Hello Again

[jlly_coppercorn]

Brigit's Flame JFF entry - May week 3
Prompt - Clutter
Word count - 4,063 (sorry)
No real warnings, maybe three incidents of light swearing.
Fiction - somewhat science fiction

Hello Again

Comments

[darlinleo]

**APPLAUSE**

A much better conveyance than a landspeeder! Terrific story :)

[jlly_coppercorn]

**bows graciously**
Thank you :D

[bluegerl]

Oh WHEEEE. what a story! Oh lordy it raised not just a few giggles and cackles... and I just couldn't stop reading... it led on and on and ... dammit we couldn't go off in the Time Machine.

Deary me, poor Grandma.. oh deary me. Poor Gran. and how lovely of him to bring the lads back to see Mom.. and. oh gosh this is a LOVELY LOVELY story... And the descriptions of wading through the swamps and that dreadful soggy wet air. UGH. tis horrible.

There's so MUCH description that paints pictures in the head for us. Quite splendid.

What a shame it couldn't have been in the comp|!!!

Gets a hundred votes from me if I could!!!!

Thanks ever so much for doing such a long one just for JFF!!!!

[jlly_coppercorn]

Thank you :)
Your enthusiasm really makes me feel good.

I'm pretty proud of this one. I can tend to write too much when I really give over to it, but I've always wanted to figure out how to write something that really evolves for the reader so they don't feel like it's tooooo long and cumbersome. I hope I've accomplished that here and I hope I can make it happen again in other stories.

As for the detail, you have darlinleo to thank for that. She is reviewing a different story for me (something really long I want to have in my arsenal for the literary competitions agents pay attention to), and her biggest gripe was my lack of pictures. I actually started this story as an exercise in sketching in the descriptions. Details are such a slippery slope. There is more conflicting advice about this on the internet than how to lose belly fat.

Being a writer is a work in progress but having the opinions of a few people, whose writing or tastes I like, make it really enjoyable work.

I love your icon of the bouncing elephant :)

[bluegerl]

I must say I did twitch at the number of words...but once I got started I very much liked the lads, then they developed even more... and I found I was very happily proceeding through boggy boots and yelping'SNAKES' etc. And the pinging sound of mosquitoes was ringing in my ears I can tell you. (hate them!)

The of course, the container!! Couldn't stop then.

I think you got the amount of description just about right. A lot of people do overdo or underdo it. Two adjectives are sufficient normally... I was ploughing my way through erm, I think it was Hemingway... FAR too many ... I wanted to edit him!!!! and the bloody commas! drove me mad! This is of course the result of being 'trained' by Brigits Flame editors!!! teehee. Keppie and her CUT OUT COMMAS.!!!

No, you can entertain me any time, love. Very much looking forward to your next entry... and I DO hope you can get through the whole month on the comp entry list!!!

Bless.