Moving On, Heartache & Frustration!
I moved to mom’s yesterday. Well, I moved some of my stuff to mom’s. I still have a ton of stuff to get out of the apartment, then I need to really clean. It’s just so overwhelming. Paul helped me move & after getting everything to mom’s, we plopped down on the bed and fell asleep for 3 hours! I’m hurting today!
I have see Paul a lot. It’s nice because we make good friends, but it’s also hard. It’s strange to be around someone when you are no longer “together”. I don’t really know how to act. And although it’s probably for the best, part of me just wanted to give him a big kiss. It’s so confusing and horrible. I’m frustrated with my life and I’m stressed to my limits & I’m sad all at once.
I really can’t take much more. I am ONCE AGAIN living at home w/my parents and it is going to suck. I have nothing, I have gotten nowhere in my life. I feel like a big loser and I want to hide from the world. Literally. I have no motivation and I don’t want to talk to anybody. Except for Paul…I don’t seem to mind talking to him. 3 weeks ago he was on my nerves so bad. Go figure.
I’m beginning to wonder if I will ever be happy. (Sigh) I guess today it’s all still so new. I miss Paul. I miss my independence. I am grumpy and tired. I’m sure I’ll feel better with time. I survived the PJ thing…after that, this is nothing!
I think I will take some classes while I’m staying at home. I need to take advantage of the time. I need to save money and work towards my future. I just feel like I don’t know where I belong. I don’t know where my niche is in this world. I thought I knew once or twice, but I guess I was wrong. How much longer do I have to wait?! UGH!