Part 3
The day of Kim's party came sooner than my excitement could handle. I dragged her off to a little town fair in Adamstown to preoccupy her while her husband, mother, aunt, and cousin prepared her house. Returning back to the house, she shared a nice time with her extended family before the loud and crazy friends showed up. The two of us were walking down the driveway towards my car when we saw Dan drive by, speeding up when he realized he'd been seen. Unsure of what it meant, I spent the next half hour with a huge knot in my stomach. When he returned he admitted he didn't want to be the first one there and had been driving around killing time. Amazingly enough, the entire group of friends spent the night interacting with each other and it wasn't until the night was almost over that the two of us talked. A little overwhelmed with the noise and crowd, I escaped to the back deck to find he was also hiding. We managed about five minutes of small talk before other people joined us. Finally, he asked if we could go somewhere quieter and talk about some things. We ended up on the edge of the front porch, our feet dangling over the edge, talking in the dark about anything and everything. He told me about where he was working, how unhappy he was with it, and the classes he had just finished in grad school. I told him about school, my job at LGH. He finally got to what he needed to say. Completely unaware, I heard all about how the entire group of friends had been talking about my last relationship and how I needed to cut all ties with my ex. He spoke for an incredibly long time, describing to me how other people were watching him take advantage of my kindness, how I was becoming unhappier, and how it hurt him to see me hurting. He told me that he'd only been around me a few times, but in those few times he'd discovered a person who could be amazing, but when I was around my ex all the happiness disappeared. He never once said a word about having feelings for me, he never asked me for my phone number or on a date. At the end of the conversation, he said "you're a great girl and you deserve better than this" and then left the porch.
It wasn't until the next day that I was able to fully digest everything he'd said. I realized that, while I had huge feelings for him, I was still caught in a web of disasters with my last boyfriend and it needed to stop before I could move on with someone else. I spent the entire month of June thinking about who I wanted to be and who I wanted to be with. I continuously reminded myself of his words and used them as my motivation when things would start to look dim again. By July I was feeling renewed and ready to move on with my life. I hadn't talked to him once, I wanted to make sure I changed myself for myself and no one else. I did think of him from time to time. His birthday had been three days after Kim's. I had countless conversations with him in my head, practicing what I'd say if I worked up the courage to call. I never did. I just didn't know where to start.
It wasn't until the next day that I was able to fully digest everything he'd said. I realized that, while I had huge feelings for him, I was still caught in a web of disasters with my last boyfriend and it needed to stop before I could move on with someone else. I spent the entire month of June thinking about who I wanted to be and who I wanted to be with. I continuously reminded myself of his words and used them as my motivation when things would start to look dim again. By July I was feeling renewed and ready to move on with my life. I hadn't talked to him once, I wanted to make sure I changed myself for myself and no one else. I did think of him from time to time. His birthday had been three days after Kim's. I had countless conversations with him in my head, practicing what I'd say if I worked up the courage to call. I never did. I just didn't know where to start.