Vernon
Lately I have been feeling a bit odd - not sure why, maybe it's the full moon...or the lack of sleep...or the lack of stuff to do..not sure. But, anyway, when I got a random text message from a random guy who thought I was his girl, I couldn't resist messing with him!
Random dude: I just wanted to say hi...
Me: Hi. I'm sorry, I don't have your name in my phone. Who is this?
Random dude: Who do you think it is
Me: To be honest, I hate games and I don't know anyone with a 606 area code that I know of. So, either tell me who you are or stop texting me.
Random dude: it's me Vernon
Me: Well, Vernon. I think you have the wrong number. I don't know anyone with your name.
Vernon: U think. I dont think so. Quit being half ass.
**I really should have stopped there and blocked the number............but I didn't.......................**
Me: Okay Vernon, who do you think I am? Where did we meet?
Vernon: Call me and I will let u know. Dont bs me u answered ur phone earlier today. I know ur voice
Me: Uh huh...well then check your numbers Vernon. You've got the wrong one. And my HUSBAND wouldn't appreciate you speaking to me in that manner.
*see that ^^^^ I pulled the husband card! And he still didn't quit! After this, I was all GAME ON!*
Vernon: Whatever. U should let him know what we use to do. A couple mths back.
Me: Oh yeah, what did we do a couple months back?
Vernon: What do you think? Last time we did something was behind the resvoir. So wheres ur red blazer.
Me: I am assuming you have the red blazer...
**BLAZER?! Who the heck wears blazers anymore?!**
Vernon: No u do because I use to sprawl u out on the front seat.
Me (about now, I am getting really tired of his poor vocabulary and grammar and just wanted him to stop texting me...so I got mean - it didn't work): Ah. Well, I just don't remember you, or what we did a few months ago..you must not have been memorable... Vernon.
Vernon: Whatever Just wanted to say hi but since Ur being. Bitch u r fuck u. Hope u say sick like u say u were. Wouldnt wanna be you.
Me: Dude, Vernon, seriously. You have the wrong number. I am just messing with you because you wouldn't stop texting me. Check your numbers.
Vernon: I did and u answered my phone earlier and I know ur voice. Call me.
Me: Um no. If you are SO sure you have the right number, call me.
So he did - and I answered, "Vernon. Was this the voice you spoke to this morning?" He blabbed something about something and I cut him off saying, "How rude of you Vernon! Calling somebody you don't know a bitch! Apologize!"
AND HE DID!
I then asked him the name of the girl he was trying to get a hold of and he told me. I ended the conversation with, "I am not her. Stop texting me!" and hung up.
He didn't stop..
I could not help myself!
I know, I'm going to hell...
Vernon: Fuck u. I DON'T TAKE THAT SHIT BACK BITCH......
Me (literally laughing out loud in the middle of the WalMart): Oh really, now that the phone is between you, you're all tough? Vernon, really - you want to get a girl with that mouth?
Vernon: Your that bitch.
Me: That doesn't even make sense. Seriously, speaking to a stranger like this... Tisk tisk Vernon..
Vernon: Later.
Me: Do us both a favor and lose this #. I hope when you do figure out that this isn't the # you called, you feel really bad for being an asshole to a strange woman.
Vernon: I won't. Your still be that same bitch I was texting.
Me: Karma Vernon. Watch that Karma!
Vernon: I dont believe in that shit. so its going to hit your sorry ass first.
Me: Just because you don't believe in something, doesn't mean it won't affect you. Come on, don't you know how to spell other words besides cuss words?
Vernon: I'm just mad. I being an ass saying these things to u. Sorry.
Me (shocked that his tune changed so quickly): Thanks Vernon. Did you ever track down your girl?
Vernon: No but I am sorry I said alot of stuff to u. I feel shitty because if that.
Me (kind of hoping to end the conversation on a light note - but really just END it): Aw Vernon, I knew you were a nice guy at heart. If you ever need girl advice from a random stranger, text me. Hope you figure things out!
.....................................................................10 mins later...........................................................................
Vernon: So whats ur name?
Random dude: I just wanted to say hi...
Me: Hi. I'm sorry, I don't have your name in my phone. Who is this?
Random dude: Who do you think it is
Me: To be honest, I hate games and I don't know anyone with a 606 area code that I know of. So, either tell me who you are or stop texting me.
Random dude: it's me Vernon
Me: Well, Vernon. I think you have the wrong number. I don't know anyone with your name.
Vernon: U think. I dont think so. Quit being half ass.
**I really should have stopped there and blocked the number............but I didn't.......................**
Me: Okay Vernon, who do you think I am? Where did we meet?
Vernon: Call me and I will let u know. Dont bs me u answered ur phone earlier today. I know ur voice
Me: Uh huh...well then check your numbers Vernon. You've got the wrong one. And my HUSBAND wouldn't appreciate you speaking to me in that manner.
*see that ^^^^ I pulled the husband card! And he still didn't quit! After this, I was all GAME ON!*
Vernon: Whatever. U should let him know what we use to do. A couple mths back.
Me: Oh yeah, what did we do a couple months back?
Vernon: What do you think? Last time we did something was behind the resvoir. So wheres ur red blazer.
Me: I am assuming you have the red blazer...
**BLAZER?! Who the heck wears blazers anymore?!**
Vernon: No u do because I use to sprawl u out on the front seat.
Me (about now, I am getting really tired of his poor vocabulary and grammar and just wanted him to stop texting me...so I got mean - it didn't work): Ah. Well, I just don't remember you, or what we did a few months ago..you must not have been memorable... Vernon.
Vernon: Whatever Just wanted to say hi but since Ur being. Bitch u r fuck u. Hope u say sick like u say u were. Wouldnt wanna be you.
Me: Dude, Vernon, seriously. You have the wrong number. I am just messing with you because you wouldn't stop texting me. Check your numbers.
Vernon: I did and u answered my phone earlier and I know ur voice. Call me.
Me: Um no. If you are SO sure you have the right number, call me.
So he did - and I answered, "Vernon. Was this the voice you spoke to this morning?" He blabbed something about something and I cut him off saying, "How rude of you Vernon! Calling somebody you don't know a bitch! Apologize!"
AND HE DID!
I then asked him the name of the girl he was trying to get a hold of and he told me. I ended the conversation with, "I am not her. Stop texting me!" and hung up.
He didn't stop..
I could not help myself!
I know, I'm going to hell...
Vernon: Fuck u. I DON'T TAKE THAT SHIT BACK BITCH......
Me (literally laughing out loud in the middle of the WalMart): Oh really, now that the phone is between you, you're all tough? Vernon, really - you want to get a girl with that mouth?
Vernon: Your that bitch.
Me: That doesn't even make sense. Seriously, speaking to a stranger like this... Tisk tisk Vernon..
Vernon: Later.
Me: Do us both a favor and lose this #. I hope when you do figure out that this isn't the # you called, you feel really bad for being an asshole to a strange woman.
Vernon: I won't. Your still be that same bitch I was texting.
Me: Karma Vernon. Watch that Karma!
Vernon: I dont believe in that shit. so its going to hit your sorry ass first.
Me: Just because you don't believe in something, doesn't mean it won't affect you. Come on, don't you know how to spell other words besides cuss words?
Vernon: I'm just mad. I being an ass saying these things to u. Sorry.
Me (shocked that his tune changed so quickly): Thanks Vernon. Did you ever track down your girl?
Vernon: No but I am sorry I said alot of stuff to u. I feel shitty because if that.
Me (kind of hoping to end the conversation on a light note - but really just END it): Aw Vernon, I knew you were a nice guy at heart. If you ever need girl advice from a random stranger, text me. Hope you figure things out!
.....................................................................10 mins later...........................................................................
Vernon: So whats ur name?