Say I Love You chapter 12.2
Title: Say I Love You
Authors:
jlrui
Beta-ed by:
ranguren_chan
Pairing: UmiChii
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Umika decided to confess to Chinen but end up being rejected. She tried to move on but he didn't let her, and made her his girlfriend. Will Chinen manage to really love Umika and say "I love you" to her?
Warning: There might be some scenes that is not suitable for young readers... sorry I don't know how to really say the specific words... so there ^^
Awful Jealousies and Harsh Yearnings - Part 2
“But I'm in so deep
You know I'm such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger?”
-------
Umika
It’s not every day that you get to be chauffeured by someone as handsome as Yamada Ryosuke. I couldn’t believe how easily Chinen had asked Yama-chan to drive us off to somewhere. But from the looks of things, I think Yama-chan was just earning his keep since he wasn’t commuting back home this way.
The car’s owner was sitting idly beside me and he was in deep thought all throughout the drive. Yama-chan kept the atmosphere in the car a bit ‘animated’ though. He was the one throwing questions to us. He asked me how Vanilla-chan was faring these days. And it sort of got me so engrossed in the conversation since Yama-chan was a pet-lover himself. We went from comparing notes about taking care of pet dogs to our experiences with working with other actors. Chinen pretended to be interested in our conversation offering a comment here and there but it was still quite stale. But after awhile, Yama-chan ran out of topics to talk about and we became silent for a while.
For all his chattiness, Yama-chan was starting to feel awkward like a third wheel.
I don’t blame him. The whole trip was my seatmate’s idea.
And speaking of seatmate, he was now somewhat staring off into space admiring the view from his side of the car. That didn’t last long as we finally arrived at Yama-chan’s house.
His sisters were already waiting for him in their car.
“Hope to see you again, Umika. Chinen be careful on driving home, okay?” He waved us off to join his sisters in their car. Chinen quickly thanked Yamada for driving the car the rest of the way as he slipped into the driver’s seat himself. Yamada’s car had quickly left the area and it was just the two of us in his car. It was starting to get awkward between us but he sure turned the tables on it.
“Umika, I’m not going to be your chauffeur for the night unlike Yama-chan… so would you mind transferring over here.” He patted the seat right next to him as he said this.
He was grinning at me. I could see him from the rearview mirror. He could clearly see me stare at him from the rearview mirror.
“You sure like to be spoiled! And where do you get off bossing around your friend to drive us the rest of the way?” My hands quickly wrapped around his neck as if to strangle him. We were both twenty years old and we still fooled around like elementary school students.
But I stopped myself from enjoying it. I quickly apologized for my behaviour. He also noticed it and waited for me to transfer to the front seat, strapped myself in and sped off in the direction of my place.
In seconds, we had reverted to ‘silent mode’ throughout the duration of our trip.
The drive was awfully dull. Both of us didn’t even have the courage to start a conversation. Time passed by so slowly. Wishing that we had reached my place already didn’t help so I went back to enjoying the scenery from my side of the car. A mass of rain clouds were slowly assembling above us, blanketing the parts where the stars had begun to shine for the evening. We were in for a rainy night.
A soft drizzle had long since fallen by the time we reached my house.
All throughout the drive home, I had been thinking of the best ways to offer my thanks but…
“Thanks for giving me a lift home,” was all I could muster. And then without waiting a reply to it, I turned and ran towards the safety of my house. It had started pouring after all.
I had barely made it inside when it started pouring heavily. I was going to treat myself to a nice soak in the bath when I noticed that the living room curtains were still open. I went over to them and let down the drapes but not before spying something just outside the house. Only it wasn’t something.
It was more like a someone.
Chinen!
He was still outside by the gate seemingly rooted to that spot where he saw me off. What is he still doing out there at this time? I had to do something - he was quickly getting soaked out there. I dashed back outside with an umbrella in hand. I called out his name but he merely raised his head giving me that empty and very drenched look.
“What the heck are you still doing out here?! Come inside now!”
I screamed through the torrent falling all around us. I took his hand and pulled at him. He didn’t resist.
I brought him inside. I left him standing at the genkan while I scrambled for a towel and a pair of slippers.
My parents were still in Saitama visiting our old neighbours so I was basically home alone again.
Home alone. With Chinen. Again!
I came back with two towels and a pair of slippers. I found him sitting by the elevated floor, slowly removing his socks and shoes. He remained silent over the whole thing. And I was fussing over him like a mother hen. I told him to take off his jacket. He obeyed. His chiselled physique showed through his wet shirt and I had to avert my eyes from staring at it too much. Chinen had always looked skinny on the outside but if there was one thing that I learned when I’d hug him several times in the past it was that his body was quite well-toned. Maybe not as muscular as Yama-chan or some other HSJ member but his was a body that had always been notably zero-fat as far as I could remember.
I then covered him with the bigger of the two towels I had brought out. The smaller one I used on his hair. He moved so slowly that I took over with the towel and helped dry his hair, massaging some warmth back onto his scalp which would also hopefully help him regain his senses. He was like a rag doll just sitting there with a blank expression on his face. He had long since stopped making an effort to dry and warm himself with the towels.
His complexion had turned quite pale. That worried me. It bothered me that he needed more than just getting dried out here. So I pushed him into the house and into the living room where I had him sit on a sofa chair.
“Wait here.”
I dashed back upstairs trying to find my dad’s old clothes. I found them after a few minutes of scurrying among the boxes in the largest closet in the house. They still were a bit big for Chinen but it’ll have to do.
“Here. It’s my dad’s. Sorry if it’s still quite big for you but this is better than what you’re wearing right now.”
I gave him another once-over look. He was still a bit wet.
“Uhmmm, the bathroom’s that way… but then you already know that. So go on and change.”
I told him and ushered him to it. He merely nodded and didn’t even say anything.
I heard the faint click of the lock to the bathroom on the ground floor. I then went to the kitchen to fix something warm. I was torn between making a plain cup of hot chocolate or something heavier like ramen.
I was mentally debating that when I heard a loud thud in the bathroom.
I ran out of the kitchen and was outside the bathroom in seconds.
“Chinen?” I didn’t want to barge in on him just when he might be just in the middle of undressing and all so I called out his name.
“Chinen?!” I made my voice a bit louder and started knocking on the door.
I called out to him a third and a fourth time but still no answer. I was really worried now so I threw caution to the wind and tried turning the door knob. It was locked from the inside after all.
At the back of my mind, all my worries were starting to turn into panic.
What on earth is he doing in there that he can’t even respond to my calls?!
I called out one more time.
“Chinen?! Answer me please! Are you okay?”
I was already panicking by the time I thought of getting the spare keys to the rooms in the house.
When I found the bunch of keys, I ran back to the bathroom and fumbled for the correct key to the room before successfully gaining entrance to the room.
The door opened to reveal Chinen’s unconscious form lying face-down on the floor. He managed to strip down to his boxers and was halfway to taking off his shirt. I ran over to him and turned him over so that he could breathe a bit easier and started shaking him by the shoulders.
“Chinen!”
I noticed that his breathing had become quite warm and a bit labored. My hand instinctively went over to his forehead to confirm my suspicions.
He was burning up!
“You’re hot, Chii!” I told him frantically. He was stirring in my arms and regaining consciousness.
“Uh-hmmm… that’s what all my female fans… tell me these days.” He replied and had a silly grin plastered on his face.
I couldn’t believe it! Of all the things to tell me at this time…
I found myself blushing at our situation. But then again he was already quite delirious with the fever so he probably was not aware of what he was saying right now.
I had to practically half-drag him out of the bathroom and put him into the guest room nearby. It was no easy job considering that Chinen was still a bit heavier than I was.
It was an hour and a half later when he stirred from his sleep. I had managed to lay him on the bed and dress him in my dad’s old shirt and home trousers. I was worried that he might be hurting internally since there were no signs of bruises on his head, arms and upper body. At least he sweated a lot. That was good sign. And sure enough, his fever subsided after an hour.
I kept a steady vigil by his side, replacing the cold pack on his forehead from time to time. The only time I left his side was when I went to change out of my clothes and into a fresh pair of pyjamas. And then I was off to the kitchen to prepare okayu. I also tried calling his house just to inform his parents but their family’s answering machine told me that they were in Shizuoka visiting Chinen’s grandparents. I went back to tending him but sleep soon overtook me.
It was already past midnight when he awoke from a fever dream. His restless movements on the bed woke me. I tried to calm him a bit. I was even thinking of jostling him back to reality but he was way ahead of me. Or rather it was a side effect from possibly waking up from a nightmare because he certainly surprised me when he suddenly sat up.
“Umika?!” He cried out realizing and probably wondering why he was in bed... with me. Well, not exactly with me in the bed with him.
“Calm down. You collapsed in my bathroom, remember? I had to bring you here because you had a high fever a few hours ago.”
His face and mine were unbearably close. A blush had slowly made its way to my face. I think it dawned on him that our faces were too close for comfort because he suddenly drew back and slowly sank back his head onto the pillows.
“Oh. How long was I out?”
“At least four hours. I think you got the fever from standing outside in the rain. What were you thinking anyway?”
There. I explained the situation to him. Strangely, he didn’t protest his mistake and merely shrugged it off. I then retrieved the cold pack that had fallen to his side and then checked his temperature manually - I forgot that I brought and then left the digital thermometer in the kitchen when I was preparing porridge. Satisfied that he was awake and that his temperature had gone down quite a bit, I asked him if he was feeling hungry.
He nodded sheepishly and even managed a faint smile.
“Wait here. I’ll just re-heat the okayu before serving it to you. So make yourself comfortable.”
It took me almost ten minutes to return. He waited for me like an obedient child. I guess the fever sapped his strength. With his type of schedule, I wonder how he even copes with all the stress and fatigue. I left 9nine so that I could focus solely on acting and the occasional modelling. And then there was also a college degree to earn along the way. I read somewhere that Chinen and some HSJ members actually went to college to earn a degree despite their hectic workload at Johnny’s.
I set the bowl of okayu before him on a bed tray. He just looked at me like he’s about to protest something because Chinen can be a picky eater.
“Look, you need to eat. How are you going to get better if you won’t even eat? And you still have to take some medicine after this. So dig in already.” I told him.
Even though he looked pale and as frail as a kitten right now, his eyes were another matter. They seemed to have taken on a hint of mischief.
“I know,” he replied and smiled while his eyes danced - glancing at the porridge and then to me, back and forth.
“If you already know, then start eating!” I was rather annoyed by this childish behaviour.
I was going to blow up at him if he didn’t start eating when he mimicked, rather feebly, the act of being spoon-fed.
“EH?!” I was shocked when I realized what he wanted me to do.
“Feed me, Umika-chan. Onegai.” He pleaded, his face almost like Vanilla-chan’s.
Why do I always seem to have a weakness for that kind of face?
My expression somewhat softened and Chinen interpreted that as a ‘yes’ to his request. So I sat at the edge of the bed to better serve the spoiled brat.
“I’m waiting, Umika-chan.”
“Careful not to burn your tongue,” I warned him ahead.
He opened his mouth like an eager little boy receiving a spoonful of porridge. He finished it rather quickly and took the medicine without any further fussing, downing another glass of water with it.
“Oishi desu, Umika-chan.” Some parts of his face were already returning to its rosy complexion.
He thanked me afterwards. I merely nodded and then stood up to take out the tray so that I could do the dishes. I was about to leave with my chores when he suddenly hugged me from the back.
It didn’t exactly send shivers up and down my spine but it was enough to have those old feelings of mine bubble up to the surface once again.
It’s been a long time since I felt the warmth of those arms. He had one side of his face planted to my back, hugging me for all it was worth. I closed my eyes, torn between ‘enjoying’ and ‘hating’ this moment. It was the present that brought me back to reality: I have Jingi now.
“Stay for a while... just this once.”
The fierceness of the hug was emphasized this time.
I knew that what we were doing at that very moment was wrong but I couldn’t fight myself. My strength simply failed me. It felt so good to be back in those arms... even if it was just for a few minutes.
I didn’t mind how Chinen seemed to have weighed me down with the arms. My back was still to him but I was soon quite worried that it would progress to something else.
I called out his name.
“Chinen.”
He managed a muffled, “Hmmm?” His face had now reached my nape, gently muzzling against my hair. I could feel his breath through it. It made my knees weak. I had settled down to sitting down by the edge of the bed.
“Please let me go. I have a boyfriend.” I had to remind him of that fact after all and I gave it to him coldly.
He quickly released me from his embrace as if stung by the words. I took the opportunity to set the tray down beside the bed and turned to face him.
“Chinen, I have Jingi now. Back in the restaurant, it was his idea that we should go over to you guys and catch up for old time’s sake. He told me that if we were really back to being friends then we could handle a decent conversation with each other. But it still proved difficult even after all these years. He even told me that I had lost something when we broke up and he wanted me to regain that. But you know what? I don’t need that anymore. I’m happy with him now. He loves me for what I was and for what I am now. I feel safe and wanted whenever he’s with me.”
I don’t know which parts were half-truths and half-lies but hopefully it would point out to Chinen one definite generalization:
I had moved on.
When I finished, I looked back into his eyes again. They seemed to drown in the sadness that I saw in that elevator almost three years ago.
“Do you really love him, Umika?” He asked with all sincerity.
I was ready for that and it was now or never.
“Yes, I love him and someday... someday I hope that it might grow into something more special with him. I hope you understand that.”
His long bangs had fallen across his face, veiling his eyes. There was a rather pregnant pause that followed after I made that declaration - that affirmation of my relationship with Jingi.
“I understand.”
“Arigatō. Now you need rest. Lie back down and try to get some sleep.”
I was grateful for that reply but somehow my heart didn’t exactly agree 100% with that feeling.
I picked up the tray and made a bee-line for the kitchen, not once looking back at my disappointed patient.
But Chinen couldn’t just leave things be. If he did that then he wouldn’t be Chinen at all.
He followed me to the kitchen.
“I’m not finished talking to you,” he said. As I put the tray in the sink. I felt his arms around me again.
“Stop it, Chinen.” I tried to sound irritated but it somehow didn’t come out like it. To make matters worse, I felt no desire to untangle myself from him.
“I said I understood, Umika. But please... let me stay with you... just for tonight.”
He whispered in my ear as my hands each found his arms that had wrapped themselves around my neck and waist respectively. His head rested on my shoulder and his warm breath found its way to my neck and face.
I was having trouble suppressing the quickened pace at which my heart beat. Behind me, Chinen didn’t seem to bother to hide his.
Be still my heart indeed.
Just for tonight I want to be with him. Just for tonight.
Before I finally say good-bye to these feelings for him.
We slept together in the guest room, hugging each other like we never wanted to be apart.
A/N:
- At the last part, nothing happened to them... hahaha if it wasn't clear.
anyways thank you for reading!
Comments and Critics are love
Authors:
jlrui
Beta-ed by:
ranguren_chan
Pairing: UmiChii
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Umika decided to confess to Chinen but end up being rejected. She tried to move on but he didn't let her, and made her his girlfriend. Will Chinen manage to really love Umika and say "I love you" to her?
Warning: There might be some scenes that is not suitable for young readers... sorry I don't know how to really say the specific words... so there ^^
Awful Jealousies and Harsh Yearnings - Part 2
“But I'm in so deep
You know I'm such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger?”
- lyrics from Linger
-------
Umika
It’s not every day that you get to be chauffeured by someone as handsome as Yamada Ryosuke. I couldn’t believe how easily Chinen had asked Yama-chan to drive us off to somewhere. But from the looks of things, I think Yama-chan was just earning his keep since he wasn’t commuting back home this way.
The car’s owner was sitting idly beside me and he was in deep thought all throughout the drive. Yama-chan kept the atmosphere in the car a bit ‘animated’ though. He was the one throwing questions to us. He asked me how Vanilla-chan was faring these days. And it sort of got me so engrossed in the conversation since Yama-chan was a pet-lover himself. We went from comparing notes about taking care of pet dogs to our experiences with working with other actors. Chinen pretended to be interested in our conversation offering a comment here and there but it was still quite stale. But after awhile, Yama-chan ran out of topics to talk about and we became silent for a while.
For all his chattiness, Yama-chan was starting to feel awkward like a third wheel.
I don’t blame him. The whole trip was my seatmate’s idea.
And speaking of seatmate, he was now somewhat staring off into space admiring the view from his side of the car. That didn’t last long as we finally arrived at Yama-chan’s house.
His sisters were already waiting for him in their car.
“Hope to see you again, Umika. Chinen be careful on driving home, okay?” He waved us off to join his sisters in their car. Chinen quickly thanked Yamada for driving the car the rest of the way as he slipped into the driver’s seat himself. Yamada’s car had quickly left the area and it was just the two of us in his car. It was starting to get awkward between us but he sure turned the tables on it.
“Umika, I’m not going to be your chauffeur for the night unlike Yama-chan… so would you mind transferring over here.” He patted the seat right next to him as he said this.
He was grinning at me. I could see him from the rearview mirror. He could clearly see me stare at him from the rearview mirror.
“You sure like to be spoiled! And where do you get off bossing around your friend to drive us the rest of the way?” My hands quickly wrapped around his neck as if to strangle him. We were both twenty years old and we still fooled around like elementary school students.
But I stopped myself from enjoying it. I quickly apologized for my behaviour. He also noticed it and waited for me to transfer to the front seat, strapped myself in and sped off in the direction of my place.
In seconds, we had reverted to ‘silent mode’ throughout the duration of our trip.
The drive was awfully dull. Both of us didn’t even have the courage to start a conversation. Time passed by so slowly. Wishing that we had reached my place already didn’t help so I went back to enjoying the scenery from my side of the car. A mass of rain clouds were slowly assembling above us, blanketing the parts where the stars had begun to shine for the evening. We were in for a rainy night.
A soft drizzle had long since fallen by the time we reached my house.
All throughout the drive home, I had been thinking of the best ways to offer my thanks but…
“Thanks for giving me a lift home,” was all I could muster. And then without waiting a reply to it, I turned and ran towards the safety of my house. It had started pouring after all.
I had barely made it inside when it started pouring heavily. I was going to treat myself to a nice soak in the bath when I noticed that the living room curtains were still open. I went over to them and let down the drapes but not before spying something just outside the house. Only it wasn’t something.
It was more like a someone.
Chinen!
He was still outside by the gate seemingly rooted to that spot where he saw me off. What is he still doing out there at this time? I had to do something - he was quickly getting soaked out there. I dashed back outside with an umbrella in hand. I called out his name but he merely raised his head giving me that empty and very drenched look.
“What the heck are you still doing out here?! Come inside now!”
I screamed through the torrent falling all around us. I took his hand and pulled at him. He didn’t resist.
I brought him inside. I left him standing at the genkan while I scrambled for a towel and a pair of slippers.
My parents were still in Saitama visiting our old neighbours so I was basically home alone again.
Home alone. With Chinen. Again!
I came back with two towels and a pair of slippers. I found him sitting by the elevated floor, slowly removing his socks and shoes. He remained silent over the whole thing. And I was fussing over him like a mother hen. I told him to take off his jacket. He obeyed. His chiselled physique showed through his wet shirt and I had to avert my eyes from staring at it too much. Chinen had always looked skinny on the outside but if there was one thing that I learned when I’d hug him several times in the past it was that his body was quite well-toned. Maybe not as muscular as Yama-chan or some other HSJ member but his was a body that had always been notably zero-fat as far as I could remember.
I then covered him with the bigger of the two towels I had brought out. The smaller one I used on his hair. He moved so slowly that I took over with the towel and helped dry his hair, massaging some warmth back onto his scalp which would also hopefully help him regain his senses. He was like a rag doll just sitting there with a blank expression on his face. He had long since stopped making an effort to dry and warm himself with the towels.
His complexion had turned quite pale. That worried me. It bothered me that he needed more than just getting dried out here. So I pushed him into the house and into the living room where I had him sit on a sofa chair.
“Wait here.”
I dashed back upstairs trying to find my dad’s old clothes. I found them after a few minutes of scurrying among the boxes in the largest closet in the house. They still were a bit big for Chinen but it’ll have to do.
“Here. It’s my dad’s. Sorry if it’s still quite big for you but this is better than what you’re wearing right now.”
I gave him another once-over look. He was still a bit wet.
“Uhmmm, the bathroom’s that way… but then you already know that. So go on and change.”
I told him and ushered him to it. He merely nodded and didn’t even say anything.
I heard the faint click of the lock to the bathroom on the ground floor. I then went to the kitchen to fix something warm. I was torn between making a plain cup of hot chocolate or something heavier like ramen.
I was mentally debating that when I heard a loud thud in the bathroom.
I ran out of the kitchen and was outside the bathroom in seconds.
“Chinen?” I didn’t want to barge in on him just when he might be just in the middle of undressing and all so I called out his name.
“Chinen?!” I made my voice a bit louder and started knocking on the door.
I called out to him a third and a fourth time but still no answer. I was really worried now so I threw caution to the wind and tried turning the door knob. It was locked from the inside after all.
At the back of my mind, all my worries were starting to turn into panic.
What on earth is he doing in there that he can’t even respond to my calls?!
I called out one more time.
“Chinen?! Answer me please! Are you okay?”
I was already panicking by the time I thought of getting the spare keys to the rooms in the house.
When I found the bunch of keys, I ran back to the bathroom and fumbled for the correct key to the room before successfully gaining entrance to the room.
The door opened to reveal Chinen’s unconscious form lying face-down on the floor. He managed to strip down to his boxers and was halfway to taking off his shirt. I ran over to him and turned him over so that he could breathe a bit easier and started shaking him by the shoulders.
“Chinen!”
I noticed that his breathing had become quite warm and a bit labored. My hand instinctively went over to his forehead to confirm my suspicions.
He was burning up!
“You’re hot, Chii!” I told him frantically. He was stirring in my arms and regaining consciousness.
“Uh-hmmm… that’s what all my female fans… tell me these days.” He replied and had a silly grin plastered on his face.
I couldn’t believe it! Of all the things to tell me at this time…
I found myself blushing at our situation. But then again he was already quite delirious with the fever so he probably was not aware of what he was saying right now.
I had to practically half-drag him out of the bathroom and put him into the guest room nearby. It was no easy job considering that Chinen was still a bit heavier than I was.
It was an hour and a half later when he stirred from his sleep. I had managed to lay him on the bed and dress him in my dad’s old shirt and home trousers. I was worried that he might be hurting internally since there were no signs of bruises on his head, arms and upper body. At least he sweated a lot. That was good sign. And sure enough, his fever subsided after an hour.
I kept a steady vigil by his side, replacing the cold pack on his forehead from time to time. The only time I left his side was when I went to change out of my clothes and into a fresh pair of pyjamas. And then I was off to the kitchen to prepare okayu. I also tried calling his house just to inform his parents but their family’s answering machine told me that they were in Shizuoka visiting Chinen’s grandparents. I went back to tending him but sleep soon overtook me.
It was already past midnight when he awoke from a fever dream. His restless movements on the bed woke me. I tried to calm him a bit. I was even thinking of jostling him back to reality but he was way ahead of me. Or rather it was a side effect from possibly waking up from a nightmare because he certainly surprised me when he suddenly sat up.
“Umika?!” He cried out realizing and probably wondering why he was in bed... with me. Well, not exactly with me in the bed with him.
“Calm down. You collapsed in my bathroom, remember? I had to bring you here because you had a high fever a few hours ago.”
His face and mine were unbearably close. A blush had slowly made its way to my face. I think it dawned on him that our faces were too close for comfort because he suddenly drew back and slowly sank back his head onto the pillows.
“Oh. How long was I out?”
“At least four hours. I think you got the fever from standing outside in the rain. What were you thinking anyway?”
There. I explained the situation to him. Strangely, he didn’t protest his mistake and merely shrugged it off. I then retrieved the cold pack that had fallen to his side and then checked his temperature manually - I forgot that I brought and then left the digital thermometer in the kitchen when I was preparing porridge. Satisfied that he was awake and that his temperature had gone down quite a bit, I asked him if he was feeling hungry.
He nodded sheepishly and even managed a faint smile.
“Wait here. I’ll just re-heat the okayu before serving it to you. So make yourself comfortable.”
It took me almost ten minutes to return. He waited for me like an obedient child. I guess the fever sapped his strength. With his type of schedule, I wonder how he even copes with all the stress and fatigue. I left 9nine so that I could focus solely on acting and the occasional modelling. And then there was also a college degree to earn along the way. I read somewhere that Chinen and some HSJ members actually went to college to earn a degree despite their hectic workload at Johnny’s.
I set the bowl of okayu before him on a bed tray. He just looked at me like he’s about to protest something because Chinen can be a picky eater.
“Look, you need to eat. How are you going to get better if you won’t even eat? And you still have to take some medicine after this. So dig in already.” I told him.
Even though he looked pale and as frail as a kitten right now, his eyes were another matter. They seemed to have taken on a hint of mischief.
“I know,” he replied and smiled while his eyes danced - glancing at the porridge and then to me, back and forth.
“If you already know, then start eating!” I was rather annoyed by this childish behaviour.
I was going to blow up at him if he didn’t start eating when he mimicked, rather feebly, the act of being spoon-fed.
“EH?!” I was shocked when I realized what he wanted me to do.
“Feed me, Umika-chan. Onegai.” He pleaded, his face almost like Vanilla-chan’s.
Why do I always seem to have a weakness for that kind of face?
My expression somewhat softened and Chinen interpreted that as a ‘yes’ to his request. So I sat at the edge of the bed to better serve the spoiled brat.
“I’m waiting, Umika-chan.”
“Careful not to burn your tongue,” I warned him ahead.
He opened his mouth like an eager little boy receiving a spoonful of porridge. He finished it rather quickly and took the medicine without any further fussing, downing another glass of water with it.
“Oishi desu, Umika-chan.” Some parts of his face were already returning to its rosy complexion.
He thanked me afterwards. I merely nodded and then stood up to take out the tray so that I could do the dishes. I was about to leave with my chores when he suddenly hugged me from the back.
It didn’t exactly send shivers up and down my spine but it was enough to have those old feelings of mine bubble up to the surface once again.
It’s been a long time since I felt the warmth of those arms. He had one side of his face planted to my back, hugging me for all it was worth. I closed my eyes, torn between ‘enjoying’ and ‘hating’ this moment. It was the present that brought me back to reality: I have Jingi now.
“Stay for a while... just this once.”
The fierceness of the hug was emphasized this time.
I knew that what we were doing at that very moment was wrong but I couldn’t fight myself. My strength simply failed me. It felt so good to be back in those arms... even if it was just for a few minutes.
I didn’t mind how Chinen seemed to have weighed me down with the arms. My back was still to him but I was soon quite worried that it would progress to something else.
I called out his name.
“Chinen.”
He managed a muffled, “Hmmm?” His face had now reached my nape, gently muzzling against my hair. I could feel his breath through it. It made my knees weak. I had settled down to sitting down by the edge of the bed.
“Please let me go. I have a boyfriend.” I had to remind him of that fact after all and I gave it to him coldly.
He quickly released me from his embrace as if stung by the words. I took the opportunity to set the tray down beside the bed and turned to face him.
“Chinen, I have Jingi now. Back in the restaurant, it was his idea that we should go over to you guys and catch up for old time’s sake. He told me that if we were really back to being friends then we could handle a decent conversation with each other. But it still proved difficult even after all these years. He even told me that I had lost something when we broke up and he wanted me to regain that. But you know what? I don’t need that anymore. I’m happy with him now. He loves me for what I was and for what I am now. I feel safe and wanted whenever he’s with me.”
I don’t know which parts were half-truths and half-lies but hopefully it would point out to Chinen one definite generalization:
I had moved on.
When I finished, I looked back into his eyes again. They seemed to drown in the sadness that I saw in that elevator almost three years ago.
“Do you really love him, Umika?” He asked with all sincerity.
I was ready for that and it was now or never.
“Yes, I love him and someday... someday I hope that it might grow into something more special with him. I hope you understand that.”
His long bangs had fallen across his face, veiling his eyes. There was a rather pregnant pause that followed after I made that declaration - that affirmation of my relationship with Jingi.
“I understand.”
“Arigatō. Now you need rest. Lie back down and try to get some sleep.”
I was grateful for that reply but somehow my heart didn’t exactly agree 100% with that feeling.
I picked up the tray and made a bee-line for the kitchen, not once looking back at my disappointed patient.
But Chinen couldn’t just leave things be. If he did that then he wouldn’t be Chinen at all.
He followed me to the kitchen.
“I’m not finished talking to you,” he said. As I put the tray in the sink. I felt his arms around me again.
“Stop it, Chinen.” I tried to sound irritated but it somehow didn’t come out like it. To make matters worse, I felt no desire to untangle myself from him.
“I said I understood, Umika. But please... let me stay with you... just for tonight.”
He whispered in my ear as my hands each found his arms that had wrapped themselves around my neck and waist respectively. His head rested on my shoulder and his warm breath found its way to my neck and face.
I was having trouble suppressing the quickened pace at which my heart beat. Behind me, Chinen didn’t seem to bother to hide his.
Be still my heart indeed.
Just for tonight I want to be with him. Just for tonight.
Before I finally say good-bye to these feelings for him.
We slept together in the guest room, hugging each other like we never wanted to be apart.
A/N:
- At the last part, nothing happened to them... hahaha if it wasn't clear.
anyways thank you for reading!
Comments and Critics are love