Always with the new beginnings
Truth
Integrity
Courageous Authenticity
Those are my 3 core values. We can debate over the belief of truth being subjective another time, but that's neither here nor there. About a year and a half ago (maybe 2 years at this point who knows) some really gross shit went down in my personal/professional life. Truth, integrity, and authenticity were thrown out the window by all parties involved. Lies, deceit of self and others, and fake bullshit made me physically ill. I was on this incredible journey of self discovery and self love, and these people just couldn't help but try to put out my light for their ego comforts.
At that point, my director offered to reassign me to another project instead of hold the parties accountable for their actions. I can't say why I let it go at that time, I think I was afraid of it jeopardizing the program I was in somehow.
The pandemic gave me a beautiful respite from the chaos. I was finally allowed to work from the confines of my beautifully renovated, temperature controlled loft where the only interactions I had were disembodied calls over Zoom or Microsoft Teams. I finally felt like my work was enjoyable again.
Then the drama started again. The projections of disappointment for things out of my control. The day my director called me and accused me of withholding information (truth and integrity) was the day I decided I could no longer work for that team. The day after that call, I got a phone call that would take me to familiar territory.
You know when you just feel, deep in your bones that you're always in the right place at the right time? Even despite the drive, the fatigue caused by less sleep and longer days, I know I'm here for a reason. I don't even know what it is yet, but knowing that there is a purpose is reason enough for me.
Case in point, never stay where you aren't welcome. Never compromise your values for a paycheck or a relationship. That's what my 3 years with the State taught me. It is always okay to walk away from things and people who don't serve you. I will never compromise myself again for anyone's approval. If there isn't an equal value exchange, we're either going to correct it, or I'm walking away.
It took me way too long to realize my worth. It took me way too long to realize that other people's commentary about me and my life were nothing more than a reflection of the insecurities they carried about themselves.
Point being, for my first (and who knows if it will be the only) post of 2021, I feel like I'm finally happy.