stuck

[jmhomegirl]

its not that i can't move forward
i can, i mean i could
if i really, actually and truly wanted to
if i was willing to make the sacrifices
put in some effort and (wo)man up to my fears
i could move forward.

the catch is, i won't
i am not willing to do what it takes
to swallow my pride and take those steps
walk forward without a net
of course the net would still be there
just not as close, as secure.

and the question is
what does that make me
who does that make me
what are the implications of my character
of this person i want to be
if i am not willing to be her.

i hate this person, this suggested ego
who bitches and screams out against her existence
this awful life she is dying to shed, but stubbornly refuses to
she doesn't do a damn thing about it, a damn single thing
she won't go out, she won't meet new people
she won't even spend time with the people she loves.

and we cycle back to the beginning
if you hate it; do something about it
if it's suffocating you; break through to breathe
if you think its slowly eating at your soul
make a fight to stay alive
anything for a better existence.

why won't i?
because i am scared? lame
because i can't afford it? just another excuse
because my family needs me? they'd save money with me gone
because i'm not ready? i've lived on my own before
because it's not my time? i've never had time on my side before

it's just because i won't.