Well....
Things have changed and i dont know what to do anymore. I thought it would be ok and i would be there for support. I tryed to hold her but it didnt work. I either made her to hot and i got her some cold water and a wet rag to cool her down. Then she was cold and i was tryin to hold her but she insisted that i didnt. I dont know how to act. I only know one way to be with her. She is my heart and soul and it kills me that she just left me like that. She tells me things prolly wont work and it will be ok. But iono i have a feeling they will be ok. It hurts so much i have thought about killin myself alot. Numb the pain that i feel. Make it all just go away. If i didnt care so much about her i would move out and quit my job. But she is my world and ill i want to do is be there for her. I cant sleep right now cause i feel her pushing me away. I was having fun with her at the park and it all ended when he was on his way. He is prolly everything someone wants in a man. He is nice, cute, skinny, got money, caring. What does she need someone like me for. IM just going to make her diffrent in the world. With me she can get dogged on and treated diffrent. With him shes normal. Should i let go and walk away or stick it out cause she has come back to me before. I know i did things wrong and she tells me that she hurts me but she dont. Shes my heart. Its so hard for me to sit and watch while the love of my life is out there with someone else. Calling her theirs. I want her to find herself to know who she truly is because if im not that and its 4 years down the road and she leaves me it will hurt more. I had so many dreams for us. I wanted to marry her and raise a child with her and just explore everything with her. I feel so far away from her. I cant grip it. I wish i could be a person that could just be like fuck it and not care. But i do care. I care so much it hurts inside. I wouldnt mind if i didnt have to see them everyday but he works with us too. Seeing her face when she talks to him and having to go to the car while she visits him just makes my heart drop to my toes. I knew he was going to ask her out but i didnt know she would jump in like she did. That hurts to that she can just move on and push me away like im nothing. I have grow to hold her at night to fall asleep next to her. To be able to touch her anyway i wanted to (not sexually) but now its all gone. I dont know. I just all wish it would end. The big day is tomorrow where i have to work with all of them. You got kim who use to be my friend and now she is only out to make zack happy once again. She dont care about my feelings and how she stole the love of my life away from me. They dont think i know what that are talking about when i see them in the corner hush hushing. I guess im just really sad. I use to go on break with meagon and we use to have fun. I should have known better. I dont know where i went wrong. I dont know where she started to hate our relationship. I have always tryed to give her anything she wanted and be there for her. I thought everything was ok till this week just fell apart. I have been so stressed out lately iono what to do. Everything is just pounding down on me. When i was living with her we had som great times and i thought it was ok. I seen the real her and seen how much i do love this women. But i guess all my looking i looked past it. Iono. Im going to go try to sleep now.
bye
bye