Fic: Witness Protection, part 10/?????, seond half
First half
Ben was shocked when Ron was the first person to show up for the free self-defense seminar Saturday morning. His mustache still looked decidedly-off.
"After this past week I feel like engaging in physical violence to release the fiery inferno of rage that's built up inside of me," said Ron, clenching his fists menacingly.
"You do know that's not why we're here?" replied Ben. Ron didn't seriously think he'd get to attack someone, did he?
"I called your instructor, Mike, and he agreed to let me be the attacker in his demonstrations. And we'll be sparring after the class. I also brought a photo of Tammy to tape to one of the punching bags. It's not exactly an effigy, but for today it'll do." Ron's face was grim as he spoke.
Ben decided to let that one slide and stepped aside to let Ron talk to Mike. He went back to do some more warm-ups with Chris and Andy.
Closer to the start time, other guests began to arrive at the studio. Ben couldn't help but smile when a very cross-looking April walked in with Leslie and Ann. His smile got even bigger at the sight of Leslie with her hair in pig tails, wearing a form fitting t-shirt and leggings.
Ben, Chris and Andy took their place along one of the walls with the five other volunteer helpers while the seminar guests sat down on the mats in front of the mirror wall in the studio.
"I can't believe April showed up," said Andy in a loud whisper. "She just laughed at me when I invited her."
"Perhaps this is a sign that she's ready to take her interactions with you in a more positive, healthy direction," replied Chris. Ben only hoped he was right.
For the first hour of the seminar Mike lectured on basic self-defense principles, and then Ron helped him demonstrate several techniques. Ron certainly attacked with convincing fury, but Mike still managed to overcome him every time.
After a short break, the seminar broke into small groups so the guests could practice the techniques with the volunteers. Ann, Leslie and April headed right to where Ben, Chris and Andy stood waiting, but as soon as they reached them April shouted, "I'm in Chris's group!"
Ben fumbled for words as Leslie tried to convince April to switch to Andy's group, and somehow in the ensuing chaos Ben ended up in a group with four strangers, while April, Ann and Leslie were all in Chris's group. And poor Andy-looking devastated-ended up with three older ladies.
"Nice legs, Chris," April said in a loud voice as she followed him to an open space in the studio.
Ben frowned. Great. It seemed as if April had seized the opportunity to torture Andy in public.
He gritted his teeth and tried to focus on conducting the practice session with his group, running through each of the basic defensive techniques and letting every member of his group practice with him. Keeping cool and professional, however, grew increasingly harder as April continued to loudly compliment Chris's body and strength.
Ben kept glancing over. Ann looked furious, Leslie looked mortified, and, in another corner of the studio, Andy looked downright miserable. So miserable and distracted, in fact, that the older women in his group seemed to be giving him a pretty thorough beating. Yikes.
Focusing back on his own group, Ben made it through a few more techniques with his group when he heard April exclaim, "Ooo-your skin is so soft!"
A very flustered looking Chris held her in a loose chokehold, and she snuggled up against him.
That was the last straw. Ben frowned. "Can you practice with each other for a few minutes? I'll be right back," he said to his group, and strode over to Chris's group. Ann looked ready to unleash hell on April-and Ben had no doubt Leslie would back her up. It would be far better to intervene himself than risk Leslie losing April's friendship over this.
"Go ahead and let her go," he said to Chris, who dropped his arm and stepped back with a look of relief on his face.
Ben turned to April. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" He shook his head. "Look-if you want to keep playing these games with Andy, I can't stop you. But leave Chris out of it. Either step outside, or join another group."
April crossed her arms and pouted. "Who said anything about Andy?"
Ben could only shake his head. "I'm not an idiot, April. You've been carrying on like this all summer. You're not a little kid. You're an adult. It's time to act like one. Either forgive Andy or cut him out of your life and move on. What you're doing right now isn't healthy for either of you."
April glared at him. "Like what you're doing with Leslie is so much more healthy and mature? Take a look in the mirror next time you feel like giving a lecture."
"What?" Ben's jaw dropped. His eyes flew to Leslie. Her face was flushed, and he couldn’t tell if she looked more embarrassed or angry.
Suddenly Ron appeared at April's elbow. "I think you and I should step outside. We need to have a conversation about fishing."
April's eyebrows rose. "I don't fish."
"Step outside with me," Ron growled in an unmistakable tone of command.
To Ben's surprise, April actually followed Ron outside.
Ben let out a sigh of relief. As the door closed behind April, he looked over just in time to see Andy staring at him with a rather morose expression-right as one of his old ladies punched him in the stomach. Hard. He doubled over with an "Oof!"
Not daring to look at Leslie again, Ben hurried over to Andy. The old ladies fluttered around him in concern.
"Hey, man," said Ben, "are you okay?"
"I feel like I got punched in the gut," groaned Andy.
Ben wasn't quite sure if Andy was speaking literally or metaphorically. "I think he needs to sit down for a minute," Ben said to Andy's group, and he led Andy to chair against the wall.
Andy sank down with a grunt.
Ben crouched beside him. "Hey," he said softly. "I'm really sorry about all that stuff with April."
"Do you think she really likes Chris, now?" said Andy, staring at the glass door to where Ron stood outside talking to April.
"No." Ben shook his head. "I don't. I'm pretty sure April was just using Chris to mess with you and Ann." He sighed. It was time to speak some hard truth. "I really think it might be time for you to consider moving on from April. This is no good for you. For either of you."
Andy sunk even lower in his chair. "But she's my soulmate."
"Are you sure?"
Ben hated watching the despair in Andy's eyes, but in the long run getting over this destructive relationship would be better for him. Wouldn't it? Ben tried very hard not to think of April's biting comment about his relationship with Leslie. The scenarios were completely different. Completely. Weren't they?
"I-I-I don't know," stammered Andy.
Leslie bounded up to stand at Andy's other side. She rested a hand on his shoulder. "I got Chris to combine both of your groups. He and Ann are finishing up the exercises with them."
Ben swallowed and stood up to look at her. "Thanks. We're almost done, here, anyway."
Leslie nodded. She still looked flushed. It was one of those moments where Ben really wished he could read her mind-just for a moment. What must she be thinking of him, right now? Had he completely overstepped his bounds with April?
"Under the circumstances I think we should let Chris and Ann have some alone time this afternoon," she said. "Andy, would you like to go to lunch with Ben and me?"
Ben's eyes widened a little. Oh. So-she wasn't mad at him. Maybe she wasn't even thinking of him at all, as much as of Andy. How self-centered am I, to assume it's all about me?
"That would be super awesome, Leslie," said Andy.
The seminar ended a few minutes later. Ron and April were already gone-presumably he'd given her a ride home.
Chris drove off with Ann, and Ben slid into Leslie's back seat, letting Andy ride shotgun. After a big meat-filled sandwich at Ray's, Andy seemed almost himself again. All the conversation revolved around Andy, and Ben didn't mind. Now was hardly the time to fixate on his relationship with Leslie, again.
When they pulled up in front of Andy's house to drop him off, April was sitting on the porch. She actually looked-nervous?
"Um-do you want me to come with you?" asked Ben, leaning forward in his seat.
Andy looked a little paler than usual, but he shook his head. "Naw. I've got this."
He stepped out of the car and slammed the door behind him. When he reached the porch, April stood to talk to him. And Leslie pulled away from the curb.
"You don't want to stay and offer moral support?" asked Ben, feeling very weird about being stuck in the back seat.
"Nope. I think it's time for them to work out their problems on their own," said Leslie. "They can handle it."
Ben wished he had as much faith in people as she did.
When Leslie pulled over to drop Ben off at his condo, she stepped out of the car with him. She rested her hand on top of her car as she spoke to him. "I'm glad you've gotten to be friends with Andy. He's a sweet guy who just needs a little help finding direction in his life. I think you're a great influence for him. It was really great that you stepped up to help him in the class today. April was being a real jerk."
"Yeah. She was." Ben rested his own hand near Leslie's. Thank god her frustration in class had all been concern for her friends. The last thing he wanted was another fight with her. "I still don't completely get what the deal is between her and Andy."
Leslie sighed. "Sometimes love is complicated. I just hope they can work things out, one way or another."
No kidding.
Ben nodded. She held his gaze as if she expected something-but what?
"Well," he finally said, "I brought home some Harvest Festival work that I really ought to get done today."
"Me too," she replied.
"I guess I'll be seeing you on Monday, then."
"I guess so."
As Ben headed up to his condo, he held onto the image of Leslie's face when she said goodbye and slid back into her car. She'd looked-disappointed.
***
Chris had been upset about April and Andy all weekend.
Even after all the effort he'd put in, they were still playing such hurtful, childish games with each other. He'd begun to despair of ever helping them overcome their obstacles.
Which was why, as he walked the corridors of city hall Monday morning with Ben and Leslie, catching up on their Harvest Festival progress, he stopped short when he saw April and Andy snuggling together at the shoe-shine stand.
How had they gone from the self-defense seminar debacle to this?
Leslie held up her arms, blocking Chris and Ben from walking forward. "Oh my god," she said. "Is that what I think it is?"
Andy and April laughed at some shared joke, and then shared a short, sweet kiss.
"It is!" Leslie said, bouncing on her heels and clasping her hands in front of her. "It's so wonderful. They've finally come together."
"Yeah-I guess whatever Ron said to April must have worked," said Ben.
Chris's eyebrows shot up. "You think Ron brought this about."
"Absolutely." Leslie nodded. "Ron gives really great advice. When you can get him to care. Let's cut across the courtyard and let those two have their privacy."
"Now we'll see if it lasts," Ben said as they stepped outside.
Leslie swatted him playfully. "Stop being such a cynic and just enjoy the fact that our friends are happy."
Chris couldn't think of a single thing to say. After all this time, and all his efforts, all it took to resolve things between Andy and April was a few words of advice from the somber and disinterested Ron Swanson? It was almost enough to make Chris question whether or not he was as good at reading people as he thought he was.
***
"Come on, Ben! I need you. You have to do this with me. Please?" Leslie felt like screaming in frustration.
"No." His face was grim. "I can't."
Leslie brought her hand down on the notepad that sat on her desk in front of her. "But what if they ask us questions about the budget? We need our numbers guy." Seriously-this media blitz could make or break the Harvest Festival. Why was Ben abandoning her now, when she needed him the most?
Ben's lips were tight. "I don't do media. It's-it's like-stage fright, or something."
"Stage fright?" Leslie could hardly believe her ears. "You're backing out because of stage fright?"
"No worries, Leslie," said Tom from his desk. "We don't need this nerd. The camera loves me. I've got the gift of gab. We can cover things."
Leslie rolled her eyes. "Oh-so you're ready to talk all about how the government is justifying this outlay of money so soon after a financial crisis?"
Tom's mouth hung open. "Uhhh. . ."
"He's not," said Ben. "But you are."
"What?" she looked back at Ben.
"You've read the budget almost as many times as I have. And I've seen the local news. No one is going to delve too deep. You'll be fine."
As nice as it was to hear how much faith he had in her, Leslie wasn't completely buying it. "I have read the budget a lot-but you wrote it. You know it inside out. Please. I really need you with me." She crossed her fingers under her desk, jiggling her foot nervously.
Ben shook his head again. "I'm sorry. I can't. I wish I could, but I can't."
Damn. He'd always been so eager to help. Why not now?
"Look-we can meet after work today and I'll help you review everything. We'll work out talking points and answers to the most likely questions. I'll make sure you're as prepared as you possibly can be," he said.
"Fine," she replied. "That'll have to do."
After the meeting Ben went back to his office, and Leslie continued to stew. Things had been off with him ever since her conversation about "going for it" with Ann. Had she started putting out some sort of "needy-lady" vibe that was pushing him away, or something? Ugh. She couldn't figure it out. So instead she did her best to put her whole focus on her to-do list for the day. It was long-thank god.
At 5:30 on the dot, Ben turned back up at her office. Everyone else had cleared out for the night, and they had the department to themselves. Leslie resisted the urge to get chatty and jumped right into business instead. Ben had conscientiously put together a list of financial talking points along with more detailed summaries of the facts behind the talking points. He'd been very thorough, and Leslie found herself smiling at all the little organizational touches that made his list so clear and easy to use. She'd be able to memorize this in no time.
After about twenty minutes reviewing Ben's lists, Ben frowned and fidgeted. "Leslie-" he said, "I know it really upsets you that I won't do these interviews with you. And I'm sorry. But, uh, it's more than just stage fright. I just didn't want to talk about it in front of Tom."
Leslie set her list aside to give Ben her full attention. They hadn't had a good personal talk in days-it was a relief to know he was still willing to open up to her. "What is it?"
"I-uh-I was worried that all the pressure of, of being in front of the cameras or speaking into a mic would trigger one of my panic attacks." He looked down at his hands and tapped the table nervously. "The last thing you need right now is for me to freak out on camera. It could ruin everything you've worked so hard for-"
Impulsively Leslie reached out to grasped his hand. "I am sooo sorry that I didn't even think about your panic attacks. Things have been so good for you lately, it never even occurred to me that you might be worried about that." She couldn't believe she'd been so insensitive. She knew he hadn't fully recovered from his panic disorder yet. She never should have pushed him.
"It's okay," said Ben, finally smiling a little. "I've only had one attack over the past month. It's easy to forget."
"No," Leslie shook her head, "It's not okay. I should have remembered. That's what friends do. They remember each other's problems and help out."
"Really-don't worry about it. I'm not offended." Ben turned his hand palm up and squeezed her hand back.
The feeling of her hand in his sent a pleasant sensation of warmth creeping through her body. Keep it together, Leslie. Now's not the time. "So, uh, do you think things are getting better, over all, with your panic disorder? Do you think you're getting close to a full recovery?"
"It's not as simple as that," replied Ben. "There's still a few times a week when I feel the panic rising and have to talk myself down before it turns into a full-blown attack. I think I might get to the point where I almost never have attacks, but I'm not sure if that underlying tendency will ever completely go away."
Leslie rubbed the back of his hand with her thumb. "I'm glad things are improving, though. And I agree-you shouldn't have to do things that might interfere with that." She took a deep breath. Time to be brave. "I know you say not to worry, but I feel like I must have been stressing you out. This past week things have seemed weird between us. Like you've been getting distant from me. And I feel like it's my fault, and I'm really sorry for that."
"No, no, no," he squeezed her hand again. "It's nothing you did. I promise. I've been so busy working on all these details for the festival that I let myself get preoccupied. I guess we've both just been stressed out. But we're still friends. I promise."
Leslie smiled. "Okay. So no high pressure press events for you. But are you up for another half hour of helping me memorize these talking points?"
"Absolutely," he said. "And afterward maybe we can grab a bite at J.J.'s."
The warmth rose a little higher in Leslie's chest. "That's sounds just right."
Reluctantly she let go of his hand, and they got back to their work.
***
It didn't matter to Ben that Leslie had accepted his reason for not wanting to do media appearances. It didn't matter that their evening had been a pleasant return to their normal camaraderie. All that Ben could think about was that he'd lied to her. Again.
He wasn't afraid of having a panic attack on the air. But, as a witness under federal protection, he also couldn't exactly have his face popping up on TV. Even local cable access.
He hated lying to Leslie. For more than four months now he'd lied to her again, and again, and again.
There were days when the temptation to tell her the truth almost overwhelmed him. But what had she done to deserve that burden? He knew he could trust her. His faith in her never wavered on that point. But who was he, to her? Why would she want to carry the burden of his secrets?
Dropping all those hints about Everson had been a mistake. He saw that now.
Still, the lies rankled on him.
He wanted to do something for her. Something to help make up for all the lies, even if it was just in a small way.
He had to do something.
***
Two nights later, Leslie stood in the Snakehole Lounge surrounded by her friends. She raised her glass. "We did it! Harvest Festival, here we come!"
Everyone cheered before downing their drinks and splintering into four or five different conversations. She felt elated and relieved. The interviews had all gone far better than she ever could have hoped. And-just as Ben had predicted-all the finance and budget questions were softballs that her prepared talking points were more than enough to cover.
Ben, standing next to her, caught her eye. He smiled and leaned in. "I told you you could do it. Good work, Leslie."
"Good work to you, too. I couldn't have done it without you." She held his gaze and gave him her best smile. The only thing that could make her feel better than she already did tonight would be if she finally made progress with Ben. Whenever he smiled at her like that-like he was proud of her, and genuinely admired her-it made her heart race in an utterly delicious way. If his smile alone could do that to her, she couldn’t help but imagine how nice actually touching him would be. Serious touching-not the "just friends" touching they'd been limited to so far.
She opened her mouth to speak, but stopped herself. She was surrounded by her friends. She didn't want all of them to witness her asking Ben out. What was she thinking?
No-it would have to wait just a little bit longer.
***
By Wednesday of the week following Leslie's triumphant assault on the local media, Ben's surprise was ready. He'd scrambled hard to get it ready so fast, and somehow managed to pull favors from people who'd only met him in passing a few times during the festival planning process. But, somehow, every time he mentioned that he was arranging it as a surprise for Leslie Knope everyone seemed ready and eager to help out.
He shouldn't have been surprised.
Ben planned a late-afternoon meeting that day with the shop that was making all the staff shirts and caps for the Harvest Festival, and insisted on driving. After he and Leslie wrapped up the meeting, it was time for his surprise.
After just a minute on the road, Leslie said, "Hey, this isn't the way back to City Hall."
"Nope." Ben grinned. "I've, uh, got something to show you."
She raised her eyebrows and stared at him with an open-mouthed smile. "A surprise?"
"Yep. A surprise."
"Oh my god-what is it? Is it that new bakery on 4th? Because I actually went there last night."
He shook his head, delighted. She'd never guess. "Not even close."
"Is there a parade I didn't know about?"
"I don't think it would be possible to have a parade in this town without you knowing it. And no. It's not."
"Give me a hint!"
He laughed at her impatience. "You, know, the whole point of a surprise to be-well-surprising?"
"Come on." She banged her fists against her thighs and bounced in her seat. "Just one hint?"
"Fine. It's something for the Harvest Festival." He turned the car toward their final destination.
"Is it a blimp? I've always wanted to hire a blimp, but I didn't think we could afford it."
"Not a blimp." They were getting close enough to the vacant storefront that they'd rented for temporary Harvest Festival supply storage. She'd see his surprise soon enough.
"A hot air balloon? A pair of trained eagles? A sky-writer?" She continued to guess.
"Why do assume it's something that flies?" The workings of Leslie's mind continued to boggle him.
"I don't know. I guess the sky looks extra pretty today."
When Ben parked and stepped out of the car, he realized that she was right. The sky did look extra pretty.
Once they were inside the storage space, Ben led Leslie toward the cargo dock at the back, past the piles of boxes and mounds of disassembled pavilions and rows of folding chairs. There, not far from the cargo entrance, stood his surprise.
Leslie stopped short, looking puzzled. "A dunking booth? I didn't think we'd scheduled a dunking booth."
"We didn't," said Ben walking up to the booth. "But I did. And it's not just any dunking booth." He pulled off the tarp he'd taped to the large metal tub at the base of the booth, revealing the newly applied decal: "Dunking for Diabetes, featuring Detlef Schrempf."
Leslie's jaw dropped. "What? I don't-how-Ben?"
She looked at him for explanation.
He grinned. I wasn't often a person could leave Leslie Knope dumbfounded. "Well, I felt bad for disappointing you last week when I wouldn't do the media appearances with you. And I know how much you love doing things that will benefit the community as a whole. Plus Tom once told me about your annual telethon and how Detlef Schrempf came to Pawnee to donate, and I just had this idea."
"You actually got Detlef Schrempf to come and sit in a dunking booth?" she said, awe in her voice.
Ben shrugged. "It'll be more like a wading pool, for him, as tall as he is. And it's just for two days-four hours each day. But he'll also sit for autographs for a few hours each of those days. All the proceeds from when he's here will go directly to the Pawnee Cares Foundation for Diabetes Research. And the rest of the week the members of the Pawnee Central High varsity sports teams will be volunteering to sit in the booth in shifts, and the proceeds from those days will be split fifty-fifty between Pawnee Cares and Pawnee Central High athletics. I already sent a press release out to the local media outlets. I'm sure this will raise public interest in the festival even higher."
Leslie shook her head. "I can't believe you pulled this whole thing together in less than a week. It's amazing."
The look of respect and admiration in her eyes felt better than just about anything he'd ever experienced. That was, until she stepped up to him and wrapped her arms around him for a hug.
He held her against his body, his heart pounding in his chest. It was like something out of one of his dreams.
She squeezed him a little tighter. "It's wonderful. The best surprise I've had in forever. I love it."
Her arms still locked around his rib cage, she pulled back just enough to meet his eyes with a glowing smile on her face.
His whole body felt warm. She'd never looked more beautiful. When had he started thinking of her as beautiful?
Her eyes flicked down to his lips, lingering there for a moment before darting back up to his gaze.
He knew what that signal meant. He'd seen it before.
The last traces of his resolve crumbled under her touch. He couldn't think. All he could do was feel her body in his arms. All he could see was her face drawing closer to his.
His eyes closed as their lips met.
It was even better than he'd imagined it would be.
Her hands spoke their silent approval as they clutched at his sides and his back. He was intoxicated by the way she so eagerly parted her lips, inviting him in. Electricity surged through his body as he tasted her fruity-sweet lip gloss and felt the soft silkiness of her hair with his fingers.
For just a moment he let himself get lost in her kiss.
And then his mind kicked back in.
It's just another lie. She's not really kissing me-she's kissing someone I made up.
I can't do this.
He pulled back abruptly, and gasped for air. He let his hands trail down her arms as he stepped away from her, before finally dropping them completely.
She looked stunned and hurt.
Everything felt cold.
"I'm-I'm sorry," he stammered. "I shouldn't have done that."
"Why not?" Her question sounded like a plea. "I thought you liked me?"
"I do like you," he replied immediately, desperation infusing his voice.
"And I like you," she said, stepping toward him. "So what's going on?"
"I-I-" How could he explain this? What was he supposed to say? He wanted to shout out the truth to her right then and there. But what would come of it? Did he expect her wait for him until after the trial? Did he expect her to take on the danger of being involved with him? All after a single kiss?
No. It wasn't fair to do that to her.
"Are you-are you married?" she asked, her whole face scrunched up in frustration and pain.
"No! God no."
"Are you dying of some horrible disease? Or do you have herpes that's flaring up? Do you have a secret love child somewhere?" She waived her arms at her sides as she spoke.
"No, no, no. No to all of those things," he said.
"So what's the problem?"She looked liked she wanted to start shaking him, and he couldn't blame her.
There had to be something. Some reason he could give that would make sense to her . . .
"I'm leaving in seven weeks," he blurted out.
Her expression immediately softened from angry frustration to something a little more morose. "Yes. I know this. I-I guess I've been trying to forget about that part, lately."
Why did he have to end up upsetting her every time they tried to have a serious conversation? He sighed. "I wish I could forget that part. But I can't. It's coming. Fast."
Leslie took a few slow breaths and appeared to be trying to compose herself. "Okay. Well. If we both like each other-which we apparently do-" She looked to him for confirmation, and he nodded. She continued, "then I don't see why we can't at least give this thing a try. I mean, I've dated guys who live in Indianapolis before, and it's not ideal, but it's manageable."
Ben's chest ached. Why hadn't he had the guts to do this two months ago, when it might have actually worked? "I'm not . . . going back to Indianapolis."
Leslie's eyes went wide. "But-I thought you guys were looking for work there."
And it all came back to more lies. Damn it. "None of our leads in Indy panned out," he said, hating himself as he added to the web of deception. "We still have a few leads out there, but last week we got an offer-a really good offer-from a place a lot further away. I don’t really want to leave, but this offer is an amazing offer. We'll be doing good work. Important work. Work that will help make people's lives better. So after mulling it over for a few days, we just accepted the job. We signed the contract a couple of days ago."
Leslie looked pale. "How much farther away? Where are going?"
God, this sucked. "Atlanta," he said softly, the word tasting bitter on his tongue.
She blinked rapidly, liked she'd just been poked in the eye. "Atlanta, Indiana?" she asked with a desperate hope in her voice. "That's just three and a half hours away, isn't it?"
"Atlanta, Georgia."
She looked away from him, her eyes fixing on that stupid dunking booth that he'd been so proud of just a few minutes ago. Her shoulders slumped, and all the energy seemed to be draining from her body. "Oh. Wow."
He wanted to pull her back into his arms and hold her close until that look on her face disappeared, but at this point it would only make things worse.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I wish-"
He wished so many things. But how could he put them into words that she'd understand? "You see why I don't think we should get involved, don't you?" he asked. "I-I mean, we've only got seven weeks, and the next three of those seven are going to be crazy busy with Harvest Festival stuff. We'd-we'd barely have enough time to get things started. And then I'll be gone. I couldn't ask you to get involved in a long distance relationship after that. I mean, long distance is hard enough even if you have a really solid foundation before you're apart. Seven weeks just isn't enough to know-is it?"
"You're right," she said in a low voice, still staring at the dunking booth. "Of course you're right. Seven weeks will fly by. It's not enough time for anything, really."
"I hate this," he said. "I really do. But I'm just trying to be mature and realistic. And-and your friendship is important to me. I don't want to lose that. I'd really like to keep in touch after I leave. But if we start something here, and then cut it off before it really gets going, I think it'll make it really hard to stay friends. There will be so many unresolved feelings. And I don't want you feeling any sense of obligation. You shouldn't. You deserve better than that. You deserve someone who can really be there for you. Every day. Not just on the phone or email. You deserve better."
Shit. This hurt worse than his last few breakups, and they'd never even started dating.
He never should have kissed her.
"You deserve better, too," she said. "You're a really great guy, and I hope you can find someone who sees that."
Ben really, really hated his life right now. He sat on the edge of a nearby table and gripped it with both hands. "I'm really sorry about this. When I brought you here I just wanted to do something nice for you. I wanted to make you happy. So much for that."
"No," she turned to look at him again. "This does make me happy. The dunking booth is great. It's more than great. It's so good I'm surprised I didn't think of it myself." She managed a smile with that one, and Ben found himself smiling again, too.
"We can-still be friends, can't we?" he asked, hoping he didn't sound too pathetic.
"Of course we can," she replied, her smile holding strong. "Like you said-staying friends is the mature, realistic thing to do. This doesn't have to change anything. I mean, I'm disappointed things couldn't work out differently. But that's life, right?" She shrugged. "Things don't always work out the way we want, and we just have to make the best of it."
"Yeah," he said, forcing his smile to stay on his face. "Yeah, we do."
"Okay, then," she said. "Thank you-very much-for the dunking booth. It's great. And I can't wait to read that press release. I wonder if they'll be calling me for comment?"
"I bet they will."
"That'd be great. Just great. So I'd better get back to the office to see if anyone's called. And to wrap up a few more pieces of work before I head home."
She seemed to be slipping back into work-mode as a defense mechanism, and Ben couldn't blame her. That conversation had been excruciating. "Okay. I'll take you back."
On the ride back she babbled non-stop about the to-do list for the rest of the week, and thanked him four more times for setting up the dunking booth. Ben let her talk. If that's what made her feel better, he'd letter her babble.
They parted ways in the hall outside the Parks Department.
On his way back to his office he saw Andy and April walking hand in hand through the courtyard.
He'd never envied Andy Dwyer. Never-until now.
***
Leslie held it together long enough to send a few emails and finish up some paperwork, but by five forty-five she just couldn't keep going. She picked up her phone and dialed Ann.
"Hi," she said, when Ann answered. "Can I come over?" Her voice cracked a little.
"Leslie? What's wrong?" said Ann.
Leslie tried to keep her emotions in check when she spoke, but it wasn't easy. "You were right. I waited too long to tell Ben how I felt about him. And now it's too late."
"Oh, Leslie. I'll put on a pot of coffee. And do you want some pancakes?"
Leslie let out a laugh that was half-sob. "Pancakes would be perfect."
"I'll see you in a few minutes."
Leslie was actually smiling again when she hung up. Ann was the most perfect and beautiful friend and nurse. She'd help make everything okay. Somehow.
TBC
Part 11
Ben was shocked when Ron was the first person to show up for the free self-defense seminar Saturday morning. His mustache still looked decidedly-off.
"After this past week I feel like engaging in physical violence to release the fiery inferno of rage that's built up inside of me," said Ron, clenching his fists menacingly.
"You do know that's not why we're here?" replied Ben. Ron didn't seriously think he'd get to attack someone, did he?
"I called your instructor, Mike, and he agreed to let me be the attacker in his demonstrations. And we'll be sparring after the class. I also brought a photo of Tammy to tape to one of the punching bags. It's not exactly an effigy, but for today it'll do." Ron's face was grim as he spoke.
Ben decided to let that one slide and stepped aside to let Ron talk to Mike. He went back to do some more warm-ups with Chris and Andy.
Closer to the start time, other guests began to arrive at the studio. Ben couldn't help but smile when a very cross-looking April walked in with Leslie and Ann. His smile got even bigger at the sight of Leslie with her hair in pig tails, wearing a form fitting t-shirt and leggings.
Ben, Chris and Andy took their place along one of the walls with the five other volunteer helpers while the seminar guests sat down on the mats in front of the mirror wall in the studio.
"I can't believe April showed up," said Andy in a loud whisper. "She just laughed at me when I invited her."
"Perhaps this is a sign that she's ready to take her interactions with you in a more positive, healthy direction," replied Chris. Ben only hoped he was right.
For the first hour of the seminar Mike lectured on basic self-defense principles, and then Ron helped him demonstrate several techniques. Ron certainly attacked with convincing fury, but Mike still managed to overcome him every time.
After a short break, the seminar broke into small groups so the guests could practice the techniques with the volunteers. Ann, Leslie and April headed right to where Ben, Chris and Andy stood waiting, but as soon as they reached them April shouted, "I'm in Chris's group!"
Ben fumbled for words as Leslie tried to convince April to switch to Andy's group, and somehow in the ensuing chaos Ben ended up in a group with four strangers, while April, Ann and Leslie were all in Chris's group. And poor Andy-looking devastated-ended up with three older ladies.
"Nice legs, Chris," April said in a loud voice as she followed him to an open space in the studio.
Ben frowned. Great. It seemed as if April had seized the opportunity to torture Andy in public.
He gritted his teeth and tried to focus on conducting the practice session with his group, running through each of the basic defensive techniques and letting every member of his group practice with him. Keeping cool and professional, however, grew increasingly harder as April continued to loudly compliment Chris's body and strength.
Ben kept glancing over. Ann looked furious, Leslie looked mortified, and, in another corner of the studio, Andy looked downright miserable. So miserable and distracted, in fact, that the older women in his group seemed to be giving him a pretty thorough beating. Yikes.
Focusing back on his own group, Ben made it through a few more techniques with his group when he heard April exclaim, "Ooo-your skin is so soft!"
A very flustered looking Chris held her in a loose chokehold, and she snuggled up against him.
That was the last straw. Ben frowned. "Can you practice with each other for a few minutes? I'll be right back," he said to his group, and strode over to Chris's group. Ann looked ready to unleash hell on April-and Ben had no doubt Leslie would back her up. It would be far better to intervene himself than risk Leslie losing April's friendship over this.
"Go ahead and let her go," he said to Chris, who dropped his arm and stepped back with a look of relief on his face.
Ben turned to April. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" He shook his head. "Look-if you want to keep playing these games with Andy, I can't stop you. But leave Chris out of it. Either step outside, or join another group."
April crossed her arms and pouted. "Who said anything about Andy?"
Ben could only shake his head. "I'm not an idiot, April. You've been carrying on like this all summer. You're not a little kid. You're an adult. It's time to act like one. Either forgive Andy or cut him out of your life and move on. What you're doing right now isn't healthy for either of you."
April glared at him. "Like what you're doing with Leslie is so much more healthy and mature? Take a look in the mirror next time you feel like giving a lecture."
"What?" Ben's jaw dropped. His eyes flew to Leslie. Her face was flushed, and he couldn’t tell if she looked more embarrassed or angry.
Suddenly Ron appeared at April's elbow. "I think you and I should step outside. We need to have a conversation about fishing."
April's eyebrows rose. "I don't fish."
"Step outside with me," Ron growled in an unmistakable tone of command.
To Ben's surprise, April actually followed Ron outside.
Ben let out a sigh of relief. As the door closed behind April, he looked over just in time to see Andy staring at him with a rather morose expression-right as one of his old ladies punched him in the stomach. Hard. He doubled over with an "Oof!"
Not daring to look at Leslie again, Ben hurried over to Andy. The old ladies fluttered around him in concern.
"Hey, man," said Ben, "are you okay?"
"I feel like I got punched in the gut," groaned Andy.
Ben wasn't quite sure if Andy was speaking literally or metaphorically. "I think he needs to sit down for a minute," Ben said to Andy's group, and he led Andy to chair against the wall.
Andy sank down with a grunt.
Ben crouched beside him. "Hey," he said softly. "I'm really sorry about all that stuff with April."
"Do you think she really likes Chris, now?" said Andy, staring at the glass door to where Ron stood outside talking to April.
"No." Ben shook his head. "I don't. I'm pretty sure April was just using Chris to mess with you and Ann." He sighed. It was time to speak some hard truth. "I really think it might be time for you to consider moving on from April. This is no good for you. For either of you."
Andy sunk even lower in his chair. "But she's my soulmate."
"Are you sure?"
Ben hated watching the despair in Andy's eyes, but in the long run getting over this destructive relationship would be better for him. Wouldn't it? Ben tried very hard not to think of April's biting comment about his relationship with Leslie. The scenarios were completely different. Completely. Weren't they?
"I-I-I don't know," stammered Andy.
Leslie bounded up to stand at Andy's other side. She rested a hand on his shoulder. "I got Chris to combine both of your groups. He and Ann are finishing up the exercises with them."
Ben swallowed and stood up to look at her. "Thanks. We're almost done, here, anyway."
Leslie nodded. She still looked flushed. It was one of those moments where Ben really wished he could read her mind-just for a moment. What must she be thinking of him, right now? Had he completely overstepped his bounds with April?
"Under the circumstances I think we should let Chris and Ann have some alone time this afternoon," she said. "Andy, would you like to go to lunch with Ben and me?"
Ben's eyes widened a little. Oh. So-she wasn't mad at him. Maybe she wasn't even thinking of him at all, as much as of Andy. How self-centered am I, to assume it's all about me?
"That would be super awesome, Leslie," said Andy.
The seminar ended a few minutes later. Ron and April were already gone-presumably he'd given her a ride home.
Chris drove off with Ann, and Ben slid into Leslie's back seat, letting Andy ride shotgun. After a big meat-filled sandwich at Ray's, Andy seemed almost himself again. All the conversation revolved around Andy, and Ben didn't mind. Now was hardly the time to fixate on his relationship with Leslie, again.
When they pulled up in front of Andy's house to drop him off, April was sitting on the porch. She actually looked-nervous?
"Um-do you want me to come with you?" asked Ben, leaning forward in his seat.
Andy looked a little paler than usual, but he shook his head. "Naw. I've got this."
He stepped out of the car and slammed the door behind him. When he reached the porch, April stood to talk to him. And Leslie pulled away from the curb.
"You don't want to stay and offer moral support?" asked Ben, feeling very weird about being stuck in the back seat.
"Nope. I think it's time for them to work out their problems on their own," said Leslie. "They can handle it."
Ben wished he had as much faith in people as she did.
When Leslie pulled over to drop Ben off at his condo, she stepped out of the car with him. She rested her hand on top of her car as she spoke to him. "I'm glad you've gotten to be friends with Andy. He's a sweet guy who just needs a little help finding direction in his life. I think you're a great influence for him. It was really great that you stepped up to help him in the class today. April was being a real jerk."
"Yeah. She was." Ben rested his own hand near Leslie's. Thank god her frustration in class had all been concern for her friends. The last thing he wanted was another fight with her. "I still don't completely get what the deal is between her and Andy."
Leslie sighed. "Sometimes love is complicated. I just hope they can work things out, one way or another."
No kidding.
Ben nodded. She held his gaze as if she expected something-but what?
"Well," he finally said, "I brought home some Harvest Festival work that I really ought to get done today."
"Me too," she replied.
"I guess I'll be seeing you on Monday, then."
"I guess so."
As Ben headed up to his condo, he held onto the image of Leslie's face when she said goodbye and slid back into her car. She'd looked-disappointed.
***
Chris had been upset about April and Andy all weekend.
Even after all the effort he'd put in, they were still playing such hurtful, childish games with each other. He'd begun to despair of ever helping them overcome their obstacles.
Which was why, as he walked the corridors of city hall Monday morning with Ben and Leslie, catching up on their Harvest Festival progress, he stopped short when he saw April and Andy snuggling together at the shoe-shine stand.
How had they gone from the self-defense seminar debacle to this?
Leslie held up her arms, blocking Chris and Ben from walking forward. "Oh my god," she said. "Is that what I think it is?"
Andy and April laughed at some shared joke, and then shared a short, sweet kiss.
"It is!" Leslie said, bouncing on her heels and clasping her hands in front of her. "It's so wonderful. They've finally come together."
"Yeah-I guess whatever Ron said to April must have worked," said Ben.
Chris's eyebrows shot up. "You think Ron brought this about."
"Absolutely." Leslie nodded. "Ron gives really great advice. When you can get him to care. Let's cut across the courtyard and let those two have their privacy."
"Now we'll see if it lasts," Ben said as they stepped outside.
Leslie swatted him playfully. "Stop being such a cynic and just enjoy the fact that our friends are happy."
Chris couldn't think of a single thing to say. After all this time, and all his efforts, all it took to resolve things between Andy and April was a few words of advice from the somber and disinterested Ron Swanson? It was almost enough to make Chris question whether or not he was as good at reading people as he thought he was.
***
"Come on, Ben! I need you. You have to do this with me. Please?" Leslie felt like screaming in frustration.
"No." His face was grim. "I can't."
Leslie brought her hand down on the notepad that sat on her desk in front of her. "But what if they ask us questions about the budget? We need our numbers guy." Seriously-this media blitz could make or break the Harvest Festival. Why was Ben abandoning her now, when she needed him the most?
Ben's lips were tight. "I don't do media. It's-it's like-stage fright, or something."
"Stage fright?" Leslie could hardly believe her ears. "You're backing out because of stage fright?"
"No worries, Leslie," said Tom from his desk. "We don't need this nerd. The camera loves me. I've got the gift of gab. We can cover things."
Leslie rolled her eyes. "Oh-so you're ready to talk all about how the government is justifying this outlay of money so soon after a financial crisis?"
Tom's mouth hung open. "Uhhh. . ."
"He's not," said Ben. "But you are."
"What?" she looked back at Ben.
"You've read the budget almost as many times as I have. And I've seen the local news. No one is going to delve too deep. You'll be fine."
As nice as it was to hear how much faith he had in her, Leslie wasn't completely buying it. "I have read the budget a lot-but you wrote it. You know it inside out. Please. I really need you with me." She crossed her fingers under her desk, jiggling her foot nervously.
Ben shook his head again. "I'm sorry. I can't. I wish I could, but I can't."
Damn. He'd always been so eager to help. Why not now?
"Look-we can meet after work today and I'll help you review everything. We'll work out talking points and answers to the most likely questions. I'll make sure you're as prepared as you possibly can be," he said.
"Fine," she replied. "That'll have to do."
After the meeting Ben went back to his office, and Leslie continued to stew. Things had been off with him ever since her conversation about "going for it" with Ann. Had she started putting out some sort of "needy-lady" vibe that was pushing him away, or something? Ugh. She couldn't figure it out. So instead she did her best to put her whole focus on her to-do list for the day. It was long-thank god.
At 5:30 on the dot, Ben turned back up at her office. Everyone else had cleared out for the night, and they had the department to themselves. Leslie resisted the urge to get chatty and jumped right into business instead. Ben had conscientiously put together a list of financial talking points along with more detailed summaries of the facts behind the talking points. He'd been very thorough, and Leslie found herself smiling at all the little organizational touches that made his list so clear and easy to use. She'd be able to memorize this in no time.
After about twenty minutes reviewing Ben's lists, Ben frowned and fidgeted. "Leslie-" he said, "I know it really upsets you that I won't do these interviews with you. And I'm sorry. But, uh, it's more than just stage fright. I just didn't want to talk about it in front of Tom."
Leslie set her list aside to give Ben her full attention. They hadn't had a good personal talk in days-it was a relief to know he was still willing to open up to her. "What is it?"
"I-uh-I was worried that all the pressure of, of being in front of the cameras or speaking into a mic would trigger one of my panic attacks." He looked down at his hands and tapped the table nervously. "The last thing you need right now is for me to freak out on camera. It could ruin everything you've worked so hard for-"
Impulsively Leslie reached out to grasped his hand. "I am sooo sorry that I didn't even think about your panic attacks. Things have been so good for you lately, it never even occurred to me that you might be worried about that." She couldn't believe she'd been so insensitive. She knew he hadn't fully recovered from his panic disorder yet. She never should have pushed him.
"It's okay," said Ben, finally smiling a little. "I've only had one attack over the past month. It's easy to forget."
"No," Leslie shook her head, "It's not okay. I should have remembered. That's what friends do. They remember each other's problems and help out."
"Really-don't worry about it. I'm not offended." Ben turned his hand palm up and squeezed her hand back.
The feeling of her hand in his sent a pleasant sensation of warmth creeping through her body. Keep it together, Leslie. Now's not the time. "So, uh, do you think things are getting better, over all, with your panic disorder? Do you think you're getting close to a full recovery?"
"It's not as simple as that," replied Ben. "There's still a few times a week when I feel the panic rising and have to talk myself down before it turns into a full-blown attack. I think I might get to the point where I almost never have attacks, but I'm not sure if that underlying tendency will ever completely go away."
Leslie rubbed the back of his hand with her thumb. "I'm glad things are improving, though. And I agree-you shouldn't have to do things that might interfere with that." She took a deep breath. Time to be brave. "I know you say not to worry, but I feel like I must have been stressing you out. This past week things have seemed weird between us. Like you've been getting distant from me. And I feel like it's my fault, and I'm really sorry for that."
"No, no, no," he squeezed her hand again. "It's nothing you did. I promise. I've been so busy working on all these details for the festival that I let myself get preoccupied. I guess we've both just been stressed out. But we're still friends. I promise."
Leslie smiled. "Okay. So no high pressure press events for you. But are you up for another half hour of helping me memorize these talking points?"
"Absolutely," he said. "And afterward maybe we can grab a bite at J.J.'s."
The warmth rose a little higher in Leslie's chest. "That's sounds just right."
Reluctantly she let go of his hand, and they got back to their work.
***
It didn't matter to Ben that Leslie had accepted his reason for not wanting to do media appearances. It didn't matter that their evening had been a pleasant return to their normal camaraderie. All that Ben could think about was that he'd lied to her. Again.
He wasn't afraid of having a panic attack on the air. But, as a witness under federal protection, he also couldn't exactly have his face popping up on TV. Even local cable access.
He hated lying to Leslie. For more than four months now he'd lied to her again, and again, and again.
There were days when the temptation to tell her the truth almost overwhelmed him. But what had she done to deserve that burden? He knew he could trust her. His faith in her never wavered on that point. But who was he, to her? Why would she want to carry the burden of his secrets?
Dropping all those hints about Everson had been a mistake. He saw that now.
Still, the lies rankled on him.
He wanted to do something for her. Something to help make up for all the lies, even if it was just in a small way.
He had to do something.
***
Two nights later, Leslie stood in the Snakehole Lounge surrounded by her friends. She raised her glass. "We did it! Harvest Festival, here we come!"
Everyone cheered before downing their drinks and splintering into four or five different conversations. She felt elated and relieved. The interviews had all gone far better than she ever could have hoped. And-just as Ben had predicted-all the finance and budget questions were softballs that her prepared talking points were more than enough to cover.
Ben, standing next to her, caught her eye. He smiled and leaned in. "I told you you could do it. Good work, Leslie."
"Good work to you, too. I couldn't have done it without you." She held his gaze and gave him her best smile. The only thing that could make her feel better than she already did tonight would be if she finally made progress with Ben. Whenever he smiled at her like that-like he was proud of her, and genuinely admired her-it made her heart race in an utterly delicious way. If his smile alone could do that to her, she couldn’t help but imagine how nice actually touching him would be. Serious touching-not the "just friends" touching they'd been limited to so far.
She opened her mouth to speak, but stopped herself. She was surrounded by her friends. She didn't want all of them to witness her asking Ben out. What was she thinking?
No-it would have to wait just a little bit longer.
***
By Wednesday of the week following Leslie's triumphant assault on the local media, Ben's surprise was ready. He'd scrambled hard to get it ready so fast, and somehow managed to pull favors from people who'd only met him in passing a few times during the festival planning process. But, somehow, every time he mentioned that he was arranging it as a surprise for Leslie Knope everyone seemed ready and eager to help out.
He shouldn't have been surprised.
Ben planned a late-afternoon meeting that day with the shop that was making all the staff shirts and caps for the Harvest Festival, and insisted on driving. After he and Leslie wrapped up the meeting, it was time for his surprise.
After just a minute on the road, Leslie said, "Hey, this isn't the way back to City Hall."
"Nope." Ben grinned. "I've, uh, got something to show you."
She raised her eyebrows and stared at him with an open-mouthed smile. "A surprise?"
"Yep. A surprise."
"Oh my god-what is it? Is it that new bakery on 4th? Because I actually went there last night."
He shook his head, delighted. She'd never guess. "Not even close."
"Is there a parade I didn't know about?"
"I don't think it would be possible to have a parade in this town without you knowing it. And no. It's not."
"Give me a hint!"
He laughed at her impatience. "You, know, the whole point of a surprise to be-well-surprising?"
"Come on." She banged her fists against her thighs and bounced in her seat. "Just one hint?"
"Fine. It's something for the Harvest Festival." He turned the car toward their final destination.
"Is it a blimp? I've always wanted to hire a blimp, but I didn't think we could afford it."
"Not a blimp." They were getting close enough to the vacant storefront that they'd rented for temporary Harvest Festival supply storage. She'd see his surprise soon enough.
"A hot air balloon? A pair of trained eagles? A sky-writer?" She continued to guess.
"Why do assume it's something that flies?" The workings of Leslie's mind continued to boggle him.
"I don't know. I guess the sky looks extra pretty today."
When Ben parked and stepped out of the car, he realized that she was right. The sky did look extra pretty.
Once they were inside the storage space, Ben led Leslie toward the cargo dock at the back, past the piles of boxes and mounds of disassembled pavilions and rows of folding chairs. There, not far from the cargo entrance, stood his surprise.
Leslie stopped short, looking puzzled. "A dunking booth? I didn't think we'd scheduled a dunking booth."
"We didn't," said Ben walking up to the booth. "But I did. And it's not just any dunking booth." He pulled off the tarp he'd taped to the large metal tub at the base of the booth, revealing the newly applied decal: "Dunking for Diabetes, featuring Detlef Schrempf."
Leslie's jaw dropped. "What? I don't-how-Ben?"
She looked at him for explanation.
He grinned. I wasn't often a person could leave Leslie Knope dumbfounded. "Well, I felt bad for disappointing you last week when I wouldn't do the media appearances with you. And I know how much you love doing things that will benefit the community as a whole. Plus Tom once told me about your annual telethon and how Detlef Schrempf came to Pawnee to donate, and I just had this idea."
"You actually got Detlef Schrempf to come and sit in a dunking booth?" she said, awe in her voice.
Ben shrugged. "It'll be more like a wading pool, for him, as tall as he is. And it's just for two days-four hours each day. But he'll also sit for autographs for a few hours each of those days. All the proceeds from when he's here will go directly to the Pawnee Cares Foundation for Diabetes Research. And the rest of the week the members of the Pawnee Central High varsity sports teams will be volunteering to sit in the booth in shifts, and the proceeds from those days will be split fifty-fifty between Pawnee Cares and Pawnee Central High athletics. I already sent a press release out to the local media outlets. I'm sure this will raise public interest in the festival even higher."
Leslie shook her head. "I can't believe you pulled this whole thing together in less than a week. It's amazing."
The look of respect and admiration in her eyes felt better than just about anything he'd ever experienced. That was, until she stepped up to him and wrapped her arms around him for a hug.
He held her against his body, his heart pounding in his chest. It was like something out of one of his dreams.
She squeezed him a little tighter. "It's wonderful. The best surprise I've had in forever. I love it."
Her arms still locked around his rib cage, she pulled back just enough to meet his eyes with a glowing smile on her face.
His whole body felt warm. She'd never looked more beautiful. When had he started thinking of her as beautiful?
Her eyes flicked down to his lips, lingering there for a moment before darting back up to his gaze.
He knew what that signal meant. He'd seen it before.
The last traces of his resolve crumbled under her touch. He couldn't think. All he could do was feel her body in his arms. All he could see was her face drawing closer to his.
His eyes closed as their lips met.
It was even better than he'd imagined it would be.
Her hands spoke their silent approval as they clutched at his sides and his back. He was intoxicated by the way she so eagerly parted her lips, inviting him in. Electricity surged through his body as he tasted her fruity-sweet lip gloss and felt the soft silkiness of her hair with his fingers.
For just a moment he let himself get lost in her kiss.
And then his mind kicked back in.
It's just another lie. She's not really kissing me-she's kissing someone I made up.
I can't do this.
He pulled back abruptly, and gasped for air. He let his hands trail down her arms as he stepped away from her, before finally dropping them completely.
She looked stunned and hurt.
Everything felt cold.
"I'm-I'm sorry," he stammered. "I shouldn't have done that."
"Why not?" Her question sounded like a plea. "I thought you liked me?"
"I do like you," he replied immediately, desperation infusing his voice.
"And I like you," she said, stepping toward him. "So what's going on?"
"I-I-" How could he explain this? What was he supposed to say? He wanted to shout out the truth to her right then and there. But what would come of it? Did he expect her wait for him until after the trial? Did he expect her to take on the danger of being involved with him? All after a single kiss?
No. It wasn't fair to do that to her.
"Are you-are you married?" she asked, her whole face scrunched up in frustration and pain.
"No! God no."
"Are you dying of some horrible disease? Or do you have herpes that's flaring up? Do you have a secret love child somewhere?" She waived her arms at her sides as she spoke.
"No, no, no. No to all of those things," he said.
"So what's the problem?"She looked liked she wanted to start shaking him, and he couldn't blame her.
There had to be something. Some reason he could give that would make sense to her . . .
"I'm leaving in seven weeks," he blurted out.
Her expression immediately softened from angry frustration to something a little more morose. "Yes. I know this. I-I guess I've been trying to forget about that part, lately."
Why did he have to end up upsetting her every time they tried to have a serious conversation? He sighed. "I wish I could forget that part. But I can't. It's coming. Fast."
Leslie took a few slow breaths and appeared to be trying to compose herself. "Okay. Well. If we both like each other-which we apparently do-" She looked to him for confirmation, and he nodded. She continued, "then I don't see why we can't at least give this thing a try. I mean, I've dated guys who live in Indianapolis before, and it's not ideal, but it's manageable."
Ben's chest ached. Why hadn't he had the guts to do this two months ago, when it might have actually worked? "I'm not . . . going back to Indianapolis."
Leslie's eyes went wide. "But-I thought you guys were looking for work there."
And it all came back to more lies. Damn it. "None of our leads in Indy panned out," he said, hating himself as he added to the web of deception. "We still have a few leads out there, but last week we got an offer-a really good offer-from a place a lot further away. I don’t really want to leave, but this offer is an amazing offer. We'll be doing good work. Important work. Work that will help make people's lives better. So after mulling it over for a few days, we just accepted the job. We signed the contract a couple of days ago."
Leslie looked pale. "How much farther away? Where are going?"
God, this sucked. "Atlanta," he said softly, the word tasting bitter on his tongue.
She blinked rapidly, liked she'd just been poked in the eye. "Atlanta, Indiana?" she asked with a desperate hope in her voice. "That's just three and a half hours away, isn't it?"
"Atlanta, Georgia."
She looked away from him, her eyes fixing on that stupid dunking booth that he'd been so proud of just a few minutes ago. Her shoulders slumped, and all the energy seemed to be draining from her body. "Oh. Wow."
He wanted to pull her back into his arms and hold her close until that look on her face disappeared, but at this point it would only make things worse.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I wish-"
He wished so many things. But how could he put them into words that she'd understand? "You see why I don't think we should get involved, don't you?" he asked. "I-I mean, we've only got seven weeks, and the next three of those seven are going to be crazy busy with Harvest Festival stuff. We'd-we'd barely have enough time to get things started. And then I'll be gone. I couldn't ask you to get involved in a long distance relationship after that. I mean, long distance is hard enough even if you have a really solid foundation before you're apart. Seven weeks just isn't enough to know-is it?"
"You're right," she said in a low voice, still staring at the dunking booth. "Of course you're right. Seven weeks will fly by. It's not enough time for anything, really."
"I hate this," he said. "I really do. But I'm just trying to be mature and realistic. And-and your friendship is important to me. I don't want to lose that. I'd really like to keep in touch after I leave. But if we start something here, and then cut it off before it really gets going, I think it'll make it really hard to stay friends. There will be so many unresolved feelings. And I don't want you feeling any sense of obligation. You shouldn't. You deserve better than that. You deserve someone who can really be there for you. Every day. Not just on the phone or email. You deserve better."
Shit. This hurt worse than his last few breakups, and they'd never even started dating.
He never should have kissed her.
"You deserve better, too," she said. "You're a really great guy, and I hope you can find someone who sees that."
Ben really, really hated his life right now. He sat on the edge of a nearby table and gripped it with both hands. "I'm really sorry about this. When I brought you here I just wanted to do something nice for you. I wanted to make you happy. So much for that."
"No," she turned to look at him again. "This does make me happy. The dunking booth is great. It's more than great. It's so good I'm surprised I didn't think of it myself." She managed a smile with that one, and Ben found himself smiling again, too.
"We can-still be friends, can't we?" he asked, hoping he didn't sound too pathetic.
"Of course we can," she replied, her smile holding strong. "Like you said-staying friends is the mature, realistic thing to do. This doesn't have to change anything. I mean, I'm disappointed things couldn't work out differently. But that's life, right?" She shrugged. "Things don't always work out the way we want, and we just have to make the best of it."
"Yeah," he said, forcing his smile to stay on his face. "Yeah, we do."
"Okay, then," she said. "Thank you-very much-for the dunking booth. It's great. And I can't wait to read that press release. I wonder if they'll be calling me for comment?"
"I bet they will."
"That'd be great. Just great. So I'd better get back to the office to see if anyone's called. And to wrap up a few more pieces of work before I head home."
She seemed to be slipping back into work-mode as a defense mechanism, and Ben couldn't blame her. That conversation had been excruciating. "Okay. I'll take you back."
On the ride back she babbled non-stop about the to-do list for the rest of the week, and thanked him four more times for setting up the dunking booth. Ben let her talk. If that's what made her feel better, he'd letter her babble.
They parted ways in the hall outside the Parks Department.
On his way back to his office he saw Andy and April walking hand in hand through the courtyard.
He'd never envied Andy Dwyer. Never-until now.
***
Leslie held it together long enough to send a few emails and finish up some paperwork, but by five forty-five she just couldn't keep going. She picked up her phone and dialed Ann.
"Hi," she said, when Ann answered. "Can I come over?" Her voice cracked a little.
"Leslie? What's wrong?" said Ann.
Leslie tried to keep her emotions in check when she spoke, but it wasn't easy. "You were right. I waited too long to tell Ben how I felt about him. And now it's too late."
"Oh, Leslie. I'll put on a pot of coffee. And do you want some pancakes?"
Leslie let out a laugh that was half-sob. "Pancakes would be perfect."
"I'll see you in a few minutes."
Leslie was actually smiling again when she hung up. Ann was the most perfect and beautiful friend and nurse. She'd help make everything okay. Somehow.
TBC
Part 11