Independence Day
Two years ago, on the 4th of July weekend, PJ & I split up. This year, 4th of July weekend, Paul & I split up. Yes, for good. Ironic, huh?
So I’m now on my own again. It was a good move because we really weren’t a good match. He has a good heart, though and I feel bad about the whole thing. I do miss him & I guess I will for a while. He was bad for me, though. I feel the need to simplify my life. I need to weed out the bad & work on getting to where I want to be in my life. To do that, I need to leave Pitcairn. I need to get out of that town, move on. I guess I’ll go home to my parents. I can really save a lot of money that way. Then the next time I move out, I will be alone and have money saved. I won’t be so broke because Paul won’t be spending my money or talking me into spending it or anything.
My life is changing again. I think it will be for the better eventually. At least I’ll be away from the nasty neighbors! I have to pack everything myself and it’s going to suck. It’s such an overwhelming feeling. Going to my parent’s isn’t an easy thing either. I must admit having fewer bills will be nice. It’s a step back that will get me two more steps ahead in the long run. I am drowning in debt & see no other way out. It sucks.
I wish I didn’t feel bad. I wish I could afford to just live on my own and be comfortable. I’ll get there. I know I will. I just need to regroup. I need to pack then clean the apartment…. then start working on regrouping and planning the rest of my life. My plans have NOTHING to do with men. Not for a LONG time. I just don’t want to be in a relationship for a while. It hurts too much when they end.
I went from Patrick Joseph to Paul Joseph (another ironic fact, huh?) but I went from one to the next too fast. I don’t want to make that mistake again. Maybe I just need to stay away from people with the initials P. and J.! OH, and I’ll be REALLY weary of Independence Day.
Needless to say, I missed having any fun this weekend. I could use another 3 days off. I missed the fireworks. I missed picnics. I did nothing. I dealt with Paul & the breakup. I’m too emotional. I care about people too much & I hate that.