Well, I guess this is growing up.
I’m sitting on my Houston to New York City flight heading back to New Haven. My orientation for the school starts in the morning. I have to be there at 8:30am to pick up my new student ID, and then it is official. I will be a student of Yale University. The previous few weeks have been a complete mess of craziness and adventure. I got to see so many people important in my life, and of course missed out on many others. If I could give one word to the way I am feeling right now, it is “overwhelmed.” All of this travel with so many people to catch up with and so many things to do has drained me. I am not ready for the semester to begin. I am anticipating that this first week and a half of orientation will be very relaxed and low intensity allowing me to refresh and prepare for what is to come. I still have a real hard time believing what I am doing, and that this is really my life.
This was one of the most complicated of my trips to Texas. It was not like my previous trips where I would drive hundreds upon hundreds of miles per week seeing everyone and being everywhere. I wasn’t able to use my mom’s PT Cruiser this trip which essentially stranded me at the farm. I do enjoy the farm to a degree... but it is hard for me to be happy there when it is 100 degrees without air conditioning in a home that is not at all sanitary and clean. There have always been far too many animals about which adds to the mess and lack of sanitation. To be fair, my mom’s health condition rendered her unable to take care of the place as a healthy person should be able to do for a long while, but it isn’t as if my mother has the best track record of having clean homes to begin with.
I stayed out at the farm for almost the duration of the trip. I couldn’t sleep well with the heat and sounds of animals throughout the night. I lost track of days. I couldn’t focus on some of the tasks I had hoped to have time to do out there. Brandon came and got me and I spent the final few days in Houston seeing everyone. This time it was in a different style than my typical homecoming parties of 20-30 people all mingling. Those are always fun, but overwhelming in themselves. I also recalled being saddened how little 1-1 conversation I got with each person at those get-togethers. And in the end being far too intoxicated to be able to remember any conversations I even had. This time I opted to try to do more smaller groups of people throughout the day. I got more quality time with people which was great. I met a few new people which was refreshing. People in Houston make me feel comfortable and relaxed. They make me feel like me. I hope that is an American thing and will continue in my new home. I felt as if I wasn’t just visiting for a weekend but had always been there. Being around Melissa was as if we hadn’t just spent the past 16 months apart.
I am glad I got to see my mom for much more time. She is so much more healthy. When I saw her last year it almost broke my heart to see her condition. She has healed enough that you can’t really tell that she had cancer anymore. She no longer appears extremely weak. She has been getting involved in things with the church again which I am really proud of.
Overall my time was good. I cannot value enough the time I had with my friends and family. I still feel like I should not have made the trip at this time though. I am overwhelmed. I have too many things to deal with and a new life starting in 12 hours which I am not at all ready for. What money I have should be focused on tooling myself with the things that will empower success in the front end of this semester instead of eating and drinking out so consistently.
The new chapter is ready to be written. I am nervous but I am ready. It is fitting (and perhaps somewhat planned) that the series of blog entries to the lyrics of “Dammit” end here. I have no idea what my next song will be as titles as much as I have no idea what tomorrow is going to be like. But as each song lyric is fitting to the context of the writing, this entry is no exception.
“Well, I guess this is growing up.”
soundtrack to entry:
This was one of the most complicated of my trips to Texas. It was not like my previous trips where I would drive hundreds upon hundreds of miles per week seeing everyone and being everywhere. I wasn’t able to use my mom’s PT Cruiser this trip which essentially stranded me at the farm. I do enjoy the farm to a degree... but it is hard for me to be happy there when it is 100 degrees without air conditioning in a home that is not at all sanitary and clean. There have always been far too many animals about which adds to the mess and lack of sanitation. To be fair, my mom’s health condition rendered her unable to take care of the place as a healthy person should be able to do for a long while, but it isn’t as if my mother has the best track record of having clean homes to begin with.
I stayed out at the farm for almost the duration of the trip. I couldn’t sleep well with the heat and sounds of animals throughout the night. I lost track of days. I couldn’t focus on some of the tasks I had hoped to have time to do out there. Brandon came and got me and I spent the final few days in Houston seeing everyone. This time it was in a different style than my typical homecoming parties of 20-30 people all mingling. Those are always fun, but overwhelming in themselves. I also recalled being saddened how little 1-1 conversation I got with each person at those get-togethers. And in the end being far too intoxicated to be able to remember any conversations I even had. This time I opted to try to do more smaller groups of people throughout the day. I got more quality time with people which was great. I met a few new people which was refreshing. People in Houston make me feel comfortable and relaxed. They make me feel like me. I hope that is an American thing and will continue in my new home. I felt as if I wasn’t just visiting for a weekend but had always been there. Being around Melissa was as if we hadn’t just spent the past 16 months apart.
I am glad I got to see my mom for much more time. She is so much more healthy. When I saw her last year it almost broke my heart to see her condition. She has healed enough that you can’t really tell that she had cancer anymore. She no longer appears extremely weak. She has been getting involved in things with the church again which I am really proud of.
Overall my time was good. I cannot value enough the time I had with my friends and family. I still feel like I should not have made the trip at this time though. I am overwhelmed. I have too many things to deal with and a new life starting in 12 hours which I am not at all ready for. What money I have should be focused on tooling myself with the things that will empower success in the front end of this semester instead of eating and drinking out so consistently.
The new chapter is ready to be written. I am nervous but I am ready. It is fitting (and perhaps somewhat planned) that the series of blog entries to the lyrics of “Dammit” end here. I have no idea what my next song will be as titles as much as I have no idea what tomorrow is going to be like. But as each song lyric is fitting to the context of the writing, this entry is no exception.
“Well, I guess this is growing up.”
soundtrack to entry: