I deal with a phone pitch
I’ve ( along with a good portion of North York) been getting bombarded with phone pitches for duct cleaning services. It does no good to just hang up, nor does explaining that my house does not have ducts. Of course telling them not to call again seems only to increase the number of calls rather than stopping them altogether. So, after a lot of frustration and anger, I came up with this response instead:
Caller: “Hello, may I speak to Mr. M*******?” #
Me: “Speaking”
Caller: “I represent the ********* Duct Cleaning Company
Me: “You want to clean my ducks?”
Caller: “Yes Sir, we clean your ducts spic and span.”
Me: “But, my ducks are self-cleaning”.
Caller: “We are much better than automatic cleaners.”
Me: “Oh I Don’t know about that. My ducks are very thorough, but they are noisy. Can you do something about the noise?”
Caller: “I’m sure that after we are done, your ducts will be very quiet.”
Me: “My ducks go quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack. And the bird shit is everywhere and the stink is foul!!!! Can you come quick to clean up the bird shit and stink?”
At which point they usually hang up. I’ve been doing this for a couple of weeks now and the calls are down from about 15 to maybe one a week. Although today, the caller bumped me up to his supervisor who also got an earful about the bird shit. He then politely explained that his company couldn't be of any help to me.
# I have a fairly common Scottish surname and they never pronounce it correctly.
Caller: “Hello, may I speak to Mr. M*******?” #
Me: “Speaking”
Caller: “I represent the ********* Duct Cleaning Company
Me: “You want to clean my ducks?”
Caller: “Yes Sir, we clean your ducts spic and span.”
Me: “But, my ducks are self-cleaning”.
Caller: “We are much better than automatic cleaners.”
Me: “Oh I Don’t know about that. My ducks are very thorough, but they are noisy. Can you do something about the noise?”
Caller: “I’m sure that after we are done, your ducts will be very quiet.”
Me: “My ducks go quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack. And the bird shit is everywhere and the stink is foul!!!! Can you come quick to clean up the bird shit and stink?”
At which point they usually hang up. I’ve been doing this for a couple of weeks now and the calls are down from about 15 to maybe one a week. Although today, the caller bumped me up to his supervisor who also got an earful about the bird shit. He then politely explained that his company couldn't be of any help to me.
# I have a fairly common Scottish surname and they never pronounce it correctly.