I finally understand....
We read the Catcher In The Rye in AP this year and for months it plagued me afterwards. I loved the book, but those last two lines I just never understood.
"Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody."
What is that supposed to mean Mr. Salinger? It drove me crazy, but all of a sudden from a part of my mind I didn't know was still troubled by this classic, I understand what he's saying. And I understand because that's how I've been living.
Here's the thing, my entire summer has been spent out of town. I've spent roughly 15 days at home this summer since senior week. 15 DAYS!!!! I have seen the world, I've seen new parts of FL, SC, and TN. I love to travel. I hate living out of a suitcase. When I've been home, I've been sick. Wisdom teeth out, some strange virus that attacks my immune system leaving me in the Emergency Room, sheer exhaustion. The norm has become that if you aren't on the trip with me, I pretty much don't see you. I saw Val (my supposed best friend of 10 years) because we went to Europe and on the cruise together. I saw Hannah on the mission trip and one other time. I saw Amanda once apart from Europe and that's because I was sick and she came to see me. Jessica... I haven't seen or heard from her in way too long. I saw Tyler twice and one of those times was because he needed to borrow my brother's shoes. I haven't seen Sarah at all. I haven't seen Ashley at all. The list goes on..
The saddest part is that 5 minute conversations with my BEST FRIENDS have to suffice to catch up for months at a time. It has almost become easier to just not talk to anyone. Right now I don't share secrets with anyone... I'm learning to rely more and more on myself and on my Savior. I almost like it this way. Almost. I can't even explain how completely I grasp what Holden means when he says "you just start missing people." The way my summer has gone it's just been a lot easier to not talk to anyone because I don't really have the time to miss them. And it's not personal. If I were home things would be completely different.
Am I sad? Sort of, but it has also just become the way it is. Like I'm the friend gone away for a complete summer. I am ready for college to begin. I am begging so badly for a routine, and nerd that I am, I can't wait for classes and papers and homework. I can pinpoint the people that will read me the riot act over this one, but I'm happy, and I am having the summer of my life. It's just a lot easier to not miss everyone on top of it.
"Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody."
What is that supposed to mean Mr. Salinger? It drove me crazy, but all of a sudden from a part of my mind I didn't know was still troubled by this classic, I understand what he's saying. And I understand because that's how I've been living.
Here's the thing, my entire summer has been spent out of town. I've spent roughly 15 days at home this summer since senior week. 15 DAYS!!!! I have seen the world, I've seen new parts of FL, SC, and TN. I love to travel. I hate living out of a suitcase. When I've been home, I've been sick. Wisdom teeth out, some strange virus that attacks my immune system leaving me in the Emergency Room, sheer exhaustion. The norm has become that if you aren't on the trip with me, I pretty much don't see you. I saw Val (my supposed best friend of 10 years) because we went to Europe and on the cruise together. I saw Hannah on the mission trip and one other time. I saw Amanda once apart from Europe and that's because I was sick and she came to see me. Jessica... I haven't seen or heard from her in way too long. I saw Tyler twice and one of those times was because he needed to borrow my brother's shoes. I haven't seen Sarah at all. I haven't seen Ashley at all. The list goes on..
The saddest part is that 5 minute conversations with my BEST FRIENDS have to suffice to catch up for months at a time. It has almost become easier to just not talk to anyone. Right now I don't share secrets with anyone... I'm learning to rely more and more on myself and on my Savior. I almost like it this way. Almost. I can't even explain how completely I grasp what Holden means when he says "you just start missing people." The way my summer has gone it's just been a lot easier to not talk to anyone because I don't really have the time to miss them. And it's not personal. If I were home things would be completely different.
Am I sad? Sort of, but it has also just become the way it is. Like I'm the friend gone away for a complete summer. I am ready for college to begin. I am begging so badly for a routine, and nerd that I am, I can't wait for classes and papers and homework. I can pinpoint the people that will read me the riot act over this one, but I'm happy, and I am having the summer of my life. It's just a lot easier to not miss everyone on top of it.