(no subject)
Thanks again to all of you who are keeping us in your prayers. I honestly can feel them. I have so many wonderful women in my life that have been such a support over the last couple of days. I feel so lucky to have so many people in my life who care. Both of my sisters and both of my SIL's (brother's wife & BIL's wife) had at least one miscarriage between their first and second child. Each one has shared their story with me. Each one has talked with me and let me know that it's okay to grieve, but that they all went on to have successful subsequent pregnancies. This has given me some renewed hope.It lets me know that I won't feel this awful forever. I already feel better today than I did yesterday and the day before.
Of course I have already cried once today. I was trying to be all breezy with a co-worker. We were talking about tummy tucks of all things. She mentioned that she was going to get one and I asked "oh, so I guess you guys are all done having kids". She said yes, and we talked about that for a moment and then she said "How about you guys. Are you going to have anymore". Damn it if I didn't start crying that instant. I felt so stupid and it was in the very public coffee room. Thank God no one else walked in. I was able to get my shit together before anyone else walked in. Of course I had to tell her why I was crying. She was supportive and understanding, but I still feel like a horses ass. Perhaps I did come back to work too early.
I am not even able to focus on work. I came in at 8:00 and cranked on emails until I went in the coffee room at 9:30. I haven't gotten anything else done since then. I can't even concentrate when people are talking to me. I swear I'm like a walking zombie.
I have a meeting in 5 minutes to talk with my boss about this project. Lord give me strength to get through this meeting without sounding like a babbling fool. I am NOT going to tell him what happened. I don't want to give him any amunition. I don't know what he would say, but I really am concerned that he thinks I'm f'ing up this project and I am worried that he will use this as an excuse to pull me off of it. Maybe not, but you never can be too careful. .