Fanfic: Star Trek XI - Feeling Right - Stay - 1/2
Title: Feeling Right (aka What Feels Right) - "Stay." Part 1/2
Spock/Uhura Prompt 034 - “Stay.”
Disclaimer: Star Trek and associated characters created by Gene Roddenberry, copyright owned by Paramount and what/whoever else has something to do with it. I own nothing at all. …which makes me all kinds of sad, ‘cause I really wanna borrow Spock for a while.
Rating: PG
Genre: Romance/Angst
Characters/Pairing(s): Spock/Uhura
Word Count: ~2,095
Beta: slwmtiondaylite
Summary: Of course, it was logical. Everything about the situation was logical, even if she hated it. She hated that she begged him to stay. She hated that he didn’t. Part 1 of 2. A Missing Scene from Star Trek XI.
The battle was over. Nero and his rogue Romulans were dead. The planet of Vulcan was no more. Her remaining people, those that had managed to flee the planet before it collapsed on itself and those scattered about the galaxy, were now finding their way to the human planet Earth to regroup. The proud and infamously closed-off species, realizing the necessity, had accepted Starfleet’s aid. Ships had been outfitted to help transport the Vulcans to the new planet that had been chosen by one of the elder Vulcans. Starfleet supplied the Vulcans with medical supplies to help them through the journey to their new home as Starfleet did everything in their power to make sure the Vulcans would be as comfortable as they could in their situation.
Lieutenant Nyota Uhura walked through the hanger, where several Vulcans and Starfleet officers were assessing various foodstuffs and other material goods to be loaded. She herself had spent the morning translating the situation for a group of older Vulcans, who had not learned Federation Standard, preferring their native language instead.
Now, Nyota was searching for one particular Vulcan, Commander Spock. She hadn’t seen him much since the Enterprise docked for repairs and they transported to Earth, almost a week ago. He had told her that he needed some time to meditate, to regain his emotional control, and there were some personal matters he needed to attend to. While she respected that, she was now finding herself anxious to see him, if for any other reason, to see if he how was doing. She knew that despite his outward appearance, inside, he was barely hanging on. The death of his mother and the loss of his homeworld had taken a huge toll on his emotional state.
Nyota stood tall, almost on her tip-toes, as she scouted the hanger, trying to catch a glimpse of the wayward commander. Her gaze faltered slightly on an older Vulcan, thinking it to be his father Sarek, but when he turned around, she saw that she was mistaken, though there had been something oddly familiar about him. After not finding Spock, Nyota made her way out of the hanger and headed towards the only other place she could think he would be, his quarters.
She quickly navigated the Starfleet Academy campus towards the superior officers’ lodgings and a few minutes later, she arrived at his door. She hesitated. Her close relationship with the commander had afforded her the knowledge of his key code, but she wasn’t sure if now was a good time to enter unannounced. If it had been a few weeks ago, she would not have hesitated, but now, she was not sure if it would be welcome. A few decisive seconds later, she raised her hand and signaled her arrival.
Spock’s voice called out and allowed Nyota entry. She stepped inside the door and went to the living area. One thing that she always couldn't help but feel was slight jealousy at the size of the Officers’ quarters compared to the small one room dorms that cadets were given. They were singles and Nyota had craved that. She loved her roommate, the Orion Gaila, but after so many nights of walking in on her and her latest conquest, Nyota had longed for a quiet place to study. After her relationship with Spock had escalated beyond that of just professor and student, she found herself studying there instead.
“Spock?” Nyota called out, not seeing him in the living area. She shrugged and walked towards his bedroom. She crossed the threshold to the sleeping quarters and found Spock, his back to her, with what looked like luggage on the bed.
“Spock? What’s going on?” Nyota asked with confusion in her voice.
Spock straightened and turned around, facing her. “Lieutenant,” he greeted.
Nyota frowned at his use of her rank rather than her first name, which he had taken to using when they were alone. The fact that he had reverted to formalities worried her.
“I have been intending to speak with you. I uncharacteristically delayed in doing so and now there is no more time,” Spock continued, either not noticing her reaction to his acknowledgement or choosing to ignore it for the time being. “Due to the recent…destruction of Vulcan and loss of the majority of her people, the Council is requesting the presence of the remaining Vulcans to help rebuild our species. As it is, I will be resigning my commission with Starfleet and will join with them at the new colony.”
Nyota felt air leave her lungs. Yes, she was aware of what the Vulcan Council had requested. It was a selfish thought, but she had not entertained the idea that Spock would be going with them, thinking that he would remain here. She now realized that it was a foolish hope as he would choose the most logical course of action and staying in Starfleet, with her, was not it.
After a few long seconds, she finally found her voice. “Is, uh,” she hesitated before continuing, slightly awkward. “Does part of this ‘rebuilding’ include…um, procreating?”
“As the population of our species had decreased dramatically, it would be logical,” Spock replied, matter-of-factly.
“Right,” Nyota uttered, feeling slightly ashamed and embarrassed for her question. Of course, it was logical. Everything about the situation was logical, even if she hated it. The Vulcans needed to see to it that their species was not erased from the universe. “Is T’Pring calling out to you?” she asked, referring to the Vulcan woman that Spock had been bonded with as a child.
Spock shook his head. “No. I have not felt T’Pring through our bond, though weak it may have been, since the destruction of Vulcan. I believe that she was on the planet when it was destroyed.”
Nyota nodded, turning away from him, knowing that she needed to regain control of her emotions before she burst into tears. She knew that this was something that Spock needed to do, but that still didn’t make it any easier and it certainly didn’t make her hate it any less. She was only a human woman and the knowledge that the man she loved was about to leave her for another woman, even if it was a logical decision, hurt. To know that this woman, whoever she may be, would know him, in ways that she never would and never had, made her envious.
“You are upset,” Spock commented, noting her demeanor.
Her first reaction was to downplay her emotions, to lie. “No.”
“Nyota?” he gently pressed, not believing her as she sniffled and reached up and rubbed her hand over her face, trying to ignore the burning sensation in her throat.
“Yes, I’m upset.” She took a deep, shuddering breath. “I’m only human, Spock. We’re irrational like that.” She felt Spock move closer behind her, but she held her ground, knowing that if she looked at him, she would fall apart.
“I,” Spock abnormally paused. “I do not wish to leave, Nyota.”
Nyota spun around at his words; an unexpected vocalization of his emotions. She looked up at his eyes and reached out, grasping the fabric of his uniform. “Then don’t,” she whispered, forcibly. “Stay. With me. With Starfleet. Stay.”
She held his gaze, paying no heed to the tears that were now forming at the corner of her eyes. His face remained as impassive as ever, but she could see the internal struggle in his eyes. His humanity battling his Vulcan half; always a child of two worlds. She held her breath as he tried to resolve the internal conflict.
“I cannot,” he finally replied stoically as he reached down and gently removed her hands from his uniform. “To stay would be a purely emotional response and I cannot allow myself to entertain the possibility. My presence is needed among my people. It is the logical choice of action.”
More often than not, it seemed, the Vulcan half won.
Nyota quickly pulled her hands from his and abruptly turned away from him once more. She struggled to regain control of her tears while coming to terms with the final decision. She knew that his Vulcan heritage was immensely important to him and that he fought everyday to keep his emotional control, more so than the typical Vulcan, and to follow logic. But it didn’t make it hurt any less.
He followed logic almost flawlessly. The only thing she never could understand was his decision to pursue a romantic relationship with her. Not when he had a woman on Vulcan waiting to be his wife and mother of his children. She had asked him one day why he had decided to be in a relationship with her. His response, which consisted of the amount of time they spent together working in close proximity and that since he was on Earth it was logical to explore such aspects of humanity, had left her feeling slightly disconcerted. She never brought the question up again, accepting it as one of the many differences between them.
“Okay,” she said at last, her voice shuddering. “Okay.”
“Nyota?”
She turned to face him at the sound of his voice, her appearance suddenly taking on an air of detachment. The only remaining sign of her distress were the tear stains on her cheeks. “Okay,” she repeated strongly, as if more confident. “I’m just…I’m just being selfish.” She gave a short derisive laugh before meeting his concerned gaze. “You need to do what you have to. I get it. I do.”
Spock continued to watch her, his gaze trying to break through the walls she suddenly built up. He understood what she was attempting to do; to give him the appearance that she was not as emotionally affected by the situation as she previously led him to believe so that he would not worry over her well-being. He appreciated the sentiment, but he felt that it was pointless as he knew that she felt sadness over his imminent departure just as he did.
She raised her right hand and formed the ta’al, the traditional Vulcan salute. “Dif-tor heh smusma,” she spoke the Vulcan farewell flawlessly, as emotionless as possible.
She held the salute, as though waiting for Spock to return it, but instead he gave a small shake of his head and reached up and initiated the ozh’esta, the Vulcan finger embrace. He sent a short burst of emotion that mirrored her sorrow through the connection before grasping her hand fully, pulling her closer to him. He pressed his forehead against hers as he held her hand to his chest, fingers intertwined. “Please,” he whispered. “Do not feel obligated to shield your emotions from me regarding your distress over the situation. I can assure you that they are returned, fully.”
At his words, Nyota felt the dam begin to break, as she felt the tears threaten to return. She wanted to ask him if she would ever see him again, but, fearing the answer, she kept silent. She reached up and ran her left hand gently across his face, before reaching behind his neck to pull his lips to hers. He willingly accepted the kiss and returned it deeply. The two of them stood in their embrace for several minutes, not wanting to leave the other. But the reality of the situation sunk in all too soon. Spock reluctantly pulled away from her kisses. “I must leave. I meet my father in-“
“I know,” Nyota interrupted, not wanting to hear an exact time frame. She lifted her head and captured his lips once more, her arms going around his neck, holding him close. When the kiss ended, she pulled away slightly, and held his gaze as she whispered, “Taluhk nash-veh k’dular.”
Spock’s dark eyes connected with hers, and she swore she saw a surge of raw emotions before it was suppressed. He lifted his hand and brushed away the tears that had slipped down from Nyota’s eyes. “Goodbye, Nyota.”
Nyota closed her eyes, tears escaping, as he gently caressed her cheek one last time before abruptly pulling away. She heard, rather than watched, him reach for his luggage and step around her. Her eyes remained closed as she listened to his footsteps head towards the front entrance to his quarters. She heard the quiet swoosh of the sliding door as he opened it and stepped outside. His footsteps grew more distant as he walked down the hall. She didn’t open her eyes until she heard the second swoosh, signaling that she was alone.
The tears came anew.
*”Dif-tor heh smusma” - Live long and prosper
*”Taluhk nash-veh k’dular.” - “I cherish thee.” -Vulcan declaration of love.
Part 2 coming ASAP :)
Spock/Uhura Prompt 034 - “Stay.”
Disclaimer: Star Trek and associated characters created by Gene Roddenberry, copyright owned by Paramount and what/whoever else has something to do with it. I own nothing at all. …which makes me all kinds of sad, ‘cause I really wanna borrow Spock for a while.
Rating: PG
Genre: Romance/Angst
Characters/Pairing(s): Spock/Uhura
Word Count: ~2,095
Beta: slwmtiondaylite
Summary: Of course, it was logical. Everything about the situation was logical, even if she hated it. She hated that she begged him to stay. She hated that he didn’t. Part 1 of 2. A Missing Scene from Star Trek XI.
The battle was over. Nero and his rogue Romulans were dead. The planet of Vulcan was no more. Her remaining people, those that had managed to flee the planet before it collapsed on itself and those scattered about the galaxy, were now finding their way to the human planet Earth to regroup. The proud and infamously closed-off species, realizing the necessity, had accepted Starfleet’s aid. Ships had been outfitted to help transport the Vulcans to the new planet that had been chosen by one of the elder Vulcans. Starfleet supplied the Vulcans with medical supplies to help them through the journey to their new home as Starfleet did everything in their power to make sure the Vulcans would be as comfortable as they could in their situation.
Lieutenant Nyota Uhura walked through the hanger, where several Vulcans and Starfleet officers were assessing various foodstuffs and other material goods to be loaded. She herself had spent the morning translating the situation for a group of older Vulcans, who had not learned Federation Standard, preferring their native language instead.
Now, Nyota was searching for one particular Vulcan, Commander Spock. She hadn’t seen him much since the Enterprise docked for repairs and they transported to Earth, almost a week ago. He had told her that he needed some time to meditate, to regain his emotional control, and there were some personal matters he needed to attend to. While she respected that, she was now finding herself anxious to see him, if for any other reason, to see if he how was doing. She knew that despite his outward appearance, inside, he was barely hanging on. The death of his mother and the loss of his homeworld had taken a huge toll on his emotional state.
Nyota stood tall, almost on her tip-toes, as she scouted the hanger, trying to catch a glimpse of the wayward commander. Her gaze faltered slightly on an older Vulcan, thinking it to be his father Sarek, but when he turned around, she saw that she was mistaken, though there had been something oddly familiar about him. After not finding Spock, Nyota made her way out of the hanger and headed towards the only other place she could think he would be, his quarters.
She quickly navigated the Starfleet Academy campus towards the superior officers’ lodgings and a few minutes later, she arrived at his door. She hesitated. Her close relationship with the commander had afforded her the knowledge of his key code, but she wasn’t sure if now was a good time to enter unannounced. If it had been a few weeks ago, she would not have hesitated, but now, she was not sure if it would be welcome. A few decisive seconds later, she raised her hand and signaled her arrival.
Spock’s voice called out and allowed Nyota entry. She stepped inside the door and went to the living area. One thing that she always couldn't help but feel was slight jealousy at the size of the Officers’ quarters compared to the small one room dorms that cadets were given. They were singles and Nyota had craved that. She loved her roommate, the Orion Gaila, but after so many nights of walking in on her and her latest conquest, Nyota had longed for a quiet place to study. After her relationship with Spock had escalated beyond that of just professor and student, she found herself studying there instead.
“Spock?” Nyota called out, not seeing him in the living area. She shrugged and walked towards his bedroom. She crossed the threshold to the sleeping quarters and found Spock, his back to her, with what looked like luggage on the bed.
“Spock? What’s going on?” Nyota asked with confusion in her voice.
Spock straightened and turned around, facing her. “Lieutenant,” he greeted.
Nyota frowned at his use of her rank rather than her first name, which he had taken to using when they were alone. The fact that he had reverted to formalities worried her.
“I have been intending to speak with you. I uncharacteristically delayed in doing so and now there is no more time,” Spock continued, either not noticing her reaction to his acknowledgement or choosing to ignore it for the time being. “Due to the recent…destruction of Vulcan and loss of the majority of her people, the Council is requesting the presence of the remaining Vulcans to help rebuild our species. As it is, I will be resigning my commission with Starfleet and will join with them at the new colony.”
Nyota felt air leave her lungs. Yes, she was aware of what the Vulcan Council had requested. It was a selfish thought, but she had not entertained the idea that Spock would be going with them, thinking that he would remain here. She now realized that it was a foolish hope as he would choose the most logical course of action and staying in Starfleet, with her, was not it.
After a few long seconds, she finally found her voice. “Is, uh,” she hesitated before continuing, slightly awkward. “Does part of this ‘rebuilding’ include…um, procreating?”
“As the population of our species had decreased dramatically, it would be logical,” Spock replied, matter-of-factly.
“Right,” Nyota uttered, feeling slightly ashamed and embarrassed for her question. Of course, it was logical. Everything about the situation was logical, even if she hated it. The Vulcans needed to see to it that their species was not erased from the universe. “Is T’Pring calling out to you?” she asked, referring to the Vulcan woman that Spock had been bonded with as a child.
Spock shook his head. “No. I have not felt T’Pring through our bond, though weak it may have been, since the destruction of Vulcan. I believe that she was on the planet when it was destroyed.”
Nyota nodded, turning away from him, knowing that she needed to regain control of her emotions before she burst into tears. She knew that this was something that Spock needed to do, but that still didn’t make it any easier and it certainly didn’t make her hate it any less. She was only a human woman and the knowledge that the man she loved was about to leave her for another woman, even if it was a logical decision, hurt. To know that this woman, whoever she may be, would know him, in ways that she never would and never had, made her envious.
“You are upset,” Spock commented, noting her demeanor.
Her first reaction was to downplay her emotions, to lie. “No.”
“Nyota?” he gently pressed, not believing her as she sniffled and reached up and rubbed her hand over her face, trying to ignore the burning sensation in her throat.
“Yes, I’m upset.” She took a deep, shuddering breath. “I’m only human, Spock. We’re irrational like that.” She felt Spock move closer behind her, but she held her ground, knowing that if she looked at him, she would fall apart.
“I,” Spock abnormally paused. “I do not wish to leave, Nyota.”
Nyota spun around at his words; an unexpected vocalization of his emotions. She looked up at his eyes and reached out, grasping the fabric of his uniform. “Then don’t,” she whispered, forcibly. “Stay. With me. With Starfleet. Stay.”
She held his gaze, paying no heed to the tears that were now forming at the corner of her eyes. His face remained as impassive as ever, but she could see the internal struggle in his eyes. His humanity battling his Vulcan half; always a child of two worlds. She held her breath as he tried to resolve the internal conflict.
“I cannot,” he finally replied stoically as he reached down and gently removed her hands from his uniform. “To stay would be a purely emotional response and I cannot allow myself to entertain the possibility. My presence is needed among my people. It is the logical choice of action.”
More often than not, it seemed, the Vulcan half won.
Nyota quickly pulled her hands from his and abruptly turned away from him once more. She struggled to regain control of her tears while coming to terms with the final decision. She knew that his Vulcan heritage was immensely important to him and that he fought everyday to keep his emotional control, more so than the typical Vulcan, and to follow logic. But it didn’t make it hurt any less.
He followed logic almost flawlessly. The only thing she never could understand was his decision to pursue a romantic relationship with her. Not when he had a woman on Vulcan waiting to be his wife and mother of his children. She had asked him one day why he had decided to be in a relationship with her. His response, which consisted of the amount of time they spent together working in close proximity and that since he was on Earth it was logical to explore such aspects of humanity, had left her feeling slightly disconcerted. She never brought the question up again, accepting it as one of the many differences between them.
“Okay,” she said at last, her voice shuddering. “Okay.”
“Nyota?”
She turned to face him at the sound of his voice, her appearance suddenly taking on an air of detachment. The only remaining sign of her distress were the tear stains on her cheeks. “Okay,” she repeated strongly, as if more confident. “I’m just…I’m just being selfish.” She gave a short derisive laugh before meeting his concerned gaze. “You need to do what you have to. I get it. I do.”
Spock continued to watch her, his gaze trying to break through the walls she suddenly built up. He understood what she was attempting to do; to give him the appearance that she was not as emotionally affected by the situation as she previously led him to believe so that he would not worry over her well-being. He appreciated the sentiment, but he felt that it was pointless as he knew that she felt sadness over his imminent departure just as he did.
She raised her right hand and formed the ta’al, the traditional Vulcan salute. “Dif-tor heh smusma,” she spoke the Vulcan farewell flawlessly, as emotionless as possible.
She held the salute, as though waiting for Spock to return it, but instead he gave a small shake of his head and reached up and initiated the ozh’esta, the Vulcan finger embrace. He sent a short burst of emotion that mirrored her sorrow through the connection before grasping her hand fully, pulling her closer to him. He pressed his forehead against hers as he held her hand to his chest, fingers intertwined. “Please,” he whispered. “Do not feel obligated to shield your emotions from me regarding your distress over the situation. I can assure you that they are returned, fully.”
At his words, Nyota felt the dam begin to break, as she felt the tears threaten to return. She wanted to ask him if she would ever see him again, but, fearing the answer, she kept silent. She reached up and ran her left hand gently across his face, before reaching behind his neck to pull his lips to hers. He willingly accepted the kiss and returned it deeply. The two of them stood in their embrace for several minutes, not wanting to leave the other. But the reality of the situation sunk in all too soon. Spock reluctantly pulled away from her kisses. “I must leave. I meet my father in-“
“I know,” Nyota interrupted, not wanting to hear an exact time frame. She lifted her head and captured his lips once more, her arms going around his neck, holding him close. When the kiss ended, she pulled away slightly, and held his gaze as she whispered, “Taluhk nash-veh k’dular.”
Spock’s dark eyes connected with hers, and she swore she saw a surge of raw emotions before it was suppressed. He lifted his hand and brushed away the tears that had slipped down from Nyota’s eyes. “Goodbye, Nyota.”
Nyota closed her eyes, tears escaping, as he gently caressed her cheek one last time before abruptly pulling away. She heard, rather than watched, him reach for his luggage and step around her. Her eyes remained closed as she listened to his footsteps head towards the front entrance to his quarters. She heard the quiet swoosh of the sliding door as he opened it and stepped outside. His footsteps grew more distant as he walked down the hall. She didn’t open her eyes until she heard the second swoosh, signaling that she was alone.
The tears came anew.
*”Dif-tor heh smusma” - Live long and prosper
*”Taluhk nash-veh k’dular.” - “I cherish thee.” -Vulcan declaration of love.
Part 2 coming ASAP :)