kittens
sometimes , making the right decision is so hard....
3 days ago, i checked out a cat welfare website and went to adopt a kitten.
when i was there, it was with his sister and they were inseparable, so i decided to take both (4 weeks old).
3 days later, i realised that 2 kittens/cats is too much for me to handle and i contacted the volunteer, telling her that i have to give up one.... and that if the new adopter wants both and can take care of them better than i can, i will let both of them go.
this morning, the volunteer called to tell me that someone is interested and they will swing by my place this evening.
after hanging up the phone, i actually cried in the toilet and during lunch.
on one hand, i'd love to keep just one kitten, but on the other hand, i knew that it is best for them to be together, to grow up, to play, sleep, eat together...
but taking care of 2 by myself seems a scary commitment...
i returned home at 7, fed them, watched them play, carry them, pat them... and cried again...
then, the adopter (newly weds) and the volunteer came.
they love the kittens and i felt that they will be better owners than i would be...
now, the house is empty again...
i have once again opened my heart but allow it to be hurt when it's vulnerable... just that this time, the attacker is myself...
perhaps, i should just love my carebear... i will be safer that way...