come fly with me...
okay. personal revelation time...
everyon'es heard the old psychology thing about "fight or flight". well.. i'm a flight. a major flight person. i just kinda figured it out last night, as i was driving home from greenwood, wondering how upset mom would be with me that i forgot to finish doing whatever it was that she wanted me to do...
i know now why it is that i have so many out of town friends.. so many places i can run to if the going gets tough... it's an escape. a literal escape. if stuff starts janking up at home -- mom gets all depressy, katy gets middle school and starts yelling and being stubborn, if i forget a million things and royally screw myself over -- i can run away, just for a little while... enough to temporarily forget about the things weighing me down at home. just so long as there's gas in my car... i'm good to go. literally.
it's not that i'm a different person when i'm with outoftownies... i'm still the same person i am in franklin, just... lighter. no one knows my past or my family; half of you have never met my mom or been to my house. to some of my friends, franklin is just a mythical place where i say i come from as i mysteriously appear in their lives every week, or month, or whatever. it's real. i promise. but in franklin, there's junk. there's awkwardness. there's problems. there's silence. there's pain. and i hate it. so i run...
i've considered making everyone i love come to ME for a change... i wonder what would happen if that happened. i don't THINK the world would spontaneously combust, but it's a good possibility. phos/ontos+sullivan+bloomington+crawfordsville= ... ? ... i don't know. i honestly have no idea. i don't know if i want it to happen. maybe for my birthday...
i've been concentrating lately on the analytical side of myself far too much. i need to stop thinking and start doing. i'm turning pharisitical, and that really scares me. God and i spent a good 45 minutes together this morning. i read through a lot of Luke, and was extremely refreshed by what i read. so much of "christianity" is words and thoughts... when the real Christianity, the being like Christ, is actions. loving the unlovable. kind words. no gossip. honesty. Truth. after that, then the words and thoughts can come. but they're not the main deal.
so... yeah. idk. this whole being almost graduated thing is getting to me. slow me down, if you will. remind me that i have time left, and that it's okay not to get a bajillion things done if it means making good memories instead.
please love me.
love,
me.
everyon'es heard the old psychology thing about "fight or flight". well.. i'm a flight. a major flight person. i just kinda figured it out last night, as i was driving home from greenwood, wondering how upset mom would be with me that i forgot to finish doing whatever it was that she wanted me to do...
i know now why it is that i have so many out of town friends.. so many places i can run to if the going gets tough... it's an escape. a literal escape. if stuff starts janking up at home -- mom gets all depressy, katy gets middle school and starts yelling and being stubborn, if i forget a million things and royally screw myself over -- i can run away, just for a little while... enough to temporarily forget about the things weighing me down at home. just so long as there's gas in my car... i'm good to go. literally.
it's not that i'm a different person when i'm with outoftownies... i'm still the same person i am in franklin, just... lighter. no one knows my past or my family; half of you have never met my mom or been to my house. to some of my friends, franklin is just a mythical place where i say i come from as i mysteriously appear in their lives every week, or month, or whatever. it's real. i promise. but in franklin, there's junk. there's awkwardness. there's problems. there's silence. there's pain. and i hate it. so i run...
i've considered making everyone i love come to ME for a change... i wonder what would happen if that happened. i don't THINK the world would spontaneously combust, but it's a good possibility. phos/ontos+sullivan+bloomington+crawfordsville= ... ? ... i don't know. i honestly have no idea. i don't know if i want it to happen. maybe for my birthday...
i've been concentrating lately on the analytical side of myself far too much. i need to stop thinking and start doing. i'm turning pharisitical, and that really scares me. God and i spent a good 45 minutes together this morning. i read through a lot of Luke, and was extremely refreshed by what i read. so much of "christianity" is words and thoughts... when the real Christianity, the being like Christ, is actions. loving the unlovable. kind words. no gossip. honesty. Truth. after that, then the words and thoughts can come. but they're not the main deal.
so... yeah. idk. this whole being almost graduated thing is getting to me. slow me down, if you will. remind me that i have time left, and that it's okay not to get a bajillion things done if it means making good memories instead.
please love me.
love,
me.