Falling in/out of love
When people say that I really don't understand...we don't fall in or out of love. We grow into love, it's not something that automatically happens, it's gradual like a plant growing...we have to feed it, nurture it and give it some sunshine, than we can appreciate the growth and work we put into it. I have put in a lot of work with my husband, but lately I just don't appreciate the amount of work I put in. I don't feel like I've fallen though, just like growing into love, we grow out of love. We don't take care of it, feed it, it begins to wilt and slowly the plant shrivels, turns brown, and dies.
I can feel that happening to my relationship with Travis. It's something that's been happening for the past few years...I've stuck it out though, because I thought things could work. We even turned to desperate measures, brought in outside people to keep things "alive". I'm not an easy person to love, I'm detached, I have a low sex drive and I understood this about myself, but it wasn't fair for Travis, because he wants to show his love, shower attention on his love, have lots of sex and that was something I was afraid of in the beginning.
So I thought it would be fair if we found a person that could satisfy that part of him that I couldn't...now he loves her and I feel more alone than ever. I don't want to give him an ultimatum, that's not fair to him or her, but I can't go on living like this. So I decided to grow a pair and make the choice for everyone...I'm leaving him. I'm giving myself six months to save enough money to get my own place, I start my new job on Monday and the amount I'm making it shouldn't take me to long.
It's the most logical option that I be the one to let go, because I haven't been nurturing our love for awhile now and they both love each other, but he doesn't want to hurt either of us so...yup. It still hurts though and he's doing everything he can to try and make this whole situation work and to convince me to stay. He says he will let her go, but slowly...? So I'm suppose to stay with you, work on our marriage, but your still gonna see her, sleep with her, and love her?? I'm sorry but that's a no. I can't do this anymore, my mother offered to buy me a ticket to Arizona to stay with my brother and the way things are going, I'm thinking of taking her up on that offer.
I can feel that happening to my relationship with Travis. It's something that's been happening for the past few years...I've stuck it out though, because I thought things could work. We even turned to desperate measures, brought in outside people to keep things "alive". I'm not an easy person to love, I'm detached, I have a low sex drive and I understood this about myself, but it wasn't fair for Travis, because he wants to show his love, shower attention on his love, have lots of sex and that was something I was afraid of in the beginning.
So I thought it would be fair if we found a person that could satisfy that part of him that I couldn't...now he loves her and I feel more alone than ever. I don't want to give him an ultimatum, that's not fair to him or her, but I can't go on living like this. So I decided to grow a pair and make the choice for everyone...I'm leaving him. I'm giving myself six months to save enough money to get my own place, I start my new job on Monday and the amount I'm making it shouldn't take me to long.
It's the most logical option that I be the one to let go, because I haven't been nurturing our love for awhile now and they both love each other, but he doesn't want to hurt either of us so...yup. It still hurts though and he's doing everything he can to try and make this whole situation work and to convince me to stay. He says he will let her go, but slowly...? So I'm suppose to stay with you, work on our marriage, but your still gonna see her, sleep with her, and love her?? I'm sorry but that's a no. I can't do this anymore, my mother offered to buy me a ticket to Arizona to stay with my brother and the way things are going, I'm thinking of taking her up on that offer.