way he looks at her makes her feel better already.
"I know. Thanks." She smiles a little bigger, and his lips curve up in return. Then he steps back, dropping his hand, his eyes shifting as if he is uncertain of where to look.
Lizzie is grateful for his understanding, but all the tension between them isn't doing much to allay her stress. She grabs a fountain drink of her own, and they head back out on the road.
~ ~ ~
William has been trying-very hard-not to fixate on the least important part of his conversation with Lizzie about her lying to her sister. But he's not having much luck.
The words keep running through his mind: "She thinks we're going on a date."
It was such an off-hand phrase thrown into a much more serious conversation, but his mind can't seem to let go. Because Lydia must have been perfectly ready to believe that Lizzie would go on a date with him.
He feels warm every time he ponders that particular conclusion.
Yes, he knows the conversation about protecting their sisters was much more important. He knows that. But emotions don't always allow themselves to be tamed by reason.
After they get on the freeway, they are largely quiet for the first several minutes. Suddenly, Lizzie grabs his phone from its cubby in the center console and starts scrolling through his screen. "Do you have any Taylor Swift on here? I'm in a Taylor Swift kind of mood."
"Ah-no," he admits. "I'm not really a Taylor Swift aficionado. However, I think Gigi shared a Taylor Swift playlist with me on Spotify. You could check?"
After a few more minutes of tapping and scrolling, Lizzie exclaims, "Bingo! Found it."
Moments later the cloying pop-music harmonies of Taylor Swift come blaring through his stereo. William does his best to repress a cringe. He's never been much of a pop-music fan. Especially not of pop-music aimed at an audience of twelve to twenty-five year old females.
Lizzie sways and taps her hands to the music, occasionally singing along just under her breath.
William can't help but smile.
After the first several tracks, he says, "I confess that while Miss Swift isn't my typical taste in music, I truly respect her for her accomplishments. She's a gifted storyteller with an ability to really connect with a specific audience on a very deep level. And she's created an enormously successful brand around herself for someone so young. It's admirable."
Lizzie laughs at him. "Of course you see music as nothing more than another business enterprise."
"Not at all," he replies. "I appreciate quite a lot of music purely on aesthetic grounds. However, I can't help but analyze the business factors behind success stories like Taylor Swift. She actually reminds me a little of you."
He watches her to gauge her reaction. Watching Lizzie react to things has become one of the great pleasures of his life over the past few months. Every little quirk of her mouth or turn of her eyes captivates him. She's the only person to whom he can actually apply the idiom: he can see the wheels turning in her mind.
Sometimes he believes that he could happily watch Lizzie thinking and reacting for the rest of his life.
Right now, her eyebrows shoot up and then scrunch back down as she wrinkles her nose and tilts her head. "How in the world does Taylor Swift remind you of me?"
"You're both skilled storytellers. Your words resonate with your intended audiences on a meaningful, emotional level. And, much like Miss Swift, you've began the process of creating a successful brand around your persona." He adds that last detail mostly to watch the contortions of her face as she processes it. She doesn't disappoint.
"That's absurd. I am not a brand, or a persona, or anything like that. I'm just a vlogger."
William will never understand Lizzie's need to undervalue herself. "Video blogs are a rising medium for the younger generations. There are already vloggers who make a living off their videos and provide entertainment and inspiration for thousands of young viewers. I would most certainly classify them as brands and personas, and you are well on your way to becoming one of them, whether you care to admit it, or not."
She looks away from him to stare out the car window. "I don't know. I'm not even sure if I want keep vlogging once my thesis is finished."
"You should. You have a gift for the medium. It would be a shame to give it up." She still doesn't see how special she is-how much potential she has to offer. He wishes there were some way he could help her to see herself through his eyes. Then she would understand.
"Maybe," she says, "I don't know. I can't just keep blathering about my sisters' personal lives forever."
"I have every confidence that you will have no trouble broadening your subject matter once you are no longer burdened by the pressures of grad school."
Lizzie frowns a little. "I wish I could feel that confidant." She picks his phone back up. "I'm ready for something to lighten the mood. Did I notice Wait Wait… Don't Tell Me on here with your other NPR podcasts?"
Darcy knows a deflection when he hears it. "Yes. I have several weeks of episodes saved up. I haven't had a chance to listen in quite some time." The humorous current events quiz-show has long been one of his favorite radio programs. "Are you a fan?"
Lizzie smiles. "I used to listen every week with my dad when I was a kid. I don't catch it as much, anymore. But it's bound to cheer me up."
She turns on one of the episodes, and before long they're both chuckling along with the jokes. It's exactly what they needed to lighten the mood.
William can sense the new weight of her sister's requests on Lizzie's shoulders, but in spite of it they manage to fall back into a comfortable, friendly rapport for the rest of their drive. They listen to two episodes of Wait Wait…Don't Tell Me before switching back to music as they traverse the final stretch of freeway before reaching Newport Beach.
The sun has long since gone down, but even in the dim light, William can see Lizzie growing fidgety.
He's been keeping his own feelings about confronting George tightly in check. He doesn't want to go into this situation with his emotions running high. He wants to be able to handle things with cold rationality. But he doesn't expect the same of Lizzie. Her feelings are still so new and raw. He knows this won't be easy for her.
He wants to reach out and take her hand-to reassure her that all will be well.
But he holds back. He doesn't want to add any more emotional confusion to the situation than is already there. So instead, he says softly, "Lizzie-I'll be there. You won't have to face him alone. You have nothing to worry about."
"I know. I know," she says. "I just-I've never had to do something like this before. It's a little weird, you know?"
He nods slowly. "I do." He knows all too well.
"Sorry," she says. "That was insensitive. Of course you understand. I shouldn't-"
"It's all right. Really."
"Okay," she says softly.
TBC
Chapter 3
Fandom: The Lizzie Bennet Diaries
Characters: Lizzie Bennet/William Darcy, Lydia, Jane, Gigi, George, Mr. Bennet
Rating: R/M overall (PG this part)
Word Count: ~7,000
Summary: William Darcy has a plan to stop George Wickham. He needs Lydia and a car. What he doesn't plan for is Lizzie inviting herself along for the ride. A road trip AU.
Author's Note: Much thanks for your wonderful responses so far! I love hearing from you all. And again, I need to thank Kyrie Anne for her excellent beta work. What I intended to be chapter 2 turned into a 12,500 word epic, so I split it in half for easier reading. This is the first part, the next will go up in a couple of days, and the 4th and (I think) final will hopefully be up no later than the end of next week. Thanks! Chapter 1
Lizzie's heart pounds as she dashes up the stairs to her room, and she's not certain if it's because she gets to face down George, or if it's because she just invited herself along on a road trip with Darcy. Both are pretty appealing-if somewhat anxiety-inducing-prospects.
She opens her laptop and Google Maps soon tells her that her trip will be a little over four hours long. Four hours there. Four hours back. And an overnight stay. All alone with Darcy.
She closes her eyes and takes a few deep breaths, trying to clear her head. What was she thinking? What the hell does she expect to say or do to George once she sees him?
As for Darcy-that's a well of unanswered questions that runs a mile deep. She expected to have time to think things through. To come to a better understanding of how she feels about him before actually having to face him again. But now her big mouth has trapped her on a road trip with him.
The thought crosses her mind that she could always back out, but she instantly rejects it. As insane as this whole venture is, there's something exciting and liberating about embracing the insanity. She's diving in headfirst and figuring things out as she goes along.
Isn't that what she's been doing for the past few months, anyway?
She jumps up and grabs her favorite overnight bag from her closet, smiling. Everything about this feels reckless in all the right ways.
If she can't figure out what she wants out of her relationship with Darcy after being stuck in a car with him for eight hours (with a break in the middle during which she may or may not get to punch George in the face), then the relationship probably wasn't meant to be in the first place.
This will be like a trial by fire-walking over the hot coals with her bare feet, waiting to see if she comes out the other end safe and whole, or blistered and burned.
Lizzie folds a few shirts and a pair of jeans and stuffs them into her bag. She feels as if all the unexpected twists and turns of her life over the past few months have tempered her and prepared her for a day like today.
She can't wait to get going.
Except she has to wait, because it's only just past eleven, and Darcy said they might not leave until four.
Lizzie packs her bag in less than fifteen minutes. Then she paces. And paces some more. When she realizes only another ten minutes have passed, she heads downstairs to scrub the kitchen.
Her mother finally makes it home from her morning of shopping just as Lizzie furiously scrubs the inside of the microwave.
After her mother makes a few comments about being pleasantly surprised by Lizzie's cleaning-fit, she shows off her new purchases (including a few really awful tops she bought especially with Lizzie in mind), and then asks a question that makes Lizzie wince.
"So, is Lydia out to lunch with her darling boyfriend, George? I bought her a top that I think will make him go absolutely wild."
Lizzie bites her tongue and mumbles something about George still being out of town. This deception has gone on long enough, but it's not her place to tell Mom-whatever it is they finally decide to tell her. Instead she promises to try on the tops (not that she intends to keep any of them), and goes back to scrubbing.
There're a dozen other things she should be doing right now-including the work that will actually permit her to graduate on time. But the idea of trying to focus on anything other than the impending trip is more than her emotionally exhausted brain can handle right now. She needs to save up her mental capabilities for when she has to face Darcy, again.
Lydia doesn't make it home until a little after two. She walks into the house with a smile on her face which lifts Lizzie's heart as soon as she sees it.
Thank god for Gigi Darcy.
"You look like you had a good time," Lizzie says.
Lydia's smile gets even bigger. "Gigi Darcy is totes amazing. I have a standing invite to go up to San Fran to do some hardcore shopping with her. It's hard to believe she's actually related to boring Darce-face."
Lizzie's smile falls. "He's not really boring once you get to know him."
Lydia rolls her eyes. "I was teasing." She meets Lizzie's eyes and looks more serious than she usually does in these sorts of conversations. "Seriously-I don't like some of the things he said about you, or about our family. But I don't really know him. And, it seems like he's . . . he's a good guy. I think it's cool if you like him."
"I didn't say-I don't know where you got that idea." Lizzie feels warm and can't figure out what to do with her hands.
Lydia sighs and shakes her head. "I have seen the videos, remember? Just 'cause my love life sucks right now doesn't mean all of us have to be lonely rejects. Really. It's okay."
"Lydia . . ." Lizzie doesn't know whether she needs to start by reminding Lydia that she is not a lonely reject, or by responding to her little sister's oblique permission to start dating William Darcy.
Fortunately, Jane comes down the stairs at just that moment and provides a much-needed distraction.
They migrate to the kitchen and spend a few minutes chatting about Gigi while somehow managing to avoid the topic of George. Then Lizzie tells Lydia about the bag of new clothes from Mom waiting for her up on her bed.
"Fashion show!" Lydia declares and jumps up to pull her sisters up the stairs.
"They're horrible. Really. Worse than usual," Lizzie insists.
Lydia rolls her eyes again. "You never give Mom enough credit."
Maybe she has a point.
Soon all three sisters are deep in a pile of discarded tops as they try things on and swap them back and forth. Eventually Lydia finds three tops that she says she likes (Lizzie wonders if her taste is getting as questionable as their mother's), and Jane manages to find one she wants to keep as well. Both of them team up to try to convince Lizzie to keep a bright orange ruffle blouse that they insist will look good with a few of her cardigans, and she grudgingly agrees. It's not something she would have chosen for herself, but it might look good as part of her "job interview wardrobe." That's another thing she needs to start thinking about again, after the George business is settled once and for all.
Which reminds her of another unpleasant topic that's been on her mind. She starts hesitantly. "Um . . . Lydia? Mom asked about George again, today. I'm starting to run out of excuses. I think we need to tell her something." Lizzie hates to be the one to ruin their fun, but how much longer can they go on like this?
Lydia's eyes droop and she nods quietly.
The now-familiar ache wells back up in Lizzie's chest, and she mentally revisits her long list of things she'd like to do to George when she sees him. Some of them won't even get her arrested.
"I could tell her something," offers Jane. "Or we could talk to Dad about breaking things to her."
Lydia shakes her head. "No. I-I need to tell her. I'll just say we broke up and I don't want to talk about it. That'll be enough, won't it?" She looks up at her sister's eyes, pleading for their affirmation.
"Absolutely," says Lizzie just as Jane says, "Yes. Yes."
"We'll back you up on this. No matter what," adds Jane.
Lydia's smile returns, though not as bright as before. Lizzie wonders how long it will take for that bright smile to become a regular fixture in their home again.
"Thanks," says Lydia. "And, um, can I ask you guys a favor?" She tells them that she's been alone a lot lately and she worries that she doesn't always know how to deal with things the right way.
Lizzie bites her bottom lip. There's that idea she's been thinking about so much lately. The "right way." She can't help but think that Lydia wouldn't assume her way is the wrong way if Lizzie hadn't spent so many years berating her. Damn it.
Lizzie blinks back the rising moisture in her eyes as Lydia says, "I just think I shouldn't be too-by myself-for now?"
"Yeah," Lizzie answers, nodding. "Whatever you need."
Lydia starts mumbling about how busy her sisters are and not wanting to get in the way, but Jane and Lizzie cut her off immediately. Lizzie won't let Lydia think like that. Not anymore. There's always time for sisters.
Well-except for tonight.
After a few more minutes of reassuring her, Lizzie feels like she owes it to Lydia to speak up about her plans. But she decides to tread carefully. She doesn't want to upset this delicate new balance between them. So she offers up a half-truth. "Hey, I just-I am going to be here for you. Whenever you need me. So I feel like I need to tell you that Darcy isn't leaving town yet, and he asked me if we could hang out together later this afternoon. And I said yes. But if you want me to stay home with you, I totally will. Sisters first. Always." She holds her breath, already feeling a little guilty.
Lydia smiles and shakes her head. "I didn't mean I need you 24/7, big sis. The guy is here mostly for you anyway. Go ahead and go on your date."
Jane blinks and stares at Lizzie in surprise. "Wait, what?"
This is how Lizzie realizes Jane still isn't caught up on her videos. She feels her face getting warm as she struggles for the right words. "Uh, yeah. I guess I didn't tell you everything the couple of times we talked while I was in San Francisco."
"All you said was that you really liked Pemberley Digital and that you'd misjudged Darcy and he was actually a pretty decent guy-which is exactly what I tried to tell you the whole time we were staying at Netherfield, by the way," says Jane, "You didn't tell me you were dating him, Lizzie! Did you know he was coming today?"
"No. No." Lizzie shakes her head and waves her hands emphatically. "I'm not dating him. I had no idea what he was up to. We haven't talked or communicated at all since I left San Francisco until he showed up this morning. But yes-there was . . . something starting to happen between us before I left, I guess?" It feels so strange to admit it out loud.
Posting videos of herself being friendly with Darcy had been one thing, but admitting to the people she cares about that the friendliness had taken on certain confusing yet exciting overtones still feels strange. Up until today it has been her little secret. Her confusing little puzzle to solve all on her own. And treating it like more fodder for the family gossip machine feels wrong, somehow. "This isn't a date," she feels compelled to add. "This is just catching up after a crazy week. That's all."
"Yeah. Right." Lydia shakes her head, smiling. "I think I'll show Jane some of your videos while you're gone on your not-a-date. I think she'll agree with me. And you should have heard the things Gigi said about you two."
Lizzie's eyebrows shoot up. "She talked about us?" So maybe Gigi isn't her favorite person, after all.
"Yes," says Lydia teasingly. "Darcy is still totes in love with you. And I owe him big-time, so don't break his heart tonight, okay? Or at least let him down easy."
Lizzie's heart flips a few times at the words "in love." Just what had Gigi been telling Lydia?
She shakes her head. "I don't plan on breaking any hearts today."
"Good," replies Lydia, smirking.
On the one hand, if this new interest in Lizzie's love life helps Lydia feel better, it's probably a good thing. On the other hand, Lizzie is pretty sure she doesn't actually want Lydia interested in her love life. The teasing about this might be worse than the "perpetually single" bit she used to do. But it seems Lizzie's too late to stop it.
It scares her a little to think of "Darcy" and "love" in the same thought. She's still more than a little confused about her feelings for him. But she's not so scared that she'll skip the road trip. When did this happen? When did she start wanting William Darcy in her life, rather than the opposite?
She hangs out with Jane and Lydia a little longer before excusing herself to her room to get ready for her not-a-date. They buy the excuse all too easily. In reality, Lizzie needs to check for texts on her phone. Nothing, yet. But she's sure he'll be here soon. When she hears her sisters turn on some music, she sneaks her overnight bag downstairs and out the front door and hides it behind the front bushes-just in case they come to gawk when heads out with Darcy. She doesn't want them to get any wrong ideas.
As the minutes tick by, her guilt about deceiving Lydia grows. Maybe she should just fess up the truth? But what if Lydia asks her to stay home? Lizzie has fixated on this trip as something that she needs. She's not quite sure why, but she does, and it will leave a lasting ache inside of her if she has to stay behind.
For the sake of appearances she touches up her makeup and changes into a casual dress instead of the jeans she'd been cleaning house in, so she looks appropriately date-ready.
She fidgets and paces, checking her phone every few minutes as quarter 'til four passes. Finally, as her clock closes in on three-fifty, her phone buzzes.
"I'll be outside in three minutes."
Simple, direct and to-the-point. She isn't surprised.
Lizzie only manages to wait in her room for another minute. Then she can't take it anymore. She grabs her purse and phone and heads down the stairs.
"Have fun on your date, Lizzie!" Lydia calls after her.
Lizzie feels her face getting warm already, and her heart pounds. The cool February air does nothing to soothe her nerves as she takes up her position on the front stoop, waiting.
A minute later, he arrives.
~ ~ ~
William manages to keep his secret right up until he drops Gigi off at the airport. Tilney get out of the back, but Gigi remains in the shotgun seat, glaring at him.
"I'm not leaving this car until you tell me what's going on. You're going after George, aren't you?"
William taps the steering wheel and looks away from her piercing gaze. "Yes. I need him to see how serious I am."
Gigi sighs. "William, do you really trust yourself around him? I don't want you getting yourself arrested, or anything."
William raises an eyebrow at her. "I have no intention of getting myself arrested. I'm merely going to be there when the papers are served. That's all."
"Are you sure you don't need me there to help keep you in check? I know how angry you are, and-"
"No." He'll never bring Gigi anywhere near George again, if he can help it. "And I assure you, I'll be in complete control of my temper."
"William-" Gigi tries again.
"Lizzie's coming with me," he blurts out to stop her further protests. "I won't lose my temper around her. You have nothing to be concerned about."
He watches as Gigi's features flash through surprise straight onto delight, a bright grin spreading on her face and glowing up at him. "Lizzie's coming? Seriously?"
He sighs. "Yes."
Gigi emits a sound he can only describe as a squeal, and taps her feet rapidly in front of her. "This is perfect. The two of you, all alone for hours and hours with no one to talk to but each other. This is going to be great."
"I would kindly thank you to stop interfering in my love life," William says. He got more than enough of that back at Pemberley. "We're on a mission to make sure George can never harm Lydia again. That's all."
"Sure it is." Gigi gives him a knowing look.
"Don't you have a plane to catch?"
Gigi rolls her eyes at him before finally stepping out of the car. "Good luck, big brother," she calls before she turns and heads into the terminal.
William tries to focus on the road as he drives away, but his thoughts keep coming back to Gigi's parting words. Good luck with what? Intimidating George? He's fairly certain that wasn't what she was referring to. She meant, "good luck with Lizzie." But what does good luck with Lizzie even constitute? He's not entirely certain.
At the moment he'll settle for remaining on good terms with her through the entirety of their short road trip. He can't let himself hope for more. He won't set himself up for disappointment, again.
They're doing this as friends. Nothing more. Unless Lizzie initiates something. Which won't happen. Things might be changing between them, but they aren't changing that fast.
At least, he doesn't think they are.
By the time he exits the freeway to head toward Lizzie's neighborhood he's worked himself into a state of nervous confusion. It takes him three tries to send a successful voice-text to Lizzie, because he keeps muddling the words.
She is already outside when he pulls up to her house. He watches as she retrieves a bag from behind the shrubs. She's changed into a patterned dress, and he finds his eyes lingering on her legs as she bends over.
He takes slow, steady breaths to try to slow the pace of his heart. He needs to be calm. Rational. Focused.
They are heading south on a mission-not for pleasure.
He steps out of the car to take her bag, depositing it in the trunk beside his own. They both get in the car without exchanging more than a few words.
It's only after a few increasingly awkward minutes of silent driving that Lizzie finally speaks up. "I hid the bag in the bushes because I didn't want my sisters to get the wrong idea about tonight." She speaks at break-neck speed, and it takes a moment for William to process exactly what she said.
When the implications of what sort of "wrong idea" her sisters might have gotten from the overnight bag sinks in, his throat feels tight, and he grips the steering wheel a little tighter. "Uh, yes. Certainly. I understand."
They lapse into silence for another moment as William struggles to find an appropriate follow-up topic. Eventually inspiration strikes. "Gigi enjoyed her lunch with Lydia," he says. "She wants to invite her up to San Francisco sometime."
"Yes. Lydia said something like that. She really likes Gigi."
They manage to chat about their younger sisters for a few minutes without much awkwardness. Until William finds himself saying, "I'm glad to see our families getting along better. I know I didn't make a very favorable first impression."
He sees Lizzie smile at him out of the corner of his eyes, though he tries to keep watching the road.
"Well," she replies, "not everyone is good at first impressions. But I wasn't very good at letting go of that first impression. And I influenced the rest of my family to think badly of you. That was wrong of me, because once I finally let go of that first impression I started to see that you're not who I thought you were. At all. So-I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not letting go of a bad first impression."
"I-" William freezes and stares blanking ahead at the road. He knows the proper response to an apology is to graciously accept it, but there is so much more here than a mere apology and he doesn't yet know what to do with this information. "I-thank you."
There's so much more he wants to say-and a long list of questions he wants to ask. But under the circumstances he's afraid of doing anything to influence Lizzie in a romantic way. Not when that romance might be derived from a sense of gratitude or obligation.
He's trapped himself in a corner that he doesn't know how to escape from. He wishes-not for the first time-that he could read her mind.
"Would you like to listen to something?" he says, desperately hoping for some sort of distraction.
"Sure. Do you want me to find something on the radio?"
William breathes deep in relief. So she'll let him move onto something safe. Good. "Or, I have some podcasts and playlists on my phone. It's synced in with the stereo over blue tooth, so we can listen to anything on there, if you want to scroll through the list." He hands Lizzie his phone.
"Okay." She starts to scroll through his audio options. "Wow. Someone here really likes NPR."
William shrugs. He's not ashamed of his listening preferences. "I enjoy their commentary and analysis. I like to save up podcasts of my favorite programs to listen to when I have long drives, or when I'm cycling."
"That makes sense. I guess I should finally figure out how to use my new phone, so I can do stuff like this, too. So-do want to listen to All Things Considered? Or Fresh Air? Looks like you've got a few episodes of Marketplace . . ."
"Can we listen to the latest Marketplace? If you don't mind." He glances over at her. "That wouldn't be boring for you, would it?"
She shakes her head. "No. I like Marketplace."
William smiles a little. He instantly feels more relaxed as the familiar tones of the economic commentary show fill the car. They listen quietly to the first segment. During the second segment, Lizzie speaks up with a few of her own comments, and William gladly responds. Before long they are regularly pausing the podcast to engage in their own discussions regarding the topics at hand.
Now this is what he always imagined a relationship with Lizzie would be like-coming together as friends and intellectual equals. He hasn't had this much fun since the day he and Gigi led Lizzie on a tour of San Francisco. Perhaps he's been worked up and nervous over nothing. Maybe, for once, things will work out just as he hopes they will.
~ ~ ~
Lizzie isn't sure what she expected out of her drive with Darcy-More tension? More conflict? But chatting happily about an economic news radio show never would have made this list.
Moments like these, as few and far between as they've been, are still enough to make her think the two of them might really have a shot at something. Maybe her inappropriately romantic dream really was pointing her in the right direction.
Then a segment on fashion week comes on, and Lizzie comes crashing back to reality. Hard.
It's a brief segment. Just a bit of fluff, really, talking about contemporary designers targeting working moms. But it forces her to think about her sisters again, and all the difficulties they are both facing right now.
"Lizzie? Are you all right?"
She squeezes her lips together and silently wishes that she was better at hiding her feelings. "I-this segment just-" She sighs. "Jane was supposed to be working at the L.A. fashion week right now. And when she told her boss that she needed to go home for personal reasons, he fired her."
"Oh." Darcy's face goes stiff and blank, the way she's come to recognize as the mask he puts on when he's nervous or upset.
"Yeah. She's trying to put on a good face and act like it's no big deal, but she loved that job. Once all this . . . stuff . . . is taken care of, I think it'll start to hit her." Lizzie shakes her head. If she'd been the one to lose her job over this, she wouldn't be acting half so chipper as Jane. She envies her natural optimism, sometimes, but she knows Jane is still hurting.
"I'm sorry," says Darcy in a low voice. "If I'd acted sooner-if I'd made my intentions clear, instead of waiting a week, perhaps this could have been prevented."
A knot twists inside of Lizzie's gut. She gone down that same path of self-blame so many times over the past week that she's starting to realize what a pointless black hole it can be. "You have nothing to apologize for," she insists. "What you're doing to help us is more than we ever could have expected. You have no idea how grateful we are. Really. You're a good friend, Darcy. Thank you."
Darcy turns his head to meet her eyes for a moment, and the knot inside her twists a little tighter. He nods shortly before looking back at the road.
Lizzie takes a deep breath and shrugs. "Jane will land back on her feet. That's her way. I'm more worried about Lydia. What you're doing is a huge help, but George really messed with her mind. And the way I've treated her over the past year didn't help any." Her voice catches in her throat a little, and she feels moisture welling in her eyes. She looks out the window at the endless stretch of strip malls and housing developments to avoid Darcy's gaze. She owes Lydia so much, and here she is still going behind her back. Still not communicating with her.
The guilt tightens in her throat. "Darcy-I think I made a pretty big mistake."
"What is it? Can I help?"
She shakes her head. "I don't know. I-" Lizzie feels even worse while she admits her latest mistake, as if saying it out loud reaffirms just how crappy it was. "-I lied to Lydia about what I was doing with you, tonight. I didn't tell her we were going to go see George. She thinks we're going on a date." She looks down at her hands in her lap, wishing that she could stand up and do something instead of sitting trapped in this car. "I should have told her the truth. She's the one he hurt. If anyone deserves vengeance or closure, it's her. I'm stealing that chance from her out of some misguided notion of protecting her." She sniffs and wipes at the tears starting to leak from her eyes. "I should have told her the truth."
They sit in silence for a moment. What must he think of her now?
"I-I understand the desire to protect your younger sister," he says deliberately, as if carefully considering every single syllable. "I thought I was protecting Gigi when I hid the truth about George and his inheritance from her. But that only left her more vulnerable to him. And when I paid him to leave, I thought I was doing what was best for her. But since then I've often wondered if it would have been better if I'd simply told her the full truth about him, and let her choose for herself. She might have stayed with him longer, but I'm certain things would have eventually fallen apart. Her heart still would have been broken, but at least it would have been broken on her terms, instead of mine. I even wonder if I had refrained from paying him off, perhaps he would have given up on exploiting women for financial gain. I don't know. I don't have the answers. I hate not knowing."
This is as raw and vulnerable as Darcy has ever been with her. She knows-knows with absolute certainty-that he's never voiced these thoughts to anyone before. Just to her.
"What do you think I should do?" she asks.
He shakes his head, looking over to meet her gaze with eyes full of empathy. "I'm in no position to give advice. It's up to you, Lizzie. I'll do whatever you need me to do."
She still feels a tight knot in her gut, but it's a little better now that things are out in the open. Okay. She needs to make a choice.
After another moment of thought, she says, "I think I need to call her."
"Would you like me to pull off the freeway and park somewhere, so you can have some privacy?"
"Yeah. I'd like that." It still boggles her mind that she'd completely missed this caring, compassionate side of him that whole summer at Netherfield. How could she have overlooked something that she now sees as an integral part of his character?
He takes the next exit and pulls into a convenience station. "Take your time," he says, and gets out of the car. "I'll be inside when you need me."
"Thanks." Lizzie smiles at him before he shuts the door. After all his effort and money that's gone into finding George, he's ready and willing to put it all on hold for her and her sister. That really says something about him.
Lizzie stares down at her phone in her hands for a few minutes before she works up the nerve to dial.
Lydia answers after just a few rings. "Please don't tell me you need me to pick you up. You were supposed to go easy on him! Not ditch him after one hour."
Lizzie sighs. This conversation won't be easy. "I'm not ditching him. Look-Lydia-I lied to you about tonight. Darcy and I aren't really on a date."
"If you're not with Darcy, then who are you with? What's going on?"
"I am with Darcy. But this isn't a social thing. I-we-" Lizzie takes a deep breath and plunges forward. "His P.I. tracked George down in Orange County, and we're on our way to confront him. Face to face."
"Oh." Lydia is quiet.
Lizzie nibbles on her bottom lip, waiting for Lydia to say something more, but every second that passes weighs down on her more and more. Finally she says, "I'm so sorry. I should have told you from the start. I thought I was protecting you, or something stupid like that. Really I was just being selfish. If you want me to turn around and come home, I will. I don't have to do this. Or-or if you want to come along, I'm sure Darcy won't mind. This should have been your choice. Not mine. I'm so, so sorry."
"Oh," Lydia repeats.
Lizzie waits. And waits.
At last Lydia replies, "I-I-I don't think I should see George again, right now. I don't-I don't think that would be a good idea for me."
"Okay, honey. It's okay. God, I'm so sorry I did this. I'll have Darcy bring me home. It was selfish of me to want to confront him like this. I don't need it. I'll come home." It hurts to think about turning around. She wanted this trip so much-not just to face down George, but for herself. It didn't make any sense, but that's how it felt. But she doesn't need it. Not really. Not like she needs to be there for Lydia.
"No. You don't have to do that," says Lydia.
"Yes. I do. This was a stupid idea."
"Lizzie-I want you to go see him."
This gives Lizzie pause. Her mouth hangs open for a moment. "You do?"
"Yeah. I-I don't think I could take seeing him again. Not yet. But, uh, I want you to ask him something for me." Lydia's voice quavers.
"Are you sure?" Lizzie has a bad feeling about this.
"Yes. Yes. I want you ask him why. Why did he do this? Was it his plan all along, from the time we met in Vegas-or-or did something happen, later, to make him do this? Please-can you ask him that for me?" Lydia's childlike earnestness makes Lizzie want to scream. Not at Lydia-at the ass-face who did this to her.
She's never hated anyone like she hates George Wickham.
She fights to hold back her anger. "Okay. If that's what you really want."
"It is."
Lizzie clenches her teeth and sucks in a hot breath. She almost would have preferred turning back to becoming the messenger in this scenario. But she needs to learn to respect Lydia's wishes. "I'm really sorry I didn't tell you before I left."
"It's okay. I get it. Really."
"And you sure you want me to do this?" Lizzie asks one more time, looking for an out.
"I'm sure."
Lizzie's made her bed, now it's time to sleep in it. "Okay. I'll call you after we see him. It might not be until late tonight. So, um, I'll text you before we go. Okay?"
"Okay. Thanks. And-thank Darcy for me. Again. Try to be nice to him."
"I will. I promise."
After hanging up, Lizzie wipes the last of the moisture from her eyes and steps out of the car to head into the convenience station. She finds Darcy sipping from a large fountain drink and flipping through a magazine.
He looks up and sets aside the magazine as soon as she walks in. "Do you need me to turn around? I will if you need it."
She smiles wanly. "No. Lydia wants me to ask George some questions for her. Some extremely uncomfortable questions. So, I guess I'm in this for the long haul."
Darcy nods and reaches out to rest his fingertips lightly on her upper arm. "I'll be there to help. You won't have to do it alone." The way he looks at her makes her feel better already.
"I know. Thanks." She smiles a little bigger, and his lips curve up in return. Then he steps back, dropping his hand, his eyes shifting as if he is uncertain of where to look.
Lizzie is grateful for his understanding, but all the tension between them isn't doing much to allay her stress. She grabs a fountain drink of her own, and they head back out on the road.
~ ~ ~
William has been trying-very hard-not to fixate on the least important part of his conversation with Lizzie about her lying to her sister. But he's not having much luck.
The words keep running through his mind: "She thinks we're going on a date."
It was such an off-hand phrase thrown into a much more serious conversation, but his mind can't seem to let go. Because Lydia must have been perfectly ready to believe that Lizzie would go on a date with him.
He feels warm every time he ponders that particular conclusion.
Yes, he knows the conversation about protecting their sisters was much more important. He knows that. But emotions don't always allow themselves to be tamed by reason.
After they get on the freeway, they are largely quiet for the first several minutes. Suddenly, Lizzie grabs his phone from its cubby in the center console and starts scrolling through his screen. "Do you have any Taylor Swift on here? I'm in a Taylor Swift kind of mood."
"Ah-no," he admits. "I'm not really a Taylor Swift aficionado. However, I think Gigi shared a Taylor Swift playlist with me on Spotify. You could check?"
After a few more minutes of tapping and scrolling, Lizzie exclaims, "Bingo! Found it."
Moments later the cloying pop-music harmonies of Taylor Swift come blaring through his stereo. William does his best to repress a cringe. He's never been much of a pop-music fan. Especially not of pop-music aimed at an audience of twelve to twenty-five year old females.
Lizzie sways and taps her hands to the music, occasionally singing along just under her breath.
William can't help but smile.
After the first several tracks, he says, "I confess that while Miss Swift isn't my typical taste in music, I truly respect her for her accomplishments. She's a gifted storyteller with an ability to really connect with a specific audience on a very deep level. And she's created an enormously successful brand around herself for someone so young. It's admirable."
Lizzie laughs at him. "Of course you see music as nothing more than another business enterprise."
"Not at all," he replies. "I appreciate quite a lot of music purely on aesthetic grounds. However, I can't help but analyze the business factors behind success stories like Taylor Swift. She actually reminds me a little of you."
He watches her to gauge her reaction. Watching Lizzie react to things has become one of the great pleasures of his life over the past few months. Every little quirk of her mouth or turn of her eyes captivates him. She's the only person to whom he can actually apply the idiom: he can see the wheels turning in her mind.
Sometimes he believes that he could happily watch Lizzie thinking and reacting for the rest of his life.
Right now, her eyebrows shoot up and then scrunch back down as she wrinkles her nose and tilts her head. "How in the world does Taylor Swift remind you of me?"
"You're both skilled storytellers. Your words resonate with your intended audiences on a meaningful, emotional level. And, much like Miss Swift, you've began the process of creating a successful brand around your persona." He adds that last detail mostly to watch the contortions of her face as she processes it. She doesn't disappoint.
"That's absurd. I am not a brand, or a persona, or anything like that. I'm just a vlogger."
William will never understand Lizzie's need to undervalue herself. "Video blogs are a rising medium for the younger generations. There are already vloggers who make a living off their videos and provide entertainment and inspiration for thousands of young viewers. I would most certainly classify them as brands and personas, and you are well on your way to becoming one of them, whether you care to admit it, or not."
She looks away from him to stare out the car window. "I don't know. I'm not even sure if I want keep vlogging once my thesis is finished."
"You should. You have a gift for the medium. It would be a shame to give it up." She still doesn't see how special she is-how much potential she has to offer. He wishes there were some way he could help her to see herself through his eyes. Then she would understand.
"Maybe," she says, "I don't know. I can't just keep blathering about my sisters' personal lives forever."
"I have every confidence that you will have no trouble broadening your subject matter once you are no longer burdened by the pressures of grad school."
Lizzie frowns a little. "I wish I could feel that confidant." She picks his phone back up. "I'm ready for something to lighten the mood. Did I notice Wait Wait… Don't Tell Me on here with your other NPR podcasts?"
Darcy knows a deflection when he hears it. "Yes. I have several weeks of episodes saved up. I haven't had a chance to listen in quite some time." The humorous current events quiz-show has long been one of his favorite radio programs. "Are you a fan?"
Lizzie smiles. "I used to listen every week with my dad when I was a kid. I don't catch it as much, anymore. But it's bound to cheer me up."
She turns on one of the episodes, and before long they're both chuckling along with the jokes. It's exactly what they needed to lighten the mood.
William can sense the new weight of her sister's requests on Lizzie's shoulders, but in spite of it they manage to fall back into a comfortable, friendly rapport for the rest of their drive. They listen to two episodes of Wait Wait…Don't Tell Me before switching back to music as they traverse the final stretch of freeway before reaching Newport Beach.
The sun has long since gone down, but even in the dim light, William can see Lizzie growing fidgety.
He's been keeping his own feelings about confronting George tightly in check. He doesn't want to go into this situation with his emotions running high. He wants to be able to handle things with cold rationality. But he doesn't expect the same of Lizzie. Her feelings are still so new and raw. He knows this won't be easy for her.
He wants to reach out and take her hand-to reassure her that all will be well.
But he holds back. He doesn't want to add any more emotional confusion to the situation than is already there. So instead, he says softly, "Lizzie-I'll be there. You won't have to face him alone. You have nothing to worry about."
"I know. I know," she says. "I just-I've never had to do something like this before. It's a little weird, you know?"
He nods slowly. "I do." He knows all too well.
"Sorry," she says. "That was insensitive. Of course you understand. I shouldn't-"
"It's all right. Really."
"Okay," she says softly.
TBC
Chapter 3