The Substance of Things Hoped For, 17/29
Title: The Substance of Things Hoped For (17/29)
Rating: K
Author: jlrpuck
Pairing: Rose Tyler, Peter Carlisle
Disclaimer: Characters from Doctor Who and Blackpool are the property of BBC, and are used with the greatest of love and respect; but Ruby, Elias, and Lucy are all mine. No personal profit is intended from the writing or sharing of this story.
Summary: Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. - Hebrews 11:1
Notes: Thank you to both
earlgreytea68 and
chicklet73 for their beta work-and to
chicklet73 for her encouragement and advice as this was written.
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17
Rose and Pete discussed logistics, coming up with a rough strategy for the coming twelve months, at which point she would be officially named as an assistant director for the organization. “Consider it…an advanced degree program. But in Torchwood,” Pete said at one point, likening the expected secondments to various divisions to taking courses.
She lost track of time, working with Pete on mapping out her future, listening in as he answered calls, reading as he replied to messages, slowly beginning to learn what being the head of Torchwood truly entailed on a minute-by-minute basis. So it was a bit of a shock when Pete’s assistant hesitantly walked in, and said, “Mr. Smith just called-Mr. Carlisle’s looking for you. He should be up here any moment.”
“Thank you,” Pete said, dismissing the woman.
Rose glanced at her watch, noting that almost two hours had passed since she’d joined her father. “I’d promised to meet him at my office-to be waiting for him.”
“Relax, Rose.”
She slumped back in her chair. “Still feel guilty.”
Pete gave her an understanding look. “That’s why you’re both talking with Alex, isn’t it?”
“Yeah,” she sighed.
“You’re doing all you can, then,” Pete said gently.
Rose felt Peter’s presence in the room before he said a word, a pricking along the back of her neck-an effect he’d always had on her. Pete stood, and she turned slowly, almost afraid of looking at Peter.
He gave her a small smile, then walked over to meet Pete, shaking his hand.
“All well?”
“Well enough,” came Peter’s reply. “I should have known Rose would be up here, though.”
Rose watched Peter, noting that the words were said with good humour, and felt her worry lift.
“Couldn’t resist plotting with him,” she teased, standing up and moving to place a kiss on Peter’s cheek.
“I pity the workers of Torchwood,” he replied drily.
“Far better, I think, to pity Rose,” Pete offered, returning to his seat.
Rose remained standing next to Peter, her hand instinctively seeking his out. He took it, giving a gentle squeeze before moving to slip his fingers through hers.
“You off to lunch, then?” Pete asked, amused.
Rose turned to Peter. “I dunno. Are we?”
“I’m done for the day-it’s down to whether you can take a break from plotting.”
“I think she can,” Pete interjected, cutting her reply off. “If Alex has no need of you, Rose, take the afternoon off.”
“But-”
“No buts, Rose-you’ve enough leave to take a year off, if you wanted. Enjoy the day. I’ll get Nerys to draft up what we discussed this morning.”
“Alright,” she answered reluctantly.
Pete laughed. “Rose-we’ll be fine without you for a day. Go, coddle your husband. And don’t forget to call your mum at some point.”
“I don’t coddle Peter,” she groused, freeing her hand from her husband’s and walking over to give her father a hug. “I’ll ring Mum tonight.”
Pete nodded, and she walked back over to Peter, once again taking his hand.
“Pete.”
“Peter.”
She waited until they were in the hallway, waiting for the lift, before she spoke. “Does Alex need me?”
Peter arched an eyebrow. “That sounds very much like a question he’d ask.”
Rose furrowed her brows, then laughed. “I didn’t mean like that, and you know it.”
“I do. And no, he didn’t ask me to send you along. I suspect you’re still on for tomorrow, though.”
“’K.”
The lift doors slid open, and they stepped into the empty car. Rose pressed the button for her floor, waited for the doors to close, then tugged Peter down to her for a lingering kiss. He was surprised but didn’t pull away, and they only broke apart when the ding of the lift signalled their impending arrival at her office floor.
“Well, then, Mrs. Carlisle. I suspect I know how you want to spend your day,” Peter murmured, following her down the familiar hall, past the desks which served as the hub for her current team. Yvette was the only one there, talking merrily on the phone, and the girl gave a cheery wave as Rose and Peter walked by.
“How’s she doing?” Peter asked, voice low, once they were beyond the desks.
“She’s settling in.” Yvette was the newest member of the team, brought on to replace Trimble, who’d originally replaced Jake when he left. Trimble had learned, quickly, that field work wasn’t for him; and while Yvette was less seasoned than Rose might have liked, the young woman was a very quick study and would do very well, given more experience.
Her biggest concern in leaving the team wasn’t in making sure that there was a good core group-no, the biggest concern was making sure the people for whom she was responsible would have a good leader. She sighed as she unlocked her office door, pushing the door open, Peter following behind.
“Weight of the world, then?” he asked softly as he pushed the door closed.
She gave him a small smile, and moved around the desk to her chair. Peter settled into the guest chair, kicking his legs out as he watched her. “Just…there’s a lot more to this ‘retire from field work’ thing than I’d really considered.”
He nodded. “Aye. But that’s why you’re doing it over a period of time, surely?”
“Yeah. Just…kind of hit me as we saw Yvette, y’know? I…I have no idea who I’m going to suggest as my replacement.”
Peter frowned briefly. “I thought that was Huw?”
She laughed. “As overall leader, yes.” She glanced down at her desk. “But…I still have a team that works for me. I need someone to take care of them, as Huw will keep his own team.”
“Ah.”
“And Mickey won’t do it, obviously. I don’t know that there’s anyone on my team who’s ready to lead, either. I mean, Mark might be, but he’s so young, and…”
“Rose.”
She paused at Peter’s voice, noticing that she’d begun to tear small strips of her desk calendar. She glanced up, and saw that he was leaning forward.
“Take advantage of the time you’ve given yourself. It’ll sort itself out.”
She closed her eyes, exhaling slowly, willing herself to relax. “I know. I just…I feel like I need to get it all sorted right now, y’know?”
“I know.”
She opened her eyes. “Did you have a good talk? With Alex?”
He leaned back, holding her gaze. “I did.”
She glanced down, stifling her desire to ask for details. Looking back up to him, she said softly, “Good.”
His lips curved at that, and he offered, “I’ll happily tell you about it, Rose, but not here. It’s lovely out-what say we go picnicking?”
“Dressed like this?”
He laughed. “We can picnic dressed in work clothes, just as easily as we can in dungarees and jumpers.”
“Make it a bit harder to seduce you, though, surely?”
She couldn’t hide her grin at Peter’s reaction to the statement.
“Is that a promise?” he finally asked, his eyes dark.
“I think it’s a very safe bet, Deputy Chief Inspector, that I will at some point today try to get you out of your pants.”
He grinned. “Well, then, what are we waiting for?”
“We’re waiting for my computer to shut down.”
He visibly deflated, sagging back in his chair. “Tease.”
“Oh, it’s not teasing if I mean to make good on the promise.” She stood, noting as she moved over to Peter that her computer had shut down. “And I have every intention of making very good on that particular promise.” She leaned down, her lips hovering over Peter’s as she said the words.
“I can’t wait,” he replied without moving, his gaze holding hers, teasing her every bit as much as she was teasing him.
She smiled, placing a chaste kiss against his lips before straightening. “Now that’s settled, let’s go find something to eat.”
~ - ~
They had lunch in Greenwich Park, on the hill below Flamsteed House, dining on food and a blanket procured from the National Maritime Museum. The sky was a warm, clear blue, dotted with the puffy white clouds more commonly seen in landscape paintings, and when they were done eating he pillowed his head on Rose’s lap, gazing up at her and the sky behind her.
She smiled at him, leaning back on her hands before tipping her head back to look at the sky.
“Perfect day to pick out shapes in the clouds,” she observed, her voice muted as she gazed overhead.
“That it is,” he answered, reaching up to drift his fingers across her chin. She returned her attention to him, kissing his fingertips before bringing a hand to stroke across his hair.
“I miss days like this,” she said after several moments of just watching him.
“Skiving off work?”
“Skiving off work, just relaxing with you.”
“Aye,” he sighed, his eyes drifting shut as Rose brushed her fingertips across his forehead.
He felt her move, and opened his eyes to find that she was gazing up at the sky again.
“You missing it?”
“Not today, no. Just seein’ if my imagination still works.”
“And does it?”
She smiled. “I see a Guro’oe up there today.”
He laughed. “’s cheating, Rose, claiming clouds look like something I’ve never seen.”
“You never let me have any fun,” she pouted, glancing down at him, still smiling.
“I’m a terrible, cruel husband, it’s true.”
“The cruellest,” she agreed, her fingers dancing across his scalp.
“Bread and water only for ye.” The words were almost slurred together, mixed in with a sigh as his eyes slid shut.
“As you command,” she replied, her fingers soothing as they brushed across his hair.
The sun was warm, relaxing him further, and he slipped into a light doze; he awoke when a particularly large cloud passed over the sun, dropping the temperature by several degrees.
“Good nap?” Rose asked, looking down at him.
“Mmmm. How long was I asleep?”
“At a guess? About ten minutes.”
“Sign of getting old, napping in the sunlight like that.”
She watched as she drifted her fingers across the gray at his temples. “I don’t think so. ‘s a sign of you bein’ relaxed. Or, you know, a sign that you’re your normal self, given that I’ve seen you nap in the sun more times’n I can count.” Her eyes shifted back to his as she gave him a slow smile.
“I am very relaxed,” he agreed.
“Good.”
She glanced up after a moment, watching something-probably mothers pushing prams-as it passed.
“Alex says I need to forgive you.”
She blinked, looking down at him in surprise.
“He’s right, you know. I do need to forgive you. Properly.”
Her hand stilled, and she watched him steadily. “You need to forgive me.” It was a statement, not a question, and her voice was heavy.
“Aye. I…” He sighed, his eyes closing briefly before he continued. “I kept fighting it and fighting it, Rose, this feeling you somehow abandoned us. I know you didn’t mean to; that you’d never have dreamt of it. But it’s there.”
She opened her mouth to speak, to defend herself; he raised a finger to her lips, silently asking her to wait so he could finish what he had to say.
“It’s not rational, Rose, and I rather hate myself for it. But it’s there, nonetheless, this horrible feeling that makes me feel like a snake, like I’m letting you down simply by thinking it. Alex’s fine suggestion was that I acknowledge it, that I tell you how I felt, so I-we-can move on.”
His heart was racing as he watched Rose, her cheeks now pink in indignation, her eyes staring off into the distance.
“You feel abandoned and betrayed by my disappearing.”
He swallowed, forcing himself to speak the truth. “Aye.” He added softly, “I’m sorry.”
She gave a weary sigh, and he saw a tear roll down her cheek. He pushed himself up into a sitting position, immediately turned and hugged her to him. “I’m sorry, Rose. I’m terribly sorry.”
She laughed against him. “You’re sorry? I’m the one should be apologizing.” Her words were muffled, and he gently rocked her back and forth.
“No, Rose, you shouldn’t, that’s the thing. You are who you are, and that’s not new at all; it’s why I love you.”
“But you-”
“I did, aye, but, Rose-the thing is, I’m well past where Alex told me I needed to be. He said I needed to still forgive you; I did that ages ago, right before I started to wallow in my own guilt about my thoughts concerning your job. And to see you so unhappy, it just…I just wish I could have done more for you, to make you happier, Rose.”
She pulled back, watching him carefully.
“What?” he asked softly, holding her gaze.
“Jus’…I feel bad that you felt guilty, Peter, but I’m kinda sick an’ tired of bein’ made to feel like I’m a bad person-”
“No! No, that’s not what I meant at all!” He let out a frustrated sigh, dropping his arms and leaning back. “It’s a maelstrom of emotions; I’m still trying to figure out how to navigate them without making you feel guilt for anything. It’s not meant to be a passive aggressive means for making you feel bad, or worse; it’s meant to be a frank statement of why I’m such a bipolar husband to you at the moment.” He leaned forward to where Rose continued to watch him. “I want you to know that, no matter how moody I might have been of late, I am nothing short of ecstatic that you are my wife; that you do what you do, and that you’re so brilliant at it. I mean it, Rose. Every word of it.”
He reached forward, his hand cupping her jaw; she let out a small sigh, relaxing into his hand, her eyes closing. “Alex told me I need to stop feelin’ so guilty ‘bout everything; that ‘s not my fault, that sometimes these things jus’ happen,” she mumbled, still sagging against his hand.
“He’s right, Rose.”
“Yeah. Still hard to believe, sometimes.”
“I know,” he replied, thinking of the many times he’d felt guilt for things which had been out of his control.
Her lips quirked, and she slowly opened her eyes. “Not quite how I’d imagined the picnic goin’, truth be told.”
“Nor I. But I know you wanted to know what Alex and I talked about.”
She blushed, her gaze slipping to the side.
“I also know you’d not have asked, Rose, so don’t worry about it. But now you know. And I thank you for making me go to see him; I’ll be visiting him again in a few weeks, I think.”
“Alright.”
“Rose.” He waited for her to look at him, then asked solemnly, “Can you forgive me for being so unfair?”
Her eyes flicked across his face, and then she slowly nodded. “Yeah.”
He leaned forward, whispering across her lips, “Done, and sealed with a kiss.”
When they broke apart, he turned and encouraged Rose to rest her head on his lap. “Quid pro quo,” he said lightly, giving her a gentle smile. “I think it’s your turn to gaze up at the clouds.”
She didn’t argue, shifting so she could lay her head in his lap. Her hair pooled across his legs, and he gently brushed the strands out, his fingers gliding through her dark blonde hair.
“I love your hair,” he said, watching the movement of his hands, the way her hair moved as it settled back against his trousers.
“’m glad. I enjoy having you play with it.”
He smiled. “Works well for both of us, then.”
“That it does.”
She reached up, her finger gently brushing across a scar under his jaw-received several years before, when he’d taken a sharp uppercut when trying to subdue a suspect. Rose had tried to get him to go to A&E for stitches; he’d stated that the physician had confirmed he didn’t have concussion, and that was all the more doctoring he wanted from healthcare professionals that particular night.
As he sat in the sunlight, it felt like decades before; in reality, it couldn’t have been more than eight years.
“Whatcha thinking?” Rose asked softly.
“About how stubborn I can be,” he replied, glancing back down to her.
“That you can. And of all the traits of yours for our daughter to inherit…”
He laughed. “I was under the impression you thought she inherited my looks.”
She gave him a fond look. “She did that, too. She’s ever so much your daughter, Peter.”
“She’s our daughter, Rose.” He stroked his knuckles down her cheek, then across her jaw. “Our wonderful girl.”
“Yeah,” Rose sighed. Her gaze turned suddenly impish. “She’s going to be a right nightmare when she starts dating.”
“Simple solution-she’ll not be allowed to date. Ever.”
Rose laughed. “I’m not sure who I’ll feel more sorry for-Lucy, for having a father who’s desperate to keep the filthy paws of boys away from her; or the boys themselves for having to deal with you.”
He sniffed, not nearly as amused as she was; she squirmed, shifting off his lap, tugging on his arm so he lay next to her on the blanket.
“Peter, it’ll be fine. Lucy will be more than able to take care of herself, I think.”
He sniffed again, not dignifying Rose’s teasing with a comment. Just the thought of someone taking advantage of his Lucy-of hurting her…
“Peter…” Rose had curled against him, and rested her chin on his shoulder. “You have years yet to conspire against her suitors. For now, let’s just enjoy being here, together, yeah?”
She smiled, and he felt his flash of ill humour pass. “If ye insist.”
“I do.”
“In that case, might I suggest you lay on your back so you can see the fine version of a rabbit floating overhead?”
Rose blinked, then laughed once more as she rolled onto her back and looked at the clouds floating lazily across the sky.
~ - ~
Chapter 18
Rating: K
Author: jlrpuck
Pairing: Rose Tyler, Peter Carlisle
Disclaimer: Characters from Doctor Who and Blackpool are the property of BBC, and are used with the greatest of love and respect; but Ruby, Elias, and Lucy are all mine. No personal profit is intended from the writing or sharing of this story.
Summary: Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. - Hebrews 11:1
Notes: Thank you to both
earlgreytea68 and
chicklet73 for their beta work-and to
chicklet73 for her encouragement and advice as this was written.
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17
Rose and Pete discussed logistics, coming up with a rough strategy for the coming twelve months, at which point she would be officially named as an assistant director for the organization. “Consider it…an advanced degree program. But in Torchwood,” Pete said at one point, likening the expected secondments to various divisions to taking courses.
She lost track of time, working with Pete on mapping out her future, listening in as he answered calls, reading as he replied to messages, slowly beginning to learn what being the head of Torchwood truly entailed on a minute-by-minute basis. So it was a bit of a shock when Pete’s assistant hesitantly walked in, and said, “Mr. Smith just called-Mr. Carlisle’s looking for you. He should be up here any moment.”
“Thank you,” Pete said, dismissing the woman.
Rose glanced at her watch, noting that almost two hours had passed since she’d joined her father. “I’d promised to meet him at my office-to be waiting for him.”
“Relax, Rose.”
She slumped back in her chair. “Still feel guilty.”
Pete gave her an understanding look. “That’s why you’re both talking with Alex, isn’t it?”
“Yeah,” she sighed.
“You’re doing all you can, then,” Pete said gently.
Rose felt Peter’s presence in the room before he said a word, a pricking along the back of her neck-an effect he’d always had on her. Pete stood, and she turned slowly, almost afraid of looking at Peter.
He gave her a small smile, then walked over to meet Pete, shaking his hand.
“All well?”
“Well enough,” came Peter’s reply. “I should have known Rose would be up here, though.”
Rose watched Peter, noting that the words were said with good humour, and felt her worry lift.
“Couldn’t resist plotting with him,” she teased, standing up and moving to place a kiss on Peter’s cheek.
“I pity the workers of Torchwood,” he replied drily.
“Far better, I think, to pity Rose,” Pete offered, returning to his seat.
Rose remained standing next to Peter, her hand instinctively seeking his out. He took it, giving a gentle squeeze before moving to slip his fingers through hers.
“You off to lunch, then?” Pete asked, amused.
Rose turned to Peter. “I dunno. Are we?”
“I’m done for the day-it’s down to whether you can take a break from plotting.”
“I think she can,” Pete interjected, cutting her reply off. “If Alex has no need of you, Rose, take the afternoon off.”
“But-”
“No buts, Rose-you’ve enough leave to take a year off, if you wanted. Enjoy the day. I’ll get Nerys to draft up what we discussed this morning.”
“Alright,” she answered reluctantly.
Pete laughed. “Rose-we’ll be fine without you for a day. Go, coddle your husband. And don’t forget to call your mum at some point.”
“I don’t coddle Peter,” she groused, freeing her hand from her husband’s and walking over to give her father a hug. “I’ll ring Mum tonight.”
Pete nodded, and she walked back over to Peter, once again taking his hand.
“Pete.”
“Peter.”
She waited until they were in the hallway, waiting for the lift, before she spoke. “Does Alex need me?”
Peter arched an eyebrow. “That sounds very much like a question he’d ask.”
Rose furrowed her brows, then laughed. “I didn’t mean like that, and you know it.”
“I do. And no, he didn’t ask me to send you along. I suspect you’re still on for tomorrow, though.”
“’K.”
The lift doors slid open, and they stepped into the empty car. Rose pressed the button for her floor, waited for the doors to close, then tugged Peter down to her for a lingering kiss. He was surprised but didn’t pull away, and they only broke apart when the ding of the lift signalled their impending arrival at her office floor.
“Well, then, Mrs. Carlisle. I suspect I know how you want to spend your day,” Peter murmured, following her down the familiar hall, past the desks which served as the hub for her current team. Yvette was the only one there, talking merrily on the phone, and the girl gave a cheery wave as Rose and Peter walked by.
“How’s she doing?” Peter asked, voice low, once they were beyond the desks.
“She’s settling in.” Yvette was the newest member of the team, brought on to replace Trimble, who’d originally replaced Jake when he left. Trimble had learned, quickly, that field work wasn’t for him; and while Yvette was less seasoned than Rose might have liked, the young woman was a very quick study and would do very well, given more experience.
Her biggest concern in leaving the team wasn’t in making sure that there was a good core group-no, the biggest concern was making sure the people for whom she was responsible would have a good leader. She sighed as she unlocked her office door, pushing the door open, Peter following behind.
“Weight of the world, then?” he asked softly as he pushed the door closed.
She gave him a small smile, and moved around the desk to her chair. Peter settled into the guest chair, kicking his legs out as he watched her. “Just…there’s a lot more to this ‘retire from field work’ thing than I’d really considered.”
He nodded. “Aye. But that’s why you’re doing it over a period of time, surely?”
“Yeah. Just…kind of hit me as we saw Yvette, y’know? I…I have no idea who I’m going to suggest as my replacement.”
Peter frowned briefly. “I thought that was Huw?”
She laughed. “As overall leader, yes.” She glanced down at her desk. “But…I still have a team that works for me. I need someone to take care of them, as Huw will keep his own team.”
“Ah.”
“And Mickey won’t do it, obviously. I don’t know that there’s anyone on my team who’s ready to lead, either. I mean, Mark might be, but he’s so young, and…”
“Rose.”
She paused at Peter’s voice, noticing that she’d begun to tear small strips of her desk calendar. She glanced up, and saw that he was leaning forward.
“Take advantage of the time you’ve given yourself. It’ll sort itself out.”
She closed her eyes, exhaling slowly, willing herself to relax. “I know. I just…I feel like I need to get it all sorted right now, y’know?”
“I know.”
She opened her eyes. “Did you have a good talk? With Alex?”
He leaned back, holding her gaze. “I did.”
She glanced down, stifling her desire to ask for details. Looking back up to him, she said softly, “Good.”
His lips curved at that, and he offered, “I’ll happily tell you about it, Rose, but not here. It’s lovely out-what say we go picnicking?”
“Dressed like this?”
He laughed. “We can picnic dressed in work clothes, just as easily as we can in dungarees and jumpers.”
“Make it a bit harder to seduce you, though, surely?”
She couldn’t hide her grin at Peter’s reaction to the statement.
“Is that a promise?” he finally asked, his eyes dark.
“I think it’s a very safe bet, Deputy Chief Inspector, that I will at some point today try to get you out of your pants.”
He grinned. “Well, then, what are we waiting for?”
“We’re waiting for my computer to shut down.”
He visibly deflated, sagging back in his chair. “Tease.”
“Oh, it’s not teasing if I mean to make good on the promise.” She stood, noting as she moved over to Peter that her computer had shut down. “And I have every intention of making very good on that particular promise.” She leaned down, her lips hovering over Peter’s as she said the words.
“I can’t wait,” he replied without moving, his gaze holding hers, teasing her every bit as much as she was teasing him.
She smiled, placing a chaste kiss against his lips before straightening. “Now that’s settled, let’s go find something to eat.”
~ - ~
They had lunch in Greenwich Park, on the hill below Flamsteed House, dining on food and a blanket procured from the National Maritime Museum. The sky was a warm, clear blue, dotted with the puffy white clouds more commonly seen in landscape paintings, and when they were done eating he pillowed his head on Rose’s lap, gazing up at her and the sky behind her.
She smiled at him, leaning back on her hands before tipping her head back to look at the sky.
“Perfect day to pick out shapes in the clouds,” she observed, her voice muted as she gazed overhead.
“That it is,” he answered, reaching up to drift his fingers across her chin. She returned her attention to him, kissing his fingertips before bringing a hand to stroke across his hair.
“I miss days like this,” she said after several moments of just watching him.
“Skiving off work?”
“Skiving off work, just relaxing with you.”
“Aye,” he sighed, his eyes drifting shut as Rose brushed her fingertips across his forehead.
He felt her move, and opened his eyes to find that she was gazing up at the sky again.
“You missing it?”
“Not today, no. Just seein’ if my imagination still works.”
“And does it?”
She smiled. “I see a Guro’oe up there today.”
He laughed. “’s cheating, Rose, claiming clouds look like something I’ve never seen.”
“You never let me have any fun,” she pouted, glancing down at him, still smiling.
“I’m a terrible, cruel husband, it’s true.”
“The cruellest,” she agreed, her fingers dancing across his scalp.
“Bread and water only for ye.” The words were almost slurred together, mixed in with a sigh as his eyes slid shut.
“As you command,” she replied, her fingers soothing as they brushed across his hair.
The sun was warm, relaxing him further, and he slipped into a light doze; he awoke when a particularly large cloud passed over the sun, dropping the temperature by several degrees.
“Good nap?” Rose asked, looking down at him.
“Mmmm. How long was I asleep?”
“At a guess? About ten minutes.”
“Sign of getting old, napping in the sunlight like that.”
She watched as she drifted her fingers across the gray at his temples. “I don’t think so. ‘s a sign of you bein’ relaxed. Or, you know, a sign that you’re your normal self, given that I’ve seen you nap in the sun more times’n I can count.” Her eyes shifted back to his as she gave him a slow smile.
“I am very relaxed,” he agreed.
“Good.”
She glanced up after a moment, watching something-probably mothers pushing prams-as it passed.
“Alex says I need to forgive you.”
She blinked, looking down at him in surprise.
“He’s right, you know. I do need to forgive you. Properly.”
Her hand stilled, and she watched him steadily. “You need to forgive me.” It was a statement, not a question, and her voice was heavy.
“Aye. I…” He sighed, his eyes closing briefly before he continued. “I kept fighting it and fighting it, Rose, this feeling you somehow abandoned us. I know you didn’t mean to; that you’d never have dreamt of it. But it’s there.”
She opened her mouth to speak, to defend herself; he raised a finger to her lips, silently asking her to wait so he could finish what he had to say.
“It’s not rational, Rose, and I rather hate myself for it. But it’s there, nonetheless, this horrible feeling that makes me feel like a snake, like I’m letting you down simply by thinking it. Alex’s fine suggestion was that I acknowledge it, that I tell you how I felt, so I-we-can move on.”
His heart was racing as he watched Rose, her cheeks now pink in indignation, her eyes staring off into the distance.
“You feel abandoned and betrayed by my disappearing.”
He swallowed, forcing himself to speak the truth. “Aye.” He added softly, “I’m sorry.”
She gave a weary sigh, and he saw a tear roll down her cheek. He pushed himself up into a sitting position, immediately turned and hugged her to him. “I’m sorry, Rose. I’m terribly sorry.”
She laughed against him. “You’re sorry? I’m the one should be apologizing.” Her words were muffled, and he gently rocked her back and forth.
“No, Rose, you shouldn’t, that’s the thing. You are who you are, and that’s not new at all; it’s why I love you.”
“But you-”
“I did, aye, but, Rose-the thing is, I’m well past where Alex told me I needed to be. He said I needed to still forgive you; I did that ages ago, right before I started to wallow in my own guilt about my thoughts concerning your job. And to see you so unhappy, it just…I just wish I could have done more for you, to make you happier, Rose.”
She pulled back, watching him carefully.
“What?” he asked softly, holding her gaze.
“Jus’…I feel bad that you felt guilty, Peter, but I’m kinda sick an’ tired of bein’ made to feel like I’m a bad person-”
“No! No, that’s not what I meant at all!” He let out a frustrated sigh, dropping his arms and leaning back. “It’s a maelstrom of emotions; I’m still trying to figure out how to navigate them without making you feel guilt for anything. It’s not meant to be a passive aggressive means for making you feel bad, or worse; it’s meant to be a frank statement of why I’m such a bipolar husband to you at the moment.” He leaned forward to where Rose continued to watch him. “I want you to know that, no matter how moody I might have been of late, I am nothing short of ecstatic that you are my wife; that you do what you do, and that you’re so brilliant at it. I mean it, Rose. Every word of it.”
He reached forward, his hand cupping her jaw; she let out a small sigh, relaxing into his hand, her eyes closing. “Alex told me I need to stop feelin’ so guilty ‘bout everything; that ‘s not my fault, that sometimes these things jus’ happen,” she mumbled, still sagging against his hand.
“He’s right, Rose.”
“Yeah. Still hard to believe, sometimes.”
“I know,” he replied, thinking of the many times he’d felt guilt for things which had been out of his control.
Her lips quirked, and she slowly opened her eyes. “Not quite how I’d imagined the picnic goin’, truth be told.”
“Nor I. But I know you wanted to know what Alex and I talked about.”
She blushed, her gaze slipping to the side.
“I also know you’d not have asked, Rose, so don’t worry about it. But now you know. And I thank you for making me go to see him; I’ll be visiting him again in a few weeks, I think.”
“Alright.”
“Rose.” He waited for her to look at him, then asked solemnly, “Can you forgive me for being so unfair?”
Her eyes flicked across his face, and then she slowly nodded. “Yeah.”
He leaned forward, whispering across her lips, “Done, and sealed with a kiss.”
When they broke apart, he turned and encouraged Rose to rest her head on his lap. “Quid pro quo,” he said lightly, giving her a gentle smile. “I think it’s your turn to gaze up at the clouds.”
She didn’t argue, shifting so she could lay her head in his lap. Her hair pooled across his legs, and he gently brushed the strands out, his fingers gliding through her dark blonde hair.
“I love your hair,” he said, watching the movement of his hands, the way her hair moved as it settled back against his trousers.
“’m glad. I enjoy having you play with it.”
He smiled. “Works well for both of us, then.”
“That it does.”
She reached up, her finger gently brushing across a scar under his jaw-received several years before, when he’d taken a sharp uppercut when trying to subdue a suspect. Rose had tried to get him to go to A&E for stitches; he’d stated that the physician had confirmed he didn’t have concussion, and that was all the more doctoring he wanted from healthcare professionals that particular night.
As he sat in the sunlight, it felt like decades before; in reality, it couldn’t have been more than eight years.
“Whatcha thinking?” Rose asked softly.
“About how stubborn I can be,” he replied, glancing back down to her.
“That you can. And of all the traits of yours for our daughter to inherit…”
He laughed. “I was under the impression you thought she inherited my looks.”
She gave him a fond look. “She did that, too. She’s ever so much your daughter, Peter.”
“She’s our daughter, Rose.” He stroked his knuckles down her cheek, then across her jaw. “Our wonderful girl.”
“Yeah,” Rose sighed. Her gaze turned suddenly impish. “She’s going to be a right nightmare when she starts dating.”
“Simple solution-she’ll not be allowed to date. Ever.”
Rose laughed. “I’m not sure who I’ll feel more sorry for-Lucy, for having a father who’s desperate to keep the filthy paws of boys away from her; or the boys themselves for having to deal with you.”
He sniffed, not nearly as amused as she was; she squirmed, shifting off his lap, tugging on his arm so he lay next to her on the blanket.
“Peter, it’ll be fine. Lucy will be more than able to take care of herself, I think.”
He sniffed again, not dignifying Rose’s teasing with a comment. Just the thought of someone taking advantage of his Lucy-of hurting her…
“Peter…” Rose had curled against him, and rested her chin on his shoulder. “You have years yet to conspire against her suitors. For now, let’s just enjoy being here, together, yeah?”
She smiled, and he felt his flash of ill humour pass. “If ye insist.”
“I do.”
“In that case, might I suggest you lay on your back so you can see the fine version of a rabbit floating overhead?”
Rose blinked, then laughed once more as she rolled onto her back and looked at the clouds floating lazily across the sky.
~ - ~
Chapter 18