Reflections
Yesterday I went to Kevin & Darlene's new apartment for dinner. Their apartement was actually really nice & spacious. Since Kevin had just seen my sister-in-law, the taboo topic of PJ actually came up. We don't usually talk about him or even mention anything about my marriage. I'm glad we did, though. I know that I made a lot of mistakes in my marriage, as we all do. I also know they are probably not the reasons he lost it and hid from the world! However, they are things I need to remember so that I can be a good partner to that special someone someday...hopefully! SO, I HATE TO GO ON ABOUT PJ...FEEL FREE TO SKIP PAST IF YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED!
1. I was raised to believe you get married & live happily ever after. NOT TRUE! You need to work at it. You will both be attracted to someone else along the lines. As long as you stay committed you will be fine. Remember why you fell in love in the first place!
2. I made the mistake of making PJ my life. I lost my individuality and I took his. I thought we should spend all of our free time together. If he wanted to go out with friends w/out me, I took it personally. I thought that he didn't want me around and I was hurt. In reality, each 1/2 of the couple needs to have some sense of individuality. If not, what will you talk about? With PJ & I, it was harder because of his working nights. We didn't have much time together between Brianna, work and everything else. I failed to realize that I had all the alone time in the world. I was alone during the week while PJ worked, so I went out with friends. I had dinner with friends, read books, shopped, cleaned....everything & anything I wanted to do. PJ worked VERY hard and didn'thave time to do those things for himself. Looking back, we both needed nights out WITHOUT each other, AND we needed to pick one night a week or whatever to actually spend quality time enjoying each other's company.
3. I think I pushed PJ too hard. He worked a lot of physically demanding hours and when he came home I had a list of projects that I wanted done around the house! He needed to relax & enjoy some time. I think I tried to control him~I mean, I didn't think of it that way or try to control him. I guess I just sort of did.
I could list a million things, but these stand out in my mind. I wonder if I had changed these things or if I had seen the world the way I do NOW, if things would be different. I lived in a fairy tale bubble. PJ lived in the real world. Nothing I did condones his actions. The drugs, cheating, lying, leaving, not paying bills.........BUT I still know that I made mistakes and I don't want to make them again.
So, now that I have had time to realize my own mistakes, I know what not to do. One day I'll find someone perfect for me & I don't want to screw it up by being jealous or naive or stupid!
In other news, the new zombie movie "Land of the Dead" opens tonight. It's the 4th movie in the "Night of the Living Dead" series by George Romero. I'm not a huge zombie fan, but Paul & my sister Beth are! We are going this weekend to see zombie's on the big screen! LOL! Tasteless entertainment. I was a little disppointed that this movie was not filmed in Pittsburgh. The first 3 were. This one was filmed in Canada. The first was filmed in Livermore...scary place! :)
It's Friday.....time to forget about work, forget about relationship issues & just relax and try to enjoy my days off!