(no subject)
I have had more nightmares in the past few months than I think I've had in years. I know some friends around here have gotten a few giggles from the tarantula dream a few weeks ago, but Tuesday night I had a series of dreams that left me more anxious and out-of-it than ever.
It sounds a little odd, and doesn't sound frightening... It's not as if my life was in danger in the dreams. I wasn't physically threatened, but it was more bothersome than that.
The series of dreams, and yes there were 10 or 15 that night, were built upon my not knowing if I was awake or dreaming. I woke up before the ladies and started getting ready for work. I remembered that I needed to bring a receipt in to the office (for reimbursement maybe?) and asked Mithrana about it. She told me it was in the drawers in her closet and that she would get it for me (she doesn't have a set of drawers in there). After getting it to me I felt very relieved that it was in my hands. Then I woke up. I realized that I had been dreaming, and it was annoying that I was now going to have to go find the receipt. I searched everywhere for it. I finally woke Mithrana up and she told me it was in the entryway. I went and checked there and found it. Soon after, I woke up. Increasingly frustrated that I did not have the receipt yet, I searched each of the places that Mithrana had told me about in the previous dreams. Unable to find it, I woke up both Mithrana and Valda. They had no idea where it was, so I searched the rest of the house. At one point, I heard one of the dogs playing loudly in the living room. I went to check and it turns out Phoenix was violently playing (yes, playing) with empty wine bottles. She had one in her mouth and one was smashed on the ground beside her. She was chewing on them and shaking them vigorously.
At that point, I awoke again and was extremely upset. I started checking the bed to ensure the ladies were both there. In my mind, if the ladies were still in the bed, then I was obviously awake and was out of the dreams. I got ready for work and went about my day. That's when I woke again. This happened a few time. It was like "Groundhog Day" where I kept having to relive the same day over and over. At one point it turns out Kamaradski was sleeping in the guest room. He came down when the house was awake and I started to try to explain to him why I was so upset by the dreams. He kept brushing it off and telling me I was silly for being anxious about such a relatively tame dream (or dreams). I couldn't get it across to him just how disturbing it was to not know if you were awake or not. Then I woke up...
Towards the end of the sequence of dreams I remember fighting hard to try to escape the cycle. I remember Valda lying next to me patting my chest and trying to calm me down. I would open my eyes and tell her that the room wasn't right, it wasn't... our room. She kept saying "sssshhhh, it will be okay." She then asked me what it was I was seeing. I told her the walls were black and reflective, that there were cinder blocks underneath the window, that the backyard looked different through the different panes, and that there was a beanbag under the window (where the other dog's bed is supposed to be). She said, "no, that's not real. Open your eyes and you'll see you're safe in the bedroom. The walls are blue, there aren't any cinder blocks under the window, and you can see outside the window that the view of the backyard is the same from pane of glass to pane of glass."
I believed her, but I couldn't fight my way out of the dream. I couldn't force myself to see what she was seeing... I tried so hard, I fought so hard to try to see what was actually there... Then I woke up again. I was lying in the dark bedroom with the ladies beside me and Valda trying to comfort me. I realized what an idiot I had been and that I should have known the previous room that Valda was describing to me in that dream wasn't real either, because when I looked out those windows there was a shed in the backyard... we don't own a shed...
I laid there and berated myself for being so stupid for thinking that I was actually struggling out of the dream into reality when in fact I was struggling out of the dream *into* another dream.
I awoke again... This time I forced myself up from the bed and practically ran from the room. I sat on the couch, not sure if I was in a dream or if this was reality. I sat there for a while just looking around trying to search for clues. I finally was convinced that I was awake, but was frightened of going back to bed because I just knew I would get stuck in the dream sequence again. I opened up my laptop and read a few blogs, checked FARK, checked the news, etc. A while later I decided to go back to sleep, but I didn't want to go back in the bedroom so I slept on the couch for a while. This was reality.
Valda woke me at 6:30 when we normally start getting up and ushered me back to the bedroom to sleep a little more...
The rest of yesterday was a blur, and today I don't feel much better. I'm very confused about this dream, and still feel very anxious whenever I think about it. I can feel my heart racing just typing this.
It sounds a little odd, and doesn't sound frightening... It's not as if my life was in danger in the dreams. I wasn't physically threatened, but it was more bothersome than that.
The series of dreams, and yes there were 10 or 15 that night, were built upon my not knowing if I was awake or dreaming. I woke up before the ladies and started getting ready for work. I remembered that I needed to bring a receipt in to the office (for reimbursement maybe?) and asked Mithrana about it. She told me it was in the drawers in her closet and that she would get it for me (she doesn't have a set of drawers in there). After getting it to me I felt very relieved that it was in my hands. Then I woke up. I realized that I had been dreaming, and it was annoying that I was now going to have to go find the receipt. I searched everywhere for it. I finally woke Mithrana up and she told me it was in the entryway. I went and checked there and found it. Soon after, I woke up. Increasingly frustrated that I did not have the receipt yet, I searched each of the places that Mithrana had told me about in the previous dreams. Unable to find it, I woke up both Mithrana and Valda. They had no idea where it was, so I searched the rest of the house. At one point, I heard one of the dogs playing loudly in the living room. I went to check and it turns out Phoenix was violently playing (yes, playing) with empty wine bottles. She had one in her mouth and one was smashed on the ground beside her. She was chewing on them and shaking them vigorously.
At that point, I awoke again and was extremely upset. I started checking the bed to ensure the ladies were both there. In my mind, if the ladies were still in the bed, then I was obviously awake and was out of the dreams. I got ready for work and went about my day. That's when I woke again. This happened a few time. It was like "Groundhog Day" where I kept having to relive the same day over and over. At one point it turns out Kamaradski was sleeping in the guest room. He came down when the house was awake and I started to try to explain to him why I was so upset by the dreams. He kept brushing it off and telling me I was silly for being anxious about such a relatively tame dream (or dreams). I couldn't get it across to him just how disturbing it was to not know if you were awake or not. Then I woke up...
Towards the end of the sequence of dreams I remember fighting hard to try to escape the cycle. I remember Valda lying next to me patting my chest and trying to calm me down. I would open my eyes and tell her that the room wasn't right, it wasn't... our room. She kept saying "sssshhhh, it will be okay." She then asked me what it was I was seeing. I told her the walls were black and reflective, that there were cinder blocks underneath the window, that the backyard looked different through the different panes, and that there was a beanbag under the window (where the other dog's bed is supposed to be). She said, "no, that's not real. Open your eyes and you'll see you're safe in the bedroom. The walls are blue, there aren't any cinder blocks under the window, and you can see outside the window that the view of the backyard is the same from pane of glass to pane of glass."
I believed her, but I couldn't fight my way out of the dream. I couldn't force myself to see what she was seeing... I tried so hard, I fought so hard to try to see what was actually there... Then I woke up again. I was lying in the dark bedroom with the ladies beside me and Valda trying to comfort me. I realized what an idiot I had been and that I should have known the previous room that Valda was describing to me in that dream wasn't real either, because when I looked out those windows there was a shed in the backyard... we don't own a shed...
I laid there and berated myself for being so stupid for thinking that I was actually struggling out of the dream into reality when in fact I was struggling out of the dream *into* another dream.
I awoke again... This time I forced myself up from the bed and practically ran from the room. I sat on the couch, not sure if I was in a dream or if this was reality. I sat there for a while just looking around trying to search for clues. I finally was convinced that I was awake, but was frightened of going back to bed because I just knew I would get stuck in the dream sequence again. I opened up my laptop and read a few blogs, checked FARK, checked the news, etc. A while later I decided to go back to sleep, but I didn't want to go back in the bedroom so I slept on the couch for a while. This was reality.
Valda woke me at 6:30 when we normally start getting up and ushered me back to the bedroom to sleep a little more...
The rest of yesterday was a blur, and today I don't feel much better. I'm very confused about this dream, and still feel very anxious whenever I think about it. I can feel my heart racing just typing this.