(no subject)
I asked her on a serious level if she was happy and she told me yes and told me that i didnt make her happy. I dont know what else to do to make her happy. I mean i know we fight but there are some great times and iono how she can just blow them all away. I care about her so much and iono. I just need to let go cause she dont want me. She dont wanna be with me. Sometimes i dont know if she even loves me anymore. Maybe i should just go away and leave her alone. Maybe moving would be best. She jus took everything out of my car. I am the one who is going to love her in the end. Since she took everything out of my car does she want me to take everything out of her house? I cant deal with this. She is just is so happy. I cant take this. I want her to be happy but god. It hurts so much its like turning a straight women gay it hurts the same. IM just not good enough. I just want it to be like it was. We use to be happy. I want my baby back. I dont know what to do anymore. Im so depressed. She left me and i have no money for break i have nothing. She has my id. She is just mean to me like i mean nothing to her. Like she dumped me like it was a week old relationship. I feel so low about myself. I feel so ugly and stupid. How can she lay with me at night and tell me to hold her and just treat me so bad in the daytime. She told me that she fucking loves me and i just think that has gone away. Why else would u take ur stuff out of my car and want to seperate all our stuff. Its like im invisible. My feelings dont matter. She gets so mad cause of my feelings. I am tryin to be understanding and supportive. I asked her if she was happy to understand better. IM so stuck i dont know what to do. Has she changed her mind about me? Does she want me to leave and she dont need me anymore. I try to talk to her and she tells me she cant talk to me. I just want to try to understand. I dont know where im at and if i truely matter to her anymore. Am i just here? Why did he have to go after my gf? I see all these other girls flirting with him. He didnt go after lisa because will why does he have to go after meagon. Does he not think i love meagon. I dont want to do or say anything to make her mad. These journals are not to make her mad. I just need to get my throughts out. How can she be so gay one min and the next change. I mean we spent 70 bucks at the gay store and she had to get the poster of the girls kissing and she is all about the gayness. But now she left me. I thought i was her everything. I wanted to work through this and i dont know why i make her so unhappy. I remember all the times of us being happy and doing things together and just having fun. I remember all the times i was there for her and held her when she needed me. I remember holding her at night and watching her sleep. She is so beautiful when she sleeps. All the good times staying up and playing mario and talking. I remember holding hands with her everywhere and showing off our love. I remember when she use to protect me and get jealous over me. I want to be a better person. If she isnt into girls then there is nothing i really can do. Iono im going to go now.