The Gay Homophobe Uncle: A True Story
Okay so my mother's family is hilarious, it's like watching a live novella (or soap opera or whatever). We were all congregated at grandma's house, me, my mum, my grandma,my uncle and his two kids which are 6 and 8 years old(a girl and a boy). My uncle's gay, but most of my family tries really HARD to ignore that, which is why panic ensued on sunday afternoon.
BOY COUSIN: *is playing with balloons and sticks them under his shirt, as it they were boobs*
GIRL COUSIN: *laughs at the silliness*
ME:*cackles and waits for the debacle that will bring about apocalypse*
It does. Everyone stopped and watched my BOY COUSIN prance around laughing at his "balloon boobs"
UNCLE (his father, who is gay): *hyperventilates* TAKE THAT OFF NOW! TAKE IT OFF! TAKE IT OFF!
MUM: Listen to your father and stop playing with those balloons right this instant!
GRANDMA: *swoons*
ME: leave him be he's just playing and it's funny.
GAY UNCLE: well he can't play like that
*my uncle then takes the balloons away and like destroys them* :(
Yes boys and girls believe it or not my gay uncle is a homophobe!!! Really it was so pathetic I just couldn't help laughing at the time, I mean hysterically, until my stomach started hurting. And on to the drive home.
ME: what's wrong with him playing with balloons, you're all overreacting.
MUM: we were not overreacting!
ME: mum my eight year old cousin isn't gay because he's playing with balloons, everyone does that when they're kids. You're overreacting.
MUM: It's just that your uncle...
ME: Is GAY get it over with, he likes taking it up the ass, for heavens sake the boy is only EIGHT!! I mean if his sister started playing with cars no one would be giving a shit about it.
MUM: You're being unreasonable.
And that made me laugh my ass off all over again. My family scares me sometimes and I wish I could run away from them. Alas, that is not YET possible.
BOY COUSIN: *is playing with balloons and sticks them under his shirt, as it they were boobs*
GIRL COUSIN: *laughs at the silliness*
ME:*cackles and waits for the debacle that will bring about apocalypse*
It does. Everyone stopped and watched my BOY COUSIN prance around laughing at his "balloon boobs"
UNCLE (his father, who is gay): *hyperventilates* TAKE THAT OFF NOW! TAKE IT OFF! TAKE IT OFF!
MUM: Listen to your father and stop playing with those balloons right this instant!
GRANDMA: *swoons*
ME: leave him be he's just playing and it's funny.
GAY UNCLE: well he can't play like that
*my uncle then takes the balloons away and like destroys them* :(
Yes boys and girls believe it or not my gay uncle is a homophobe!!! Really it was so pathetic I just couldn't help laughing at the time, I mean hysterically, until my stomach started hurting. And on to the drive home.
ME: what's wrong with him playing with balloons, you're all overreacting.
MUM: we were not overreacting!
ME: mum my eight year old cousin isn't gay because he's playing with balloons, everyone does that when they're kids. You're overreacting.
MUM: It's just that your uncle...
ME: Is GAY get it over with, he likes taking it up the ass, for heavens sake the boy is only EIGHT!! I mean if his sister started playing with cars no one would be giving a shit about it.
MUM: You're being unreasonable.
And that made me laugh my ass off all over again. My family scares me sometimes and I wish I could run away from them. Alas, that is not YET possible.